Outward Appearances

Chapter 23: Giving In

Lily stared blankly at the book.

She was pretty sure that she was supposed to be reading it, but for some unexplainable reason there was absolutely no actual reading taking place. Perhaps she should have been concerned about that.

"I think my brain is melting."

Arabella was sprawled out across the bench next to her with a book lying on top of her face. Despite the cold weather, the two of them had decided to do their homework outside for once.

But neither was making much of an effort.

"It doesn't take much, does it?" Lily quipped.

"Shut it, you," Arabella grumbled, throwing a spare quill at her.

Lily sighed and set the book aside. This wasn't working.

She glanced at her best friend. "Bella, what are you doing over the Christmas holiday?" she asked curiously.

"Oh, the usual. Nadine is coming home, and Mum is making her special New Age Christmas dinner. You know, when all of the different cultures are represented through food," she said casually, accompanied with an eye-roll.

Lily smiled. She liked Arabella's mother. "Sounds like fun."

"Why? What are you doing? Exchanging long, sappy love letters with Potter, I'll bet."

It was Lily's turn to roll her eyes. "I'd kill myself before I starting waxing poetic over James. But I do expect long letters from you, detailing everything since I can't stop by this time."

"What are you going to get me?" Arabella asked with a grin.

"A sharp kick in the arse if you don't write those letters. You know how horrible it's going to be for me! I'll be sharing a room with Petunia, and you just know that Vernon is going to be over constantly." She shuddered at the thought.

Arabella laughed. "Are you sure that you don't want to escape on over to my house?"

Lily pouted. "It's not that I don't want to. My parents are determined to get in some mandatory family-time before Petunia's wedding." She snorted. "I don't know why they're bothering. After the wedding, we'll probably never see them again, anyway. Not that I'm complaining, of course."

"Look on the bright side. Maybe Petunia will help you pick out James' Christmas present. It can be a bonding experience."

"James' present?" Lily echoed blankly.

"Don't tell me that you haven't even thought about what you're going to get him?"

"Of course I have," she said automatically.

Oh, no. What was she supposed to get James? Were they even exchanging presents? Maybe their relationship was still too fresh for them to be giving each other gifts. She really hoped so. Buying gifts was one of her least favorite things to do. To make matters worse, she had never had a boyfriend over the holidays before, so she was at something of a loss.

"So, where is the old ball-an'-chain on this fine afternoon?" Arabella asked lazily, her face still hidden underneath the book.

Lily gave Arabella a look, which she obviously couldn't see. "If you're talking about James, then he's at Quidditch practice," she said dryly. "And don't call him that," she added.

Arabella snorted. "Then shouldn't you be at Quidditch practice? Won't Potter be missing you?" she asked.

"Kingsley banned me from the Quidditch pitch during practices," she said casually.

Arabella finally removed the book from her face and looked at her curiously. "Why did he do that?"

Lily grinned. "Because I paid him three galleons."

Arabella laughed. "Poor Potter."

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him."

"Or you," Arabella said helpfully.

"Shut it," Lily said, shoving her shoulder playfully.

"There you two are!"

Lily glanced up and smiled at Mundungus. "Hey, Gus."

"I've been looking everywhere for you," he said as he plopped down onto the bench next to her, looking exhausted.

Lily observed her friend with concern. "You look awful, Gus," she said honestly, taking in the heavy bags underneath his eyes.

"Thanks a lot," he muttered, rubbing a hand over his face.

"You okay, Fletcher?" Arabella asked, frowning.

"Yeah. I just didn't get much sleep," he mumbled. "I had to patrol last night, and Peeves kept leading me around on wild goose chases, pretending to be students out of bed. When I finally caught on, he decided to celebrate getting one over on me by breaking the glass on the trophy case."

"Sorry, Gus," Lily said, trying not to smile. She could just imagine Mundungus jumping around corners-- yelling, "Ah-ha!"-- only to find no one there.

"It's your own damn fault for becoming a prefect," Arabella said unsympathetically. "I told you to slack off on your school work, but noooo..."

"That wasn't even the worst part of the evening," Mundungus said.

"What could be worse than an evening with Peeves?" Lily asked curiously.

He removed his hand from his face and gave her a look that was somehow both accusing and sympathetic at the same time. "Rosier," he said simply.

Lily frowned. She hadn't been expecting that. "What did he do?" she asked apprehensively. "And more importantly, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because it's your fault that he ever came into my life," he said petulantly.

"I didn't give birth to him," she said defensively. "And I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Rosier wouldn't even know that I existed if you hadn't gone out with him in the first place."

"He never did figure out that you exist, Gus, and I still don't understand what you're talking about!"

"Oh, yes, he did," Mundungus said darkly.

"Just spit out whatever the heck he did to make your night miserable!" Arabella finally snapped. "You're driving me off the edge!"

"I caught him in a classroom with that girl--"

"Which girl?" Arabella interrupted.

Mundungus shrugged. "That one with the long, dark hair--"

"McCoy?" Arabella interrupted, again.

"I don't know!" Mundungus said, sounding exasperated. "She's the mean one who shoved us onto the ground. Remember, Lily?"

"Vaguely," she said darkly, feeling annoyed at the mere mention of McCoy.

"What were they doing?" Arabella asked eagerly.

Mundungus gave her a look. "What do you think they were doing?"

"Aw. He's taking her to all of your old classrooms, Lily," Arabella joked. "I guess he's not the sentimental type, huh?"

"Mmn," she murmured noncommittally, twirling a thread between her fingers.

"How did they react to being disciplined?" Arabella asked, clearly amused.

Mundungus grimaced. "Not very well. The girl-- McCoy or whoever-- just shrieked at me, but Rosier started saying some really sick things."

"What did he say?"

"Who cares what he said?" Lily interjected. "I don't know why it matters--"

"Oh, hush, Lily," Arabella said. "Where's your thirst for gossip?"

She grumbled something unintelligible and glared down at her hands.

Arabella turned back to Mundungus. "Now, come on, Gus. What did he say?"

Mundungus shuddered, not looking pleased at the memory. "I'm not going to repeat it."

"Oh, don't be that way!"

Mundungus was clearly feeling genuinely reluctant. He shot an uncomfortable glance at Lily. "Rosier started asking some weird questions about you."

She looked up sharply. "What?"

"Yeah, things like how far you and James have gone. Whether or not he touched you like this or that. McCoy was getting real upset with him, because he hadn't stopped touching her while he was asking--"

"Enough!" Lily cried, putting her hands over her ears.

