The Blind Date

*Remus*

It's almost half-past one in the afternoon before Sirius stumbles into the kitchen, bleary-eyed and yawning.

"Morning," he mumbles, heading for the pantry.

"Afternoon," I correct. Sirius just groans, groping around in the pantry for some object unknown to me.

"Looking for something?" I enquire mildly, sifting through the Prophet leisurely. Sirius throws me a disgusted look, walks to a kitchen chair, and plops down on it, his head in his hands.

"Damn you and your werewolf metabolism. I hate having a hangover when you don't."

"Maybe you should blame the four bottles of wine you and Tonks managed to drink your way through last night," I offer, smirking slightly.

"Tonks?" Sirius raises his head. "Oh, yeah. Where the bloody hell is Tonks, anyway?"

"At her house."

"At her - Moony - " Sirius is looking at me like I'm an idiot, " - you didn't let her walk home by herself, did you?"

"Of course not!" I put down my paper. "What sort of person do you think I am?"

Sirius nods. "Good." He picks up a mug and pours himself a cup of coffee. "So, did anything interesting happen last night?"

"After you passed out in Kreacher's bed, you mean?"

"Kreacher's...Oh, bugger."

"Hmm, yes. Kreacher wasn't too happy with you, Sirius. I think he may just try to poison you in your sleep."

Sirius brushes off this comment, and I get the feeling it's not the first time someone's made that suggestion. "So, what happened?"

I shrug, keeping my eyes determinedly on the tabletop. "With what?" I ask innocently.

"With what?" Sirius rolls his eyes. "Don't play dumb, Remus. With Tonks."

"I walked her home."

"And?" Sirius prompts. I look up.

"And...nothing," I say woodenly. "Well, actually, she tried to run away. But I caught her," I add, catching Sirius's startled look.

"You walked her home?" Sirius asks. "That's it?"

"That's it," I say again.

Sirius just stares at me. "Uh-huh. Okay," he says. I decide to ignore the tone of his voice and pick up my paper again, becoming absorbed in an article on page twenty.

"Oh, by the way," Sirius says, with the air of a man cradling what will prove to be a very large bombshell. "I heard an interesting piece of gossip about our second-cousin last night."

"Your second cousin," I say, slightly confused at to why the thought of Tonks being my second cousin disturbs me.

"Whatever." Sirius waves a hand. "You wanna hear it?"

"No." I determinedly lift the paper so that Sirius can't see my face.

Sirius, never the type of guy to get a subtle hint, grabs the paper and snatches it away from me.

"I was reading that!"

"No you weren't," says Sirius. "You were hiding from me."

Ok, so maybe he can understand subtle hints. He just likes to ignore mine.

"Fine," I say, taking a sip from my cup of tea. "Fire away."

"Good." Sirius looks pleased with himself. "I heard last night that Tonks is going on a blind date."

I blink. "A blind date?" I ask in a rather small voice. Sirius nods.

Hmm. I'm experiencing a funny feeling in my chest. My heart's sort of fluttering, and I've got this sick feeling in my stomach, the kind I get when I'm about to transform... I'm not, am I?

A glance down at myself reveals that there are no furry paws or bloodthirsty fangs in sight.

"Moony?" Sirius is peering at me with what can only be described as barely concealed glee. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." I reach over and try to grab my paper back, but Sirius holds it at arms length.

"No, you're not," he declares, grinning. "You're jealous!"

"What?" I snap, still trying to reach my paper. "Jealous of what, Sirius?"

"Of Tonksie and her blind date," Sirius crows, jumping up from the table.

"Why would I be jealous?" I demand, rising also and resisting the urge to jump on Sirius and throttle him.

"Because you looooooove her," Sirius croons, still dancing out of my reach.

I leap forward and snatch my paper out of his hands.

"Sod off," I snarl. "I am not jealous!"

With this, I turn on my heel and head for the sitting room, Sirius following doggedly at my heels.

Oh- doggedly. Get it?

