Last Wish

Last Wish

Chapter Three

Closure

Hungry. Must feed. Those were the creature's only thoughts as it once again scavenged the ground in search of something to eat. The creature had stopped feeling repulsion at eating worms at least eighteen months before. A year ago it had stopped being repulsed by anything. It scavenged some more, but it seemed to be out of luck. Settling on eating some earth instead, it quickly moved to its next priority. Wet. Cold. Must cover. Its eyes rapidly scanned the hut but found nothing, so it huddled in a corner to wait out the rain.

---

The girl was running. She knew Daddy was going to be upset, he didn't like her to go into the forest, but it was fun! There were all sorts of magic things, like faeries and unicorns. She really liked unicorns, and they liked her back. They always let her touch them, and never ran. They stayed until her Daddy would find her, and then they hid while she got scolded. But she always came back. She couldn't tell why Daddy didn't want her in the forest. It was so beautiful! Wait, there was a path she hadn't noticed before. Ooooh, wonderful, more beautiful things to play with must be there! With a delighted squeal, the little five year-old was on her way.

---

The wizard was terribly worried, more so than he used to be. Amanda had ran into the forest again. Why, oh why did his daughter persist on going to a place he had specifically ordered her not to? She was usually found by an oak near the Amazon river but, today, she wasn't there. Fear gripped his heart powerfully. The rain was heavy, what if she had fallen in the river and been dragged by the current? She was his only daughter, that which he most loved in the world. If something were to happen to her... He pushed that thought aside. She would be alright, she always was. He just had to keep looking. Taking a deep breath, he moved on. Then he heard her bone-chilling cry.

---

Running faster than he had thought possible, the wizard arrived not a second too soon. He arrived just in time to see a dementor heading for his beloved daughter. Automatically reaching for his wand, he focused on his little girl and cried "Expecto Patronum". A silver eagle flew from the tip of the wand right into the dementor, which fled deep into the forest. Instead of coming back to him, though, the patronus turned left towards a small hut and drove a second dementor away. Only then did it return to dissolve into mist.

Too relieved to be angry, the wizard picked up his daughter and let out a long breath. He had feared Amanda would run into a number of things, but he certainly hadn't expected dementors to be in the forest. The rain was falling so heavily now that he thought it for the best to seek shelter in the hut, lest Amanda caught pneumonia. Entering it, however, he immediately regretted his decision. It had an intense smell of rot and excrement, so acrid it almost made his nostrils hurt. He was just about to withdraw when something lurched at him, giving him barely enough time to yell "Petrificus Totalus". The thing froze and fell to the ground. An animal, perhaps? Telling Amanda to stay put, he closed in to investigate. It looked suspiciously similar to a man. Could it be the reason the dementors had been there?

Maybe he should bring him along and verify it with the Ministry. Knowing there would be no muggle to spot him in the middle of the Amazon forest with that rain, he didn't bother to hide the floating body after casting Mobilicorpus.

---

Albus Dumbledore didn't know exactly how he should feel. Severus was alive, he should be relieved. But after what he had seen, how could he? Although Severus had been found a week ago, he had only seen him today, and it had been extremely taxing on him. His former Potions Master was in St. Mungo's, utterly insane. Fortunately, he wasn't as bad as the Longbottoms, there was still hope for him, but at what cost? He never would have thought that the former Death Eater, of all people, could be so affected by dementors; even Sirius Black, having had a much happier experience of life prior to his stay in Azkaban, had still managed to remain sane. For this to have happened, Severus would have to have clinged to whatever happy memories he had with a vengeance. He decided not to tell the staff as of yet. Maybe he would recover. The Headmaster certainly intended to do everything in his power to help that happen.

---

He didn't know the exact moment that he became aware, only that, at some point in time, his thoughts had grown coherent once more. He registered the changes around and in him immediately. He was warm, dry and comfortable. The air smelled of clean antiseptic potions and he was lying in a hospital bed, sunlight flooding the room. He would have recognised it as St. Mungo's if his mind weren't so intent on not being fooled. Was this another of Voldemort's schemes, another illusion? Ever since he had hit him with that teleport spell he had been unsure what was reality. At first he had thought he was dead - the green light had been so like Avada Kedavra, and the hut with its accompanying dementors so reminiscent of his vision of Hell. Which he was sure was where he would go, were he dead. He couldn't tell how much time he had spent in that hut, couldn't remember the most of it clearly, actually. Just a never-ending stream of cold, and hunger, and pain and, most of all, an absolute feeling of despair, of void and emptiness, but no action, or thought, or purpose. Had he lost his mind? He realised he was hungry in a normal way; his stomach roiled, but the feeling wasn't all-consuming and he could deal with it later. Right now his most pressing need was sleep. He closed his eyes, uncaring, for the moment, if this was reality or illusion. If it was illusion, it was a damned good one.

