Lions and Serpents and Stupid Older Brothers

Disclaimer: Kat: It's not mine. Sniff. But I own Draco's soul!!!

Draco: Shut up.

Chapter Two: Fights Over Stupid Insults and the Way to Break Them Up

"And good mor-ning Wizarding World! This is Glenda Chittock, Presenter of the Worldwide Wizarding Network. Up next we have Celina Warbeck, world famous-"

Ginny rolled over and felt frantically for the snooze button, or, failing that, the off button.

"-singing in a collaboration with the Weird Sisters. It's a special recording, and I myself haven't heard it before. So here goes, and-"

Her searching fingers found something that felt like the right button-

"-worth listening to! I present to you, Cel-"

They found it.

But this meant she had to get up, didn't it? Oh well. Five more minutes couldn't possibly hurt.

* * * * * * * * * * *

The next thing she knew, Hermione was shaking her and screaming, "Harry and Ron and Fred and George have gotten into a fight with Malfoy and I can't stop them and you've got to do something because they won't listen to me and you're his sister and I'm scared they're really going to hurt each other because when I left they had already thrown their wands away and oh God Ginny please wake up!"

Ginny's response to this was, "Mmmph."

"Ginny!!"

"No Mum, I swear it wasn't me, it was Gred and Forge--I mean Fred and George--I can't even do an Shrinking Charm--"

"Ginevra Anne Weasley! I'll give your breakfast to Fred and George if you don't get up right now!"

Ginny tumbled out of bed and onto the floor, screaming, "I'm up! I'm up!" She looked blearily up at Hermione. "Oh, it's you, 'Mione. What you want?" Ginny was not the most articulate person in the mornings.

"Ginny! Three of your brothers and Harry are in a bleeding fight with Malfoy!!"

Ginny jumped up and said, "Well, why didn't you say so in the first place!" Somewhere in the back recesses of her mind she realized Hermione had cursed. Hermione never cursed unless it was about something life-threatening.

Hermione rolled her eyes and waited for the thirty seconds it took Ginny to put on her robes and charm her hair to lie down. Then she grabbed Ginny's wrist and manhandled her to the stairs. "Down!" she ordered curtly.

As they trotted--well, ran, but don't tell Professor Snape that--down the hall, Hermione filled her in on what had started the fight.

"Malfoy said that he supposed you had started working odd jobs waitressing in bars to earn your family extra money--and he had this really exaggerated leer on his face--then Ron jumped him--Fred and George and Harry tried to hold him back, but Crabbe just kinda picked him up by the scruff of his neck and shook him, and Malfoy said, 'Can't even defend his own sister's non-existent honor properly.' Fred and George quit trying to hold Ron back after that and jumped Malfoy, as well, and Harry just sort of looked around and dived in, too."

As they turned a corner, Ginny could hear the sounds peculiar to a fight--the crunching, the thuds, the screamed insults. When she saw it, though, it was worse. There were at least two broken noses, possibly three, and about five black eyes and four split lips.

"STOP IT! NOW! FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY, YOU ARE SEVENTH YEARS! YOU SET A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR THE YOUNGER YEARS, NOT ONE LIKE THIS! AND RONALD! YOU ARE A PREFECT!"

Everyone looked in awe at the girl who had done this stunningly accurate imitation of Mrs. Weasley.

Ginny included.

"Ogay, 'Ermione," Ron said through a quite possibly broken nose, "dat was just, wike, bewond scary."

"Um, yeah, 'Mione, you were channeling Mum for a minute there," said Fred, feeling around his puffy eye with interest.

George just stared with his mouth open.

"Eww, George, close your mouth," Ginny said in disgust. "You're dripping blood all over the floor."

His mouth snapped shut abruptly as he fingered his bleeding, split lip.

"Hey--why aren't you yelling at Harry and the ferret?" Fred asked with interest.

Hermione and Ginny looked around. Where were Harry and Malfoy?

"Oh. My. God," Hermione stated.

Harry and Malfoy were still rolling around on the floor. Sizeable amounts of blood had been lost by both and neither was paying any attention whatsoever to Hermione or Ginny.

"Stop!"

"Stop!"

When separate admonishments didn't work, they decided to try it in unison.

"STOP!!"

Nope.

Finally, after several minutes of pleading with the apparently deaf boys, Ginny finally lost her famous, redhead, youngest-person-in-the-Weasley-household-AND-the-only-girl, that-time-of-the-month-ALL-the-time temper.

