Cruel

Draco slammed the door to his room and fell back onto the bed. He could feel the sting of tears beginning and gripped his covers. "No... Not now..." He'd been doing so well. He knew several things: Harry's friends wouldn't approve, his own father wouldn't approve, the Dark Lord wouldn't approve.

Pain seemed to drown his chest, working it's way up and down his spine. Nothing physical; just painful emotion gripping his body, forcing the tears to come. But it felt like nails in his spine, the Dark Lord himself gripping his heart. He'd managed to avoid Harry for so long. He hadn't expected the dark-haired boy to show up in the dungeons. Just thinking about him, he forgot the tears which now tickled his cheek and stared upward, trying to see the stars through the many levels of castle.

The room spun with unanticipated emotion, flowing freely from him now. It felt like he was drowning. He couldn't live this way. He would either die from this pain in his chest, making him see light that wasn't there, or he would die by the Dark Lord's - or even his father's - hand. But the physical pain would mean nothing now.

Harry felt weak by the time he reached the Gryffindor rooms. He muttered the password and slunk in, past everyone, without a word. He thought getting to talk with Draco would help. He'd felt so powerful, holding the smaller boy up against the wall, knowing he had control over the situation. He'd gotten his point across, and he'd changed something in Draco's mind. He could see it in those stormy gray eyes.

He stumbled into his bed and just lay there, feeling empty. When he'd left the Slytherin, he was on this euphoric high. Like the world was suddenly complete and at peace. What happened? He remembered Draco draped around him. The feeling of warmth and comfort, even if he hadn't appreciated it at the time. He wanted to feel it again. Needed to feel it again.

NO! he screamed at himself. He didn't need Draco. Finally, he steeled himself. He'd been deep in this pit of despair before, with everyone trying all they could to get him out. This time he would save himself. He didn't need anyone. Not even Ron and Hermione. He could do this. He had to.

But don't ignore them, a small voice said, as he remembered the looks on their faces. Even if he felt he didn't need them, they needed him. Maybe that wasn't so bad. No, he wouldn't forget about his friends this time. He wouldn't just leave them out. There was another way. There's always another way.

Christmas was coming up, and as such, festivities were all about the castle. Sure, they weren't as pleasant as those of Christmases past, but they all needed a little joy. Outside the castle had become a war zone. Many were scared to go back home to their parents, some had no parents to return to. Then, there were those who were delighted to be home. Draco was not one of these. Thankfully, his father had forced him to stay anyhow. He had a good feeling why, as well.

For Harry, this meant he would be "alone" for the holidays. Ron and Hermione were going to Ron's for the holidays, Ron wanting to tell his family about everything that had happened in person. But for now, that was a long way off. His greatest worry at the moment was trying to figure out who to take to the Yule Ball. His answer had originally been quite simple: Not going. However, Hermione's pleading did wonders against him. It was almost annoying, in a way too sisterly sort of way.

In fact, he'd decided that Hermione was born simply to be that annoying big sister he never had. He could always simply not go, but Hermione likely had "spies" around to keep an eye on him. Ever since that particular night, no one had taken an eye off of him. So brief appearance, then leave. Simple.

Except he and Draco had been going through the same thing the past week: Pansy's big mouth. Apparently she'd been so upset by what Draco had done, she sent so far as to get the bit of gossip to Gryffindor tower. It was easy to disbelieve her if you were a Slytherin. She was not only the biggest gossip, but had something against Draco ever since he turned her down at the beginning of the year, saying she was annoying, idiotic, and lacked a well-mannered appearance. However, the first-year Gryffindor girls were excited at the prospect of the two hottest guys at school possibly going out. Not that Draco and Harry exchanging glances helped any. When one wants to believe something, the most hating glance was suddenly hiding some sort of secret.

Once most of Gryffindor tower had convinced themselves, the story had expanded to Harry kissing Draco in the hall, and even the Slytherins believed it. After all, many Gryffindors and Ravenclaws swore that the friends of their friends even saw the two together late at night. Only those closest to the two boys knew this was far from the truth. The two boys, however, were somewhere between fantasizing the stories were true and wanting to curse every person who teased each of them.

Draco had his own ways, however. At this point, his way involved pulling Pansy off to the side, slamming her against a wall, and asking if she was staying for the holidays.

Wincing, Pansy grabbed at Draco's wrists. "Why do you want to know?"

He snarled at her. "I'm going to that stupid ball, and I decided to take you with me."

"If this is how you ask a girl out, I can see why you're asking me." She managed to pull away. "And why the hell should I go with you?"

He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Avada Kedavra."

Her eyes widened in fear. "Y- you wouldn't..."

"I heard the reports as clear as you. Your parents are gone. Without a patron, your chances of becoming a Death Eater are slim. Anyone could very easily say you'd become a spy for the other side." She paled and slumped against the wall. Draco backed away and smirked. There was a reason he was above all of them. "I'll pick you up at 7:30, then?"

