So Predictable

I taper off and say it's never worth the pain...but sometimes it is.

-Ruthless

-By: Something Corporate

A crack of thunder sounded in the dark, and a flash of lighting illuminated her sleeping form, lying beside him, her breathing deep and steady. He watched her, so peaceful, so unaware. She had no idea that when he was kissing her, touching her, loving her, he was imagining someone else. A someone else with soft red curls, wide brown eyes, and a beautiful smile. Such a beautiful smile. It was incomparable. The girl lying next to him was beautiful too, no doubt about that, flawless, perfect. Her skin, free of scars, blemishes, anything that indicated hard work or sacrifice, had been cold under his fingers, almost unreal, like plastic. He knew Ginny's skin wouldn't have felt like that. She would have been warm, and stunning, and real. But Draco had lost her. Actually, losing implies what happens after you've had someone. But he'd never had Ginny. He'd never taken her out to dinner, he'd never bought her a gift, he'd never held her hand, and he'd never kissed her. There'd been a time when she would have given anything for him to do those things with her. But now, he knew, that she wouldn't even have to think about it before rejecting him. She didn't want him to kiss her, hold her, love her. All she wanted was for him to leave her be, so that was what he did. But it wasn't easy. He often found himself staring at her across a crowded room, watching her laugh and move, so graceful and unobtainable. Draco used to believe that was the only reason he wanted her. Because he couldn't have her. He was used to getting whatever he wanted, and she had presented a challenge. He realized now that it was no longer the fact that she didn't love him anymore that made him want her. It was the fact that she never would.

"Draco? Are you awake?" The girl who shared his bed murmured, turning over, rustling the white sheets. He nodded and scooted closer to her, painfully aware that she wasn't the girl he wanted.

"Are you alright?" she asked, and he wrapped an arm around her thin body and tried to relax. She sensed the tension that radiated from his body, and he didn't want to scare her away. She had declared earlier that night that she loved him, and he had replied,

"I love you too."

It was the worst lie he had ever told. But he still didn't want to let her go. He didn't want to be alone. As long as he had her, he didn't have as much time to think about a certain red headed Weasley.

"I'm fine Pansy. Go back to sleep," he whispered in her ear, and frowned as he felt her shudder. He affected her in a way that he didn't want to. She truly loved him. His nearness made her high, and she couldn't get enough of him. He hated himself for lying to her like this. It was the worst thing he could do right now. But it seemed too late. He couldn't take back the things he'd said, the promises he'd made her, or the time they'd been together. It was spent, and so was he. He was utterly, and completely, spent.

"Why is Malfoy staring at you?" Harry was irritable this morning. Ginny looked up from her bacon and eggs and shrugged.

"Hell if I know. Pass me the salt." Harry grabbed the little white shaker and handed it to her, shaking his head.

"I mean, what's his problem? Doesn't he have anything better to do?" Ginny cursed as she tipped over the salt shaker with her hand and watched it spill onto the floor. Harry absentmindedly reached down to pick it up, still muttering to himself.

"He has no right to be looking at you like that. The slimy git is probably thinking up ways to insult you...bastard."

"Sure. Did you see that article in the Prophet about McGonagall? She was named Professor of the Year!" She was well aware that once Harry got going he was an unstoppable force, so this abrupt subject change was necessary.

"That's great, Gin. But I mean, just look at him. He has pervert written all over him." Ginny did look at him, and suddenly wished she hadn't. His grey eyes were watching her, serious and dull. The arrogance and light that she was so used to was no longer there. Instead it was replaced with exhaustion and frustration. Despite Harry's ramblings about perverts, all she could see written on his face was desperation. It resonated off of him, and she unexpectedly realized that she wanted to change that. She wanted him to be happy. She hadn't had this longing for a while now. She had avoided him, and by doing that, she had successfully (or maybe not so successfully) avoided loving him. She wasn't saying she loved him again, not even close to that, but she hated to see his face looking so bleak. She wanted to see him sparkle like he used to.

"Don't you think so?" Harry's voice cut sharply into her thoughts, and she tore her eyes away from his, and turned to look at her friend.

"What? Oh, yes, of course."

You are such an idiot. He thought, stirring the foul smelling potion that was simmering in his cauldron. She had caught him looking at her, and for a few brief moments she had looked back, and he could have sworn he saw something in her eyes. Something familiar, like she was all of a sudden that innocent, loving, girl again. But it was gone in an instant, and he was almost positive he had imagined it.

