- Rating:
- R
- House:
- Riddikulus
- Genres:
- Humor
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Stats:
-
Published: 07/10/2004Updated: 01/06/2005Words: 1,169Chapters: 2Hits: 623
The Most Offensive Story Ever
KingDementor
- Story Summary:
- Harry is going on the most vile, offensive adventure of his short career! He might get sick and puke, but at least he'll offend you! Or something like that.
Chapter 02
- Chapter Summary:
- Harry arrives at Hogwarts, finding many surprises. Most are disgusting. Some are gruesome. To Harry, they are secretly arousing.
- Posted:
- 01/06/2005
- Hits:
- 142
- Author's Note:
- I would like to dedicate this chapter to your mom. Thanks for a good time!
Harry Potter popped out of Albus Dumbledore's fireplace, Hagrid crammed in beside him. He scrambled away from the reeking mongrel, and looked about Dumbledore's office. Something important was missing...
"Hagrid?" inquired Harry. "Where's Dumbledore?"
A look of abashment passed over the abomination's features.
"Arry," said Hagrid, in his trademark incomprehensible mongrel-speak, "Albush 'as bean weef uz arr aworg!"
Harry struggled for a moment to decipher Hagrid's jibber-jabber, all the while pitying the fool.
"Oh." said Harry, "Where is he?"
Replied the stinking hybrid, "Meeze kapeeng heem in me arshe!"
Hagrid squatted, pulled his pants down, and did various disgusting things until a feces covered, very shell-shocked Dumbledore plopped down onto the floor. The Headmaster paused to brush what feces he could off of his robe.
"You filthy monstrosity!" shrieked an outraged Dumbledore, veins bulging out of his forehead. "How dare you do this to me! We'll have your filthy mudblood corpse for our feast! Avada Kedavra!"
A speeding green light of death zoomed out of the elderly man's wand, speeding toward the monstrosity that was Rubeus Hagrid. Hagrid leaped over the beam landing upon Dumbledore, and pinning the old man to the ground.
"Meeze teach youze ter aburse meh! Meeze wursh meeze burd een yur blud!" bellowed the angry freak. With that, he stabbed Dumbledore through the neck with his own wand. He then lifted him above his head, and snapped him in two! Dumbledore's entrails rained down upon Hagrid, the crimson rain of his blood soaking Hagrid's bushy hair. Hagrid feasted upon what entrails fell near his mouth, roughly folding the rest of Dumbledore's remains into a hat, which he then perched atop his massive noggin.
Harry was mortified. How dare Hagrid not share!
"Save some for me, you parasite ridden mongrel!" shouted Harry angrily, flailing his weak fist against the bloodstained half-giant.
Hagrid peered down at Harry with rage filling his beady eyes.
"Meeze gun teech yur tur resperk dis here mungrer!" He tore Harry's clothes off of his body and raped him, his animalistic yowls of pleasure filling the whole of Dumbledore's office. Harry was devoured by angry demons of misery and torment. Hagrid finished his gruesome business, and left the bleeding rectumed Harry to lay in agony upon the cold stone floor of Dumbledore's office.
Harry crawled over to the still convulsing corpse of Albus Dumbledore and began to gnaw upon the gnarled body of his former mentor. Soon, Harry had been filled with enough cannibalistic mojo to recover, and he left Dumbledore's office, on his way already to the house of Hagrid, where, he hoped, he could get some more of that bloody rough mongrel lovin', ooh yeah baby! But what he found there shocked and appalled him beyond belief. There was no half-giant, and the house was devoid of all living things. But peering through the window of the house he could spot the corpse of Hermione hanging upon a bloody meat hook. It was at that moment that Harry knew what he had to do.... Get into that house and engage in some cold, maggot filled necrophilia, nevermind the psychological or health related consequences! His cunning plans were soon to be interrupted by a sound that filled his heart with hope. It was the sound of a lumbering, brown, poop golem! Harry's favorite food had stealthily approached him from behind! Harry began to munch contentedly on the caca construct, all the while planning his infiltration of the cabin of corpses.