Pansy only buried her face in her hands and cried. He only walked away.

Once he was in the privacy of his room, he leaned heavily on the door, gripping his hands into tight fists. Had he fallen so far? Far enough he didn't care what happened to others? He may had been harsh with Pansy before, but this was beyond. The group of them, the Death Eaters to be, had been very tight and secure. They may have fought, but they could always count on one another. But he'd distanced himself so far. When he thought on it, he wasn't acting himself at all. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why Pansy hadn't fought back.

He shook his head, trying to clear it. Why was he even thinking like this? His father had thought him to be cold and hard. Every year when he went home, he was reminded of why he had to learn not to care. But it seemed Harry had softened him somehow, and somewhen. It wasn't fair. The tears were coming again. He had to break out of this.

"So, who's your date to the ball?" Hermione asked for the millionth time that week.

Harry sighed. "I don't know." After she gave him a look: "I'm working on it, okay?"

She laughed. "Alright, alright. But we leave soon, and I want to see who you're going with before then." Then she leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Ginny's staying."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, Hermione. Enough of that. I'm not taking her."

She gave a small knowing smile. "Oh, I don't mean that."

Then he came to a realization: Whether he took Ginny or not, it didn't matter. Ginny was the spy. He cursed slightly then took a bite of whatever he'd stuck on his plate. When he looked over again, Ron had been telling Hermione something, then kissed her lightly. She smiled and kissed him back.

Harry felt the beginnings of tightness in his chest and glanced over at Draco. Glared at him, hating him for making him feel this way.

Draco looked over, seeing that glare he'd seen so many times. He'd tried talking to Harry many times over the week, but he was either not alone, or didn't want to talk. It felt as though Harry was just brushing him off. But he was falling into those emerald pools. He looked back to his own table, agreeing with whatever it was one of his classmates said.

His thoughts kept returning to the dark-haired beauty, realizing why he'd been so moody these last few days. Of course he was fine ignoring Harry. Why he could keep on. He was still getting attention from the other boy. But now that feeling of being in a person's life was gone, no matter how miniscule it may have been. He wanted it again, but he was afraid he'd missed his chance. But now there was one more attempt he could make: Getting a dance with him at the ball.

As promised, Draco went by Pansy's room at 7:30 on Christmas night and escorted her to the ball. In a moment of frustration, they'd somehow ended up making out in the hall on the way, making them late in entering the dance. Everyone was at tables talking with a few up dancing. He hadn't seen a crowd like this since the Triwizard Tournament. They taken up a place at one of the tables and Pansy went to get drinks.

Draco looked around at the crowd for Harry then sighed. "I would have expected Potter to be here."

"You would, wouldn't you? I would too." Draco looked toward the voice to see it was the other girl at the table. She turned to him, shaking her head. "He even asked me, you know? Took me here real nice and everything. Then he suddenly has this weird break-down and says he can't stay. Next thing I know, he's running out of here."

Draco narrowed his eyes. "And you just let him go?"

She shrugged. "Well, yeah. He's the one who ditched me. Gives me a chance to check out other guys, I guess."

A sharp impulse went down his spine and he had the feeling he shouldn't be there. He stood quickly, knocking over his chair, and raced for the door. But somehow, he had a feeling Harry wasn't there for that. He couldn't be.

Pansy came back to the table and looked around. "Where'd he go?"

The other girl picked up the chair. "Don't worry. My date did that too. Wanna talk?"

Draco ran up to the Astronomy Tower and burst in, seeing Harry sitting in the window. "I knew you'd be here."

Harry glanced over and stood up. "I knew you'd come." He got down from the window sill, walking over intently. "I'm tired of this game. Aren't you?" Draco couldn't speak, but only watched him. "I know what you're feeling. You know what I am too, don't you?" He pressed up against Draco, a leg between the other boy's, getting a pleasant reaction from him. "Like you, I'm tired of crying at night; tired of feeling confused because you're acting different; tired of feeling like I'm on some weird high off of you then crashing; tired of drowning in you."

Draco swallowed hard. Harry was right. He'd felt all that. And more too. "I- I don't--"

"Liar." Harry placed his lips on Draco's, a soft tender gesture, but his eyes were still hard and cold, watching the other boy's, which were wide with shock. He pulled away and their eyes remained locked on each other. Harry then leaned forward and licked Draco's neck lightly, then whispered in his ear: "Meet me out on the Quidditch pitch tomorrow night, when the moon is at it's highest." Then with barely a whisper of sound, he was gone.

Draco slumped to the floor, still in shock. His body was trembling with sensations he'd never felt before. He gripped the stone floor, feeling the cold go through his body. He was no longer empty. This felt real. The cold, the heat of before, still rushing through his body. He was clear, allowing reality to come back though, entrancing him. Yes, tomorrow night... And after, things would finally be different.