---

The fourth time he awakened, he decided he should try to walk. He got up from the bed unsteadily, his every joint aching in protest. Good. If he was still capable of feeling pain, he must still be alive. Although why he would think of that as 'good' was something that escaped him. He went to the door of his bedroom in time to see someone dressed in white coming his way. If he truly was at a hospital, and if Poppy Pomfrey's attitude was a standard to go by, then he shouldn't be caught out of bed. Sneaking back like a guilty first year, he managed to lie down just in time. The nurse entered the room and opened the curtains to let the sun in. That's odd, he thought, they were opened the last time, weren't they? A cheerful, professional voice shook him out of his reverie.

"And how are we feeling this fine morning, Mr. Snape? We have to freshen you up, visiting hour is about to begin. And how was your sleep?"

His eyes fully opened as she continued to ramble on, he realised she expected no response from him. Had he been that far gone? Well, if he had, he could hardly be denied little pleasures, now, could he? Revelling in the anticipated fright he knew he would cause her he drawled, his voice unfamiliar with disuse.

"I could hardly know how we are feeling this morning, since I wasn't aware we even existed. I can only see me and you. And if we are going to freshen me up, might I suggest you return to elementary school to relearn the use of your pronouns? As for me, I would hardly call this morning fine. There is too much human noise in this bedroom for it to be so."

It was a ruckus after that. An endless string of doctors and experts came to see him - interrogate him was a more truthful account - and they seemed unwilling to let go of him. If it hadn't been for Albus showing up and ordering them away, Severus thought he would have gone back to being insane. He was surprised at the depth of the affection which filled him at the sight of the old wizard. The Headmaster filled in all the gaps - had it really been five years since he had left to meet Voldemort? He could appreciate that time had seemed inexistent in the hut, but to be in St. Mungo's for nearly two years? It hadn't even appeared to be a week! -, and, slowly, he sank back into being himself. Albus had said that Miss Granger - he couldn't help but feel he was forgetting something important at the mention of her - had taken on his Potions classes temporarily, but would be giving them back slowly. She would be keeping first to three-years to herself until he was fully recovered, Albus decided. She had come to see him once, but he had scared her away. There was something about her entering his bedroom smiling and calling him Severus, some strange and unfamiliar emotion in her eyes that had triggered a wave of unexpected longing. Ashamed of himself, he had done his worst. Things had been downhill from there, with her appearing uninvited in his dreams and him waking up like a hormonal fifteen year-old. God, he missed his nightmares! It was going to be a trying experience, having to be in her presence at Hogwarts.

---

Hermione Granger was hiding in her room. There was, in all honesty, no other word to it. Severus would be returning to Hogwarts any minute now and, after their last encounter, she wasn't sure she could deal with seeing him again so soon. He had left a raw wound inside her that was still bleeding. She could have handled almost anything, even the traditional 'I'm sorry, it was all a mistake', but it had been far worse. He had refused to acknowledge what had happened completely. She had gone to see him in a haze of overwhelmed joy that he was alive and well, but had managed to say no more than six words.

'Severus, thank Heaven you're alright, I-' he had cut her off.

'Miss Granger, you seem to be under the misguided notion that, having taught my classes, you have gained the right to address me by my given name. You have not. Kindly reposition yourself in your place. Now, unless you have something utterly undelayable to tell me, please leave. I feel tired enough without you adding to it.'

She had walked from the room as graciously as she could only to start running when she knew there was no risk of him watching. It hadn't been until two days later that she had been able to cry. She could not understand what made him so cruel - surely he would know a simple 'It's over' would have sufficed.

---

Severus Snape awoke in a wet pool of sweat. This could not go on. He had dreamt of Hermione again - when had he begun thinking of her as that? - and the state in which he woke was revealing. He hated dreaming of her. Plain lust he could deal with, but not the feelings these dreams awakened within. She had been looking lovingly at him, kissing and caressing him as if he were precious... There was a hollow in his chest where his heart would have been. Night after night, dream after dream, it was like a puzzle coming together to form a whole. Words of love whispered in his classroom, more than that being given in his very room. And they were always so vivid they seemed more memory than dream. It had to stop. One way or another, it had to stop before he embarrassed himself further and did something completely unforgivable like trying to kiss her. The last seven months had been a trying crescendo and he was sure he would crack if he didn't put an end to it.

---

Hermione had just finished her last class of the day when he entered. Strange that he would come down the classroom knowing she would still be there; they had reached a tacit agreement over the months never to meet unless it was strictly unavoidable. Even meals they had found a way to work round, taking turns eating in their respective quarters. And, after everything, foolish girl that she was, she still loved him.

His voice was relentless.

"Professor Granger, a word, if you may."

"What is it you wish, Professor?"

