The Blind Date

*Sirius*

I may have been locked in Azkaban for the past fourteen years, but I'm not blind.

As Remus closes the door in my face, I try one last-ditch effort.

"Don't leave your best friend like this! We have fourteen years of history to catch up on!"

Nothing. The door stays closed, and I slump against the wall as my mother starts shrieking behind me.

"Shut up, you old bat!"

The hangings over the portrait thump shut again and I sigh. This house is so depressing when I'm here alone.

Fine. I'll have a drink, then.

I'm on my fourth glass of Firewhiskey when I hear footsteps on the stairs.

"If that's you, Moony, I'm not talking to you!" I call.

Molly Weasley appears at the bottom of the stairs. "It's just me, Sirius."

"Oh." I take another sip of my Firewhiskey. Molly approaches me.

"Where's Remus?"

"He nicked off a couple of hours ago," I say, moodily staring into my glass. "It's just me."

"Oh." Molly comes closer and takes a seat with a sigh. "I'm a little early, aren't I?"

"For what?"

"The Order meeting."

"The Order...What time is it?"

"Almost five."

"Oh." I look up from my glass in time to see Molly eyeing the Firewhiskey bottle with some interest.

"Molly?" I enquire. "Would you like some of my Firewhiskey?"

"Oh, no, thankyou," Molly says immediately, primly rearranging her robes. "Never touch the stuff."

"Are you sure?" I hold out the bottle to her, and Molly wavers.

"Oh - all right. Just one glass," she says, smiling. I jump up and grab another glass, pouring her a generous amount. She smiles again as I hand it to her.

"Thanks."

With that, she downs the entire glass in one go, and then coughs and splutters.

"Ah, Molly, you're supposed to sip it," I say, staring at her with a newfound respect.

"Oh. Oops. Oh well!" she says brightly. "Pour me another and I'll do it properly!"

I do so with a feeling that maybe I shouldn't be doing this. But then Molly takes the glass.

"Well, cheers!" She raises the glass and takes a hearty gulp, half-emptying the cup.

"Molly, are you all right?" I ask, astounded that Molly Weasley is drinking like a sailor.

"It's just so lonely at home," she suddenly babbles, taking another gulp and draining her glass. "With the kids off at school, and everyone else at work...and you're here, so...I thought I'd come and keep you company."

I feel a newfound affection for the older woman, and smile. "I hear that," I say. "Another?" She nods.

Half an hour later, I'm on my second Firewhiskey, and Molly is drinking out of the bottle.

"So," she slurs. "Then I say to him 'Arthur, if you want to look at my knickers, all you have to do is ask!'"

I snort into my glass as Molly waves her arm around, and sloshes Firewhiskey all over herself. She then proceeds to lick the Firewhiskey off her own arm.

"Waste not want not!" she says cheerfully.

There's a sudden band, and Remus walks into the kitchen. He looks around cautiously, as if afraid I'm lurking in a corner.

Heh. Coward.

"Oh, hello!" he says, catching sight of Molly. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi, Moony," I say sarcastically. "Did you have fun leaving me here by myself?"

Remus ignores me as Molly grins up at him.

"Remus!" she says, sloshing more drink over her. "We were jus...jus...just talking about you!"

Remus takes one look at Molly's bloodshot eyes and rounds on me. "What did you do to her?" he hisses.

"Me? Nothing!" I protest. "She...wanted a drink."

"A drink?" Remus raises an eyebrow, hurrying towards the table to inspect Molly at a closer angle.

"Is she drunk?" he whispers at me incredulously over his shoulder as Molly grins up at him dazedly.

"No!" I say.

Molly suddenly raises her arm and takes another swig from the bottle. "This stuff is bloody fantastic!" she shouts. "I don't know why I've been such a tight-arse all these years!"

Remus wheels around, looking at me furiously.

"Okay, maybe a little," I amend. "But look at her - she's happy!"

"Too right I am!" Molly says, jumping up. "I feel like...like dancing on this table!"

Before either of us can stop her, she jumps up onto the table and begins gyrating wildly, drinking from the bottle as she does so.

"What in the name of Godric bloody Gryffindor is going on here!"

Remus and I stop trying to coax Molly off the table and turn at the sound of the new voice. Tonks stands there, obviously trying to keep a straight face.

"Sirius - " Remus is pointing at me, " - got Molly drunk!"

"Whaaaaat?" Tonks hurries forwards, still trying not to laugh. "How did that happen?"

"She's a cheap drunk," I say shortly, trying to take a hold of Molly as she dances on the table.

Tonks is now giggling. "You'd better get her down off that table," she says. "Dumbledore and Arthur are here."

