Saccharine Sweetness

Saccharine sickness. A complacent little brat. Your words are like honey, because you never know when you have to eat them. Feigning innocence, and you get away with it. I’m sure under all of the sugared ice lays true emotion. Apathy is a good defense, true, but doesn’t it get tiring? Do you have the need to feel? Gods I’m getting to scare myself. I shouldn't feel this, i shouldn’t think this.

He stared at his own words, they were poetic, something he had never really been. He never tried to be. Never wanted to be. But why in Merlin’s name did he suddenly feel the need to express himself? To separate himself from what he knew and was comfortable with? What he was, what he thought he wanted. But did he honestly know?

He absently traced the scar on his forehead, he didn’t have the energy to worry about anything. But he was, he couldn’t help it. Between school and being the savior of the wizarding world he didn’t have time for anything else. Especially if it happened to be Draco Malfoy. Harry laid back and closed his eyes, sleep was yet long to come

Draco

...I have never hid it from myself, I’m not that stupid. I know what denial leads to, and I’m not one to cradle illusions of reality. Father would just look at me with disdain, but then he always does. The world would hold mix reactions, but then it always does. But anyway. He caught me staring at him, buy he blushed, and of course I sneered. I always do. My mother used to say that honey catches more flies then vinegar, but I can’t very well start being nice, and I really don’t want to. Call it a Sytherin thing, call it a Malfoy thing. Call it whatever the fuck you wish, it just isn’t me. Now if I could only find who the fuck I am. Draco

So what if they think me a ice prince. Draco thought, he didn’t give a flying fuck what the world thought of him. At least that is what he told himself. His arrogance was show, and his confidence wasn’t what his conventional front displayed. He was weak, but strong enough to hide that from the world. In trying so hard to not hold delusions of reality, he created a shield so impenetrable that his visions had become blurred.

So what if I find myself attracted to Potter, it is after all only is body I want. Draco told himself, repeating it in his mind until it became like a mantra. But it was a lie, only a brick in the wall of them that made his life.

Draco

'Cause I'm coming in

With what I wanna say but

It's gonna hurt

And I love the pain

A breeding ground for hate but...

”Honey catches more flies then vinegar, Draco.” The words haunted his dreams. Honey. Vinegar. Cyanide. Cyanide? Where did that one come from. No he wasn’t going to go there. ”I like the look of agony because i know it’s true.” Is that why? Draco’s dreamself asked silently. Is it only because i know it is true? The acute pain. Love? No, love wasn’t true. Agony is, Agony was safe.

Harry

Breakfast. Potions. Muggle Studies. Lunch. Herbology. DADA. Supper. Quiditch practice. A normal day, well if Harry ever had normal days. Another day going about with your friends, who are getting on his nerves, classes, and sports. That’s all it was, another day. Snape breathing down his neck in potions, as always, and Draco. Draco staring at his back for hours, as if he was trying to memorize it. Making jibes at him, as always. Harry ignoring it, as always. Ron always letting it get to him, Hermoine holding him back. And a sarcastic little voice in his mind; Life seems to be getting awful redundant, isn’t it Harry?

Sometime during Muggle Studies (he transferred from Divination) Harry drifted off. The harsh sounds of a guitar made him look up, the song was familiar, but he didn’t know why.

To find my place of hiding

Try to detach, try to decrease

To make it easier on me

Despise myself for what you've done

Sent me back into my world

Hold yourself 'cause no one will

I'll make it easier

”Kill the spare.” Green Light. NO! None of that was real, it was a dream, I’ll wake up soon. But it is your fault Harry, if you hadn’t have been so bloody noble it wouldn’t have happened. Damn that voice, damn the dream. Always the same, always. WHY WAS EVERYTHING ALWAYS THE SAME? Harry screamed in his dream. Why was it always so painful all of a sudden?

Draco

Potions was hell for Draco. Staring at Harrys back until he had it memorized. Thanks the deities that he didn’t have to really work, he had other people to do that for him. So he slipped into a self induced trace. The music from his dream floating into his mind. a breeding ground for hate. Pain can be beautiful, but why does beauty have to hurt? The tortured sound of violins drifting in and out of his mind, followed by haunting more haunting melodies. Finally when that all cleared, when his mind was blank let himself go.

Nothing happened for the rest of the day. He just walked around slinging insults at anyone who even dared to look at him. He didn’t eat, he stayed in his dorm. Away from his fears, away from him Away from the wall of lies he told himself were true.

Harry

Flying he didn’t have to deal with the world. Only the snitch and a stray blugder every now and then. When he was flying he couldn’t afford to think about anything that wasn’t the snitch. Or the fact that they were going to play a scrimmage against Slytherin in a few days. NO that didn’t matter in the air. He could disappear into the game and be free.

But today, today was different. He couldn’t get the song he had heard out of his head. He didn’t understand the meaning. But that voice was there again; Despise myself for what you've done/ Sent me back into my world/ Hold yourself 'cause no one will/ I'll make it easier.” Harry, you know that you should be dead, not Cedric. You know that you aren’t loved, not YOU, no. Everyone is in love with Harry Potter, they don’t know just Harry.

Alicia blew the whistle, snapping harry out of is thoughts. The team landed. She talked to all of them, and called Harry aside.

”Harry what’s wrong, you were just aimlessly flying around.” He didn’t know if she was concerned for him, or the team winning.

“I’m fine Alicia, just worn down.” She seemed to accept this as an answer. “I’m going to stay out here and fly for a bit more. If anyone asks I’ll be back later.” Alicia nodded and walking into the locker room, mumbling about something Harry couldn’t hear. Mounting his broom, he took off. He knew it wouldn’t be long before Ron showed up. They had grow slightly distant in the three months back at Hogwarts. Ron had Hermoine, and she had him, it was sickening almost, to watch them. They seemed so happy with each other. He felt like a third wheel.

