Willow Song

XII. Searching for Light

Neville scooped up Serena's books and walked her to the Great Hall. On the way he pressed a small folded note into her palm. After Serena sat down for lunch she opened the note. Inside was a pressed violet. The note read, "Serena, please come to Hogsmeade with me next Saturday for the Hogsmeade weekend. Your Friend, Neville." She felt Neville watching her, but when she looked up, he looked away. She nudged Ginny next to her and slipped the note and the violet into her lap. Serena rested her head in her hands, frustration evident in her long sigh. Ginny read it over, then handed it back.

Ginny whispered, "You're worried that you've been leading Neville on, and you don't want to hurt his feelings because he's been a good friend, but you fancy Charlie and don't want to go with Neville."

"Exactly. You have a few Seer gifts yourself! Now what do I do? I thought Luna fancied him; why didn't he ask her?"

"I don't think he knows. He probably thought you were safer. Besides, he's been quite the hero to you lately. Look, you'd better explain to him, and then I'll invite him and Luna to join Harry and Ron and Hermione and me. It'll be like a triple date."

Serena walked up to Neville. "Neville, can we talk?"

Neville looked at her expectantly, then his face fell at the serious look on Serena's face. "Yes."

"Neville, you've been the most incredible friend. You're always there when I need you. I'll always be grateful to you., but I can't take advantage of you any more. I have a boyfriend, so I can't go to Hogsmeade with you. And it's not fair of me to let you walk me around school. I won't lead you on any more. I'm sorry."

Neville looked crestfallen. "Hey, I understand. It's okay. I knew we were just friends. I didn't expect more, really. And I still will walk you around. I keep my promises." His voice spoke softly and he smiled, but his words were clipped and his eyes darted away from Serena's face. Serena left unhappily, feeling like a heel. Fifteen yards away, she slipped behind a pillar where she could observe Neville unnoticed for a bit.

Serena watched as Ginny and Luna talked to him just minutes later, and he seemed happier.

Serena spent her Hogsmeade day in the dorm, not studying, but writing a long tome to Charlie. She poured out her heart to him. When she got to her slowly diminishing eyesight, she couldn't tell him. She wasn't sure what it meant herself, whether the changes were permanent or even if they would get worse, so she just left it out of her letter. She did tell him about Neville and how sweet and chivalrous he was being, but made it clear that she only saw him as a friend.

Her studies continued. She spent time talking to Firenze and Trelawney about using her second sight as a psychic healer. They gave her good ideas, but since it had been generations since anyone at Hogwarts had known a psychic healer, she had to find her own way of connecting her knowledge, gifts, and experience to healing.

She expressed her frustration one day between classes when Neville suggested she practice on him.

"Practice on me now. Let me be your guinea pig, and then you can pay me back by healing my parents when you're ready."

Serena hesitatingly agreed, and they met in the common room that evening. Since it was busy with activity, she followed Neville up to his dorm room to work with him there.

They started by sitting cross-legged on Neville's bed, facing each other. Serena looked into Neville's eyes: there was the crush he was nursing on her! This wouldn't do. She got up and put a drop of calming oil on the bedspread and put on some soft melodic orchestral music, hoping he would focus on the music and the fragrance instead of her. Then she sat across from him again.

"Neville," she instructed hesitantly, "I want you to relax and let your mind float until it finds something you don't like or find painful. Now close your eyes and let things drift freely."

Neville did as he was told. Serena concentrated on him and legilimized without eye contact. Suddenly Neville's mind was stuck on an image of Professor Snape. She saw Snape belittling Neville, making him nervous, pointing out his weaknesses. She thought back to what she had learned about Professor Snape from her observations, from what Ginny had told her, and from the moments she had legilimensed him when he was unguarded. She reached out and whispered into his mind, "Snape is a spy for Dumbledore--he has to keep the Slytherins happy to keep close to their Death Eater parents. Snape was abused as a student by Gryffindors--that's why he feels justified in targeting them. Snape sets the bar higher and expects excellence. We all do better because of his expectations." She watched Neville's image of Snape change slightly; pity and respect mixed with fear. She watched as he relaxed again and then opened his eyes.

"Well?"

"I feel a little better about Snape, but I really disliked your putting thoughts in my head. It felt like my thoughts were vandalized. I was very uncomfortable. I don't think you should put in any ideas of your own. It's my mind and my memories." Then he looked away sheepishly. " I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

Serena looked shaken, but glad for the insight. "It's all right. I'll keep working until I find a way to do this without inserting anything of my own. Thanks for your honesty, and for letting me try." Serena bit her lower lip and tried to hide her disappointment.

Neville, seeing her frustration, reassured her, "Hey, that's what friends are for," giving her a hug right as Ron entered the room.

"Again! I thought you fancied my brother! What are you doing alone up here with Neville, hugging him? Don't go running off. Listen to me!" Serena ran past him and down the stairs.

"Silencio!" Serena heard Neville shut Ron up with a flick of his new wand then stomped down to the common room. Serena hurried through the room and up the girls staircase, but didn't ascend them far enough to miss Neville's conversation. "Harry, Hermione, would you go explain to your friend upstairs that Serena hugged me to thank me for helping her with a homework project, and he had no right to embarrass her like that?"

Harry and Hermione chuckled, then rushed upstairs to Ron.

"Ginny? Where's Serena?"

"She just went up to her dorm. She didn't look like she felt well. Want me to go talk to her?" Neville must have nodded, because Ginny started upstairs, and Serena had to race to keep ahead of her. Ginny stopped somewhere along the way, as she didn't enter Serena's dormitory room until ten minutes later. Ginny found Serena staring at the night sky through the dormitory window. She felt Ginny enter without looking.

"Has your brother Ron got it in for me? He caught me making out with Draco, he caught me kissing Charlie goodbye, and now he catches me giving a thank you hug to Neville. He thinks I'm some kind of scarlet woman." She laughed mirthlessly, then tucked her forehead between her knees.

"Harry and Hermione are up there now, giving him an earful. If a couple of Gryffindor prefects would ever get around to telling each other how they feel, you might get to catch them at it and give Ron a taste of what it feels like."

"Well, it'd only be worth it if it didn't embarrass Hermione. He saw me, I mean with Draco, he saw my--I'm still embarrassed around him."

"True, we don't want to embarrass Hermione. But don't let Ron get to you like this. I think he's embarrassed by what he saw too, and he's joking to cover it. He doesn't mean any harm; he's just clueless and doesn't think before he speaks. By the way, Mum says I should invite you to the Burrow for Christmas break, and you can ride the Hogwarts Express home with us."

"That'd be wonderful. I'll ask Minerva if I can go. Tell your mum I need to make an appointment to see the ocular healer at St. Mungo's over the break too. I think I may need glasses. Thank her for inviting me."

"Something else upsetting you too?"

"The experiment with Neville didn't work. He felt vandalized by my thoughts entering his mind. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this and nobody is telling me how. I really thought that I had it figured out and now I'm back where I started."

"It'll come. Be patient. You know it's what you're supposed to do, so let the answers find you."

"Thanks, Ginny. I don't know what I'd do without you for my friend."