Crush

It is his hands that bring him to her attention. He has worker's hands. He is someone who has suffered, yet someone who still wants to pitch in with life's chores. She watches him write on the blackboard in class. His fingers are long, chalk-dusted, and knobbly, while the nails are short, and look neatly bitten down.

A true indicator of whether someone is completely in the spirit of living - his or her hands. She recalls in disgust her old Defence Against the Dart Arts professor, with his soft, feminine hands and perfectly manicured nails. Gilderoy Lockhart was a lazy tosser who could never teach the subject like he did. Yes, even with his tired and well-worn face that is too old for him, and his 'silver highlights', Luna Lovegood adores Remus Lupin.

He notices her eyes in class first, staring at him, dilated pupils always fixed on him. Though pale and dull when he sees her outside, her eyes truly come to life in his classroom. He notices the change when she is studying her favourite subject. She studies diligently, and he admires that she can completely knuckle down and work. He wonders if he pushes his first and second year students too far with hard work. But those eyes convince him otherwise. Oh those eyes! He sometimes wonders what it would be like to see them glazed, and rolling back in lust, when someone, he kisses her neck.

These thoughts are totally inappropriate - he is her teacher, a figure of authority, responsibility, respect, and although a werewolf, he is an upstanding citizen. He will not allow himself to be attracted to a child of twelve. He admires her that is all. He is not a paedophile he tells himself over again and again. Any feelings the girl appears to have for him, he will not reciprocate.

Remus is stressed. Sirius Black, traitor to his dear friend James, is on the loose from Azkaban. Young Harry needs protecting from this maniac - so do the other innocent students that might get in Sirius's way. The danger doesn't bear thinking about. The students need protecting from him too. He is a werewolf. Any stray students in the Shrieking Shack, and he is certain to do someone serious injury, if not murder them outright.

Little Luna is not a stress relief he tells himself. He will not make her that. It would dishonour what the child really is; she is so much more than that. He will never touch her. She will never know what he really thinks about her; he will not allow the thoughts of a dirty, not-quite-so-old man to repulse her and scar her for life.

***

She often travels the corridors at night. Her soft footsteps and dark clothes help her to remain mostly unheard and unseen. She doesn't know that she has just passed his living quarters. Wanting comfort, she loiters outside his office to satisfy her need to base him somewhere. Somewhere in the distance, she hears thrashing legs wrapped in a blanket. Professor Lupin is obviously having a bad dream. He is murmuring something. She is curious, and puts her ear to the door:

"No.... No.... Can't do it.... Luna.... Student.... Won't touch her!"

Luna takes her ear away from the door. She feels almost infested with guilt. She shouldn't have intruded, spied on him. He didn't want her to know. He wanted to protect her, and if he hadn't been keeping it a secret, he wouldn't have been so stressed as to cry out in his sleep. She leans against the door, lost in thought. Professor Lupin could never know that she had heard him; she couldn't allow herself to feel the embarrassment and pain of being found out, though it would be a boost in her ego to think a man wanted her. She smiles sadly, turns on her heel, and goes back to bed.