Arabella made a disgusted face. "McCoy just let him touch her while he was talking about Lily?"

"No, she said some really nasty things about Lily before finally pulling Rosier out of the classroom. But before they were gone, Rosier asked me if I was going to tell Lily about this." Mundungus looked confused. "He sounded like he was hoping that I would."

"Well, you hear that, Lily?" Arabella said amusedly. "You don't give Rosier enough credit. He does know who your friends are."

"Oh, that's just peachy," Lily said, feeling horrified.

"I guess I was wrong about Rosier being unsentimental," Arabella said thoughtfully. "He's obviously using McCoy to try to fill the void that you left in his heart, Lily."

"That's not sentimental. That's just sick," she said with disgust. She felt disoriented and dirty at the thought of... No, she couldn't handle any thoughts of that. Any thoughts of Evan Rosier deserved to be repressed, and repressed they would be.

"And he was obviously giving Gus a hard time in hopes of getting your attention back," Arabella continued.

"Anyway, it was really late by the time I finally got to bed," Mundungus said quickly before Arabella could say anymore. "I didn't even have time to study for that test we had in Arithmancy."

Lily gave him a grateful look for changing the subject, to which he gave her an empathetic smile. Yes, she definitely loved Gus.

"Well, I've been having a horrible time, too," Arabella said pitifully. "Lily's been forcing me to study." She held up her book as evidence.

Lily snorted. "Yeah, right."

Mundungus gave Arabella a knowing look and indicated to the book. "Tell me one thing that you've read since coming out here."

Arabella just rolled her eyes. "Where were you at lunch?" she asked him instead, folding her arms behind her head.

"Oh, Marcella was showing me different fabrics that she's considering for her dress. You know, for that ball that's coming up," he explained as he pulled out his own homework.

Lily really wished that Dumbledore hadn't bothered to officially announce that there was going to be a ball in the spring. All of the talk about dresses and dates was starting to get to her. But on the bright side, Sieranda was getting tons of business from girls who wanted their dresses to be custom-made. It should be enough to keep her busy until spring, which meant no more unannounced visits to Hogwarts.

"You were looking at dress fabrics?" Lily asked him dubiously. She couldn't even imagine consulting James for any helpful fashion advice. The only thing that he cared about while considering dresses was how fast he could get them off.

"She needed help," Mundungus said defensively.

"So, she asked you?" Arabella said, looking just as incredulous as Lily. "Does she realize that your socks don't match on most days?"

"Oi! My socks match!" he cried indignantly. But Lily noticed that he shot an uncertain look down at his ankles.

"The two of you have become rather chummy, lately," she observed, frowning at the color that immediately appeared on Gus' cheeks.

"Marcella really needs a friend right now," he said sensibly. "You're all so busy with your boyfriends, and you haven't been sparing her the time of day." This last bit was accompanied with an accusing glare.

"And we all know that you only see her as a friend," Lily said, ignoring the accusation.

Mundungus turned an even darker shade of red.

Arabella groaned and put her hands over her ears. "I thought that we were never going to bring this up again," she whined.

"We wouldn't need to if Gus would come to his senses and agree to let me set him up with a nice Hufflepuff girl," Lily grumbled.

Mundungus threw up his hands in exasperation. "For the last time, I don't need to come to my senses!"

"He's right," Arabella said helpfully. "First he'd have to grow some senses before he could train them to come."

Lily laughed until she noticed that Mundungus was glaring at her.

"Anyway, you're one to talk," he said to Arabella. "Do you even know the name of your current boy-toy? Because I lost track once we hit the double digits some time ago."

"Ha-ha, very funny," Arabella said.

"Well, do you?"

"Of course I do!" she snapped. "Harris."

Mundungus shook his head. "No, that was the Hufflepuff from last week. I'm talking about the poor fool you were flirting with during breakfast this morning. Also a Hufflepuff, I believe."

"I thought that you lost track!"

"Did you catch his name, Lily?" Mundungus asked her.

"I-- err-- wasn't paying attention," she said lamely, averting her gaze.

He snorted. "No, you and Potter were too busy feeding each other food to pay attention to the rest of the world. Which brings me back to my point that you lot have been neglecting your friend for less than pure reasons."

"We were not feeding each other food!" Lily cried, mortified.

"No, Potter was groping her underneath the table, and Lily was pretending that she didn't like it," Arabella smirked.

Lily decided to be the bigger person and ignore that, too. "Look, Gus," she said, pointing to a group of girls who were sitting across the courtyard. "There's some nice Hufflepuffs, now. I'll just go over there and talk to them about you, and--"

"Lily, no!" he cried, desperately grabbing onto her arm. "You can't!"

"Do you see the one with the black curly hair? She thinks that you're sweet. She still remembers the time that you helped her with that Transfiguration problem. Oh, and I have it on good authority that the blonde has a weakness for lemon custard. You could go down to the kitchens and--"

"You've been scouting out girls for me?" Mundungus cried.

"Oh, well, I wouldn't call it scouting, exactly--"

"Well, look who's coming," Arabella said suddenly, raising herself up on her elbows.

Lily looked up and immediately frowned again. Black and Lupin were heading in their direction. She had been successfully avoiding them for the past few days, but apparently her luck only ran so far.

"Damn," she muttered, quickly grabbing her book and burying her nose in it. What were the odds that they would simply walk past without acknowledging her?

Lily decided that they weren't very good when a shadow fell over her.

"Hey, Bella," Black greeted pleasantly. "Nice day, eh?"

"Sure. If you don't mind the icicles hanging from everyone's nose," Arabella said agreeably. Lily was tempted to sneak a peek at her face. Arabella didn't sound uncomfortable or like she was still harboring any feelings for Black, but one could never really be sure with her.

"And how are you, Mundungus?" Black asked in an equally syrupy voice. "That was some test Vector threw at us, huh?"

"Uh, yeah," Mundungus said, obviously surprised to be acknowledged.

"Hi, Lily," Remus said softly.

She didn't respond, hoping that he'd take the hint and drag his boyfriend far away from her. Possibly over a cliff.

"We've been meaning to talk with you, Evans," Black said, switching his attention over to her. "But we never seem to run into you these days. Funny that. One would almost think that you've been avoiding us." She could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

"Then perhaps you should take the hint," Lily said easily, not looking up from her book.

Mundungus gave her a surprised look. Arabella gasped, "Lily!"

