The First Date

*Tonks*

I kissed Remus last night.

I'm sad to say that this is my first thought when I open my eyes. Burrowing down under my covers, I sigh in contentment.

I feel wonderful, I feel happy, I feel at peace, I feel...

Like I'm going to sneeze.

"A-a-a..." My face crinkles up as a gigantic sneeze rips through my body. "ACHOO!"

I fall back onto my pillows, out of breath.

Come to think of it, I don't feel so hot. My eyes are all scratchy, my nose is blocked, and my throat feels like it's been rubbed raw with sandpaper. I try to take a deep breath and it catches in my throat, squeezing horrible, racking coughs out of me.

Oh no.

I stop coughing and put a hand to my forehead. Great. I have a fever.

God - why do you hate me?

I stumble out of bed and make my way to the mirror.

"Aaaaaah!"

I stare at myself in horror. I look bloody terrible. My hair's green and sticking up in all directions, my face is flushed and sallow looking, and I generally look like crap.

"No, no, no, no, no," I mutter frantically, staring at myself. "I have a date tonight! I have a date with Remus! This is not happening! Not! I have to look good..." I pinch my cheeks hurriedly, trying to pull some non-fever colour back into my face, but only succeed in making my cheeks hurt. In fact, as I stare into the mirror, I'm becoming aware that my whole body is sort of aching and a dull, throbbing pain is starting behind one of my eyes.

I have the flu.

That's what happens when you run around in the rain, says a voice in my head that miraculously sounds like my mother. What did you expect?

"Shoosh," I mumble, shuffling away from the mirror in disgust. I don't want to watch any longer. I make my feet move towards the kitchen, searching in the cupboards for a bottle of Pepper-Up potion.

Great. I'm all out.

"This sucks," I moan, shuffling to the kettle. Fine. I'll try the old-fashioned remedy: a nice, soothing cup of herbal tea. I pull out my wand and tap it against the kettle. Instead of coming to the boil, however, it grows miniature legs and tries to run away. I groan in frustration and grab it with both hands.

"Stupid kettle," I mutter. "Can't you just boil?"

"Hey, don't look at me!" the kettle replies. "You're the one that's rubbish at household spells!"

I stare at it. "You can talk? How did I do that?"

"You suck," the kettle sasses.

I grind my teeth together and bend down, shoving the talking appliance into the cupboard and slamming the door.

"Hey!" the kettle squeaks. "Hey, you can't do this! I get claustrophobic! This is appliance cruelty! Hey! Hey!"

I ignore the kettle as another violent cough rips through my body, followed by an even more violent sneeze. I shuffle back to bed and climb under the covers, ignoring the distant calls of the kettle. Maybe if I get some sleep, I'll feel better.

I can feel my eyes closing when there's suddenly a knock at the door.

I ignore it. I'm in no mood for guests.

The person knocks again and I pull the duvet over my head to shut out the noise.

The person knocks again, and this time they just keep on knocking. I kick back the covers in frustration, swearing loudly, and climb out of bed.

"What?" I yell as I throw on my bathrobe. The yelling causes me to have another coughing fit and I stumble through the living room and throw open the door, still coughing madly.

Bill Weasley stands there, bundled up in an overcoat and one of his mother's hand-knitted scarves. He eyes me warily. "You dying, Tonks? Cos I don't want whatever you have."

I glare at him as my coughing fit subsides. "What?" I rasp out grumpily.

Bill grins at me. "I'm looking for Charlie. Is he here?"

"Why would Charlie be here?" I ask as I let rip with another gigantic sneeze.

"Bless you." Bill doesn't even blink an eye. "Well, I know you guys used to date, so..."

I huff crankily. "Charlie and I haven't dated since we left Hogwarts. You know that."

Bill grins again. "Okay, okay, it was a long shot. If you see him, let him know I'm looking for him, okay?"

I nod silently. Then a question occurs to me and I go to open my mouth. Which triggers another coughing fit. I stand there for a long time, feeling like I'm coughing up a lung, while Bill waits patiently, his arms clasped in front of him. When my coughs subside, I look up.

"Why are you looking for him?" I croak.

"Charlie?"

I nod.

Bill frowns. "He left a very strange note for me."

"What did it say?" I ask, tenderly rubbing my throat.

Bill's frown deepens, and he holds out a hand. I look down and see Bill's holding a note. I take it from him and look at it.

" 'My life is over'," I read slowly. " 'Tell mum I love her. I'm moving to...Guam'?" I look up, a small smile playing on my lips. "Is this a joke?"

Bill looks grim. "I wish it weren't. If you see him, tell him..." He trails off and for a moment I wonder why. Then I hear a squeal coming from the kitchen.

"Let me out! Let me ooooooooooooooout! I deserve to be treated better than this! I demand respect! RESPECT!"

Bill's eyes flick back to me. "What's that?"

"Hmm? What's what?" I ask innocently, deciding to play dumb.

Bill raises an eyebrow. "That squealing."

"What squealing?" I blink and smile up at him. And then sneeze. And again. And again.

Bill's looking at me like I have the plague. "I'm going to go," he says, jerking a thumb over his shoulder, "before I'm quarantined here with you!"

I shoot him a nasty hand gesture as my sneezes turn into coughs and Bill laughs.

"I'm going to try Sirius and Lupin. See you later," he calls over his shoulder, heading down my steps.

I slam my door shut. I wish he'd still been standing at my doorstep. Then I could have slammed the door in his face. Stupid man.

