My Not-So Immortal

"My Not-So-Immortal"

Harry and Ron turned the corner, and there before them stood the one they feared most: Voldemort.

"I've been expecting you," he hissed.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. We kinda got lost on the way," Harry snapped sarcastically.

"You're gonna pay for that, Potter. But your little friend over here, he's going first. And you're gonna watch him."

A powerful wand pointed at his chest and harsh words flew through the air, "Avada Kedavra!"

Time slowed down as the killing curse headed straight for his heart. Ron tensed and closed his eyes, preparing to die. A few seconds passed, and he blinked his eyes open, shocked that he hadn't died yet. What he saw made him wish he had. Voldemort was dead on the floor, and Harry lie on the floor writhing.

"Harry!"

He rushed over and pulled Harry's head into his lap.

"Ron," Harry strained.

"Shh...we'll get you to the hospital."

"No, Ron. It's over. I did what I was born to do. It's over."

"You can't die on me, Harry. I won't let you."

"I'm dying for you, Ron. Because I love you so damn much."

"Harry, please. Come on, fight this. You can't die on me."

"No, Ron. I--I--," Harry started. But he never finished. His eyes closed and Ron felt the life leave his body.

Ron cried out and held onto Harry's body for hours. How could he leave Harry's body?

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all of my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

Because your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

-Scene Change-

Ron sat up in the middle of the night in the flat that he and Harry had once shared. His hands wandered to Harry's side of the bed, and for a solitary moment, it was as if he could feel Harry's presence lingering there. Ron let the tears fall freely. It had become routine to awake in the middle of the night after a nightmare about Harry's death. He'd been the only one who saw, the only one who knew how Harry had died. Just as Lily had sacrificed herself for her son so long ago, Harry had sacrificed himself for his husband.

No one had known what would truly kill Voldemort. It was love. In his heart so full of hatred, the only thing more powerful was true love. And Harry had filled the entire room with that when he dove in front of Ron and took the killing curse.

"Damn you, Harry," Ron said through his tears. "You should've let me die."

He glanced around the room looking for the box of tissues he kept close by. Their room. This had once been the room where they'd shared so many nights of passion. Shared their hopes, their dreams. The room was full of so many memories. Every where, Harry's things still lay. Ron hadn't the heart to touch them. The room still smelled of Harry, even. If he didn't know better, Ron would swear that Harry had just gone on a long holiday and would return any day. But he did know better. Harry wasn't coming back.

These wounds won't seem to head

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time can not erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I've held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

-Scene Change-

The next morning, Ron Apparated to Hermione and Dean's. He needed to talk to someone, and Hermione was his best choice.

"Hi, Ron," Dean greeted his former dorm mate.

"Hey. Is 'Mione here?"

"Yeah, she's in the kitchen with the baby."

"Thanks."

Ron headed through the familiar house and into the kitchen. Hermione was sitting at the table reading the Daily Prophet while feeding the baby on her lap.

"Hey."

She looked up from her paper and her face fell when she found his expression. "Hi," she said and sat the baby down in its high chair.

"Hey, honey? Can you come feed the baby? I need to talk to Ron," she called to her husband.

"Sure," Dean said as he entered. He began to feed the baby as Hermione and Ron walked to the living room.

"So. Another nightmare, eh?" Hermione said as she said down.

"Yeah."

"Same thing?"

"Yeah."

"Ron, I think...there's too much Harry at your place. You need to...I don't want to say 'get rid of it,' but you need to...put it away. I mean, having to see that stuff every day is probably what causes the dreams."

"'Mione, I can't. I just...I feel so fucking guilty."

"Why do you feel guilty?"

"Because, if it weren't for me, he'd still be alive."

"Ron, he wanted to die for you, you shouldn't feel guilty about that."

"But I do. It's like...he wanted me to stay home. But I said I had to come, so I could save him. But...if I'd have known that it'd be the other way around, I wouldn't have gone."

"Ron, would you sacrifice yourself for him?"

"Of course."

"If you did, and Harry was alive, here talking to me about this instead of you, what would you want me to tell him?"

"That I did it because I loved him. That it was my choice, and he shouldn't feel guilty, and...I guess I'd tell him to go be happy. Maybe even to...find someone else."

"Ron, that's exactly what Harry would want you to do."

"How can I move on, when everything I look at in that damn apartment reminds me of him?"

"Maybe you should move in here for a few months. We've got an extra room, and I'm sure Dean wouldn't mind. I think you need to get out of that apartment and be with friends for awhile."

"You would really let me live here?"

"Sure. Dean's lived with you before, and I shared a common room with you. Besides, we both love you. You need friends right now, and last time I checked, we fit the bill."

"Thank you, Hermione."

"No problem," she said as she hugged him.

-Scene Change-

One week later, Ron found himself packing things up for the move. He had packed everything but Harry's stuff. He just sat, staring at Harry's dresser, almost afraid to touch it. He steeled his nerves and started to cry as he opened the top drawer.

You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

But now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me

Inside he found a stack of notes. He shouldn't read Harry's letters, but the top one said "Ron", so he figured it was addressed to him. Pulling all the letters out of the drawer, he got in bed and began to read through the parchments.

Dearest Ron,

If you're reading this, then I'm dead. And knowing you, it's been almost a year. You always were the one to be sentimental about things.

