Tales from the Ravenclaw Common Room

Mandy Brocklehurst

by KitLee

Disclaimer: All recognizable things aren't mine. They belong to the great J.K. Rowling. Everything else is mine, so don't take without asking.

Author's Note: I'm writing this one in first person rather than third like the others for a reason. I want to show exactly what it's like for Mandy, inside her head and everything. Her friends think that she is nice, but a little odd. This is why. It is considerably darker than the others, so be warned.

Sitting in the common room. Homework spread in front: Astronomy, Ancient Runes, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms. Did Transfiguration.

Want to become an animagi. Would become a bird to fly away -- something small but powerful. Falco peregrinus. Peregrine Falcon. Always wanted to fly away. Brooms not count.

Quidditch team did well. Lisa on team. Me reserve keeper, good at blocking but bad at concentrating. Davies yelled at me at try-outs for failing to block two easy shots after blocking three hard ones in a row. Tried to explain mind elsewhere, contemplating Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Why I like Defense Against the Dark Arts: 1, can protect me. 2, Lupin was attractive. 3, Lupin could protect me. 4, Dark Arts easy to fight. Not like other things.

Try to avoid thinking of other things. Think of nice things, like homework. Lean forward to finish Astronomy chart. 35.2% mind on Astronomy. 45.1% mind on Ancient Runes, will do next, difficult but still interesting despite Vector's impatience with mind. 11.2% mind on Sue's rant. 8.5% still on other things. Try to decrease it to normal <5% by thinking about Professor Lupin.

Why I like Astronomy: 1, Stars safe. 2, Sinistra not mad if mind is elsewhere. 3, Stars don't hurt.

Lupin wouldn't hurt. Too gentle and sweet. Want to find portal to send self to his time. Would make good girlfriend for him. Would even let him touch me.

No good guys for boyfriends. Only friends. Kevin and Stephen too immature and boyish. Terry too serious. None attractive enough. None could protect.

Boys however like me. Have gotten dating proposals from Kevin and Stephen, four total. Stephen especially stubborn. Think I'm pretty. I wish I weren't. It can be dangerous to be too pretty.

Mind wanders . . . over 10% focusing on Other Things. Begin to slip into Remembering. All so clearly.

    Daddy, what are you doing?

    Nothing princess. You trust your daddy, don't you?

    Of course Daddy.

    Good. You are so beautiful like your mother, Katherine.

Strokes, touches. Not good. Not right. More whispers.

    Hold still Katherine, and it will all be over soon.

Whimper in fear. Squirm to get away. Not help.

Glint in his eye. Wand pointed at my head. Crucio.

    You'll be a good girl, Katherine, or you'll be punished.

Can't scream or it will be worse. Lie in terror. Finally curse stops.

    Will you be a good girl now, Katherine?

Nod yes. Nod yes and it will all be over soon.

    Good girl.

More touches. Try to block it out. Stare at ceiling. Enchanted to be constantly changing daytime sky. Clouds float overhead. Want to fly away forever. Never come back.

Finally he finishes. He slowly rises, dropping one last kiss on my forehead. To the random observer, it could be called only normal and sweet. He goes into his own room. I want to cry, but I can't. There is no hope that anyone will ever see my tears and rescue me. Mother is dead, in childbirth with me. I have no other family besides him. There is no one who would take my side against my father, a well-respected official of the Ministry of Magic.

Some students fear the Dark Lord and the Dark Arts. I do not. For I have learned that there are many forces far worse, forces far more difficult to defend against. I told Izzy about it all once. She is my truest friend. She would never tell anyone. She knows what it is like to carry a dark secret around, unable to show it the light for fear of the darkness consuming it. But she is lucky. She escaped permanently. Hogwarts is my only escape. Here I can be myself, Amanda "Mandy" Brocklehurst, not Katherine. Not my mother.

Terry Boot approaches table. Stammers mindlessly. I look at him. Nice, not terribly cute. Gentle. A good friend.

Izzy says that he wants more than friendship. I wish I could. I wish I could try a normal relationship with a male of the species. But I am broken with nothing to give. He is young and fresh. Lisa would be a good match for him. The light thrives in her without any dark spots, while I am the opposite. Darkness threatens my heart every day, and it is only through the unspoken strength and support of the Ravenclaws that I can fight it.