The Christmas Gift

The Christmas Gift

Chapter Three: Completion

Four months later she was still not thinking about it. And she was doing a good job of it too, so good, in fact, that she did it every day. She was an expert on not thinking of Severus Snape. Which was why she was deeply disturbed when Albus Dumbledore's head showed up floating on her fireplace, with not a twinkle left in his eyes, saying it was of extreme urgency she came to Hogwarts immediately. He had refused to disclose any more details over the floo and now, on the path that led to her old school, all Hermione could do was pray that she wouldn't run into the Potions Master. Surely there was limited amount of humiliation one could suffer in a single lifetime.

Much to her surprise, the Headmaster was waiting for her at the gates, looking every one of his many years.

"Miss Granger." His tone was grave.

"Headmaster! Please tell me, what happened?"

"It's Severus, my dear." Her world collapsed. Severus??? But Dumbledore hadn't finished yet. "He was attacked last week, by two Death Eaters who had managed to evade capture. The Aurors are searching for them even as we speak."

Hermione's heart nearly stopped. "A... attacked?"

"His life is in the balance. A very powerful dark curse was cast on him, we don't know if he'll live. He was no random victim, this was a planned vendetta, but Poppy is working with a specialist from St. Mungo's. We're all doing our best, Miss Granger, but I'm afraid there is little hope."

She swallowed hard as the full force of her as-of-yet-unacknowledged feelings for him hit her square in the chest. Had she just been told that Severus was... dying??

"I wouldn't have asked for you to come here if he hadn't requested it himself. He has few conscious moments, but he seems to spend them all asking for you. If you would do me the favour, Miss Granger, it is very important. Should... should the worst happen, I would like to think he went in peace."

In peace?!? No, no, no, this couldn't be happening, surely she was having a nightmare. Her voice was strangled.

"Where is he?"

"The infirmary. Miss Granger-"

Hermione wasn't listening anymore. She was running at breakneck speed, too afraid she might be missing out on one of his conscious moments... too afraid she might be too late. She burst into the infirmary breathless.

"Miss Granger! Thank the Gods you came!"

"Madam Pomfrey. Where is he?"

"This way."

Without another word Hermione followed the mediwitch to a secluded bed in the back of the infirmary. When Madam Pomfrey drew open the curtains, the younger witch had to cover her mouth with her hands not to scream. Dumbledore hadn't told her Severus had been beaten as well as cursed. One might say his swollen face was covered in bruises, but a more accurate description would be that his swollen bruise still had a few pieces of face left. As if reading her mind, Madam Pomfrey explained.

"I've tried dozens of healing charms and potions, but they won't work. The curse they used on him is preventing him from healing. The only thing I've been able to do for him when the pain is too intense is to give him an infusion..."

Hermione noticed the pregnant silence. "Of what? An infusion of what?"

"Asphodel and wormwood. In carefully measured doses. It's the only thing that will help him sleep through the pain. He's usually more lucid when he wakes up after that. He keeps asking for you, dear."

Hermione's eyes were filled with tears.

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey. I'll stay here with him now, in case he wakes up."

---

Hermione had been sitting there for two hours, fighting the urge to touch his face for fear of hurting him, when he began to stir. Her name was on his lips even before he had managed to open a fraction of his swollen eyes.

"Hermione."

"I'm right here, Severus."

He let out a sigh of relief. "You came."

"Yes, I came, I'm here. I'm here. You wanted to speak with me?"

"I... I wanted..." her tears kept falling seeing how painful it was for him to speak, how he had to stop at every other word to catch his breath. "to say... I'm sorry."

"You're sorry." For having left?

"I'm sorry for... what happened... on Christmas Eve."

On Christmas Eve? He was dying and he still wanted to make sure she knew he regretted making love to her? Gods! "You're sorry." She repeated, holding back tears.

"I shouldn't have... taken advantage... of you. I never... never wanted pity... but you... so beautiful... I couldn't... control... I... I'm sorry. Please."

Whatever Hermione had been expecting, it wasn't that. She had read everything wrong? He had... he had been worried he might have taken advantage of her? And it had consumed him so that he had felt the need to apologise even though he might be dying? That he had thought of nothing else throughout days of endless pain? A strangled sob that she could no longer contain escaped her throat and she took his hand in hers very gently, her voice unsteady.

"Severus! Gods, don't be sorry, there is nothing to be sorry for! You didn't take advantage of me, I knew exactly what I was doing."

Her words, however, didn't seem to appease him.

"I'm... dying... no lies... forgive me... please?"

It was too much for Hermione to bear. Too much pain, too many misunderstandings, too much death around her.

"Don't say that, don't you say that." Her tears were blurring her speech now. "You did not take advantage of me, I wanted you. So very much, Gods, so much! And I thought... I thought you had left because you couldn't stand it... That you'd stayed because I had asked you so much that you were sorry for me... and that you'd left because you couldn't stomach having gone to bed with a mudblood..." She saw the flash that went through his face - pain that had no relation to the physical one he was in, doubt, self-hatred - and hastened to correct it. "Not like that, Severus, I know how hard you worked to bring Voldemort down, and how much it must have cost you. But I believe in house-elf rights too, and I wouldn't invite one to my bed."

