Terry Boot and the Masochist's Boulder

The exams for the end of the year had started, and Terry, as we all suspected, was not prepared.

"I didn't know they would be hard," he complained to Lisa, who had been studying longer than Hermione, but no one cared about Lisa.

Mandy, who had been studying longer than Lisa said, "Terry, we tried to tell you. We tried to help you study, but you weren't listening....charms smarms...remember?"

"I don't have time for these memories," Terry told her, cracking open a dusty book of his. "I need to study!"

Unfortunately, walking and reading didn't work out for Terry, not that anything does though, but he made a spectacular display of himself as he fell down three staircases.

"Hey!" Lisa exclaimed as they finally entered the Great Hall for lunch. "The polar bear wall hanging is missing."

"And by 'missing' do you mean on a murderous rampage? Because then I should be worried," Terry told her, wiping stair dirt from his pant leg.

"What do you mean, Terry?" Mandy asked, pulling up a piece of old wooden bench to sit on.

"That wall hanging ate my parents," Terry told them, tears welling up in his eyes. "That glisten in his fur was the sparkle in their eyes."

"Terry...," Lisa started to threaten, reaching into her bag for the sedatives she kept just for days like this.

"No, guys, really! Please listen," Terry begged, trying to make them understand how a wall hanging could be responsible for the deaths of the two people he loved most in his life.

"Okay," Lisa agreed warily, putting the meds back into her satchel.

"My parents, they were eaten by the polar bear that took my leg...the polar bear that was on the wall. But that bear that was on the wall...he wasn't really dead. He was just waiting...biding his time...and controlling one of the professors and the most evil wizard of our time," Terry exclaimed, waving his arms, and stuffing fried chicken into his mouth.

"Terry!" Lisa advanced on him.

"Professor Squirrel I think. Yeah, that's him," Terry concluded, leaning away from Lisa's grasp.

As Lisa closed in on Terry with the pills, Mandy thought this over. "Hold on, Lisa," she said. "I...I think he's telling us the truth."

"I hate this magical world," Lisa cursed, putting the pills once again back into her satchel.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" Terry shouted at the bottle of pills. More pills appeared.

"Curses!" he shouted, as Lisa tried to figure out why Wingardium Leviosa worked in all the ways it did.

"Wait, wait," Mandy told the two, as they grappled with the pills on the floor. "Where's the wall hanging now?"

"Good question," Terry said, pulling himself to his foot. "Professor Hurl told me that he was scared of it. That it was trying to get the Masochist's Boulder."

"This is serious," Lisa said, trying to put a choke hold on Terry.

The trio ate their lunch in relative peace, and then finished up with their last classes of the day. Terry, finally, casting the Wingardium Leviosa spell correctly for his Charms final, giving him a whopping 60% as a result.

"That's more than I expected, Terry. I always thought of you more as a 50% person, what with your 50% of leg," Professor Flitwick told him as he walked out of the room. Overall, Terry was feeling pretty good about himself. It wasn't until later that night, in the common room, that he began to feel nervous. There was a chill in the air, and even Lisa and Mandy began to notice.

Mandy had been behaving a bit oddly all evening, and suddenly she leapt up from her chair beside the fire. "I've got it!" she yelled loudly.

"Got what?" Terry asked, wondering why he never got anything.

"I didn't want to tell you guys before until I had it all figured out, but earlier this afternoon after the exams, I heard a very interesting bit of information."

She now had the attention of both Lisa and Terry, which with Terry was a difficult thing to accomplish.

"I was down by Hagrid's hut, just taking a walk to cool down from the excitement of the exams, when I saw that know it all Granger and her two boy toys waltz up to the scene. They were talking with Hagrid outside his hut, and they were talking about that damned dragon...Sorbet or something. Anyways, they basically haggled a load of information out of that old dolt about that three headed dog we saw before, and the man that gave him the dragon egg. Those idiots seemed to think it was Professor Snape or something, and that's when it hit me. Terry was right!"

Terry, who had been staring off into space the whole time observing none of the information perked up. "I was?"

"Yes, yes you were Terry. It was Professor Quirrell who gave Hagrid the dragon's egg so he could get information out of him about Fluffy! Fluffy must be guarding something... and I think we all know what it is."

"A bone?" Terry asked. "Dogs like bones."

"The Masochist's Boulder, and that shoddy Sorcerer's Stone!" Lisa said excitedly. "The pieces all fit together now. It all makes sense with the research we've been doing."

"Research?" Terry asked. "When have you been doing research?"

Lisa and Mandy exchanged glances and sighed.

