A Family Affair

Draco hurried from the kitchen after breakfast to trade his pyjamas for more substantial clothing and to ready himself for the outing to Muggle London. When he had still not emerged from his room over half an hour later, Remus decided to go and check on the boy.

Remus rapped gently on the bedroom door, which opened almost immediately. He found himself face to face with a scowling Draco, whose previously silvery eyes were now a mossy green - and quite red about the edges.

"These horrid lens things missed their calling as an instrument of torture," Draco spat.

"James reached a similar conclusion, as I recall," Lupin replied, smothering a smile.

"How are we getting to London?" Draco asked, reaching for his cloak. Lupin took the cloak from the boy's hands and was met with another scowl.

"You can't go to Muggle London in wizard clothes," Lupin explained. "And we're using Muggle transportation, of course. Well, it was Muggle transportation before it was enchanted. It will still be less conspicuous than Floo or brooms."

"I'll freeze to death without my cloak," Draco returned petulantly.

Remus chuckled. "I assure you, you will not freeze. You'll have to get used to wearing Muggle clothing, Michael, and that includes wearing a coat rather than a cloak."

"Well, I don't have one of those, so what do you suggest?" the boy replied scornfully.

The older man just barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes. "Look, if you're going to be combative and sulky all day, we'll just give London a miss. I don't fancy spending the day arguing with a temperamental child."

"I am not a child," Draco growled.

"Then please stop acting like one. You've been acting a boor all morning, and it is beginning to grate on my nerves," Remus replied, his voice level and calm, holding no hint of disapproval or anger.

Draco lowered his eyes, feeling something akin to guilt. He knew Remus was right - he had been acting deplorably. Remus and Sirius were gaining nothing by trying to help him, after all - nothing except for frustration and headaches from dealing with his tantrums.

"I..." Draco couldn't find the words to apologize. He wasn't used to retracting his words or actions. After a silence that seemed to stretch for years - but in reality couldn't have lasted more than a minute or two - Draco cleared his throat and spoke again. "Perhaps we should give it a miss," he said softly. "I'm not certain that I'm ready for this - for any of this."

Remus laid a comforting hand on Draco's shoulder. "You've been through so much in such a short time. I know it isn't easy for you. I'm sorry if I was a little harsh."

Draco cringed inwardly. He knew he should be the one apologizing. Remus had done nothing other than point out the truth, after all. He shook his head slightly. "I can't do this," he said softly, looking at Remus with a frightened, pained expression that touched the man's heart.

"Yes, you can," he reassured the boy. "You're a very strong-minded young man. You can do anything you set your mind to."

"Perhaps. But not today," Draco replied quietly. He stepped backward from the open doorway into his room, and gently shut the door.

Alone in the room, Draco shed the hated contact lenses and the clothing he had donned which would pass for 'normal' in the Muggle world. He climbed into the giant four poster bed, and drew the curtains shut, hiding away from the world. He could hide from Remus and Sirius there, and he could even hide from his uncertain future after a fashion, but he could not hide from his fear and his hurt. There was no place in existence where he could hide from what he held inside of him. No place except for sleep.

Draco pulled his school bag out from beneath the bed and rummaged through it. There, beneath everything else, stashed in the very bottom of the bag, he found what he was looking for - a purple potion in a clear, stoppered flask. He uncorked the flask and drained it; Draco fell asleep almost before his head touched the pillow, the empty vial still cupped loosely in his hand.

****

"This is ridiculous!" Sirius fumed, pausing in his reading to check the time. "He can't spend all bloody day in his room again."

Remus chuckled. "Isn't that what all normal teenaged boys do?"

"Sulk about in their rooms when they don't get their way?" Sirius smiled in spite of himself. "Well, yes, I guess they do at that. Although there is nothing 'normal' about that boy."

"Why do you dislike him so much?"

Sirius sighed. "I don't dislike him."

"Then what?" Remus asked softly.