"Mr. Potter! 10 points from Gryffindor, because you cannot seem to keep your mouth shut!" Draco sniggered as Snape lashed out at Potter, who was sitting directly in front of him, and apparently didn't realize how loudly he was whispering. He also didn't seem to understand that because Draco was sitting right behind him he could hear every word stupid scarhead was saying.

"--he wouldn't stop staring at Ginny," he had whispered to Ron, who's face had turned an interesting fuchsia shade that Draco was sure was not a color found in nature.

"Good work Mr. Malfoy. Perfect consistency," Snape said as he passed Draco's work station. Draco nodded in acknowledgement at the greasy haired teacher. He jumped suddenly when he felt Pansy's hand on his arm. He looked around, wondering how she got there, as Blaise had been sitting beside him only moments before. He spotted his dark haired friend at a seat near the back of the class, and realized the two had switched seats.

"Having a good day?" she whispered, opening her textbook. He nodded and smiled weakly at her. All of this stuff with Pansy, whatever this stuff was, was getting harder and harder to pretend.

"Everyone's going into Hogsmeade tomorrow. Do you want to go? Theodore said something about having his brother's ID, so I'm sure we can go into The Hag and get some drinks or something," Pansy muttered to him. Draco glanced sideways at her and shrugged.

"I wasn't planning on going out this weekend..." He trailed off when he saw the pleading look on her face. He felt a wave a guilt crash over him when he looked at that face. Draco wasn't used to the feeling of guilt, he caved in everytime. He gave a long sigh and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

"We can do whatever you want, Pansy." She smiled brightly at him and turned back to her textbook.

"Alright everyone, class dismissed. Don't forget, your essays are due next Friday!" Snape shouted as the group of student hurried up the stairs and out of the cold dungeon.

The marble steps that led up to the castle were slick from the past week's rain, but Ginny hadn't been thinking about that as she hurried up them, a collection of tattered school books clutched in her arms. But now, sprawled out on them, feeling the wetness seeping through her robes, she wished she had slowed down a little. She slowly sat up, feeling a little bit dizzy, as she had hit her head when she slipped. She lifted her hand to her forehead, and was shocked to find blood on her fingers as she pulled them away.

"Fuck you, Draco Malfoy," she muttered. If it hadn't been for him, she wouldn't be sitting here, wet and bleeding from the head. She'd been thinking about him all day, and she hated that she couldn't stop. During classes, with her friends, at meals, while she slept, all she thought and dreamed about was him. She had worked so hard for this cool indifference that she seemed to regard him with, but in one instant, with one look, he had broken the wall she'd built between herself and him. If she hadn't been thinking about him, like she did all the bloody time, she would have been paying attention to how wet the steps were.

"Ginny! Are you alright?" It was as though she had a Malfoy magnet stuck to her. He was suddenly beside her, in a whirl of green and silver.

"The steps are wet," she said. It was too late. He'd already sat down next to her, a look of uncharacteristic worry splashed across his face.

"What happened to you?" he asked, his normal air of sarcasm slowly edging back into his voice, seeing she wasn't dying or anything.

"What does it look like? I fell." He looked as though he was going to laugh, but didn't. He reached up with his fingers and brushed them lightly across the cut on her forehead. She winced as they touched the small wound, and he withdrew quickly.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, standing up hastily. She stood up too, her head swimming painfully. She tumbled forward onto him, but he didn't fall over. He caught her in his arms and held her there. She could have sworn he could hear her heart beating, and he was thinking the same thing. They stayed that way for a moment, an hour, neither knew how long, just staring at each other.

"You can let go now," Ginny whispered, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable in his embrace.

"Right," he replied, releasing her slowly, making sure she had her footing. She couldn't help but notice how uncharacteristically Draco was behaving. It was as though he wasn't really Malfoy anymore. He bent down to retrieve her books, which were scattered all over the steps. She smiled feebly at this gesture and took them from him.

"Are you going to be alright, getting to the hospital wing by yourself?" he asked seriously. She shook her head and replied,

"I'm not sure. Where is it again?" He frowned at her.

"Ginny, I'm serious. Go straight up there." It was her turn to frown. He was worrying about her, like they were old friends. Plus, he'd used her first name twice. This wasn't the Draco Malfoy she knew.

"You said my name," she told him. He looked panicked a moment, realizing what he'd done. He'd let his concern for her show far too much. But all Draco could think about was the fact that she was speaking to him, smiling at him, and not throwing him those icy looks that he was so used to.

"Don't get used to it," he snapped, trying desperately to cover his mistake. He turned and hurried up the steps and back into the castle, without a second glance back.