City Sickness

[Chapter three]

What Then?

Exactly three months, two weeks and six days ago I was standing on a small patio between two nightclubs outside my usual area. I leaned my back against the wall and wondered, if I should just go home or stay out there in the cold. My decision was made for me when I saw a dark-haired young man step outside a jazzclub. He was about my age, and his wind-ruffled hair made him at least remotely interesting. It made him an option.

I groomed my hair back with my left hand and watched him walk through the yard. He wiped his hair away from his face and his eyes reflected the streetlights. I seriously thought my heart was going to stop beating just then.

It was you.

You were there, just about 30 feet away. This was everything I had hoped for. This was what I had been dreaming of for months.

I watched you stroll in the night, hands in your pockets and chin firmly against your chest to prevent the icy wind from getting to the warm flesh of your neck. I remembered what your neck looked like. I still do. I remember everything about you.

Without a moment's hesitation I straightened myself and walked to you.

"Excuse me, but do you happen to know what the time is?"

The words were out of my mouth before I had the chance to think of something suitable to say. You seemed at bit startled when I cut your way, talked to you and looked right into your innocently perplexed eyes. You had no idea who I was.

"S-sure", you stuttered and all I remember is thinking how sinfully delicious that pretty mouth of yours looked right then.

You looked at your silly muggle watch and told me it's half past two. At least that's what I think you said. I wasn't really listening. I was watching. I watched you so intensively my eyes began to ache and I had to blink. I hated to blink. I felt that I was losing some part of you during those split seconds when my eyelids prevented me from seeing your face. I killed my cigarette by picking the furnace between my index finger and thumb and throwing it away. It burned my skin, but I liked the sensation. It seemed to make me more aware of the situation. I shivered into life.

"Half past two?"

You swallowed and I saw your Adam's apple bound a little. I wanted to kiss it. I wanted to taste your skin.

You told me it precisely was 02:27 and I could not help laughing at your adorable conscientiousness. My laughter echoed softly around us. I wished you would have found it even half as suggestive as it was meant to be. My vacant hands went on looking for another cigarette. I couldn't think of anything clever to say, so I decided to be banal.

"Time flies when you're having fun, eh?" It sounded so stupid, so very very stupid and I had to say something in addition. Something. Anything. "Thank you."

How lame was that? You started to look a bit distressed. I saw you wriggle and twist.

"Well, if that was all, I better get going. It's rather late and..."

I lifted an eyebrow and you froze. A hint of a smile crept over my face. I couldn't let you go that easily.

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do to return the favour?"

You didn't answer, just gazed at me for what seemed like a small eternity. Then you cleared your throat and shook your head, getting your hair even more tousled up then before. I couldn't believe you hadn't recognised me yet.

I curled my lips into what I hoped was an alluring pout. I knew I was losing the game.

"Are you sure? You'll never know what you're missing."

You forced a smile, looking somewhat disgruntled. That was not how I wanted to make you feel.

"I'll take my chances. Goodbye."

I shrugged and glanced away, desperately trying to hide my utter disappointment. I looked away until I saw you walk into the night from the corner of my eye. I stood there for a while, waiting for you to look back.

You never did.