Binary Star

Binary Star

1. Zodiac Tour

He never heard the other boy's soft, feline footsteps.

"Stargazing, Potter?"

The voice was a soft, nasal snarl.

Harry's head jerked up and his gaze flew at the door. The Astronomy Tower seemed to materialise around him.

"Malfoy."

It was not a question nor an accusation, merely a statement.

"Sneaking out the dorms to stare at the stars in the middle of the night. This is something only to be expected from you."

Harry did not answer. The other boy stood in the shadows. Harry could not see him no matter how much he squinted.

"I have always preferred the Chinese zodiac myself. Did you know that there are both the snake and the dragon, but no lion?"

Harry remained quiet. Draco had shifted a little and now the moon cast a pale halo of light around him. He looked like some kind of a twisted angel.

"No lion, Potter. No room for Gryffindors. How does that grab you?"

Before Harry could muster an answer, the door had been slammed shut and he heard subdued footsteps from the corridor.

Harry arched his neck and looked up to the royal blue night sky. The stars glimmered capriciously.

It reminded him of the ocean.

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2. Heavenly Body

He stands alone in the middle of the room. His eyes catch occasional glimpses of the starlight, but I can hardly see his face. I always imagine him to look a lot younger than he really does.

I guess I don't want to be reminded of the fact our time together is almost over.

He might look easy and light-hearted, but I can assure you he is not. There is this odd veil of everlasting melancholy around him. It makes him hard to reach and even harder to love.

And it makes it impossible for me to ever have him.

I could have anyone I want. And I truly mean anyone. I don't want to sound bigheaded, but the whole of Hogwarts would fall at my feet if I wanted it to.

I, however, don't.

It is very cold. So cold I can feel my bloodstream slowing down and finally dying. I can feel my soft tissues turn into icy slush that detaches itself from my bones. My skin freezes and becomes fragile like ice. It's almost as if I couldn't feel myself any more, and yet it aches.

So this is how it feels like to be a porcelain doll. So fragile. So cold. So not alive.

I freeze to the bone and there is nothing I can do to stop it. And I love it. I am fascinated by my own helplessness. I want someone to rescue me.

Would he do it?

He is an idiot. There he is, standing and staring at the stars while I am here and freezing to death.

What if I threw myself at him? My frozen body would crash against his warmth and I would break into a million pieces just like an icicle that falls off an eaves and meets the ground's shattering embrace. I'm not sure just how sharp the splinters can be. Sharp enough to break his skin, I'm sure. They would become scattered all over him, burying themselves into his warm flesh. Under his skin. Inside him.

Isn't that where I've always wanted to be?

I draw a deep breath and get ready to shoot the Insult of the Day.

"Stargazing, Potter?"

It never comes out the right way. It always sounds much better in my head, before I have said it out loud. Much more offensive. Much more powerful. It always loses it's efficiency the moment it escapes my lips. I guess its because of my voice. I never liked my voice.

He turns to look at me. It makes my lungs cave in and I feel dizzy.

"Malfoy."

I never really understood how he can be so bloody laconic and calm all the time. Like nothing touches him. His voice is casual as he utters my last name. Like it was nothing special. Like it was just a name.

It is not one of those arousing, breathy snarls he coddles me with occasionally. It is nothing special.

I know it isn't much, but I will take this to bed with me tonight and repeat it in my mind over and over again as I touch myself.

It's all I've got for tonight's daydreams. Better luck next time.

I bite my lip and spit out yet another offensive sentence.

"Sneaking out the dorms to stare at the stars in the middle of the night. This is something only to be expected from you."

He remains quiet. God, I hate it when he does this. I'll have to continue. The silence feels deafening. I shiver a little under my cloak and pray he does not notice it.

"I have always preferred the Chinese zodiac myself. Did you know that there are both the snake and the dragon, but no lion?"

Still no answer. I am getting tired of standing here. I move a little so he can see me better. It is always easy to ignore a person you don't have to look in the eye. Let's see how he likes this.

"No lion, Potter. No room for Gryffindors. How does that grab you?"

I won't stay and wait for an answer. I'm sure there would be none. And I can't have that. I am going to be the one who leaves first. I think I am entitled to it.

I storm out of the Astronomy Tower and collapse against the door. I tremble uncontrollably and swallow every single whimper trying to escape my lips.

I close my eyes and I feel like drowning into the air. I don't dare to open them. I stumble down the stairs by some blind instinct. I have never been this scared in my entire life.

If I keep my eyes closed for long enough, I can see the stars. That's the only way I'll ever see them.

***