Unlikely Heroes

OVERHEARD IN THE COMMON ROOM (Coincides with events from Virgin Sacrifice)

"ALL of it is in a desperate campaign to seduce me. Isn't it? ISN'T IT??? Well, I'm telling you that FINE! I'm giving up! YOU WIN, DEAN. You can have me. Go on-- take me. Take me any way that you want. I've given up and I'm all yours!"

Neville blinked, then looked up the winding staircase where Seamus' voice was echoing *very* nicely from the dorm room. Hmm. That sounded interesting.

He looked back down at the letter from Percy and sighed. They were making inroads, but it seemed like they had a long way to go before everything was going to be wine and roses. Or even grape juice and meatloaf, apparently. "Thinks we should wait to tell people my left foot," he murmured to the fire, then grinned, not able to stay annoyed for long. Percy would come around. He knew he would.

Eventually. Neville would make *sure* of it.

He glanced up when Dean slammed down the steps and into the Common Room, heading towards the outer door. "Wait, Dean!" he called out, dropping the letter and running to catch up with his friend. "What's wrong?"

"Seamus is wrong, that's what," Dean growled, eyes dark. "I give *up* on him. He can just... just sod off!" He reached out to fling open the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To Professor Trelawney's tower to throw myself out of the window," he grunted, then slammed the door behind him.

Neville froze, staring after him for a long moment, eyebrows raised. ~Well. That was interesting.~ He turned back to his chair and calmly picked up the letter and placed it with all of the rest, mind working in overdrive. He should go up there to talk to Seamus. He owed Dean that.

Nodding, Neville turned and marched up the stairs, carefully opening the door and peeking his head in. Seamus was leaning against the far wall, knees drawn up and head hitting back against the wall. He looked so small and lost that Neville felt a quick, sad pang for him. "Seamus?" he said slowly, stepping all the way into the room and shutting the door behind him. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, hi Neville. Just... beating my head against the wall."

"I noticed." He shook his head, trying to keep the amusement from his tone. How would Justin deal with this? "So. Do you want to talk?"

Seamus laughed. "Talk? Why? I think I did enough of that." He resumed thunking his head against the stone wall, lashes fluttering down.

"Er... yes, I noticed that, too."

"How?"

"Well..." He sat down across from his roommate and grimaced in apology. "You weren't exactly quiet."

"Oh." Seamus squeezed his eyes shut. "So everyone knows that I'm gay, huh?"

"Um..." Taking a deep breath, Neville decided to try for tact. "Not everyone."

"Just everyone within screaming distance."

"That about sums it up."

"Gee." Seamus sighed and looked at him. "You seem to be taking this well."

"Oh." Neville blushed and ducked his head. ~How much should I tell him?~ "Yes, well, it'd be silly not to..."

"Wait. Wait wait wait wait *wait*. Are you saying that *you're*..."

"Ummm...."

"Shit. Is there something in the water up here?" He sighed. "You got a lover?"

~Hmm... this could be fun.~ "Yeah..."

"WHAT? WHO???"

"Um..."

"Never mind. I don't think I want to know. No, I *definitely* don't want to know."

Neville nodded seriously, a bit disappointed that Seamus hadn't pressed for more information. Not that Neville was sure that he would have *given* him that information, but still... ~Remember all the tricks he's played on you and Dean and Harry and Ron and Hermione and Ginny and Percy and...~ "But, well, we *did* hear, and I just think... Maybe you should go after him. Dean, you know."

"Go after him?" Seamus said. "He turned me down! I offered myself to him and he turned me down."

"Well, maybe you offered yourself the wrong way," Neville tried delicately. He rushed on at the furious glare. "Or maybe Dean's just scared. I mean, just because he knows that he's attracted to men doesn't necessarily mean that he's really comfortable with the idea of his best friend... er... offering himself up to him." He paused, then glanced at Seamus, then away again. Well. This could get fun. He shifted and felt the handcuffs he had picked up for a gag gift for Harry-- and the other pair that he had picked up for himself out of curiosity-- and bit back a smile, continuing blithely. "The first time I told Perc... The first time I, you know, came onto the guy I'm with, he totally freaked. Even after I tied him down onto his bed, he was a bit unnerved. But then he really, *really* got into it, and then he was totally mine, you know?" ~Buy it, Seamus. Come on, buy it.~

Seamus' eyes bugged out a little. "Um... Too much information."

"Right. Just be yourself, Seamus, and tell Dean how you feel. It can't turn out too bad. If you're lucky, that is, because it turned out pretty bad when Ron shoved Draco down to the ground and..."

"SO!" Seamus interrupted firmly. "Tell Dean how I feel. I think I can do that. I've been obsessing enough about him that, well... ok." He stood, dusting off his hands. "Now I just have to find him."

"Try the tower-- Professor Trelawney's tower to be exact."

Seamus stared down at him. "How do you know that?"

Neville smiled, dimples flashing on either cheek. "I asked him."

"And he told you where he was going?"

"Yup."

"As he stormed out of Gryffindor tower?"

"Yup. He said something about going up there so he could throw himself out the window..."

"Sure. Okay. Er..." He paused. "Thanks."

"No problem. Oh, hey! Wait!" Laughing inside, Neville stood and pulled one of the pairs of handcuffs from his robe, schooling his features into a deeply serious expression. Catching Seamus' gaze, he thrust them into his hands. "Take these-- you may need them," he said solemnly.

Seamus glanced down at the handcuffs and nodded weakly. "Right. Okay. Thanks, again, Neville." Then, with a wide-eyed, unbelieving look cast towards the boy he had *thought* he knew, he turned and ran from the room.

Neville stood behind and watched him go, smiling. Maybe Seamus was right-- being evil every once and awhile really *was* a lot of fun.

And then he heard the sudden "Wait-- NEVILLE'S SHAGGING ***PERCY***???" and a wicked grin spread across his face. That was loud enough for the entire *school* to hear.

"Heh," he muttered as he thrust his hands in his robe pockets. Yup, the other pair of cuffs were still there. "Just try to deny it *now*, Weasley."

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