"As always, Evans, it's a pleasure to be in your company," Black said sarcastically.

"I wouldn't be offended if you went elsewhere," she shot back.

"It's the cold," Arabella said apologetically. "Lily's more of a summer kind of girl, so it's been affecting her mood."

Lily raised an eyebrow at this.

"Of course," Black said easily. "I'm sure the weather does that to a lot of people."

"Lily, could we talk to you?" Remus asked suddenly. He sounded impatient.

"No," she said shortly.

"What is up with you?" Arabella hissed. In a louder voice, she said, "Of course she will."

"No, I won't," Lily said tersely. "I already know what they want, and the answer is still no."

"So, you haven't given any thought to what we talked about?" Black said incredulously.

"What's to think about?" Lily asked, finally looking up from her book. "You want a favor, and I don't want to give it to you."

"What favor?" Arabella asked curiously.

"Lily, please," Remus said imploringly. "In private."

"I don't know why that's necessary," Lily said, staring straight at Black. "They already know about you two, anyway."

There was a dead silence following Lily's words.

Arabella bit her lip and stared at some offending object resting near her leg. Remus blushed horribly as he stared down at his hands. Mundungus looked extremely confused, because he actually didn't know about what Lily was referring to. She took no small amount of pleasure from the mortified look on Black's face. Let the bastard stew, she thought angrily.

They glared at each other for several seconds, caught in a silent battle of wills.

When Black finally spoke, his tone held a warning. "I still think that we should speak in private."

"Why is that?" Lily asked, smirking slightly.

She frowned when Black smirked right back at her. "You didn't get a certain... letter this morning?" he asked mockingly.

Lily felt her insides run cold. Her fingers automatically sought the invitation from Sieranda that was hiding in her pocket. How did he know?

Black laughed. "That's what I thought."

Arabella was looking between them. "What letter? The one from your parents?"

There was a challenge in Black's voice, and the look on his face left little doubt that he wouldn't hesitate to tell Arabella exactly who the letter was really from. Damn it. How did he know?

"Come on, then," Black said happily, realizing that he had won.

He offered his hand to help her up, but Lily scowled at him and stood up by herself. Furious, she grabbed her bag and then stomped across the courtyard. She didn't bother waiting for them to follow her.

Despite her deliberately quick steps, Black easily fell into step beside her. Remus followed a second later, puffing slightly.

Before either one of them could speak, Lily asked, "How did you know about the letter?"

"James got one, too," Remus said quickly before Black could. "It arrived this morning after he had already left."

Lily blinked in surprise. It was odd, but she had never considered that James would be getting the same invitations from Sieranda that she was. It made sense, of course. James had been present at the parties, so he must have been given a heads up as to when they took place.

Lily stopped once they had moved out of plain sight. She leaned back against a pillar, crossing her arms over her chest. "In the habit of reading his mail, are you?" she asked wryly, not willing to let that obvious little tidbit slip by unnoticed.

Black snorted, but Lily noticed that neither of them denied the insinuation. She sighed and shook her head. "A lovely pair of roommates you are."

Black rolled his eyes and leaned back against the opposite pillar, mirroring her. "Yes, yes. We're horrible, we know," he said, sounding bored with the whole thing. "Get a new tune, Evans, because this one's getting old."

Lily gave him a resentful look.

"Were you serious when you said that you had decided not to talk to James for us?" Remus asked timidly, his hands in his pockets.

Lily gave him a wary look. She couldn't help but notice that his hair was flying out of place and his cheeks were slightly flushed from the cold. Lily might have been tempted to brush the stray strands off of his forehead if it weren't for the mortifying memory of the last time that she had touched Remus' hair. Oh, and Black was still there, of course.

"Because I don't want you to feel pressured," Remus added quickly, noticing her intense stare.

"Oh, no?" she murmured, not believing him for a second. All of the expectant stares and hopeful looks that were constantly being thrown her way these days were evidence to the contrary.

"No," he said earnestly. He moved closer to her and said in a soft voice, "I understand that this is probably an uncomfortable situation for you."

Did he? Did he really?

Frowning, Lily began rubbing her temples wearily. This whole situation was definitely getting to her. Right now she wanted nothing more than to go find James and crawl into his arms so that she could forget the rest of the world. Unfortunately, he was still at Quidditch practice and was showing no signs of joining the chess club, instead, like she'd asked, despite her argument that the chess club met far less often.

"Why should I help you?" Lily finally asked quietly.

Black made an exasperated noise. "We've been over this!" he cried.

Lily sighed and focused her gaze on Black's shoes. She wasn't angry anymore so much as frustrated.

"Yes, but you must remember that I don't like you," she said solemnly. "And after that little scene in my bedroom, I'd rather that James hung out with Snape over you."

Black's face became dark. "James would never hang out with Snape," he growled.

Lily raised an eyebrow at that. The immediate transformation over Black's face at the mere mention of Snape's name was unnerving.

"Did I touch a nerve?" she asked with dry amusement.

Black narrowed his eyes at her. "How about setting your own petty grudges aside for about two seconds?" he snapped. "I see that you're still not even considering James' best interests here."

Her temper was back instantly. "Oh, but I am," Lily shot back, eyes flashing. "You're trying to make it sound as if James is desperately lost without you. But that's not really true, is it? James has plenty of friends, and he's got me. He also has Quidditch and classes taking up a good chunk of his time. As far as I see it, James doesn't need you at all."

It was kind of a low blow, but it gave Lily a certain satisfaction to say it.

"James may not need us, but I know that he misses us," Black said quietly.

It was probably true, but she didn't have to acknowledge it. "I don't know where you'd get that, since he never so much as acknowledges you these days."

"I've known James a hell of a lot longer than you have, Evans," he said heatedly. "There's a lot of history between us that you'll never be privileged to."

Lily didn't like the sound of that, but the retort was halted when Remus suddenly shifted closer to her.

"I just want you to know that there's no hard feelings either way," he said softly. "No matter what you decide to do."

Lily snorted doubtfully. No matter what she did, it was almost a certainty that there would always be "hard feelings" between herself and Black.

"But we really do miss him, Lily," Remus said sadly. "It's never quite the same without James."

Lily felt a tinge of guilt, unable to help herself.

"The icy silence when we're together is a somewhat painful substitute for what we used to be," he continued. Although it was plain that Remus was attempting to keep his voice light, there was a slight crack toward the end of his sentence that suggested anything but levity.

