In The Light of the Moon

I float here, beyond the curtain in what seems to be a thick haze of fog. My senses are diminished, and even I do not know if I am alive or dead. All I know is that through the haze, through the fog surrounding my senses, I feel you, reaching desperately out to me. I feel your familiar strength and earthy determination that I have always admired. I sense too the sorrow running underneath, and I feel as though my heart will break in two.

Our time together has been too short. I remember the first time I saw you, so small and gentle looking, hiding a fierce love and protectiveness for all you care about. I tried so hard to ignore the sudden pulse of my heart and the warm dampness on my palms. There was something that pulled me to you, and I was never to escape it.

I was wary of you for a long time, and oh, I know you would laugh to hear that. But there was something about you that made me squirm, something undefinable. You seemed to be keeping so much of yourself a secret, and yet when I met your eyes I would feel as if nothing about me was hidden from you.

I remember the night you ran from us, and how your eyes filled with pain to think we knew your secret. Later, bands of steel clamped and squeezed about my heart when those same eyes filled with joy the first time we changed form in front of you.

The four of us would run together in the night, and always I strove to stay close by your side. With you there at my shoulder I felt I could go anywhere, accomplish anything. You always said you never remembered much about those times, and I told myself it was only my imagination that you seemed to stay closest to me. I held my breath and did not dare to hope, to pray that I really did see something beyond friendship in your eyes.

Then most glorious of all, that other moonlit night, when we stood together under the stars. I remember wondering at how you still loved the moon despite what happened once a month, but then you turned to look at me and I could think of nothing but you. You said my name in that tone of voice, and reached out to touch my arm. Every part of me thrilled to feel you stroke my skin, and I knew that I was lost to anyone but you.

In the darkest parts of the night, I would watch your face as the rays of moonlight played over your features. You would sink your teeth into your bottom lip, and I would lean down to cover your mouth with mine. Then, as you moved beneath me, I would feel your arms close around me and your eyes would meet mine. I would drown in them and then the pleasure would sweep us away.

Later you would lie in the circle of my arms, and curl up against my body. One hand would rest on my chest as you fell asleep. Your fingers would trace slow, langorous patterns across my bare skin, and I would struggle to breathe around the emotion building in my heart.

You were my world, and I yours. We vowed that it would always be that way, though others might disapprove and try to hold us apart.

The stars were out and twinkling in the dark sky the night I first learned that one of our small group might have betrayed us. Our love was an anchor I held fast to against the fear and suspicion, but my heart broke when I felt you withdraw from me. The loss of that confidence, that trust that we had always shared together, was like a sharpened blade in my chest.

There was no moon the night I slipped from our bed, gently pressing a kiss to your fingers before I moved your hand from my chest. Long I walked in the dark that night, trying to escape my demons. When I saw the wreckage of their house, a piece of me died with them, while another part wept bitter tears at the thought that I should have known you would always be true.

Only later did I realize how it would look, what you would have to conclude when you woke to find my spot in the bed cold and empty, and someone there to gently break the news. I told you when I saw you again that the thought of killing the one who had taken it all from us was what had kept me alive, but I was lying. Often I thought of how he would die, but more often I dreamt of the time I would see you again. I filled a small part of me with memories, thoughts of you, and I locked it away deep inside. Whenever I felt as though I would lose myself, that those creatures would suck out my very soul, I would turn to that part. The thought of the day when I would hold you again, and feel you trace those patterns on my chest once more, was all that kept me going.

My heart leapt that night when I stood in that cabin, finally close to you again. I had never prayed before but I prayed that night, and I could scarcely believe it when I saw in your eyes that yes, you did believe me.

The time after that went so quickly. Now, as I float and drift, I hear you say it - "Two years was not long enough - never would it have been long enough." I yearn to hold you, to tell you that I am here, that I promised you once I would never leave you, and I never have. I call out to you, but my voice is but a whisper, mingling with so many others. You fall to your knees and weep on the cold floor beyond the veil, and I reach out in vain, knowing I would do anything to touch you one more time.

Time goes by, and I float, I drift. Always I feel your presence, your emotions. They come to me in waves, and when they are strongest I know you have come to stand on the other side of the curtain once again.

Against my will, I weaken. I fight it, but I know this is a battle no one wins, so I reach out to you this one last time. You think it is the wind that ruffles your hair, but it is the touch of my hands, you think you feel raindrops on your cheek, but they are my tears. I linger and trace over every beloved line of your face, your body, both of which I know so well. Even as I feel myself fading, I gather everything I am, everything I was, and will be - all because of you - and I put it into the single word that is your name.

You look up, and in a moment out of time, beyond all reason or logic, I know that you see me. Our eyes meet and hold, and I reach out to trace the curve of your cheek one last time.

I know I would never need to tell you to remember me. Despite all the pain and all that has stood between us, all that is to come, I know that we will be together again.

The night is waiting, lit up by the pale light of the moon. I will always be there waiting, until that moment when you come to me.

Always.

~Fin~