"Then why are you acting this way?" Sirius demands as I take a seat and raise the paper as high as it will go.

"Because I want to read the bloody paper and you keep interrupting me!" I say in frustration.

The room is silent for a moment and I think I've won. Then I feel heat coming from the bottom of my paper. I look down and let out a yell.

Sirius has just lit my paper on fire.

Sirius - you maniac!" I yell, jumping up and throwing the paper down on the floor, stamping on it to put it out. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Because now you can't hide behind it!" says Sirius in triumph. I growl at him.

"I swear to god, Sirius, if you weren't my best mate, I'd..."

"Oh, save it," Sirius says in a bored tone. "Now, talk to me."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Dammit, Sirius!" I yell, "I am not jealous!"

"Who's jealous?"

Oh God. The one person who could make things worse.

"Come on guys!" Tonks stands in the doorway. "Tell me!"

"No one," I said automatically, slowly sitting in my chair again.

Sirius is looking between Tonks and I, obviously thinking fast.

I swear to Merlin, Sirius - one word, and...

"So - blind date!" Sirius roars genially, darting forward to guide Tonks into a chair.

I groan and resist the urge to face-palm myself.

"Who told you about that?" Tonks asks, obviously mortified by the whole thing.

"You did."

"Of course," she groans, sinking into an armchair. "I'm assuming when I was schnockered?"

"Of course."

I don't like the direction this conversation is heading in. I quickly look around and grab the first book I see. Its title screams up at me: Hogwarts: A History.

Fine. It'll do as good as any other book to hide my face behind and pretend I'm not listening. Books are always good that way.

"So," I hear Sirius continue from behind my book. "Dumbledore's nephew, ey?"

"What?" I lower my book in spite of myself. "Dumbledore's nephew?"

Tonks is blushing. It looks rather becoming on her, and I smile affectionately.

Then I raise my book again quickly as I see Sirius shoot me a look that plainly says- I saw that.

"I didn't mean to!" she protests. "I was sort of...distracted. And Dumbledore cornered me!"

"Yeah, he'll do that when you're not watching. That's how we got roped into the Order."

"Sirius, that's not true," I protest from behind my book. Then I stop.

Wait a minute. Yes it is.

"Yes it is," says Sirius, echoing my thoughts. "Are you telling me that if you hadn't been as hung over as hell, you'd still have agreed to be in the Order?"

"Of course," I say nonchalantly, my eyes fixed determinedly on the book in front of my face. Sirius snorts, and I hear Tonks turn to him.

"What?"

"Moony was so hung over the morning Dumbledore recruited us into the Order. It was the night after James's bachelor party..."

"I was, by the way," I interject, still refusing to put down my book, "the only one not still passed out on the kitchen floor, just to defend myself."

"Yeah, whatever." Sirius is uninterested by trivial things such as fact. "Anyway, it was the morning after. We were, as Remus so rightly points out, still passed out under the kitchen table, and Remus had managed to stagger to his feet and put on a cup of coffee, when who should walk in the door but - lo and behold..."

"Dumbledore?" Tonks guesses.

Sirius nods. I can tell because there's a slight rustling. "I'll never be exactly sure what happened, but when James, Peter and I woke up, we had all somehow been drafted. Remus still isn't sure how Dumbledore managed to do it."

"In my own defence, we were going to join anyway." I feel the need to defend myself, and yet I'm not sure why. Sirius would say it's because Tonks is here.

I disagree. I blame it on Hogwarts: A History. This book is so boring that I feel myself starting to go cross-eyed.

"Whatever," Sirius says again. "So, how old is this guy, anyway?" He changes the topic rapidly and I frown behind my book.

Oh, yes. The blind date.

Why does that bother me so much?

"He flooed me this morning," Tonks explains. "I thought he'd be a hundred and twelve or something, considering he's Dumbledore's nephew, but he's actually quite young. Well, sort of. If you call thirty young," she says casually.