The feeling of guilt grew until it was almost painful. Lily glared down at her feet, desperately willing it to go away. She didn't want to help Sirius Black. The resentment ran so deep that she couldn't even imagine it ever being any different. But James...

NO!

She had been repressing these thoughts ever since Lupin and Black had paid that visit to her room. James didn't need them. He didn't! He had Lily. Why should he be pining for the likes of these two? He wasn't! It wasn't as if Lily had ever even brought this predicament up to James or tried to influence him about it. This estrangement was his own doing. This was what he wanted.

Wasn't it?

"This was obviously a mistake," Remus said suddenly. Lily gave him a surprised look. He was giving up?

Black looked incredulous. "What are you talking about? I thought we decided--"

"I think it's obvious that we're wasting our time here." Remus looked defeated as he returned to Black's side. He gave Lily a rueful smile. "I'm sorry that we bothered you. Don't worry about it, all right? Just forget that we said anything."

Black shook his head. "Remus--"

"Sirius, things are bound to work out on their own, right?" Remus said with false cheerfulness.

Lily's eyes narrowed suspiciously. She wasn't born yesterday, and she could recognize reverse psychology just as well as anyone else. Oh, but damn it all, Remus did it really well...

"We won't bother you anymore, Lily," Remus concluded contritely.

Black still looked about as confused as Lily felt, but he followed when Remus gently tugged at his arm.

It wasn't until they had disappeared from sight that Lily allowed her legs to bend from under her. She slid down the pillar and onto the base. She leaned her head back against the stone and squeezed her eyes shut. This was too much.

Shaky hands reached for her bag and searched anxiously for the cigarette carton hidden inside. She fumbled for her wand and lit a stick, feeling as if she were in a daze. Why couldn't they have just left her alone to begin with?

Random memories began to flash through her mind, brief pictures of James that included times when he was laughing with his friends or when they all had their heads together in the Great Hall during a meal, making everyone around them nervous because of the pranks that were sure to follow. She suddenly realized that there hadn't been any pranks performed on anyone in weeks.

It's never quite the same without James.

Oh, no. She was a terrible girlfriend. She had been so set against Black that she had been ignoring James' feelings.

But why did he have to need that particular friend? If the boys reconciled, then was she going to have to start hanging out with Black on a regular basis?

Lily sucked desperately on the cigarette. Okay, putting that thought aside...

How was this going to affect their relationship? Oh, dear. Was James going to resent her for not intervening sooner? Wait! That didn't make sense. This was still his thing, no matter how Lupin and Black tried to spin it.

So, what was she supposed to do, again? Talk to him? She inwardly balked at that. Since when was she supposed to do what Black and Lupin wanted?

Merlin, she was going in circles. All the cigarettes in the world wouldn't help her.

Lily suddenly felt a desperate urge to see James. His charming face and those disarming blue eyes... She knew that she should probably go and tell Arabella and Mundungus where she was going, but immediate need took precedence this time. It was like a pull inside her that she had no desire to resist.

She glanced at her watch and realized that he would still be at Quidditch practice.

Stumbling to her feet, Lily dropped the unfinished cigarette onto the ground and used her shoe to cover it with snow. She spared it a sorrowful look. There never seemed to be the time to actually finish one these days. Shaking her head, Lily grabbed up her bag and rushed off in the direction of the Quidditch pitch.

The snow crunched loudly underneath her feet, and for the first time since she had come outside that afternoon, Lily felt cold. She was fairly certain that James would take care of that for her.

As she neared the pitch, Lily could make out the dot in the sky that was most likely James. She felt slightly better just having him in view.

Damn it, how much longer until he was finished? In that moment, Lily truly hated Kingsley and his overachieving, overcompensating ego.

Lily had one foot on the bleacher stairs before she suddenly remembered the danger that lurked there. She was in no mood for dealing with the Quidditch groupies.

She glanced around desperately, as if she expected a solution to her problem to sprout up spontaneously from the ground. Hmn. Maybe if she sent sparks up... No, no. That would get everyone's attention, and she only wanted--

"What are you doing?"

Oh, damn. She had been discovered.

Lily turned around guiltily and was only slightly relieved to see that it was Daphne instead of Bonnie or even Cara.

"You know, the view is much better from the stands," she teased, looking amused.

"Yes," Lily agreed reluctantly. There really wasn't any logical excuse for staying down here, was there? Definitely not without hurting Daphne's feelings.

"You and I can discuss anything except that darned ball coming up," she said with a wink. "I don't know about you, but all of this talk about gowns and dates is enough to drive a sane woman batty. That's why you were hiding down here, right?"

Lily instantly felt bad for all of the times that she and Arabella had made fun of Daphne for wearing Kingsley's Quidditch robes in the Gryffindor common room. She really was a nice girl and more than a little tolerable. She wasn't stupid, either.

"Guilty," Lily admitted sheepishly.

Daphne laughed and took Lily's arm. "One of these days, those girls will want to talk about something revolutionary that doesn't involve outfits or boys, and you and I will be witnesses to it."

Lily thought that was unlikely to happen in either of their lifetimes, but she wasn't about to say so.

She turned to follow Daphne up into the stands when a new voice stopped them.

"Lovely day for Quidditch, eh, girls?"

Veronica McCoy smiled innocently at them. Her hair was shining even more than usual and her face was impeccable. The green in the Slytherin scarf suited her complexion nicely and drew attention to her cat-like eyes. Aesthetically, she was perfection.

Lily nearly flinched at the sight of her. What the heck was she doing here? Well, it was obvious what she was doing there. McCoy was there to watch the Gryffindors practice Quidditch.

But why?

"Hello, Daphne," the girl said pleasantly. "Evans."

Lily just stared at her, but Daphne returned the greeting coolly. "Morning, Veronica."

To the untrained eye, the smile that McCoy directed at Lily as she passed by on her way to the stairs was just a friendly acknowledgment. But Lily had dated a Slytherin, and she knew when a smile was genuine and when it was actually a calculated move meant to hide true and usually unpleasant motives. She couldn't help the shiver that passed down her back or the warning that sounded off like a bell in her head on account of the look in McCoy's eyes.

"I take it back," Daphne said grimly. "Maybe it would be best if we stayed down here."

"How do you know McCoy?" Lily asked, surprised that the two of them would have ever crossed paths.

"She came to a few practices some time ago," Daphne explained. She rolled her eyes. "Let's just say that it wasn't the most enjoyable of experiences."

"Why would she want to watch the Gryffindors practice?"