"Godammit, I said STOP!" She waded in, kicking Malfoy in a particularly sensitive area of the male anatomy and Harry in the--okay, a little bit of favoritism here--stomach.

As both rolled away from each other, holding their respective injured parts, Ginny stood in the middle of the hall and gave everyone within shouting distance her imitation of Mrs. Weasley.

Except with some language, terms, and general ideas Mrs. Weasley probably would not approve of.

An excerpt.

"...DON'T KNOW WHAT POSSESSED YOU SEVEN IDIOTS TO HAVE A KNOCKDOWN, DRAGOUT BAR BRAWL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EFFING HALL! IT'S A BLOODY MIRACLE ONE OF THE PROFESSORS HASN'T COME ACROSS YOU YET! I'M TEMPTED TO TURN YOU IN RIGHT NOW AND SAVE THE PROFESSORS THE TROUBLE OF ASKING WHERE YOUR MYSTERIOUS BROKEN NOSES AND BLACK EYES CAME FROM! AND GIVE ME A GOOD REASON NOT TO! MAYBE I'LL JUST OWL MUM INSTEAD! Oh, wait, that wouldn't do anything about Malfoy or his henchmen-"

"Maybe you could just forget about us," Goyle suggested timidly.

"Goyle, I'm not sure that was a good-" Malfoy began, only to be cut off by Ginny launching into her tirade again.

"NO I BLOODY WELL WILL NOT FORGET ABOUT YOU, YOU THREE EXCUSES FOR CIVILIZED PEOPLE! DID THE BRAIN CELL YOU SHARE BETWEEN YOU SUDDENLY FLICKER?! IF I'M GOING OFF LIKE THIS AT MY BROTHERS, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M GOING TO FORGET ABOUT YOU?! WELL?! IS IT YOUR INCURABLE SLYTHERIN ARROGANCE?! YOUR STRANGE CONVICTION THAT MONEY AND YOUR BLOODY RICH PARENTS CAN GET YOU OUT OF ANYTHING?!"

Here Ginny stopped for a breath, and Harry took the chance to jump in.

"Well, Ginny, Malfoy insulted you, you know. He said--"

"I KNOW PERFECTLY WELL WHAT HE SAID, YOU--"

This continued for several minutes, with steadily increasing volume and steadily decreasing interruptions from Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, her brothers, and Harry, as they seemed to have figured out that the more they spoke, the madder Ginny got. Finally, she got so fed up with the bunch of them that she just abruptly closed her mouth, turned on her heel, and stalked down the hallway.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Ginny?"

"Please go away, Harry."

"Ginny, I--"

"Harry, I asked nicely."

"But Ginny, I just--"

"No."

"Ginny--"

"Harry, please."

"Fine. I just wanted to apologize for my behavior this morning, but apparently you don't care."

"No, Harry, that's not it. I just--well--I don't want to see you hurt, that's all."

"Ginny, I hope you don't think this can work."

"What? What can work?"

"This. The whole crush thing."

"Harry, I told you I got over that. I view you in a purely platonic way and I have a boyfriend, remember?"

"You do?"

"I swear. Men. Yes, Harry, I have a boyfriend. His name is Colin Creevey. If you didn't know that, I would advise you to quit staring at Cho and start paying attention to what's happening under your nose."

"If he hurts you I swear I'll draw and quarter him and hang his guts on the fireplace wall!"

"Harry James Potter!!"

"Well, I will."

"Okay. Anyway, I accept your apology. Now will you please go away?"

"Yes, Ginny, now I will please--I mean, now I will go away."

* * * * * * * * * *

You know, dear, he really does love you.

Go away, Ginny thought tiredly.

I'm not trying to play matchmaker, sweetheart, because he views you as a sibling, too. You should, however, at least attempt to be nicer.

Diana, please.

No, dear, you're not getting rid of me as easily as you did the Potter boy. If I'm stuck in your head, then I bloody well will say what I want to!

Ginny registered in astonishment that Diana had cursed.

Yes, I cursed. Just because you're fifteen doesn't mean I am. Oh, and, by the way, you got my name right.

Name? Ginny thought.

Yes, dear, name. Did you really think Diana was just a pet name? Oh no, you got my name quite right.

Who are you really? Where are you from? Are you alive? Are you related to me? Wait, stupid question. Were you sent by Professor Dumbledore? Ginny asked excitedly.

Alright, in the order they were asked: can't say; England; not exactly; can't say, and not exactly. And that's all for Ask Diana today, folks, see you again soon!

And that's all Ginny got out of her.