If You're Not the One

"If You're Not the One"

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If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?

Eight o' clock. At first I couldn't remember why I was up so early, but it all came rushing back to me when my brain was in full working order. Today was a Saturday--meaning, a Hogsmeade trip!

Of course I wasn't as cheery to go as much as the first time I actually had real permission to go to the Hogsemeade Village. But still, Ron and I still liked visiting Zonko's and Honeydukes, so we go any chance we get!

So anyways, I got dressed and went down the stairs to meet Ron, who was playing Wizard's Chess with himself (the black pieces he played against were moving on their own). I sat on the sofa next to him.

And we mumbled, "Hi, Harry," to me while he played the game and the question that ate at me ever since the summer, finally came out of me. Not on purpose--I sort of blurted it out, really.

"Ron? Um, do you, er, fancy Hermione?" I asked him.

He turned to me, an eyebrow raised. "Gee, that was out of the blue..."

"Well it's just... me and her... we... sort of had a short fling over the summer," I replied.

He looked surprised. "Over at my house? Good grief!" he frowned slightly. "So--what happened?"

"Well, at that time it seemed as if you fancied her, so I--broke it off," I said faintly.

"You nincompoop!! Well, no, I don't, so you really broke up for nothing, Harry. Dang..." he added as a queen took his bishop.

I couldn't believe it. He seemed so... casual about it. Not furious or annoyed that I hadn't told him sooner, or anything really.

Then I heard a door close and out down the stairs came Hermione.

"Quick! Change the subject, Ron!" I hissed at him quietly.

"So Harry, how's Quidditch and all?" he said loudly.

It was so loud and so sudden... I hoped Hermione didn't suspect anything.

"Tell her good morning, you prat," Ron advised me through gritted teeth. Uh yeah, good thinking, Ron.

"Morning, Hermione!" I said to her.

Yuck, I sounded so... cheerful.

If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?

If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

She looked at me funny; I guess she noticed my happy tone as well. I kicked myself for sounding like that. Things haven't been the same since the summer... and well, I miss her. I never did want to break up, but, it just felt like the right thing to do, you know?

I don't.

Well, now thing's are different. I jus found out that I ended something with someone that meant (and still means) something to me... for nothing.

I never know what the future brings,
But I know you are here with me now.
We'll make it through,
And I hope you are the one I share my life with...

It was sort of awkward. Hermione just decided to leave and there was nothing much that me or Ron could do, so we got up and followed her. We sort of lagged behind... Hermione was not in her best mood at all today.

"So go into detail, Harry. Now that I'm not preoccupied with chess or anything," Ron said to me.

"There's not much else to say about it," I answered. I just didn't want to talk about it, that's all. I felt extremely guilty. And what really got to me was that, for the first time, I had made Hermione cry.

I mean, sure, she's cried before, but back then it was because of me and Ron.

This time, it was just me. Me making the stupidest mistake ever.

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

> We took moonlit walks. She had always said it was quite romantic of me. I never really thought about it that way. I could never be alone with her except for when we took our night walks. To me, it was just my way of getting to talk to her. But I guess it was somewhat romantic...

We walked around in the Weasleys' garden, just talking and sometimes sitting on the bench beneath a tree. Mrs. Weasley had sort of spruced it up since last time we were there--adding flowers and a short trail and everything. It was nice.

I even felt myself blush the first time we sat on the garden bench and Hermione's head fell onto my shoulder as we talked.

Well, as romantic as it was, we'd never worked up the courage to kiss or anything. But it's not like I was there with her to snog her. I always looked forward to our talks at night under the stars during the day.

I always saw a different side to her when we had our talks. She had a sort of dry humor about things. <

> Things have changed. Ron doesn't know about us, but he acts as if he fancies Hermione. I don't want it to seem as if I'm betraying him or anything by being with Hermione. But I really don't want to break up with Hermione. I don't. But I have to.

Ever been in a situation where the best thing you could do would be the hardest thing you've ever done? But still you try and have to do what's right? <

> She's crying. What have I done? <

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I never wanted to do anything. Never wanted to do anything to hurt her. But she cried.

I must have seemed pretty preoccupied because as we walked the cobblestone streets of Hogsmeade, Ron kept giving me worried looks.

Even as we entered Zonko's I couldn't focus my mind on anything else. Ron and I paid a few Sickles and Galleons for a couple of dungbombs (we had needed to restock on them).

"Harry, just talk to her--Hermione I mean," Ron said suddenly as we left the shop.

"What would I say, Ron? 'Hermione, I'm sorry for being such a jerk over the summer'," I said sarcastically.

He shrugged. "It's a start."

I rolled my eyes.

I don't know why you're so far away,
But I know that this much is true,
We'll make it through...

"Just do it Harry," Ron replied.

"But she despises me," I said.

"But only because she still has feelings for you."

Was he right?
I hoped against hope that Ron was.

And I hope you are the one I share my life with,
And I wish that you could be the one I die with,
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with,
I hope I love you all my life.

"There she is... now go," Ron urged, pushing me forward.

But I couldn't do it.

"Go!" Ron said, pushing me again. "You don't need any more regrets, Harry!"

"Er... she's with Parvati and Lavener now... maybe later."

And I ran into the Three Broomsticks.

I could hear him sighing exasperatedly behind me.

"You have to talk to her sometime, you know," Ron said to me as we took a table and sat at it.

"Yes, yes I know."

"And do you know you're being a wussy ninny?"

"Yes."

He laughed and so did I... but it reminded me a bit of Hermione's dry humor...

Geez, it even hurt to laugh.

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away,
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today.

We received the usual--two butterbeers--and barely said a word. I fiddled with the brim of my mug and Ron stared out the window.

I wasn't so sure if I was going to be so thrilled in going to Hogsmeade anymore.

It wasn't the same. It just hit me--it had been just me and Ron for sometime now. Two butterbeers instead of three.

Ron missed her, I missed her...

'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right,
And though I can't be with you tonight,
And know my heart is by your side...

We left the Three Broomsticks and just meandered outside for a moment. Hermione walked past us--lost in thought. Ron looked at me again then approached Parvati.

"What's up with Hermione?" he asked her.

She shrugged but looked pointedly at me.

"I see..." Ron said with a nod. "Do you know what Harry here could do to make it up to her?"

She said, "Well, after four months, I think the break-up is going to be hard to fix."

"But..." Ron pressed on.

She sighed after glancing at me. "All right, I'm not sure if this is going to help, but there's this necklace Hermione had been eyeing today. At Wilfred's. You know, the new shop next to Honeydukes. It's the Eternal Rose or something..."

So it would cost me Galleons. Terrific.

But still...

Perhaps it would be worth it...

I would give anything to just be with Hermione the way we had been before the break-up.

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms?

Anything...