Daphne looked uncomfortable. "Oh, well... Every once in a while, a new girl will show up to practices, because of... Well..."

Lily suddenly got it. "James," she said simply. "She came to watch James." The realization made her feel ill. He had assured her that he had never slept with McCoy, but she still didn't like the idea of him so much as buying the strumpet a butterbeer.

Daphne nodded reluctantly. "It was a while back, and I don't know why she's here today, but yeah. She came for James."

Lily's face was really starting to hurt from all of the glaring she'd been doing recently. "Popular, isn't he?" she joked mirthlessly.

Daphne had made a reference to the occasional "new" girls that showed up to practices whenever the players switched girlfriends, and Lily hadn't missed the less than subtle implication that she herself had been one of those newbies; the next in a line of James' many girlfriends, following soon after Veronica McCoy.

Christ. McCoy? Had James lied to her? She really didn't want to be thinking like this, but maybe she didn't want to see James so much, after all.

Lily almost couldn't work up the nerve to ask. "Were they...?"

Daphne's eyes widened and then she laughed. "Together? I don't think so, Lily. James wouldn't date somebody like that. I think that she was just a hopeful that showed up to the practices to scare off any competition."

"Oh," Lily said, surprised. Either Daphne didn't know that James and McCoy had briefly "dated," or else she was lying to protect Lily's feelings. Or maybe it really had been nothing, like harmless flirting once upon a time... James hadn't really been specific... Her spirits lifted. Hmn.

Daphne gave her a sympathetic smile. "I don't think that you have anything to worry about, Lily. I have it on good authority from Ben that James has never behaved this way about anyone else before."

Lily smiled gratefully, feeling increasingly more secure than she had a moment before. Remus had said something similar about James not being willing to endure extra tutoring for anyone else. Yes, and James had put so much effort in trying to pursue her. Years, even, if he was to be believed.

Daphne tugged on her arm, making Lily realize that she had been standing there with a stupid grin on her face.

"Come on, then," Daphne said. "We better get up there before our boyfriends think that we've ditched them to hang out with other guys."

Lily shook her head. "No, I think that I'm just going to go wait by the locker rooms."

Daphne sighed. "You really shouldn't let Veronica get to you, Lily. She just likes to hang around and make the other girls feel threatened and insecure."

"Oh, I know," Lily said quickly. "I just really need to talk with James."

Daphne looked at her for a moment and then shook her head in defeat. "All right, then. I'll see you later, Lily."

When she was gone, Lily sighed in relief and took off for the locker rooms. It wasn't that she couldn't handle McCoy. It was just that she didn't feel like it right now.

Practice lasted a good fifteen minutes more until Lily finally saw the team heading towards her. She straightened up quickly and prepared to get James' attention.

But she needn't have bothered, because Kingsley did it for her by calling out, "Hey, Evans! I thought that I banned you from my pitch!"

Lily hid a smile. Kingsley was definitely earning his three galleons. She held up her hands in acquiescence. "Hey, I'm just here to pick up my boyfriend from Quidditch practice. No harm done."

Kingsley gave Lily a small wink as he disappeared into the locker room, and she hid a smile. At least James had one decent friend.

She returned her attention to James, who was grinning at her. "I thought that you had developed an allergy to broom hairs," he joked.

Lily would have rolled her eyes at his lame joke, but there were more urgent matters at hand. Without delay, she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him around the broom shed so that they were out of sight.

"Hey, what are you--"

James was cut off when Lily hastily grabbed his face and pulled him into a fierce kiss. He made a muffled noise that barely registered in Lily's mind. She released him just as abruptly as she had initiated the kiss and stared into his eyes with such intensity that James could only blink dumbly at her, so off-kilter that he was lucky to still be standing.

"Um. I missed you, too?" he said shakily, trying for another joke.

"James, do you think that I'm selfish?" she asked, not bothering to beat around the bush.

His eyes widened behind his glasses, making him strongly resembling an owl. "What?"

"Because I didn't mean to be," she rushed on. "I just don't like Sirius Black. But if you absolutely need to have him as a friend, then I'll accept it and try to forget that I hate him--"

"Wait! Hold on for a second. What are you talking about?" James asked, clearly bewildered.

Lily sighed and rubbed her eyes. "It's come to my attention that maybe you should make up with those idiot roommates of yours so that you'll be happy and not resent me later on in our relationship for keeping you to myself."

James shook his head, frowning. "I don't know what brought this on, but you're way off, Lily."

"Am I?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah, because I have no intention of reconciling with Sirius and Remus any time soon."

Lily wanted to feel relieved, but her conscience wouldn't let her drop the subject so easily. She gripped his hands in hers and took a deep breath, stealing herself for what she was about to say. "I think that... Well, I think that you should talk to them. To Black and Lupin, I mean."

James pulled away from her and busied himself with putting his broom away. "I don't want to talk about them," he said stiffly.

"I don't want to talk about them, either, James. Believe me. But I think that we need to."

"No, we don't."

"Yes, we--"

"No," he interrupted. James sprung around and gave her such a fierce look that it made Lily pause. "We don't."

She bit the inside of her cheek, beginning to feel frustrated. "Come on, James. Whatever they did--"

"Look," James snapped, obviously fighting for patience. "I don't mean to be a bastard, Lily, but this really isn't any of your business."

"None of my business?" she said disbelievingly. "James, everything about you is my business." Lily almost clapped a hand over her own mouth. Why had she said that? No, she didn't need to know everything about James. She wasn't one of those needy girlfriends who wanted to talk about every thought and feeling her boyfriend was experiencing at any given moment. Really... No.

James' expression softened slightly, but he still shook his head. "There's nothing to talk about, Lily. Seriously. I'm perfectly fine without them."

"But you're not!" she insisted, taking a step closer to him. "James, I'm not blind or stupid. You've been thick as thieves with those guys for as long as I've known you."

"Well, not anymore!" he said angrily. Lily watched as he ran an agitated hand through his already-messy hair. "You wouldn't even have known that we were friends, let alone thick."

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously.

James didn't look like he was going to continue. He was shaking his head again, but Lily cupped his face. "James, tell me what happened," she entreated. This conversation was starting to feel really important, and now she was sure that it had to be followed through with.

James removed her hands from his face and started to walk back toward the locker room. Lily ran after him and grabbed his arm. "James!"

He whirled around so quickly that the grinding halt almost caused Lily to fall backwards. "You want to know what happened?" he yelled. "They forgot that I was their friend. That's what happened! You know that they didn't even tell me about them?"