My coughs subside and I take deep, gasping breaths. I storm into the kitchen and throw open the door to the kitchen cupboard. My kettle stares up at me. I kid you not - it's staring at me with big puppy dog eyes. Ugh. I have a live kettle in my kitchen. Which is still squealing.

"Would you shut up!" I hiss.

The kettle stares up at me. "Let me out of here!" it whistles. I put my hands over my ears.

"If you haven't noticed, I'm not feeling too great. This noise is adding to my headache."

The kettle stops whistling and stares up at me. "You look like crap," it observes. "Hey, stay away from me. I'm a germaphobe - and you look like you're covered in them!"

Great. A germaphobe kettle. What's next - an ice cream scoop that hates the cold?

"Just be quiet!" I say through clenched teeth.

"Then let me out!" the kettle demands.

"No! Then everyone will know how bad my household spells are."

"Fine." The kettle goes back to whistling, taking the pitch up a notch until I feel like my teeth are vibrating in my head.

"That's it!" I rush to the kitchen bench, grab a tea towel and bend down, shoving it into the kettle's mouth. The kettle chokes and then begins to mumble incoherently. "Ha!" I say. "I win! You lose!" I make a face as I realise I'm talking to a kettle. That's just wrong. Coughing again, I close the cupboard door and look around the kitchen.

My heart suddenly flutters as my thoughts are drawn back to Remus and our kiss last night. And our date tonight. I catch sight of myself in the mirror above the mantelpiece and shudder. Frankenstein - eat your heart out.

I smile as I realise that Bill's visit has given me an ironclad excuse to floo Remus. I'll just pretend to be looking for Charlie. Just a casual conversation, that's all. In which we can discuss out date tonight.

I sneeze again, and a spray of something green shoots out of my nose.

Hmm - maybe a date in my condition is not something that would be well received by Remus?

Whatever. I'm flooing him.

I rush quickly to the mirror and make myself look like a human, and then throw some floo powder into the fire. It turns emerald green and I place my head in the fire.

"Grimmauld Place!" I say loudly.

The next thing I know, my head's spinning around and around in the fire. Just when I think I can't take it anymore, my head stops and I'm staring at the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. I look around and see Sirius.

"It's not that bad," he soothes to someone out of my line of sight. "You just need to calm down..."

"Sirius?" I pipe up, and Sirius jumps about a mile in the air, swivelling his head to look for me. When he sees me in the fire, he smiles. Except that it's not a normal Sirius-like smile, it's more like an "Oh crap not you" type of smile.

"Tonks! You bloody scared the life outta me!" Sirius says, leaning close to the fire.

I smile back, and go to answer, when suddenly I feel a sneeze building up. I try to ignore it. "I was just visited by...by...by..." My nose is scrunching up.

Sirius looks bewildered. "Visited by who? You're not in trouble, are you?"

"No." I shake my head quickly. "I was visited by B- B- B..."

Sirius glances over his shoulder. "I have a feeling she's trying to tell us something," he smirks.

"Shut up, Sirius," I manage to get out. "I was visited by Bill, and he's looking for...for...ACHOOOOOO!"

I sneeze violently: Sirius, who had been resting on his haunches, now topples over, startled, knocking over a kitchen chair. I can't help myself: I start to laugh. Whoever's in the kitchen starts to laugh as well as Sirius picks himself up off the floor, looking disgruntled.

"Sorry," I say. "I have the flu."

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius grumbles. "Bill's looking for who?"

"Charlie," I say quickly, lest another sneeze overtake me. "Apparently he's having some sort of crisis."

"Oh, really?"

Okay, there's something decidedly shifty about that reply. Sirius isn't looking at me anymore: his eyes are determinedly fixed on a point above my left ear, his cheeks slightly red.

A sure sign he's hiding something.

"Really," I say suspiciously. "Sirius, do you know where Charlie is?"

"Me? No," Sirius says entirely too quickly, shaking his head vigorously.

"Uh...huh," I say disbelievingly. "Well, Bill's on his way over. Thought you should know."

"All right. Thanks, Tonks," Sirius goes to stand up, but I wiggle my head.

"Wait! I'm not finished yet! Is Remus there?"

Sirius starts to nod, but apparently changes his mind halfway.

"Ye - no."

"What?" I ask, startled. "Is Remus there or isn't he?"

Sirius glances at someone to the side. Then he shakes his head again. "No, he's not."

"Really?" If I were standing, my hands would be on my hips about now. "Then who's in the kitchen with you?"

"With me?" Sirius is obviously thinking fast. "No one."

"Really? Then who was laughing before?"

"That was...Kreacher! Kreacher was laughing...you know how he hates me."

"Right." I'm feeling bewildered by all this. "Well, where is he?"

"He's gone...for a walk."

"A walk?"

Sirius nods his head again.

"Umm... all right," I say, feeling hurt. "When he gets back, let him know I asked after him, okay? I'm not sure I'll be able to make our date tonight, I'm s...sick..." I trail off as I start coughing again.

Sirius grimaces and leans back. "I can see that," he says dryly.

I shoot him a filthy look. "And if you see Charlie, tell him he can't move to Guam. They still behead people over there."

Sirius nods and I pull my head out of the fire. Everything spins and then I'm staring at the fire on my knees.

I stand up, feeling bewildered and hurt. Sirius was lying - Remus was in the kitchen. Didn't he want to talk to me?

Feeling utterly exhausted, I head back to my bedroom and crawl under my covers. As my eyes close, I hear myself mumble something.

"Break my heart Remus Lupin, and you'll be receiving a germaphobe kettle for a belated housewarming present!"

Authors Notes: Well, what did you think of chapter two? Please review!