"Damn it, Moony! Don't try to play 'counsellor' with me. You know damn well 'what'!" Sirius hurled the text he had been looking over to the ground, his teeth bared in a very canine snarl. Remus winced slightly at the damage done to the old book, but remained quiet. After a long moment, Sirius said something so softly that Remus, whose hearing was superb, could not make out what was said.

"What was that?" Remus asked his friend.

"I said 'he should have been mine'," Sirius repeated, his voice still hushed. Without waiting for a reply, he stood and stalked out of the room.

********

Remus settled back into his chair before the fire to contemplate Sirius' words. He knew that having Draco around had reopened old wounds for his friend - and for himself. So much lost by so many for so little reason.

A hoarse shout brought him out of his reverie. "Remus!" Sirius cried out again, barreling down the stairs.

Remus shot to his feet, racing to meet Sirius, a hundred imagined horrors running through his mind. The panicked look on his friend's face did nothing to allay his fears.

"Remus, what is this?" Sirius asked, holding an empty vial out to his friend. In the bottom of the flask there remained only a drop or two of purple liquid. Carefully, Remus sniffed the potion.

"Sleeping potion," Remus answered, confused.

"That's what I thought, but something isn't right."

Without waiting for further clarification, Remus darted up the stairs to Draco's room. He noticed immediately that the boy was even more pale than usual. He hurried to the bedside and pressed his fingers to Draco's throat, feeling for his pulse, which was too slow and a bit erratic. Frowning, he moved his hand to Draco's forehead, and then took one of the boy's pale, slender hands in his own.

"Stay with him. If anything changes, let me know at once," Remus ordered, rushing from the room again.

"Don't you dare die on me, Draco," Sirius said, his voice rough with emotion. His mind kept replaying the last conversation he had had with the boy - the pointless argument before breakfast. Tormented by worry and guilt, Sirius brushed the now black hair back from Draco's pale face, then impulsively leaned down and kissed the boy's forehead.

Sirius was still sitting by the unconscious boy's side, holding Draco's clammy hand and occasionally testing his pulse, when Remus reappeared some time later.

"Where have you been?" Sirius snapped.

"Talking with Severus. Judging from the size of the flask you found and from Draco's vital signs, Severus believes that Draco took an overly large dose of the Sleeping Draught, and is suffering the ill effects of it. He assures me that Draco will be fine and just needs to sleep off the potion."

Sirius relaxed noticeably at this announcement. He might not like Snape much, but the man knew his potions. If Severus said Draco would be all right, then Draco would be all right.

"However, he's... a bit concerned. It seems Draco is an exceptional potions student, and would not only know how to brew the Sleeping Draught, but would know exactly how much to administer. Severus feels that Draco may have overdosed intentionally."

Remus moved to put a comforting arm around his friend's shoulder as the words sunk into Sirius' troubled mind and a look of horror spread across his face. "I should have paid more mind to what he told me this morning," Remus said.

"Don't you dare blame yourself, Remus. Even if this was intentional - which we don't know for certain - you couldn't have known. Besides, there is no lasting harm done, right?"

"No, there is no lasting harm done, Sirius. I told you, he'll be just fine. Severus wants to talk to the boy. He's Flooing over today after his last class."

Sirius groaned. The one thing he did not need right now was to deal with Severus Snape. Frowning, he moved to sit beside Draco with his back against the headboard of the bed. He absently brushed the boy's hair back, even though it wasn't in his face - Draco hadn't moved a centimetre since Sirius had brushed his hair back earlier.

"I'll go and wait for Severus, and you can keep an eye on Draco," Remus offered.

Sirius nodded, turning his eyes back to the boy lying beside him as Remus headed back to the sitting room. He sat quietly, silently thanking whichever gods or goddesses might be listening that the boy would survive. Now that his worry had been assuaged, Sirius was content to simply sit and watch Draco sleep.