Lily was too shocked by his outburst to respond immediately, but James wasn't listening, anyway. He had started pacing erratically.

"I had to find out that my two best friends were gay by fucking walking in on them! And that was after who knows how many weeks-- or fucking months-- of sneaking around and lying straight to my face. Then, they didn't even bother to sit me down and explain what was going on with them! Oh, no. All they cared about was whether or not I was going to tell anyone. Poor Peter wouldn't understand. He wasn't raised to accept something like that. Yeah, well, what about me?"

With some difficulty, Lily finally found her voice. "Does it bother you, then?" she asked timidly. "Lupin and Black being together?"

"Yes! No! Well, not really. But that's not the point!" he yelled, frustration evident on his face. "After I found out, it was all about using me as a cover for them so that they could sneak off together. I saw so little of them that I'd be surprised if they even noticed that we aren't speaking."

Lily felt a strong desire to put her arms around James and hug him. Bless him. He was jealous. James was jealous! If she didn't feel so bad for him, Lily might even have laughed. James, who had always been the center of attention, was feeling neglected by his friends, and he was sore about it. Aw.

"James," she said tenderly. "They do care about you. They've even been harassing me to try and get you guys to reconcile."

Her words were meant to calm him, but James looked furious. "You've been talking to them about me?" he cried.

Lily flinched. Okay, maybe she should have mentioned that before. "They've approached me a couple of times," she admitted. "I tried to blow them off, but they've proven rather persistent. They obviously want to make up and be friends again." Oh, God. Was she defending them? Lily shuddered inwardly. Ick.

James seemed to have calmed down a bit, but he was still scowling determinedly. "Lily, I'm sorry that they've been bothering you and that they got you to feel like it was your responsibility to get involved. But they aren't my friends. They haven't been for a while, now."

Lily frowned. "But--"

"I said before that they forgot they were my friends, and I wasn't kidding, Lily. They even forgot--" James stopped suddenly and averted his eyes.

"What? What did they forget?" she asked quietly.

James sighed and took off his glasses long enough to rub a hand over his eyes. When he opened them again, he looked decidedly sheepish. "My birthday."

Lily gaped at him. She hadn't been expecting that. "It was your birthday? When?"

He smiled slightly, forgetting his anger momentarily. "It was the day that you finally came around. When we kissed in that corridor."

"That was your birthday?" she cried.

"I'll never forget our anniversary," James joked.

Lily shook her head, feeling terrible. "I didn't know that it was your birthday," she said miserably. "Why didn't you say anything?" Maybe she would have been a little nicer to him.

James moved closer and pulled her into his arms. "When would I have mentioned it? While we were fighting? Or would you have preferred it while we were snogging?"

"No," she grumbled, smiling slightly.

James gave her a wicked grin. "Would you have given me a special present? One that didn't involve any clo--"

She kissed him quickly if only to shut him up. Then, she rolled her eyes. "I guess you'll never know, will you?"

James pouted.

Lily suddenly realized something. She tilted her head back, again, so that she could see his face. "That was also the night that you fought with Black in the common room."

James stiffened at the reminder. "Yeah, well, I guess you could say that I was a bit on edge that day."

"You had every right to be," Lily said firmly. Hell, if she ever forgot Arabella's birthday, the girl would surely put a painful hex on her. Well, if she ever bothered to learn any.

James sighed again, and he pulled her tighter against him so that he could rest his cheek against her hair. "Birthdays have always been a big deal with us," he explained softly. "The birthday boy is usually woken up early and kidnapped into Hogsmeade for the day. There's a lot of other stuff involved, but you'd probably think that it was bonkers. Just a bunch of traditions that are based on stupid things that we've done over the years."

"But they didn't wake you up this year," Lily said, feeling angry. "Well, where were they?"

She couldn't see it, but she knew that James was scowling. "I don't know. They weren't there when I woke up, and I didn't see them until that night."

After he had lost that Quidditch match. Christ.

"What about Peter?" she tried hopefully.

James shrugged. "I didn't expect him to remember. He usually has to be woken up along with the birthday boy. It's no big deal."

Oh, yes, it was. Some friends. "Bastards," she muttered.

"What?"

Lily stood on her tiptoes and hugged him hard around the neck. "James, I won't ever forget your birthday." She placed a confirming kiss behind his ear.

He laughed. "You better not. I don't see why I should have to remember our anniversary if you can't even remember my birthday."

They stood like that for a long time, taking comfort in each other's presence. Lily hadn't been having the best day, but it was definitely looking up now. James was nuzzling her neck contentedly, and there wasn't anywhere else that she'd rather be.

But even though she was snug in James' arms, the cold eventually began to seep into Lily's limbs. Shivering, she pushed aside his Quidditch robe and shoved her hands into his pockets. Her left hand encountered a piece of paper, which she fingered curiously.

"Hey, don't!" James yelped.

Surprised, Lily looked up at him. "What is it?"

James blushed. "Nothing," he said quickly, trying to move away.

But now Lily was really curious. She pulled the paper out of his pocket and avoided his attempts to get it back. "For a seeker, you're not exactly up to par, are you?" she teased.

"Lily, give it back," James pleaded. "It's nothing."

"If it was nothing, then you wouldn't be acting like this," she said sensibly. "So, what is it? Are you secretly a poet, James?"

"Seriously, Lily," he said desperately. "Give it back."

"Nope." Smiling, she unfolded the paper and looked down at it. The smile quickly wilted off her face.

Infertility spells.

James had a list of infertility spells in his pocket.

Lily frowned and handed the list back. "It couldn't have been poetry, could it?"

James blushed. "I was just looking into it. You know, just in case."

Just in case. Oh, boy.

She sighed. "What am I going to do with you, Potter?"

James quickly recovered his cocky air and smirked at her. "I have a few suggestions."

Lily couldn't help a smile. "I'm going to pretend that you didn't say that."

James stuck out his lower lip. "You don't want to hear my suggestions?"

"No," she said firmly, feeling a blush go up her neck.

James shook his head sadly. "They were so creative, too."

She laughed. "Why don't you go change so that we can go to dinner?"

"Dinner?" He perked up considerably.

"Yes. You remember food, don't you? Your other obsession?"

James' expression became dreamy. "Mmn. Food."

"My main competition for your affections," she joked. "Other than Quidditch, of course."

"I'm sorry. I stopped listening after the word food," James said, eyes twinkling at her. Laughing, he dodged the swat she sent his way. "Well, what are we waiting for?" he cried.