"We'll tell you all about it on the way, Terry," Mandy began. "But now we have to get down past that dog and stop Quirrell from taking over the world. He must really want that Masochist's Boulder. Why is this magical world full of such ignorant people?"

"Good question, Mandy. If only we could look that up in a book. Anyway, if we don't stop Professor Quirrell, who will?" Lisa asked, amusement glinting in her eyes. "Obviously not the faculty... and it's not likely Harry Potter's going to save the day."

They all had a good laugh and quickly exited the dormitories.

When they got to the not-so-secret hallway, they headed immediately for the door where the three headed dog was. Inside the room, they found a really angry animal and a broken harp.

"Sing, Terry!" Mandy shouted as the dog turned its beady eyes on the trio. "I've heard you sing before, in the showers," she offered as an explanation to Lisa, "so sing something now!"

With no time to think about how creepy it was that Mandy was listening to him in the shower, Terry opened his mouth, and once he realized that he would die if he didn't sing, out came the most beautiful soprano voice anyone in that room had heard...including the dog. Terry sang bits and pieces of every song he knew, with a few rap interludes which the dog didn't like too much, and eventually, the great beast went to sleep.

"Into the trap door!" Lisa shouted, and they all raced for the small opening, throwing themselves at it at the same time.

"Ouch!" Terry bemoaned, as his face came into contact with Mandy's foot. "Now I know how Harry Potter feels. My head hurts."

They all tumbled down into the dark abyss, where they landed on "Devil's Snare!" Lisa said excitedly. "I know just what to do."

"Good!" Hermione said, from a corner. "Because we're stuck down here."

"Okay," Lisa said, pulling out her wand. "Here it goes..."

But before she could say anything, Terry shouted, "Wingardium Leviosa!" and the Devil's Snare turned into cotton balls, much to everyone's surprise.

"Way to go!" Mandy congratulated Terry as they wiped cotton balls off themselves. "I swear, that spell gets more handy each time you use it."

"Way to pay attention in Herbology, Hermione," Ron sneered, shoving Hermione's face into the pile of cotton.

"Why are you guys down here?" Harry asked Terry, while Hermione struggled to breathe.

"Because we want to run head long into danger without thinking twice," Mandy said sarcastically, staring at Harry.

"Well, you see...," Terry started.

"Wait, I don't care," Harry stated in true Harry fashion. "Let's go! I'm sure my good looks and endless luck will help us somehow."

As Harry's group faded into the distance, Mandy said, "So we're following them, right?"

"Oh yeah," Lisa said. "But I think I found a way around the traps."

She tapped her wand on the bricks, just like in Diagon Alley, in some weird wizard pattern, and a wall opened up before them.

"Let's go," she said, leading the way, wand alight.

They saw a beam of light a little further up the corridor, and headed for that. It was coming out of the wall, and afforded them the perfect peeping hole with which to spy on Harry and his gang.

"What do we do?" Hermione asked, sobbing into her hands. "I wish we could turn around."

Hundreds of keys beat their wings above them. "Only one will open the door," Lisa pointed out the obvious.

"Get on the broom," Mandy hissed at Hermione through the wall.

"Hey!" Hermione exclaimed. "I have an idea. If you get on the broom and catch the key like the snitch, then we can get through the door."

"Any key?" asked Harry stupidly.

"The old fashioned one...silver," Mandy hissed through the crack in the wall.

Hermione repeated this information to her group, at which time Harry successfully climbed on the broom, caught the key, and passed it on to his group who opened the door for him.

The Ravenclaw trio was impressed that no one had died yet, as Harry's confident smirk was enough to make any intelligent person fear for the future and their safety.

"Good thinking, Hermione," he said, as the door clicked shut behind them. Meanwhile, Terry's group moved on to the next peeping hole. They looked in wonder through the crack in the wall at a giant chess board.

"Now what do we do?" Harry asked, looking at Hermione again.

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Ron said snidely. "We just walk through. Besides, I suck at chess."

Harry Potter's group started walking across the chess board, but suddenly the pawns drew their swords and barred their way.

"Now what?" Hermione asked, looking at the ceiling, hoping for a miracle.

"Monopoly!" Terry shouted from behind the wall, excited to see his favorite game in life size pieces.

All the chess pieces committed suicide. A falling sword hit Ron on the head. He was out cold.

"Press on! Leave the weak behind!" Harry commanded, dragging Hermione by the wrist through the next door.

The two groups moved on, now with one less member.

"You guys wouldn't leave me behind, would you?" Terry asked, looking a bit frightened. Mandy gave Terry a reassuring squeeze of the shoulder.

