Luminescence

Luminescence

Draco has been waiting his Dad to tell him secrets. Secrets that his Dad promised to tell him "when you're old enough, Draco-dear". Secrets he knows consider the boy he hates to love and loves to hate, the boy who would never scream his name in the soothing darkness of the Slytherin dorms.

It's only October, but Draco has already learnt lots of important things, most of them much more interesting, useful and dangerous than what they teach you during the lessons. Draco has learnt that Charms and Potions will never get him anywhere, at least not the way his imagination can. Draco has also learnt that Daddy is not always right.

Draco now knows that his parents do not have a happy marriage. Draco knows that they are both much more attracted to him than they are to each other. Draco knows that his Father hasn't wanted Narcissa in that way for as long as he can remember and that his Mother would rather sleep with a house-elf than let Lucius touch any other part of her body than her hand.

Draco now knows that it is love that makes people weak, that it is love that brings down kingdoms, that it is love that makes people plummet off bridges, that is it love that makes the sky gleam in the bloodiest shade of red imaginable just before the sun sets. Draco knows that although his parents are probably not capable of loving, his Dad is, no matter how icy and sinister Lucius always tries to be, proud of him from time to time. Draco knows this is very likely to be something he can one day take advantage of.

Draco now knows that nothing is always what it seems, not even the people you think you know better than they know themselves. Draco knows that everyone has their dark little secrets and hidden desires, even innocent, little girls like Ginny Weasley, and that people are surprisingly willing to believe their own lies. Draco knows that when the tension of carefully stifled emotions and things left unsaid sometimes becomes too dense, it is hard to breathe. Draco knows that even the most decent of people are rarely honest with each other. Draco knows that this can be quite a useful thing to be aware of.

Draco now knows that no one gets what they want every single time around, not even a Malfoy, and when you can't get what you want, you'll have to want what you get. Draco knows that the best way to achieve this is to keep your eyes closed and use your imagination. Draco knows that Blaise Zabini kisses very well considering that he really does like girls, after all. Draco now knows better than to think about Harry when he traces his fingers over Blaise's sharp ribs. Sometimes he'd like to, but he has noticed that everything is much easier this way. Thinking makes things all too complicated to handle.

Draco now knows that acceptance is the way out of this indefinable level of Hell he has been experiencing throughout his school years. Acceptance of the fact that he will never look into those disgustingly righteous, brilliantly green eyes and feel their owner's dry, staggered breath against the bony, delicate hollow in his neck, which really is the only part of his body he is satisfied with.

Draco now knows that everyone gets jealous from time to time, even a Malfoy, and this is best dealt with passively aggressive patience and inconspicuous violence towards lower beings. Draco knows that this is not something one would want to get caught doing. Draco knows one must proceed with caution in situations like this.

Draco now believes that he knows more than the others students at Hogwarts. Draco believes that he knows more than most witches and wizards in this world. Draco believes he knows everything.

What Draco does not know yet is that everyone cries from time to time, even a Malfoy, and this is best dealt with locking yourself into your room and avoiding everyone, even the house-elves, until the fit is over.

This, however, is nothing to be worried about, since it will dawn on Draco soon enough and once it does, his Father won't be that pleased with him at all, because Lucius has never learned that everyone fails, even a Malfoy, and failure is one of the things human beings have never been able to deal with.

****