"You're still wearing your Quidditch gear," she reminded him. "Don't you want to take it off first?"

James gave her a soft smile and held out his hand. "It can wait."

Lily felt something stir within her as she looked into his eyes. Hormone-driven or not, she really liked this one. He had opened up to her today, and although he had yet to forgive his friends, there had definitely been progress made between them.

Smiling, she took his hand and followed him up the hill.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Lily stared at the ceiling of her canopy. Someone was snoring loudly, and it sounded suspiciously like Arabella. One of the cats was also awake, making scratching noises as it worked its claws over someone's bedspread.

It had to be after midnight, but Lily couldn't sleep.

Her conversation with James had replayed through her head so many times that the words were beginning to sound like the incomprehensible buzzing of bees. Her entire body was stiff with tension, and she just knew that she was going to be in pain by the time that she got up.

Lily couldn't decide whether to focus on her concern for James or on her anger at Black and Lupin.

How hard was it to treat your best friend to a bloody day in Hogsmeade, huh? How hard? Poor James. To be ignored on such a special day.

She really had no idea where to go from here, since James was obviously holding onto his resentment with a firm fist. What was she supposed to do about that? She was hardly anyone to preach about letting go of resentments. But James was obviously hurting inside...

Grr. Circles, circles, circles...

Lily's fingers absently traced over Sieranda's invitation. In the past, she had always had Sieranda's masques as a way of relieving tension like this. But now she felt chained to her bed, unable to find release.

Lily couldn't have explained why if asked, but the idea of going to any of Sieranda's parties without James seemed like it would be a betrayal of some sort, and smoking inside the dorm room would be darn right stupid. There was no proof of it, but Lily was willing to bet that the teachers had the rooms set up to incriminate any students who tried to do that kind of thing.

So, Lily was left with the buzzing between her ears and the beginnings of an ache in her neck.

Annoyed, she finally gave up trying to sleep and pushed the covers off of her legs. She slipped her feet into the slippers lying next to the bed and grabbed her robe from inside of her bureau.

She tried to remain as quiet as possible as she moved over to the window.

The moon was bright overhead and cast an almost celestial glow over the Hogwarts grounds. The dark trees seemed like guards around a beautiful, secular grove. Lily suddenly felt a strong desire to be out there underneath the moon.

An idea unexpectedly came upon her, and Lily almost laughed out loud at herself. It was stupid. Absurd, really.

But...

Well, why not?

Because it was ridiculous. Yes. Crazy, even.

Lily honestly didn't think that she would do it. She wasn't stupid, after all.

It wasn't until after she had grabbed her wand and quietly snuck out the door that Lily realized that she actually was going to do it. Well, gosh.

Unsurprisingly, the air was cold enough to freeze the goose bumps on her arms. But Lily waited until she was standing outside, where it was twice as cold, before she performed a warming spell on herself. She purposely made it weak, wanting to make sure that she would be able to feel the cold shock of water on her skin without having to worry about dying from hypothermia.

Lily smiled to herself, unable to believe that she was actually doing this. Familiar tingles of excitement were rushing through her veins.

She glanced around once more to make sure that she was alone. Satisfied that there was no one else around, she pulled her nightgown over her head and dropped it to the ground.

She stood still for a moment, relishing the fact that she was standing completely naked underneath the moon. The cold air on her bare flesh only heightened the anticipation.

The rational part of Lily's mind knew that jumping into a lake this late in December was crazy. But she was just desperate enough for something outside of her routine that Lily didn't care. The water looked deceptively serene, almost as if it were begging her to disrupt the still body. So she did.

Taking a deep breath, Lily got a running head start and leapt off of the dock.

There was a split second when she was suspended in air, and then she was surrounded by water. Freezing water.

The shock of it, like icicles suddenly pressed against her flesh, caused Lily's eyes to snap open and her mouth to open in a gasp. She was immersed in darkness and water immediately flooded into her mouth.

Choking, Lily kicked her legs and flapped her arms until she broke the surface with a gasp. Coughing, she wiped her face off.

Okay, maybe jumping into the lake had been a bit hasty.

But despite the fact that her body was shivering all over, Lily grinned. That had been intense and just what she needed.

The moon reflected off of the water and Lily let herself imagine that she was actually bathing in moonlight. It was beautiful. She paddled around for a little while, enjoying herself immensely. She was about to take another dive underneath when a sudden voice caused her to start violently.

"How's the water?"

Lily's heart stopped and dropped somewhere below her stomach. Holding back a scream, she whipped around.

James was grinning at her. He was leaning casually against a tree, twirling her nightgown between his fingers.

Lily just stared at him for a long time, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. "How long have you been there?" she finally asked in a high voice, quickly sinking lower into the water just to make sure that James couldn't see anything.

"Not long," he said innocently.

Why didn't she believe him?

Despite the arctic temperature of the water, Lily felt her entire body begin to blush. She wished that James wouldn't look at her like that.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked, instinctively backing up further from the bank.

"Well, I was just going for a walk," James said, his grin widening almost lewdly. "But I think that a swim might be a better idea."

Lily gaped at him. He wouldn't.

"So, how's the water?" James repeated.

"Cold," she said automatically. "Very cold."

James laughed. "It can't be that cold, since you seemed to be enjoying yourself."

Lily mentally shook herself. She shouldn't be letting him play with her this way.

"Put my nightgown down and turn around so that I can get out, please," she said in a hopefully stern voice, willing the blush to go away.

James did put the nightgown down, but he didn't turn around. "Oh, don't get out, yet," he said lightly. Lily watched as he tugged his sweater over his head, followed by his nightshirt. The moonlight reflected nicely off of the pale skin that Lily so liked to run her hands over.

"James, you're not funny," she said nervously.

"Did I tell a joke?" He set his glasses down on the pile of clothes and reached for the zipper on his pants.

A jolt went through Lily's stomach and she quickly turned around before she could glimpse anything. "James Potter, you sure as hell better stay on that bank!" she yelled angrily.

He laughed and the sound was enough to make her throat tighten. "Lily, you can turn around."

"No," she said stubbornly.

James laughed again. "Suit yourself, then."

Lily considered making a break for it and swimming across the Great Lake to the other side, but a quick glance at the huge body of water in front of her was enough to make her discard the idea.

She flinched when a loud splash suddenly sent heavy spray over her hair. Lily groaned. He actually jumped in. Coming out here had definitely been a stupid idea.