Looking in on the two later, Remus was reminded vividly of James and the way the man had been so enthralled with his infant son that he would simply sit and watch the child sleep for hours on end. He felt an unfathomable sadness well inside of him - for Sirius, for Harry, for himself, for Draco, and even for Peter. He stood watching them until tears blurred his vision, and then returned to the sitting room to stew in his melancholy.

***********

Severus Snape hated to travel by Floo. He didn't mind the soot so much - he encountered much worse every day in his potions laboratory - but he hated the disorientation he always experienced from the dizzying, whirling trip through the Floo Network.

Apparation was impossible from the Hogwarts grounds, however, so Floo was the most logical choice for traveling to Remus Lupin's home. Therefore, as soon as the last student had filed out of his last class, Severus found himself spinning through the maze of fireplaces that made up the Network. Moments later, he landed smoothly in Lupin's fireplace.

Severus was surprised to find the old werewolf lost in thought with a snifter of brandy. It was rather early in the afternoon to be drinking, and Lupin always seemed so together in spite of his affliction. The war, however, was taking its toll on everyone.

Clearing his throat by way of announcing his presence, Snape stepped out of the fireplace. "Lupin," he greeted the other man.

"Ah, Severus, hello," Lupin returned with a smile. "Caught me drowning my sorrows. Would you care to join me? Draco's still sleeping."

Snape was rather taken aback. He and Remus Lupin had been enemies during their schooldays, then colleagues several years later, and finally allies in the fight against Voldemort. Never had they been friends. Never in all the time they had known one another would either of them have invited the other to join them for a drink.

Seating himself in the chair opposite Lupin, he nodded briefly. "I believe I will."

Remus brandished his wand, using magic to retrieve another snifter and pour the other man a spot of brandy. Severus sniffed it delicately then took a sip. The brandy was better than he had expected. In fact it was precisely the brand and vintage he had in his quarters back at Hogwarts.

He settled back in the chair with his drink, watching Lupin watch the flames in the fireplace.

The two men sat in silence for some moments, Severus alternating between sipping his brandy and absently swirling it around in the glass. Finally, he broke the silence. "Lucius Malfoy was at Hogwarts this morning," he announced. "He barged into the Headmaster's office, demanding to know what Albus had done with his son."

Remus sighed. "When I was young, I believed there were some sort of cosmic scales keeping a delicate balance to the universe," he said, seemingly irrelevantly. "I thought that good things happened to good people, and those who were evil got what was coming to them. I spent a good many years trying to figure out what I had done that was bad enough to bring down the curse of lycanthropy on myself and my family." He took another sip of his brandy. "Of course, I don't believe such nonsense now. Just look at us, Severus - at all of us! Albus carrying a load too large for a dozen men; Harry who's still just a child, but looked on like some sort of divine being or infallible hero, never allowed to just be a normal child, even before he knew about our kind; Sirius on the run for something he didn't do, forced to hide away, unable to be with the person most important to him and with no hope for any sort of normal life; Draco, betrayed by his own father, having to give up everything he's ever known and everyone he's ever cared about; and you - you with your self-loathing and your double-life and a sense of duty that goes far beyond the bounds of what anyone else would ever expect from you. So many others besides. And for what? Yet someone like Lucius Malfoy has everything - a beautiful wife, a comfortable home, money, prestige - and a strong, intelligent son who is quickly becoming a wonderful young man. Has it all, and throws it away. And for what?" Remus sighed again, and setting his glass aside, rose from his chair. "Draco's upstairs," he said, and turned to lead the way.

Severus, slightly shaken by Remus' melancholy speech, followed in silence.

*************

When Severus stepped into the spacious bedroom, he froze in the doorway, his eyes fixed on the two people lying in the over-sized four-poster bed. Sirius Black was stretched out beside the still unconscious Draco who was clad only in boxer shorts. Sirius reached out to gently stroke the back of his knuckles against Draco's smooth, pale cheek, and Snape snapped.

"Get you filthy paws off of him, Black!" he snarled.

Sirius turned to look at Severus, but didn't move away from the mostly naked boy.