"I feel I am quite capable of teaching all of my classes as of now. Thank you for your assistance, you are free to go."

There was a rush of conflicting emotions, a battle between fear and anger. Being marginally successful at subduing both, her voice was tense.

"Very well."

Relief washed over Severus. If he would have known it would be that easy, he would have done it a long time ago and saved himself some embarrassment.

"I assume you be leaving Hogwarts shortly then, Miss Granger. My most sincere best wishes for your future career."

The immediate shift between 'Professor' and 'Miss' did not go unnoticed. Hermione was furious but still managed to keep her tone controlled.

"Leave Hogwarts? I have no intention of doing so. I had foreseened this day would come, Professor, and made more than satisfactory arrangements with the Headmaster. I will be able to do research right here in the school. And thank you ever so much for your kind wishes." The sarcasm in her was worthy of him.

Severus panicked. If he was forced to see her for the rest of his life he was bound to give in someday. And be laughed at, and scorned and humiliated or worse, pitied, by the woman he loved. Because, ridiculous as it was, he did love her. And he could not bear to think that she would know it and feel sorry for him.

"Miss Granger, after seven years of teaching you I would have thought I had earned some right for peace. My stay in the Amazon seems relaxing by comparison. Please allow me to live my remaining years quietly, I am sure you will have no trouble finding work wherever you choose."

His dismissive tone drove her over the edge - the sheer nerve, the audacity to think she would obey him just because of what they had... Better not go that way.

"I am sure of that myself, Professor, seeing as I already found it where I chose to. Hogwarts is home to me as well. Good day, Professor."

The Potions Master felt tired and defeated. Hogwarts was more of a home to him than it could ever be to anyone else - it was the only place where he had found friends. But he would leave rather than risk exposing himself. When he spoke again, the bite had left his voice.

"Very well, Miss Granger, then you may as well keep all of my classes to yourself. This castle, big as it may be, can hold only one of us. If you do not leave, I will."

He turned to leave and Hermione felt numb. It was clear he wasn't bluffing. He would rather leave everything that was dear to him behind than share a castle the size of Hogwarts with her. How he must hate what had happened! Even her fury ebbed away. She couldn't let him leave; as he had pointed out, she would have no trouble finding work. Which, considering his past, was more than what could be said about him. Even after all he had done he was looked upon with distrust.

"There is no need, Professor. If it is that important, you can have Hogwarts all to yourself."

Severus stopped dead on his tracks and let out a sigh of relief. As she moved past him, she sounded broken.

"I didn't anticipate you would hate me this much. It was a single night, I pressured you no further. And I could have taken a hint. When did I ever throw myself at you, to make you avoid my presence so much? What did I ever do that merits such loathing? No, don't answer that. Don't bother."

Finally, the pieces of the puzzle clicked together. It had been real, a memory, not a dream. A happy one, that the dementors must have eaten right through to the core. That he had thought possible only in his mind. And he was driving her away. For some obscure reason, the classroom door became a threshold which he knew he shouldn't let her cross. If she walked past it, she would be walking away irrevocably from his life. In three long strides he was in front of her, grabbing her upper arms with such force his knuckles were white. His expression naked, his voice was but a whispering plea.

"It was real, then? Hermione, please. That night, was it real?"

She looked up in surprise. He was hurting her arms but she was hardly noticing it. All she could see was the pain in him, the fear. It had never occurred to her that he might have forgotten or worse, been robbed of their night together.

"Yes. You didn't know?"

He let his head fall down so that their foreheads met. He was still afraid of rejection, but it was different now. Even if she didn't want him anymore he would have the consolation of knowing for certain she once had.

"I didn't know. Forgive me, I didn't know." Uncaring now, and unable too of hiding his emotions, he let his tears spill over them both in a torrent. Realising for the first time the strength with which he was gripping her he let her go and stood with his arms dropped by his sides, achingly vulnerable. In an instant she was around him, her kisses raw with emotions. His matched hers.

"Hermione. You still want me? After everything, you still do?"

The uncertainty in his voice made her suffer as little could have. He had gone through so much... And to think they could have walked away from each other and never know.

"I want you always. I love you always. I was always yours."

"Do you truly understand what you're saying? Hermione, these last years I have been less than person, less than beast even. How can you want one such as I?"

It was her turn to let the tears fall. She brought his face between her hands and kissed him fiercely once more.

"Is it so hard to see that I love you?" For a moment she sounded shy. "I... waited for you."

If his life depended on it he wouldn't have been able to hide the disbelief in his voice as the implication sank in.

"It's been almost six years. You... for me??"

"It was no sacrifice. There was never anyone I wanted but you."

The simplicity of her statement left him stunned. Even the power to articulate correctly was beyond him.

"Hermione, I... whatever you want. Anything. Everything."

"I want you. Just you, love."

The End