Draco Suddenly Cares

(Harry Potter is walking down the hall, sneezes when passing Draco Malfoy)

Draco: Sizzling Salamanders! Potter, you're sick!

Harry: What? I'm not--

Draco: Don't panick! Just stay, calm! (pulls out two-way mirror) Doctor! A friend of mine is sick! He needs medical attention! He may already be in excruciating pain!

Harry: Malfoy you moron! I'm not sick!

Draco: Don't deny your life threatening condition! I called him and he's free. (pulls out eraser) Here, catch!

Harry: Wha!? (catches it, feels wooshing and realizes it's a portkey) Malfoy, you bastard! (Is in white room lying on a table with his hands and legs cuffed).

Hermonie: Harry! Oh Harry! We came as soon as Malfoy told us!

Harry: (looks up to see Ron, Ginny, and Hermonie) How the heck did you guys get here!?

Ron: Long story. Wait, no it isn't.

Harry: Whatever, get me outta here!

Hermonie: Harry, you're sick, you can't go yet.

Harry: I am not sick!

Ginny: Be brave Harry, be brave.

(Doctor comes in. note: he's sort of a hippy)

Doc 1: Dude, still in bed? Well must've been a late night. Uh heh heh heh just kidding. (Harry looks around in fear) My client explained everything. It seems that you caught something. Major bummer. Lets see if we can, you know, hook you up with something to take the pain away huh? How's that sound?

Harry: Somebody help me!

Hermonie: Don't worry Harry, he'll cure you.

Harry: CURE ME!? This guy sounds like he's been smoking something illegal!

(Ginny weeps)

Hermonie: (pats Ginny's shoulder) Don't worry Ginny, Harry will be fine.

Harry: Like hell I'm fine! For all we know this guy could be in the order of the legalization of the cannibis!

Doc 1: Oh dude, better get to work.

(Doc 2 and 3 come in)

Doc 2: Vell vell vell, lets see what we have he-a.

Doc 3: Oh Pawter-san, you'we vewy tense.

Doc 1: Group therapy? Groooovy, I like totally dig those.

Harry: Oh god.

Doc 1: Welp, first we gotta do the shot. It'll like calm your nerves you know.

Harry: Augh! The needle went clear through my arm! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'M DYING!!! I hope you've paid your malpratice insurance you quack! Where's my mom!?

Hermonie: I think he's lost his memory.

Ron: Nah, just his mind.

Ginny: Harry the needle hasn't even touched you!

Harry: I'm practicing! I want my mommy and daddy and grandpa and--

Hermonie: Oh for god's sake Harry! They're only trying to cure you!

Ron: By the way mate, what have you come down with?

Harry: I sneezed god dammit!

Hermonie: Y-you what? What do you mean 'sneezed'?

Harry: As in 'hachoo!'

Ron: That's it?

Doc 1: Oh dude. He lives! He lives! Ok bye.

Doc 2 and 3: Bye!

(the three doctors leave)

Ginny: (skipping and singing) He lives! He lives! All he did was sneeze! He lives! He lives! And Ron's breathe smells like cheese!

Ron: Whew, that's a reli- hey! My breath does not stink like cheese!

Hermonie: I'm just glad you're alright Harry.

Harry: Yeah whatever. Let's go.

(Draco comes in)

Draco: So Potter, are you feeling better?

Harry: You! I'm gonna- your gonna! KILL!

Draco: What's wrong?

Harry: (crazy smile on his face, he has a needle) Just come over here for a second.

Draco: You're crazy!

Harry: Crazy!? Me!? I'm not crazy! Hahaha, AHAHAHAHAHA! (everybody stares at him) Ok, I can see where the cackling might make you wonder.

Draco: Oh save me! (runs)

And so, Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermonie chase Malfoy out of the hospital with various surgery tools that I'd rather not name.