I choke behind my book and start coughing. Sirius leans over and thumps me on the back.

"Good-O!" Sirius says cheerfully. "And just when is this blind date taking place?"

"Tonight." I'm glad to hear Tonks sounds apprehensive. "I'm not sure I want to go."

"Of course you do!" roars Sirius, and I frown again, wishing he'd just shut up. "How long has it been since you've been on a date?" he continues.

There's a slight pause. "A long time," says Tonks in a small voice. I suddenly feel a prickle at my neck and I'm sure she's looking at me. I lower my book slightly, only to find she's staring determinedly at the ceiling.

Fine.

I lift my book again.

Sirius is obviously trying to find another topic of conversation. I can practically hear the wheels turning in his head from behind my book. And then...

"How long has it been since you went out on a date, Moony?" Sirius suddenly blurts out, turning to me.

I feel my face go flaming red.

That's it, Sirius. This month, you're going to be hunted by a very pissed-off werewolf...

"A while." I turn a page in the book.

"A while?" Sirius repeats. I nod, and then remember I'm hiding and he can't see me.

Someone suddenly twitches the book away from my face and I sigh impatiently, ready to give Sirius a right ear bashing. However, the eyes that stare into mine aren't the chocolate-brown I was expecting, but are a rather fetching shade of indigo instead.

"Remus, are there naked women in that book?" Tonks asks, craning her neck to see the pages.

"What?" I feel my face heating up again. "No! Why?"

"Well, I haven't seen your face since I arrived. I've never seen a man stare so hard at a book that didn't have pictures of naked women on them." She smiles, leaning closer still so that I can smell the strawberry-banana shampoo she used this morning.

Is it wrong that I can recognise this woman just by the way her hair smells?

"It's just an interesting book," I mutter. Behind Tonks, Sirius is sniggering into his hand. I shoot him a dirty look. Tonks picks up the book from my lap, and I feel myself blush deeper. I swear my head's on fire. Sirius sniggers louder, and I resist the compulsion to give him a very rude hand gesture.

"Hogwarts: A History." Tonks reads the front cover, apparently oblivious to my red face and Sirius' not so soft giggles behind her. "God, Remus- this book is so boring. I don't believe you're reading this. Interesting?"

"Yeah, well," I mutter. "It's an acquired taste."

"You can say that again," says Tonks, handing me my book and leaning back into her chair again. My heart gives a disappointed lurch.

I sigh inwardly. This is just getting sad.

"So, where are you and this old codger going tonight?" Sirius asks, grinning at me, and I roll my eyes.

Just in case you forgot, Sirius, you're five months older than me. So if I'm old- what does that make you?

Tonks shrugs. "Dunno. I just told him to pick me up here after the meeting. Well, not here," she amends, seeing the startled looks on our faces. "The bottom of number eleven's steps, actually."

Great. So now we all get to see Tonks' date. I can't wait.

My thoughts are becoming slightly disturbing.

Tonks checks her watch suddenly and sighs. "I've got the day off, so I'd better go do some shopping. My cupboards are bare." She rises from her chair. "I'll see you guys tonight for the meeting."

Sirius and I nod and Tonks heads for the door. Just as she reaches the doorframe, she stops and turns.

"Oh - and Remus?"

I raise my eyes from my book.

"Thanks - thanks for walking me home last night," she says hesitantly.

"No problems," I smile. "Any time, Tonks."

She smiles back. "Ok. Well, bye, then."

"Bye."

She doesn't move.

Sirius's eyes are darting between Tonks and I, a huge smirk on his face.

I sit frozen in my chair as a voice that sounds a lot like Sirius screams at me from inside my head.

Say something! Say anything!

What exactly am I supposed to say?

Anything! The first thing that comes to your head!

"Uhh, well..." Tonks is blushing. "Bye, you guys."

"Wait!" I call. Tonks stops and turns back to me.

"Uhh..." My brain has frozen. Damn you, brain. "I...I like your hair," I blurt out. "It smells nice."