Great, what a combination. Her husband and the most powerful wizard in the world.

"Molly," I say, very softly. "Don't you want to get down from there?"

"No!" says Molly.

"In her defence, it does look fun," Tonks says thoughtfully.

"Not helping!" I say through gritted teeth.

Remus suddenly reaches up and, with a strength I didn't know he had, grabs Molly and hauls her onto his shoulders.

"Wheeee!" Molly yells.

"Moony, you've got more strength than I give you credit for!" I say.

Tonks shrugs. "He carried me up the stairs last night."

I wheel on Remus. "What?"

"Not now, Sirius!" Remus snaps, trying to hold onto Molly. I reach over and the two of us are able to place her feet on the floor. Not that she can stand.

"Hey, Sirius," Molly giggles, clutching the front of my robes. "I'm seeing two of you, geddit?"

"You prat!" Tonks whispers. "What're we going to do?"

"Give her more booze?" I suggest.

"Be serious!"

"No." Molly looks blearily over at Tonks. "I'm Molly. He's Sirius."

"Hello everyone...Molly?"

Great. And now Arthur and Dumbledore are here.

"Arthur!" Molly cries as if she hasn't seen him in a week. She moves away from us before we can stop her, and totters to her husband, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Molly?" Arthur looks perplexed and Tonks, Remus and I stare at the floor, trying to look innocent.

"Me and Sirius were just talking," Molly slurs. "We were talking about Remus and Tonks."

Two pairs of heads shoot up and glare at me. I give Tonks and Remus a sheepish smile.

"Really?" Arthur still looks uncertain.

"Yes!" Molly nods her head. "I think they make a cute couple, and Sirius agrees. I think all they need is a good shag, and..."

"Molly!" Arthur exclaims as Remus starts coughing and Tonks' hair turns bright red.

Oops.

Arthur sniffs his wife suspiciously. "Have you been drinking?" he asks in disbelief.

"Maybe jus a little." Molly tries to indicate with her fingers just how much she's drunk, but the Firewhiskey bottle is in the way. So she takes a swig from that, instead.

I can't help but let a snort escape my lips. Arthur glares over at me.

"Okay," he demands. "Who's gotten my wife drunk?"

Silence.

"Oh, dear," says Dumbledore from his position next to Arthur. His eyes are dancing merrily and I have a feeling he's enjoying this.

Then again, it is pretty funny.

"Sirius!" Arthur doesn't even glance at the other two. "It was you, wasn't it?"

I'm insulted. Why does everyone always think it's my fault?

Okay, in this instance, it sort of is. But still...

"I'm sorry, Arthur," I apologise. "I'm not sure she knew how to drink Firewhiskey properly."

"She hasn't had a drink in twenty years!" Arthur says in desperation. "Of course she didn't know how to drink it properly!"

"Hey, Arthur," Molly pipes up. "Speaking of a good shag...I know I told you that, after seven children, I never wanted to do it again, but..." She waggles her eyebrows.

This time I can't help it. I burst into peals of laughter and Tonks joins in. Even Remus smiles. The corners of Dumbledore's mouth twitch as he looks over at Arthur, whose ears have gone bright red.

"Molly!" he exclaims.

"Maybe you should take her upstairs, Arthur?" Dumbledore finally suggests, smiling.

Arthur nods. "All right. Come on, Molly."

He starts to lead Molly out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

"You're such a sexy man," we hear Molly babble. "Even with that bald spot...do you think they'd miss us if we didn't come back down? Arthur? Arthur?"

I hear Arthur stammering excuses and shake my head, still laughing. I turn and come face-to-face with Dumbledore.

"Maybe it might not be a good idea to offer Molly another drink in the near future?" he suggests, and I nod, trying to be serious.

"Of course."

"All right." Dumbledore smiles. "It's certainly the beginning of a meeting I won't be forgetting in awhile."

I see Remus and Tonks give each other a strange look behind Dumbledore's back and I chuckle again.

"Nope, me either."

**********

After another boring Order meeting, where shifts for guard duty are handed out (and from which I am excluded), the group breaks up, and Tonks heads for the bathroom to get ready for her date.

Remus stays in his chair, staring moodily into the fire, while I walk to the door to say goodbye to everyone. Arthur and Bill walk past me last, supporting the weight of a snoring and unconscious Molly between them.

"I'm really sorry, Arthur," I say again at the door.

"Not everyone can drink like you, Sirius," says Arthur tiredly. "Especially not my wife."

I nod guiltily. Bill leans close to me.

"I think it's bloody brilliant," he whispers to me. "Mum really needed to let her hair down."