He wanted to do something. Something to make sure he was still alive, that he was still human. With break-neck speed he dove towards the ground, pulling up just in time to prevent major injury. His heart was like a hummingbird in his chest. Building up more speed he hurtled through the air with dangerous grace.

Draco

Draco laid back in the grass, pulling his cloak tighter around him, watching Harry fly. He couldn’t help being attracted to him, Harry was everything he couldn’t have. He had respect with out fear, friends, people who cared. Draco life was cold, like him. A sugary sweet mother. He supposed that is were he got his ability to become the “choir boy” when around teachers. His father, a cold, heartless, weak man. And at that moment in time he prayed to what ever major god and minor deity that he could remember, that he wouldn’t become like his father. He would never bow down willingly to another, he would never carry out someone else’s dirty work. Never.

He watched as Harry flung his arms up into the indigo silver sky. He stayed like that. He looked like a god, and Draco found himself wishing that harry was his savior. That harry was his That harry cared. That harry would melt all the ice away, all the ice he knew was there. He curled up into a ball and fell asleep. This is how harry found in an hour later.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

He was beautiful asleep, so innocent looking. Harry didn’t stop to think why he was on the pitch, or what he was up too. Draco’s hair was hanging in his face, he looked almost like an angel. No, my mind isn’t going there. Harry couldn’t help it, his mind was already there.

Kneeling down next to the sleeping boy, Harry held out a shaking hand. Draco woke before harry could wake him.

“What the hell are you doing Potter?” He snapped, grabbing Harry’s wrist and twisting it. He saw the look of pain mixed with fear shoot into Harry’s eyes. He doesn’t have his wand. Dropping Harry’s hand he jumped up feline grace.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that Malfoy?” Harry said, snapping out of his trance. “Spying on me?” Draco walked right up to Harry.

“You, Potter, only know a few tricks that you repeat like a dog.” Harry in a moment of rare anger lashed out at Draco, knocking him to the ground.

Draco sneered. His father never thought muggle fighting was useful, but Draco had. Still on the ground he kicked out with his feet, knocking Harry down. Before Harry had time to react, Draco was on him.

“Pretty boy Potter thought he could fight me? With out his wand at that? I could hex to you Hades and no one would know Potter, I could finally get you out of my life.” He didn’t want to say those words, he didn’t mean them. "Damn it." He said softly, Harry didn’t hear him. He leaned down and kissed Harry.

Harry didn’t have time to react. One moment he is trying to push Malfoy off him, and now is being kissed by him. I shouldn’t like this was his last coherent thought, before he gave into the kiss.

Harry’s mind fought bitterly with his emotions. Trying to get realization to dawn, to tell Harry he was kissing Malfoy. His brain finally won out. Harry froze, shoving Draco off him.

“What the fuck were you doing!?” He yelled, jumping on to his feet. Draco was flushed, his breathing labored.

“Shit.” Was the only thing he said before running away, leaving Harry standing there.

Draco

Shit, shit, and for lack of another word, shit. I kissed him. I fucking kissed him!. I wasn’t going to, fuck, I was going to hex him to hell. But no, I kissed him. Worst of all is, he kissed me back. Sure he has a nice ass, sure he’s easy on the eyes, but I kissed him, and that is unforgivable. Draco

Harry

I was flying, trying to clear my mind. I was immortal up there, I was a god. After that feeling, reality is a bitter pill to take. And this reality was none other than Malfoy. My hands are shaking, and I don’t know if I can even write about it. He kissed me. Draco Malfoy, the boy I’m suppose to hate, and is suppose to hate me, kissed me. And gods, I think I liked it. Albeit, it was violent, something that should have made me fear, but I want more. I want to feel that way again. But my brain reacted, and he ran.

Harry

The year slipped by, leaving Harry to look back and wonder. From the night on the Qudditch Pitch on, he had sunken deeper into his mind. His friends had tried to pull him out, they had tried everything short of going to Professor Dumblebore. He just didn’t have it in him to do more then required. His smiles were empty and fake, and his laughter was seldom heard anymore.

Draco traced the pattern in the snow with his wand. With a flick of his wrist he lit the candles surrounding him. It was an old ceremony. Forgotten by most in the Wizarding world, and attempted by muggles, although, never done right. It was sickening, Draco thought, muggles knowing more about it than Wizards. He sneered at the thought before clearing his mind, and reciting the incantation. The air around him sparking with electricity.

“Harry, come on, you’ve done nothing but sulk this year.” Ron pleaded with Harry, trying to get him to go out and have some fun.

“Just leave me alone Ron.” He said in a deadpan voice.

“Fine! I’m sick of you just acting like it the end of the fucking world!” Ron yelled, drawing stare from other in the common room, before storming out. Harry got up quietly, went upstairs and got his invisibility cloak.

Stepping outside of the castle, Harry let the cold air wrap around him. He walked towards the lake, until a blue glow from the forest drew him. As he got closer, he saw Draco. He was standing in the middle of a strange pattern, reciting something in a strange language. Harry’s thoughts were not that different from Draco’s, the night he saw him fly.

He looks like some ancient god, with his arms raised to the sky. The blue light from the candles framed his silvery blond hair, making him glow and unearthly light. It seemed that Draco was caught up mind, body, and soul into what he was doing. Harry wanted Draco to give that much of himself to him.

Harry stood by unnoticed, soaking up the image of Draco as a glowing god. Wanting to feel......

TBC......