Look, we're about to go face Voldemort again, and I have a feeling that this time is...it. I didn't want you to come, but you've been insisting. I'm letting you for one reason. I finally figured out what will kill him. True love. The power of our presence will weaken him. That much is certain.

Ron, what I have to do will be one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, but you have to trust me that it's the right thing. Voldemort will try to kill you first. He thinks that seeing you die will hurt me so much that I won't resist when he tries to kill me. But what he doesn't know is just how much I love you. I love you so much that I'm going to sacrifice myself for you. And the power of the love in my heart will kill him. For good this time. I know that life's gonna be hard for you, but I want you to understand something. This is my decision. Don't feel guilty. I love you and I always have. You've been right by my side through everything. And I won't get the chance to do the same for you. But my heart, my soul, my spirit, the very essence of my being, that's eternally yours. I'm with you in your heart.

I want you to be happy, Ron. I want you to move on. Have a life. Smile over stupid things that only you think are funny. Sing at the top of your lungs in the shower for no damn reason. But most importantly, fall in love again. I want to see you happy. And I will be looking down at you to make sure you are.

There are a few things I'd like you to do for me, though I'm sure they seem trivial to you. Call Neville. He needs a laugh. Get in touch with Seamus. He feels left out that he's the only one that doesn't live near us and doesn't get to see everyone regularly. Kiss Hermione's baby. Tell her it's beautiful. Give Dean a hug.

Do these things not because I ask you to, but because they're truly the joyous stuff of life. Breathe deep in the fresh air by the Burrow. Squeeze Ginny tight when you greet her.

Live Ron. Never forget to live.

Yours even in death,

Harry

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time can not erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I've held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

Ron stared at the parchment a moment and let his tears fall freely. The next letter in the pile was addressed to Harry. Ron figured it was a love letter he'd written to Harry long ago and unrolled it.

Harry,

From the moment I met you, I knew this was destiny. The look you gave me as our eyes met told me everything I needed to know. You're beautiful, Harry. Absolutely beautiful. There's something I've been wanting to tell you for a long time. I love you. And I want you to love me back. You've been so patient all these years, waiting for me until I was ready. This has become something bigger than the both of us. It's no longer about sex any more. I love you, Harry. I can't believe I do, but there it is. I can't imagine life without you. Meet me by the pitch at 8. I want to see your face one last time before we graduate.

Love always,

Draco

Ron's jaw dropped. This had to be a mistake. Malfoy? Writing a love letter to Harry? HIS Harry.

He carefully unrolled the next letter.

Harry,

I can't believe you'd rather be with the weasel than me. I love you, Harry. You can't be with him. You should be with me. Please. Don't marry him, Harry. There, you got what you wanted. I'm begging you. Don't marry Weasley. Marry me. Be with me. I love you so fucking much, Harry. I don't want this to end. Please, give me a chance.

Love,

Draco

They were still together after Ron proposed? What was going on? The next one was the worst one yet.

Harry,

What do you mean, you love us both? Harry, either you love me or him. And what do you mean we can be together even though your married to him? No, we can't. Please, Harry. Don't marry him. He doesn't love you like I do.

There were tear stains on the parchment, though whether they were Harry's or Draco's, Ron couldn't be sure.

Harry, I--...There's nothing I can say to you to make you understand how I feel. Come over tomorrow night and I'll show you. It's been too long. I want to make love to you all night. I want to feel myself inside of you. I want you to feel my heart pressed against yours. I want you to feel for me what you feel for him. Harry, I just...I want you.

Love you more than you'll ever know,

Draco

Ron ripped the parchment to shreds and picked up the last one in the stack. In Harry's simple handwriting was a letter addressed simply to "Draco".

Draco,

If you're reading this, I'm dead. It's probably been a year since my death before Ron finally scrounged up the balls to go through my things, and he's probably already read this. He's probably found out about you and I by now.

Look, I love you. I love you as much as I love him. Is it wrong that I love you both? You're both so different, yet the same. Draco, when he holds me, my heart does a flip flop. But when you make love to me, it's like I forget about his touches, and can only call out your name. Because in that moment, you're the only one. But...it never lasts longer than that, Draco. Because as soon as it's over, I remember I'm married to him, and I love him. You once said it wasn't about just sex. And it's not. But it's not about true love, either. It's a gray area, somewhere between the two. A cross between lustful passion and destiny. I don't know how to explain it. I do love you, but...it's just different.

You probably don't understand a word I'm saying. And that's okay. I just want you to know that I'll always be with you.

Love you right back more than you'll ever know,

Harry

Ron stared blankly at the parchment. He carefully folded it and called Pig over. He tied the parchment to the owl's leg and sent it to Malfoy Manor. He grabbed a piece of parchment and began to write a letter of his own.

Hermione, Dean, Neville, Seamus, and anyone else who cares,

Why did no one tell me? I know you all knew. You had to. My Harry. My beloved Harry was with Malfoy after our wedding. Suddenly things all make sense in my mind. I've never felt more calm, really.

Hermione, thank you for the offer to stay with you. But I can't. It's time I joined Harry. Please kiss your baby for Harry.

Love you all,

Ron

Ron went to the kitchen, grabbed his cauldron, and began to brew a potion.

I've tried to hard to tell myself that you're gone

And though you're still with me

Half an hour later, he lay in his bed with a cup in his hand. He stared at it a few moments, then tipped it back and polished it off.

I've been alone all along