"I heard that!" says Arthur crossly. "And if you think it's so fantastic, you take care of your mother tomorrow when she has a blistering hang over!"

Bill just grins and helps his father haul Molly out of the door, still snoring blissfully.

Remus suddenly appears at my side, still looking moody.

"Tonks gone yet?"

"Nope," I say, turning to him. "It's not too late, you know."

"For what?"

"To tell her you looooooove her!"

"Bugger off, Sirius!" Remus says.

"Oh, come on, I'm joking with you! Get it?" I nudge him in the side, but he doesn't seem to be paying attention to me. His mouth is slightly open and he's staring at something down the hall.

"Moony? Moon - " I turn and my voice trails off.

Tonks is standing there. Except it isn't Tonks.

Well, it is Tonks, but not like I've ever seen her before.

She's got long, strawberry blonde hair that falls in curls to just below her shoulders. Her eyes are a sapphire green similar to those of Harry's. But that's not the most shocking thing.

She's wearing a dress.

A very nice dress.

It's blue and sort of hugs her body in all the right places. Since I've never seen Tonks in anything but trousers, T-shirts and standard robes, I can understand why Remus has gone quiet.

"Wow," I give a low whistle. "You look hot!"

"You think so?" Tonks tugs at the hem of her dress self-consciously.

"Yes," I say decisively.

Tonks smiles. "Remus?" she asks. "What do you think?"

I look over at Remus and suppress a smile. He looks like he's been hit over the head with a mallet. Finally, he clears his throat.

"You look fine," he says.

I do a double take.

"Fine?" Tonks repeats, echoing my thoughts.

"Yes." Remus nods. "Fine."

There's a nasty silence.

"All right," Tonks says coolly. "Well, I'd better be going."

"I'll walk you to the end of the street." Remus starts forward.

"Don't bother," Tonks snaps, shrugging his hand off her shoulder. He looks stunned and hurt.

He really is clueless, sometimes.

Tonks stomps out the door without another word, and slams the door behind her.

I turn to Remus, who still looks stunned.

"Look what you did!" I accuse.

"Me? What did I do?" Remus is heading away from me and going into typical Remus suppress-everything mode.

"No, no, no!" I hurry after him. "We're not done here!"

"Yes, we are." Remus suddenly turns on his heels, his wand pointing at my chin.

"No fair, Moony, holding a wand on a defenceless best friend!" I protest, holding up my hands.

Damn. I really should remember to keep my wand on me at all times. Especially if Moony is going to start getting PMS.

"Just leave me alone." With that, Remus turns away and stomps up the stairs. I hear his door slam.

And I'm alone, again.

Greeeeat.

I hurry down into the kitchen, snatch my wand up off the kitchen table, and thunder back up the stairs, into the hall, and up another flight of stairs.

Wow. I need to exercise more.

I come to a stop, panting, outside Remus's door. I'll bet you anything he's laying on his bed, brooding. I raise my wand.

BANG!

Remus hurtles out of his room, his face white and wand out, looking for the source of the noise. When he sees it's me, he makes a very angry sound.

"Did you just make that thunderbolt in my room?" he demands.

"Me?" I deadpan innocently.

"Yes!"

"What were you doing in there, anyway?" I expertly dodge the question.

"I was trying to sleep."

Considering it's only half-past seven in the evening, that's Remus-speak for brooding.

See, what'd I tell you? Ten points and a Mexican hat dance to me!

Maybe I've been in this house too long.

"Okay, look." I sling an arm around Remus's shoulders. "I think it's time we had a talk. A proper talk. No more kidding around, all right? Come with me."

Remus looks dubious, but follows me down the stairs, and down the stairs again to the kitchen. I walk to the kettle and look over at him.

"Cuppa?"

"No booze?" Remus asks, sitting in one of the chairs.

"No," I say, looking at him seriously. "This is not a talk which requires alcohol."

Remus looks surprised. "Really?"

"Yes." I tap the kettle and it begins to whistle. Pouring the hot water into two mugs, I stir quickly and then bring the mugs to the table.

"Here." I pass one to Remus, who takes a grateful sip.

"Thanks."

"Now." I fix Remus with my very best serious look. "I want you to tell me why you were so mean to Tonks."

"I wasn't mean to her." Remus looks genuinely surprised.

"You said she looked fine."

"She did look fine."

"You hurt her feelings."

"I - I did?" Remus falters, and a flicker of something passes in his eyes.

"Yes, you did," I say severely, taking a sip of my own tea. "Now, do you want to tell me what the bloody hell is going on?"