"I cannot believe you!" she said, turning around only to see that James hadn't resurfaced, yet.

Lily frowned and waited for him to come up so that she could properly yell at him. After a few moments she began to feel concerned. "James?" she called nervously.

When there was no response, Lily felt her unease escalate. She swam closer to the dock, wondering if James had hurt himself somehow. She watched the water closely, waiting for a bubble of air or something to indicate where James was and if he needed her. There was nothing.

"James?" she called again, this time much louder and with a hint of panic. "Bloody hell-- James!"

Silence was her only answer.

Lily took a deep breath and then dove underneath the water. Her hands searched the depths for a leg or an arm that she could grab onto and pull up to the surface.

Where was he?

Her search became frantic when her hands continued to connect with nothing but water. Terrifying thoughts flew across her brain. James was drowning and she couldn't find him! She was never going to see him again. This was all her fault. If she hadn't come out here in the first place, then James would be all right.

Where the bloody hell was he?

She ignored the burning in her lungs for as long as possible, but eventually she had to breathe.

Kicking her legs, Lily broke the surface with a gasp. She wiped the water out of her eyes and realized that she had swum closer to the bank rather than the dock. There was no way that James would have floated over this far.

Terror filled her chest as she looked around wildly at the black water. "James!" she screamed desperately.

Lily felt the hot breath on her ear before she heard the innocent, "What?"

Crying out with surprise, Lily sprung around and almost cried with relief when she saw James grinning at her. She was about to throw her arms around him, but the obvious lack of injuries and teasing grin on his face made her frown.

"That wasn't funny!" she screamed.

James only laughed her.

Lily splashed water all over the place in an attempt to hit him. "I hate you! You bloody, fucking bastard! I'm going to kill you!"

"Ouch!" James cried when her fist connected painfully with his shoulder. "Lily, stop it! Hey, stop!"

James attempted to grab her flaying fists, but the water was obstructing his vision. "Crazy wench! Will you knock it off?"

"No!" she said angrily. "Do you have any idea how scared I was? I thought that you were drowning, you ungrateful prick!"

James finally got a hold of her wrists. "I appreciate the concern! Really!"

Lily glared at him as she struggled to get free. "You can shove that concern straight up your--"

Her words were cut off when James abruptly pulled her forward and kissed her. Unfortunately, his kiss was interrupted when Lily bit his bottom lip painfully.

"Ow!" James cried, wrenching away. He looked at her accusingly. "You bit me!"

Fully unsympathetic, Lily said, "What did I tell you about kissing me while I'm trying to yell at you? Hmn?"

James pouted and the sight made Lily snort. "Don't look at me like that. You deserve far worse for what you just pulled."

James rolled his eyes. "Please. A first year could have sensed that prank coming ten meters away. It's not my fault that you're ridiculously gullible."

"Quiet you," she ordered, no longer really angry.

James grinned and Lily could tell that he was going to kiss her again.

This time she decided to let him get away with it. She didn't want to dwell on the terror that she'd felt at the thought of him being hurt. She didn't want to face what she'd find if she analyzed her feelings at that moment too deeply.

What she wanted was to lose herself inside of James' mouth.

When he pressed his lips into hers, she melted into him. He released her wrists from his hold, and she gripped his shoulders to keep herself afloat. They were close enough to the shore for James' feet to touch the muddy earth underneath the water, but she was a good head shorter.

Lily moaned softly as their wet mouths slid together. One of her hands moved up to cup his face as their lips simultaneously opened into each other's. Their tongues joined, and Lily felt James shiver pleasantly. She smiled into the kiss, pleased that she could still provoke such a reaction from him.

Her hand slid to the back of James' head and fingered the wet strands of hair lying across the back of his neck. All of the revelations she had experienced today combined to make her want to be closer to him than she had ever desired to be before.

But she was abruptly reminded of her own nudity when James' hands suddenly ran down her bare sides and pulled her closer. Lily squeaked in alarm and broke off the kiss.

She dropped the hand that had been caressing his hair down to his chest to make sure that there remained a certain amount of distance between their bodies.

Breathing hard, they stared at each other, both becoming increasingly aware of their position.

Lily dropped her eyes to the hand separating them. "I thought that you had learned to behave," she said quietly.

James didn't say anything. After a moment, he sighed heavily and dropped his forehead onto her shoulder. It was a bit awkward with Lily's hand between them, but she shifted her other hand from his shoulder onto the back of his neck so that she was both keeping him away and holding him close at the same time. The position was ironic for several reasons.

Lily sighed, feeling guilty. She had never felt closer to James than she did today, and she was already regretting ruining the moment. She was tired of sex coming between them.

James lifted his head from her shoulder and gave Lily a weak smile. She didn't smile back. Everything in her head had suddenly become surreal.

Lily stared deeply into his eyes, searching for something unexplainable. Maybe she was looking for courage.

"Lily?" James said curiously.

"Shh," she hushed gently.

James obediently fell silent, and Lily was grateful. She dug her fingers into the back of his neck and pulled his mouth back down to hers.

James seemed hesitant, but Lily pressed harder against him until she could feel his resolve shatter underneath her lips. A soft noise in the back of his throat, and then James was kissing her back. A fire had been ignited within her and she couldn't help but wonder if they were both going to get burnt.

When James suddenly pulled back, Lily looked at him inquiringly. He smiled ruefully at her. "I think that it's time to go in," he said softly, with only a hint of disappointment.

But Lily had already made her decision.

Fear thick in her throat, she slowly removed her hand from James' chest and wrapped both of her arms around his neck, pressing into him. The sensation of skin on skin sent a jolt through her body. Their bare legs and torsos were now aligned.

James' eyes widened noticeably, and he attempted to pull away again. "Lily..."

"Don't go in, yet," she breathed, tightening her hold on him. A tad of caution returned to her, and she asked, "Did you happen to memorize those infertility spells?"

James blinked at her, obviously shocked. "You mean..."

Unable to say it out loud, Lily started to leave impossibly soft kisses along his face until James stopped her.

"Lily," he said pleadingly. "Don't play with me."

Shaking slightly, Lily attempted an assuring smile. "I'm not."

They stared at each other silently, both experiencing the tingling sensations brought on by their connected flesh. Weeks of sexual tension had finally come down to this.

When James spoke, his voice came out husky. "Good. Because I don't think that I'll be able to stop."

Her heart racing, Lily murmured, "Then don't."

*****************************************