Will-o'-the-Wisp

It wasn't often that Sirius and Remus slept without making love, but when they did it was usually because one or both of them was upset. And that evening, Remus had still been shaking when they got home. Sirius had helped him into his pyjamas, then tucked him into bed. When Sirius climbed in next to him, Remus had curled up against Sirius and clung to him fearfully, still scared almost witless. Sirius had held him, stroking his hair and murmuring comfortingly, and finally he had fallen into a fitful sleep. Sirius, however, hadn't been the least bit tired and remained awake.

Two hours later, Remus had a nightmare; rather than wake him up, which he really wanted to do, Sirius simply held him until he settled down again. Once he was sure Remus was calm and sleeping once more, Sirius slowly eased out of the bed and tucked the covers around the sleeping man. He paused briefly, looking down tenderly at Remus. Sometimes Sirius had to remind himself that Remus was only twenty years old, and that just barely; his birthday had been three weeks before. Usually he looked--and acted--so much older; asleep as he was then, his face still marred with the traces of tears, he looked so much younger. Sirius felt tears come to his own eyes as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to Remus's brow.

Quietly, Sirius slipped out of the bedroom and went into the kitchen. He had put the kettle on when he arrived home, hoping to comfort Remus with a cup of tea, and there was still half a kettle of water left. He tested it; yes, it was still hot. With a bit of a sigh, he pulled a mug out of the cabinet and set about preparing a cup of tea.

"Sirius?"

Sirius looked up. James stood in the doorway of the kitchen, looking uncertain. Sirius smiled thinly. "James. Come on in. Tea?"

"Yeah, thanks." James sat down and glanced down the hall. "How is he?"

Sirius shook his head. "Damn near scared to death. The whole thing shook him up more than he'd care to admit. Me, too, for that matter."

James accepted the cup Sirius handed him and studied his friend. "I'm not sure I understand what exactly did happen, mate. All you said over the phone was that some pervert attacked Remus outside your pub."
"That's the Reader's Digest condensed version," Sirius sighed, collapsing into his chair. "I'm not sure I really understand what happened...Remus turned up like he always does when he gets off before I do and he was waiting for me outside...the pub was kind of crowded. Otis showed up five minutes later and I went outside to meet Remus, but he wasn't there. I noticed this...creepy guy standing off to one side, and I could tell from the way he was standing that he was trying to rape someone. I yelled to distract him and he turned around...and I realised it was Remus he was attacking, and what's worse, the guy was strangling him to keep him from calling out to me. He was turning blue." James closed his eyes in horror. "I attacked the guy, tried to get him away from Remus...I didn't realise he had a gun."

James's eyes flew open. "Sweet Merlin, Sirius, you must be joking."

"I mustn't and I'm not," Sirius said bitterly. "He tried to draw it on me...it went off, buried itself in the gutter of the building on the left...I tried to get it away from him and it went off again. That time it hit the wall behind Remus...I was terrified that it had hit him, which is the only way I was able to get that gun away from the guy. I pointed it at him--I'm sure he could see my hands shaking--and I told him if he came anywhere near Remus again I'd kill him. He got out of there real fast."

James stared at Sirius, all the colour gone from his face. "Oh, God...is Remus okay?"

"Physically, yes. Mentally...I don't know." Sirius hesitated. "He was still shaking when I got him to bed a couple hours ago. He had a nightmare a couple of minutes ago...I didn't wake him up, probably should have, but I was afraid I'd never get him back to sleep. I kind of sat there with him until he calmed back down...I just hope he won't remember it in the morning."

"You really love him, don't you," James said softly, studying Sirius's face.

Sirius nodded, staring into his mug. "I don't think I realised how much until tonight, when I saw him so...so fragile, so helpless. I was terrified...I thought I was going to lose him. For a moment, I was afraid I already had...that I was too late to save him." He suddenly looked up at James, startled. "You didn't believe I did?"

James spread his hands out, palms up. "I...you two don't lie, not to me, anyway. Remus...I knew all along that he loved you, I mean really loved you. But you...I wasn't quite sure. I...until tonight, I wasn't one hundred percent sure you really loved him...I was afraid it was just a physical attraction." He blew his messy bangs out of his eyes. "There. I said it."

Sirius stared at James in frank astonishment. "Prongs...if I, as you so delicately put it, shagged every person I'd ever felt just a physical attraction to...well, Remus certainly wouldn't have been my first, that's for sure." James laughed, albeit weakly. "James, he means so much to me. He's my whole world. You know how that feels...I know you do. It was never just physical. I would never have...I mean, I wouldn't be living with him today if it was. I respect him as a person...and I care about him too much. I would never have strung him along like this. And if you thought I would have...maybe we don't know each other as well as we thought we did."

"You mean, maybe I don't know you as well as we thought I did," James said with a half-grin. "I'm sorry, Sirius...I should have known all along that you really did care. Remus is smart, he wouldn't have stuck with you for so long if you didn't genuinely love him." He looked down at his hands. "I'm just sorry it took...this...to get me to really see that." He glanced up again, then blinked. "Siri...you're crying..."

Sirius brushed his eyes a little impatiently. "I just...I really do love him, I always have. And tonight...I almost lost him. I know I've said that already, but...I just can't get over it. I've never been that terrified in my life."

"That's because he is your life," James said softly. "You're right, Siri, I do know how you feel about him. When Adonijah died...I thought I was going to lose Lily too. She was a wreck...she thought it was something she'd done wrong, because she had in some way failed us--Adonijah and me. And I felt so...so helpless, so inadequate, because all I could do was sit there and comfort her, tell her that everything would be all right." A half-smile tugged at his face. "But after a while, I realised...she did the same thing for me when Dad died. And that's what really cinched it, for me, what really made me see how much you loved Remus. Because that's the mark of true love--that the partners in the relationship can help each other up, keep each other afloat, support them in their time of need." James covered Sirius's hand with his and offered him a full smile. "Remus is lucky to have someone like you."

Sirius managed to smile back. "Thanks, mate."

"I mean it." James stood. "I'd better get home...I didn't tell Lily what happened exactly, just that I was coming over here for a little while, but she'll be up waiting for me, expecting a full report. I've got to think of a good story so she doesn't totally panic." He clapped Sirius on the shoulder. "Take care of yourself, mate...and take care of Remus too."

"No worries there." Sirius grinned and walked his best friend to the door. "And James..."

James stopped and turned. "Yeah?"

Sirius hugged him. "Thanks."