"Never Terry, we're all real friends," Lisa said, smiling. "Now, let's go."

They could barely make out Hermione babbling something about which teachers had enchanted which traps. Lisa rolled her eyes as Hermione spewed out useless information.

"I talked to Professor Kettleburn a few days ago," Lisa began. "And you know that man can't keep a secret. Anyways, he let slip about how he was working on a secret project. He said, and I quote, 'Sprout's crap at Herbology, Flitwick's an incompetent jerk, but I'm just racist, and McGonnagall's too busy cleaning up after Dumbledore, while Quirrell's too emaciated to lift a wand, and Snape has emotional issues. So, obviously I've had to enchant all the traps single handedly to guard that damned Sorcerer's Stone.'"

"That man is my hero," Mandy breathed, thinking about her crippled professor.

They soon reached a huge opening in the wall, which joined the two corridors, and Terry's group stepped out to join Harry and Hermione in front of a table covered in glass bottles.

Harry and Hermione regarded the Ravenclaws with as much interest as a Slyherin gives a Hufflepuff; not very much...unless they want something from them. In this case, the two Gryfindors wanted the Ravenclaw party's brains.

All five of them stepped forward, glaring darkly at one another, and a large wall of fire burned up around them.

"Another trap," Hermione said, getting dangerously close to the flames. Lisa was filled with hope that one problem might be taken care of on its own.

"Burn baby, burn," she mumbled to herself, as the flames licked at Hermione's sweater.

"Actually," Terry said, looking sheepish. "I just accidentally Wingardium Leviosa'ed those flames."

"Don't be a dolt," Hermione said coldly, moving toward Terry and dashing Lisa's hopes. "You can't Wingardium Leviosa some flames out of nowhere."

"Whatever, let's just get on with this," Lisa growled, stepping up to the table. She stood side beside with Harry, who was groping a piece of parchment in his sweaty hands.

"This piece of paper holds the key to all," he garbled. "It tells us which potion to drink to get through the flames."

"Let me see that," Lisa said, grabbing the paper from Harry. "Don't be daft; this is just one of Professor Kettleburn's better pieces of poetry. That man has no rhyme or meter."

"Then what are the bottles for?" Hermione retorted, smirking. "And the flames?"

"I told you," Terry began. "I wingar-"

"I don't want to hear this nonsense," Hermione yelled. "This is all part of a well placed and thought out trap."

Lisa shrugged her shoulders, picked up a bottle and downed it. "It's just Cherry Coke," she declared. "Good man, that Kettleburn. Can't hold his fluids very well though. He knew he'd get thirsty down here."

"Are you saying this is some kind of refreshment stand?" Harry asked, rolling his eyes. "I highly doubt Professor Snape would-"

"You obviously have no sense of humor," Mandy said, grinning. Harry and Hermione looked at one another with blank faces.

"What is this humor you speak of?" Hermione asked, scratching her head.

"Never you mind," Terry said, finally taking action. "We have to get going! These flames aren't even real." He put his hand through the fake flames and smiled. "Even my accidents aren't very potent."

The three quickly stepped through the fake flames, Lisa grabbing a glistening bottle of liquid for the road, in case she got thirsty, when they realized Harry and Hermione were still standing beside the table.

"All of my research," Hermione was sobbing. "It was for nothing. I've had the rug pulled out from under me by a pair of Ravenclaws and a... a... cripple!"

"A Ravenclaw cripple," Harry added in, looking sour. "I am sorely disappointed in you Hermione."

"You watch your mouth Harry Potter! Don't even get me started about you and your ego-" And they both started throwing spells at one another.

"This wont do," Lisa said. "We're going to need at least one of them to be a human shield in case trouble abounds."

"Take Potter," Mandy said, as Terry nodded in agreement. "He's always beating us at Quidditch."

Harry, who had overheard most of the conversation turned around, his hands placed defiantly at his hips.

"I'd like to see you make me come with you," he snarled. "I'm Harry bloody Potter, the youngest Seeker in a century, The-Boy-Who-Freaking-Lived-"

Terry quickly Wingardium Leviosa'd him over and gagged him as well. Harry seemed to be calling out for Hermione's help, waving his arms around crazily.

"You're on your own," Hermione said flippantly, running quickly away from the scene.

Terry, Mandy, and Lisa pushed Harry along in front of them, through the mystical illusion that was Terry's flames. When they headed into the long cavern that awaited them, there were a couple of surprises for everyone. But what startled Terry the most wasn't a person, and it wasn't even a spell.