Intended

[thirty three]

Andromeda avoids him after the fight. It was already hard enough to talk to her, but Sirius finds himself being shut out more and more, unable to understand why she has turned so cold towards him. She pointedly ignores him when he calls to her in the corridors and when he wanders the halls at night, waiting for her in their old hiding places, she never comes.

He tries for some time to act as if he doesn't care about it, throwing himself into causing as much mayhem as he can in the school, just to tick her off. She has never liked his penchant for practical jokes or his impulsive nature, and he is determined that if she must hate him, than he should give her a reason for it. But his petty tricks and childish behavior receive no response from her at all.

Stop worrying about her! he tells himself. You've got enough to worry about already, haven't you?

He can't stop thinking of her, though. He simply can't. He is scared, frustrated, enraged. He is afraid that she, too, will turn her back on him completely, just like the rest of his family have done. It is bad enough with Regulus lecturing him at every opportunity and Bellatrix laughing in his face when he tries to answer back but cannot even defend himself. It is worse with Snape dropping crude comments in their classes and Malfoy hissing under his breath whenever they have the misfortune to cross each other in the corridors.

But he can stand all this; these are petty matters, compared with Andromeda's refusal to even give him the slightest acknowledgement. His anger bubbles beneath his skin, pulsing through him every time he remembers why she is not speaking to him anymore. His old fears of rejection become a nightly staple of his dreams.

So he turns instead, pretends that he is fine. He puts aside his old ring, pretends that she never did matter to him and he promises himself that he will never return to her again. He pretends that he doesn't see her in the hallways, ducking his head as she passes, and he pretends that the sharp pain in his chest has nothing to do with her. He pretends until he cannot lie to himself anymore.

And then, one night, he finds her waiting for him at the entrance to a secret passage. Her eyes are red and swollen, and her hair is matted, tangled with twigs and leaves. She is dripping from head to toe. Her clothes are ripped, and there is earth on her robes, under her fingernails, scurrying away into cracks in her skin.

All the promises he had made to himself seem to melt away, all his worries of the past few weeks rushing up until they explode within him.

'Andie? What in Merlin's name...'

She says nothing, shakes her head sadly. She reaches out for him, placing her hands on his shoulders in a silent gesture to be held.

It only takes a second. In one second, her arms are around him and she is hugging him tightly, babbling away, her whole body shuddering uncontrollably. In one second, he finds himself comforting her as he has always done, one hand petting her hair awkwardly and the other holding her close. She doesn't make any sense, but he suddenly doesn't care, doesn't want her to. The only words that he needs to hear are those she says over and over again, the words that serve to tear his soul apart and then put it back together again.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...'

The floor is cold and the night is long, but Sirius doesn't mind. He knows that this is the first step in getting back to normal, and he's prepared to wait as long as he must.

*