"No, I don't think I will," he returned calmly, the fire flashing in his eyes the only indication of his rising anger.

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Him!" Snape repeated, moving toward the bed. "For Merlin's sake, he's just a child!"

Sirius sprang from the bed, rage making him see red. "You dirty-minded bastard!" he roared, leaping for the other man and fully intending to strangle the greasy git.

Remus, who had followed Snape into the bedroom, rushed forward, pulling his wand, fully prepared to stupefy both of the men if needs be.

"Do you think you could possibly make just a little more noise?" drawled a sleep-slurred, but obviously perturbed voice from the bed. All three men whirled at the sound.

"Draco! Thank the gods," Sirius cried, hurrying to the boy's side.

"What are all of you doing in here?" Draco asked.

"We were concerned," Remus began.

"What in Merlin's name did you think you were doing, boy?" Snape asked brusquely.

Draco struggled to sit up, rubbing sleep from his eyes. Now fully awake, Draco seemed to finally take in the situation fully - he was sitting in bed half-naked with three grown men staring at him. To make matters worse, he was wearing the boxer shorts that Pansy Parkinson had given him on Valentine's Day - silvery-grey with a striking serpent emblazoned across the crotch in a very lewd manner. He snatched the blankets up around him, and asked indignantly, "What are you on about?"

"This!" Snape replied, holding out the empty potion vial.

Draco's eyes widened slightly, and his cheeks took on a faint pink tinge, but he remained remarkably composed considering the look that Snape was giving him. "Well what of it? I haven't been sleeping well. I needed to sleep."

"You took a rather sizeable dose, Draco," Sirius replied softly.

The boy's eyes flashed as understanding dawned on him. "You lot think I was trying to off myself, don't you? You're all barking mad. If I wanted to die, I could have stayed where I was and let my father sacrifice me to Voldemort."

Severus pressed on. "Then what were you trying to do? I know damn well that you know the proper dosage for a sleeping potion."

Draco looked down at the duvet he was unconsciously plucking at, not wanting to meet Snape's eyes. "I've developed a tolerance. I just misjudged how much I would need."

"I don't believe you," Snape rebuffed, his dark eyes narrowing dangerously.

"What do you want from me?" Draco yelled, anger sparking in his grey eyes. "Do you want me to admit that I thought that dying in my sleep would be preferable to dying metaphorically? Either way, my life is over. Overdosing would just be less painful."

"Draco," Sirius rasped, placing his hand on the boy's shoulder.

Shock was clear on Snape's face - shock and sorrow. It looked so out of place there that Draco instantly wanted to take back his words. Remus was looking at him sympathetically.

Draco took a deep breath and continued more calmly. "I did think about suicide. I won't deny it. I...I decided against it. Maybe I'm just as much of a coward as Riddle says I am, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I honestly did misjudge how much potion to take to compensate for the tolerance I've built up. I'm sorry if you don't believe me, but it's the truth. You can take it or leave it." He scooted back to sit with his back against the headboard of the bed, his knees drawn up and the blanket tucked around him.

"It takes more courage to live than to take your own life, Draco," Remus assured him, his voice low; although he was speaking to Draco, the man's amber eyes moved slowly back and forth between Severus and Sirius. "It takes far greater courage to face your fears, your guilt, and your suffering than to slip away silently in your sleep. You're no coward, Draco. Never think that you are."

Looking at the three men surrounding him, Draco understood. Remus' words were as much for himself, his friend, and the Potion's master as for Draco. They had been through the fires of Hell itself - all of them. What a horrid thing to have in common, he thought.

After a moment of uneasy silence, Draco spoke. "Do you think you could all leave so I could get dressed?" he asked, sounded once again like the lord of the manor, cool and composed.

With a last sympathetic look at the boy, Remus turned and left the room, Sirius and Severus following close behind, glaring dangerously at one another. As soon as the door closed, Draco snatched up his clothes and dressed hurriedly, vowing to burn the suggestive boxer shorts as his earliest convenience.