Remus hesitates. "I don't know," he says finally, a trace of desperation in his voice.

"Okay, let's start with the simple." I put down my mug. "Why did you tell Tonks she looked fine when I could tell by the look on your face that you wanted to jump her?"

Remus grimaces. "So elegant," he mutters, taking another sip of his tea.

"Don't evade the question."

"I - I guess..." Remus sighs. "It was selfish on my part. I knew she'd dressed up for her date, and I didn't like it. So - I suppose I wanted to hurt her feelings."

I'm surprised. Remus was honest. Nice.

"So you're jealous?" I ask.

Silence.

"Remus?" I prod. "Come on, it's me - Sirius. You can tell me. I'm not going to make fun of you."

More silence.

"Yes," Remus admits finally.

"Yes!" I jump up from the table and do a mini-victory dance. "I knew it! I knew it!"

"Okay, that's it." Remus goes to get up from the table, but I grab his shoulder.

"Oh, don't have a cow, Moony," I say, sitting down as well. "Now - why were you jealous?"

"Because Tonks gets to leave while I'm stuck in this house with you?" Remus shoots back at me.

"Ouch. That was below the belt, Moony."

"Sorry," Remus mutters, staring into his mug.

"Let's cut to the chase," I say. "You like Tonks, don't you?"

Silence.

"Come on," I prod. "You'll feel better if you just admit it."

Remus sighs, taking a sip of his tea.

"Oh, by the way, I put some Veritaserum in your tea," I add casually.

Remus spits out the tea he's just put in his mouth and it flies across the table.

"Just kidding," I say nonchalantly, taking a sip of my own spit-free tea.

"That's not funny, Sirius!" Remus says angrily, wiping up the mess he's just made with his wand.

"Get a sense of humour, why don't you?" I shoot back. "Now, just admit it!"

"No!" Remus is glaring at me.

"Do it!"

"No!"

"Go on!"

"Stop badgering me!"

"Then admit it!"

"All right!" Remus shouts, standing up and knocking his chair over. "I love her, okay? Okay? I'm head-over-heels, smack-down-drop-out in love with her and I can't stop thinking about her and I've never been more miserable! Okay? OKAY?" Remus finishes and stares at me, breathing heavily.

Okay. I'm not sure he meant for that to come out.

"You love her?" I ask quietly.

Remus is quiet for a few second, and then he drops into a chair, his head in his hands. "Yes," he groans.

"Hey, Moony, that's deep."

He raises his head and gives me a withering look.

"Okay, look." I lean forward. "I'm not much on the love thing since I left Azkaban, but I do remember a thing or two. And, buddy, I'm pretty sure she's into you, too."

"Really?" Remus looks hopeful.

"Uhh...Yeah. What are you, blind?"

Remus groans again, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter, anyway. Nothing's ever going to happen."

"It's not?" I'm perplexed by this.

"No," says Remus, his head back in his hands. "I'm too old for her, I'm too poor, and I'm a werewolf. What could I offer her?"

I stare at him for a few seconds. "Yourself," I finally say quietly.

Moony raises his head again. "What?" he asks.

I shake my head. "Moony, you're a great guy. Everyone seems to know that but you. Why are you always so hard on yourself?"

Remus is silent, pondering my words.

"I don't know about this..." he says doubtfully.

"Well, I do." I stand up determinedly. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" he asks uncertainly.

"You are going after Tonks," I say, moving round to his side of the table. Remus immediately starts shaking his head.

"No, no, no, no, no..."

"Oh, yes," I say, grabbing his arm and hauling him to his feet. "You can't let her get away, Remus. You'll regret it for the rest of your life."

Remus allows himself to be guided up the stairs, his face pale. When I hand him his coat, however, he looks at me with terrified eyes.

"You have plenty to offer," I say gently. "Yourself. You're great, Moony. Remember that, because I don't tell you enough. And I won't tell you again, you great sod."

Suddenly, on impulse, I reach over and pull him into an awkward bear hug, patting him on the back a couple of times. Then I break away, and clear my throat.

"Now - go for it. You'll be fine."

I open the door and indicate with my head that he should leave. He smiles slightly.

"You're kicking me out?"

"You bet your sweet wand I am. Now - get."

Remus looks doubtful.

"If you don't hurry, Dumbledore's nephew is going to put the moves on Tonks. And, seeing how lovely she looked tonight..."

"I'm going, I'm going!" Remus hurries down the steps, slinging on his coat. I stand at the top step for a moment, watching him disappear down the street.

"Good luck," I murmur, closing the door.

"And that," I say to a very startled Kreacher, who's been watching the exchange from the door, "is why I never got married."