Ugh.

Tonks looks startled, but smiles. "Uhh...thanks, Remus. I'll make sure to keep using that shampoo, then. See you tonight."

She exits the sitting room. There's a loud thump and then a whole lot of swearing, followed by Sirius's mothers screaming.

"Sorry!" Tonks calls out as Sirius hurries off to restore order as I sit frozen in my chair, horrified.

'Your hair smells nice?'

I groan and shake my head. What possessed me to say that?

My brain has officially turned on me.

I pick up my book again quickly as I hear thudding footsteps re-entering the room.

"Don't make me set fire to another book." It's Sirius.

"It's Hermione's." I lower the book with a sigh. "Would you like to explain to her why you've destroyed her vast library-esque collection of random books?"

"You can tell her it's because you were being a great big prat." Sirius sits in the chair opposite me, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

"Oh, sod off," I say irritably.

"'Your hair smells nice'?" Sirius asks. "Oh, Moony. I've been in Azkaban for fourteen years and even I could come up with a better pick-up line than that."

"It wasn't a pick-up line!" I say hotly. "Her hair does smell nice. Like...like strawberries and bananas. And...coconuts." I smile slightly as I remember how nice she smelled last night when I kissed her...

"Oh, boy," Sirius says, shaking his head. "You've got it bad."

"What?" I shake myself out of my daydream. "I do not!"

"Do so." Sirius is still grinning like an idiot. "I think you love her!"

"Stop it!" I order. Sirius just shrugs and grins at me.

"I think you should go for it," he says, his eyes twinkling. "Obviously she's quite a deal younger than you, and since thirty is old to her..."

"Would you just shut up!"

"But seriously, old chum." Sirius leans back in his chair. "She seems into you, too."

"Just cut it..." I stop in midsentence. "Really?"

Sirius nods. "Sure."

I'm silent for a moment while I contemplate this. Then I frown.

"I don't think so."

"Fine!" Sirius laughs. "Don't listen to me! It's not like I was the one who always got the girls when we were younger, Moony."

He's right there. But I should still make fun of him, just because I can.

"All right, Dr. Strangelove."

"Who?" Sirius looks confused.

"Never mind."

"So, are you going to go for it with Tonks?"

"No," I say bluntly, picking up my cold cup of tea and heading back down to the kitchen.

"Why?" Sirius whines, getting up and following me.

"Why is it that whenever you don't get your own way you act like a petulant child?"

"Don't deflect the question. Why not?"

"Because!" I throw my cup into the sink and turn to face him. "If you like her so much, why don't you go out with her?"

"Moony, that's just...gross. And slightly disturbing. She's my cousin."

"Second cousin," I correct.

"Yes, all right, second cousin, but still, it's..." He stops and glares at me suspiciously. "Stop changing the subject!"

"Then stop badgering me!"

"Moony." Sirius slings an arm around my shoulder. "Moony, Moony, Moony."

"What?" I said grumpily.

"I'm telling you this for your own good, old friend - you need a good shag."

"Thanks loads," I say sourly, pushing his hand off my shoulder. "But look who's talking."

Sirius doesn't reply to this and I take his moment of silence to escape from under his arm and head quickly up the stairs.

"Where're you going?" Sirius demands, hurrying along behind me.

I grab my coat. "For a walk."

"Dammit, Moony! Don't you go where I can't follow you!"

"Well, come with me then," I say innocently, shrugging on my coat.

"You...you know I can't!" Sirius looked scandalised. "I'm a wanted criminal!"

"Oh, well," I say nonchalantly, turning the front door handle. "See you when I get back."

"Moony! Remus!" Sirius hisses in a stage whisper, too afraid of waking his mother to speak any louder. "This is not over! You have to come back sometime!"

"Bye, Sirius!"

"Don't you close that door! If you close that door I'll shove my wand so far up your..."

I close the door in his face and saunter down the steps, whistling jauntily.

Jealous, indeed.