She was surprised by a rasping sound that she was able to identify as laughter. With great effort Severus brought his hand to her cheek.

"You... not an elf..."

She gave a half-laugh at that. "Oh, Severus, I know. And I didn't truly believe you would be so prejudiced after all you've done. It was just... easier... on me than to think you had left because I had been so bad..."

Hermione felt his hand twitch and was afraid he was having a spasm. Then she looked at the slit inside of which his dark eyes could be seen. Glittering passionately, burning. "Never bad... You could... never be bad... It was... wonderful..." He closed his eyes in pain and let out in a whisper. "Perfect..."

Severus had never known he could feel such pain. He had taken the Cruciatus more times than he could count, arrived from Dark Revels more often than not bleeding and broken, and for almost a week now he had been suffering the prolonged effects of a coward beating, courtesy of the Doloris Infinitæ curse, and yet he had never known he could be in so great a pain until he understood what had happened. He had been given a chance, on Christmas, to live out what little remained of his life in happiness - with her as his lover, or maybe even something more - and he had stupidly, foolishly thrown it away. And now he was dying and there was no more time. Nothing that could be done. He had prayed for death a thousand times and, now that it had come to claim him, he would give anything to have another year, another month, another week, another day to be alive. With her by his side. He had been given such a precious, precious chance... and he had lost it. He had wasted it. A solitary tear escaped his eye and trailed slowly down the side of his abused face. He opened his eyes as much as he could, trying to imprint her image in his memory so that maybe, just maybe, he could take that final memory along as he went.

"Hermione..." She locked her gaze with his, trembling. "I wish I... I wish I could live..." he let out in a breath "... for you..."

Hermione grabbed his hand and kissed his palm fiercely, her cheek wet with tears. "Don't give up, Severus, please. All we need is a bit more time, we'll break it. Please. Don't you die on me."

"I'm... fading..." He closed his eyes and drifted to unconsciousness again. Hermione was frantic. She let go of his hand as gently as she could and ran to find Madam Pomfrey.

"Madam Pomfrey! Where is that expert from St. Mungo's?"

"Dr. Hayden is down in the Potions Lab, dear."

With a quick 'thank you' she was off to her old classroom, pain and fear warring with hope within her.

---

She had been cheated. It was her only thought as she drew the curtains from Severus' bed in the infirmary only to find it empty. After a day of intense research with Dr. Hayden, Hermione had had an epiphany - it didn't matter how good a doctor the man was, if you wanted an unbreakable curse broken there was only one place you could go: Gringotts Bank, Egypt Division. And so she had and, three days after that - three whole days where she had not seen Severus once, too intent on healing him before it was too late - she thought they might have succeeded. But then Madam Pomfrey had laced her headache potion with Dreamless Sleep, and she hadn't noticed it soon enough - her wits had been dulled by ninety-six hours of wakefulness - and now his bed was empty and she was afraid of what it could mean.

"Oh, Gods! Severus..."

"... Is resting in his quarters now that he no longer requires constant medical surveillance." answered a kind voice behind her. Hermione turned to see Albus Dumbledore smiling at her. The brightest of smiles lit up her face at the news. She moved past the elderly wizard in a daze.

"I'll be going there, then, alright?"

Ten seconds later she was back, looking helpless.

"Headmaster, I don't know..."

"At the end of the Potions corridor, the painting of the thunderstorm. You need to touch the lightning bolt. Oh, and be careful - it usually gives one a bit of a shock."

She would have laughed were she not so anxious to go to Severus. She was at the painting in a flash. After having touched the lightning bolt though - and having been suitably shocked - she was caught by a surge of nervousness. Should she really be here, imposing her presence on him so soon? But his words... 'Perfect...' 'I wish I could live... for you...' She gathered her courage and walked in, making just enough noise that he would notice her if he were awake, but not so much as to wake him were he asleep. As it turned out he was reading a book and lifted his head to see who was intruding in his privacy. Myriad expressions crossed his face, that had shrunk into its usual size and looked considerably healthier, but Hermione was the first to break the silence.

"Severus. It worked." Way to go, Granger, queen of the obvious, she berated herself. He kept staring at her, eyes filled with... longing?.. until his whole body stiffened. All of his posture suddenly spelled formality and, when he finally spoke, his voice was cold and distant.

"Miss Granger-" She looked at him in shock.

"Severus-" He lifted a hand up to silence her.

"Miss Granger. I have only one thing to say to you. You are free to go. I will not hold you prisoner to the kind words you offered a dying man. And I... thank you for everything you did."

Even though she was sure he wanted her, she couldn't prevent her tears from falling. "Gods, Severus. Please. I can't take this anymore, I can't take it twice. Everything you said... was it a lie? Do I mean nothing to you, did you only stay on Christmas Eve because I pleaded so much? Just tell me the truth once and for all, Severus, do I mean nothing?"

She hadn't thought it was possible for a man recovering of such violent a curse to move so fast. Before she knew it she was being held tight in his arms, and couldn't help but to marvel at how quickly some of his strength seemed to have returned.

"You mean everything. Everything." He captured her face in his hands and tilted it upwards. "But what could I possibly have to give you, Hermione?"

Her eyes were completely clear as she answered, just before she brought his mouth down to hers. "You."