Geneticus

CHAPTER NINE: THE TAMING OF THE FORD

He was surrounded by green.

It took Mulder a moment to realize the green was a wall of hedges -- he was inside the maze from the tournament. A glance down showed he was wearing the robes Rosmerta had gotten him, and in his right hand he held a long wand.

He began to walk, keeping alert for any of the creatures that were lurking among the hedges. A shadow crossed in front of him, but Mulder couldn't see what had cast it. He held the wand tighter, though he doubted it would do him any good.

Luckily, he avoided any incidents, and found himself facing the trophy. He didn't want to touch it -- he knew it could only end up badly -- but he couldn't help himself. He reached out and grabbed the handle.

Immediately he was somewhere else -- a house in the country, it seemed. He stood at the end of the drive, facing the quaint dwelling. There was someone sitting on the front porch. He began walking closer, a smile overcoming his face as he recognized the figure as Scully, holding a slightly older William in her arms.

She whispered to the little boy then put him down, and William began toddling towards his father. Mulder's heart sank -- had he been gone so long?

"Da!" William yelped, holding his arms up. Mulder leaned down and scooped his son into his arms, hugging the baby tightly and covering his sweet face with kisses. "Daddy's here," he murmured, "Daddy's finally here..."

William squirmed and pressed back from Mulder. Father son regarded each other. Then William spoke, though the voice was that of Harry Potter.

"Don't let me be like Harry, Father."

Mulder frowned. A wizard like Harry? Was William not meant for that world?

William was pointing to something behind Mulder, and with great trepidation, Mulder turned around.

A dark man stood there, draped in a wizard's cloak and holding a wand in his long fingers. The wand was pointed at Mulder. The figure raised its head, and while it was clearly the Cancerman's face, Mulder heard himself yell "Voldemort!"

A blast of heat crossed Mulder's leg and he awoke with a start, sitting bolt upright on the couch.

Remus and Addie were staring at him, their wands drawn and pointed his way. Sirius was back in human form, holding his empty hand towards Mulder as well. He looked at his hand.

"Damn! I really need a wand again!"

Everyone chuckled softly, and Mulder rubbed his eyes. "Sorry, bad dream. I think I've been in the Wizard World too long," he said with a small smile. He then glanced down at his leg; his jeans were singed and torn, and underneath he could see a red welt beginning to form on his skin.

"Did we get you?" asked Remus, sliding out from under the bed sheets. He approached Mulder carefully, waving his wand at a few candles for some extra light.

Mulder shrugged. "Looks like I just got skimmed. Doesn't hurt too badly, really."

"You think that now. The hex I think I cast causes a delayed reaction, and you certainly don't want to feel it in a couple hours," Remus advised. He began to mutter words that, like most other spells, reminded Mulder of Latin, and the red welt began to disappear under a soft yellow glow emanating from the wand.

A few moments later all that was left of the wound was a patch of soft pink skin. Remus looked up at Mulder. "That should take care of things. Let me know, though, if it starts to hurt."

Addie let out a large yawn, then leaned over and picked a watch up from the bedside shelf. "It's nearly five. Do you have enough food for all of us, Remus?"

"I should," he replied, standing up and heading for the small pantry behind the table. "I usually get food in bulk so I don't have to go out too often...ah, yes, there's plenty for you to work with, Addie!"

Addie gave a most unladylike snort. "Why me? I can't cook!"

Sirius barked with laughter. "You sure cook better than either of us -- you can't cook at all, can you, Muggle?"

Mulder shook his head with a grin. "You're talking to a guy who has been known to have several-year-old orange juice in his mostly empty fridge. I wouldn't trust me with toast."

Addie sighed. "You blokes are hopeless. How do you survive without a woman?"

The three men answered in unison: "Barely."

Addie just shook her head, and began preparing their meal.

* * *

"Watch yourself, Muggle!"

Mulder quickly turned around, eyes going wide as he saw the wild car bearing down on him. He leapt out of the way, narrowly avoiding being sideswiped. "Thanks, Sirius," he called over his shoulder.

The car drove straight on for nearly a hundred yards before it turned westward, heading deeper into the forest.

Addie threw her wand to the ground. "Who the hell enchanted this bloody car anyway? I'll get the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts team on their arse so fast their head will spin..."

Remus laughed. "Relax! It's just having some fun with us."

She scowled. "Oh yes, it's all rather delightful." She picked up her wand again. "Right then. Next pass I'll try a Deflatus curse."

Mulder laughed. "Deflatus as in deflate? You going to try to shoot out the tires?" Addie nodded. "Look, I've tried that before, and it's *so* much harder than it looks. You'd probably do better if you grabbed onto the bumper and got dragged along with it," he suggested with a wry grin.

From his post a few dozen yards away, Sirius shouted, "It's on its way!"

Mulder backed away from the expected path of the car, deciding it was best if he just stayed out of the way and let the wizards handle this. The car revved its engine, and Remus and Addie turned to face it, wands at the ready. As it raced towards them, they flicked their wands and yelled, "Deflatus!"

The car kept coming.

"Bugger!" Addie muttered. She tried the charm several more times, but to no avail. The car sped past them again, and Mulder could swear it was laughing at them.

But he also noticed that the passenger's -- no, it was the driver's -- window was wide open. Not taking the time to do any sort or rational thinking, Mulder ran into the woods, hoping to be on the other side of the vehicle when it passed by again.

"What are you doing, Mulder?" Remus called, looking slightly concerned. Mulder didn't answer, focusing all his energy on timing his jump when the car drove past again.

As expected, the car returned for another pass, and Mulder was ready. Just as it drove by, Mulder leapt forward, grabbing hold of the open window. The car was so surprised by the sudden attack that it braked suddenly, tossing Mulder forward and across the hood, then backed up, causing its rodeo rider to slide off and land on the ground with a painful-sounding thud.

Not to be deterred by bruised buttocks, Mulder scrambled to his feet and began to run after the car again. With a grunt he jumped forward, catching onto the windshield wipers, which began to wipe furiously. Cursing, Mulder let his hands slip down to catch into the open grating just below the wipers. Once again the car halted in its tracks, and Mulder slid into the windshield, which, while certainly filled with cracks and dings, was still in one piece.

Mulder took a deep breath and swung his legs to the left; miraculously, he managed to get both feet in the window, and hooking one foot into the steering wheel he pulled himself around, squeezed through the opening, and landed with a grunt in the driver's seat.

With a victorious cheer, Mulder stomped on the brake, and the car finally stopped and idled. "All that RV wranglin' finally paid off," he muttered, wiping his brow and waving the wizards over.

Addie was laughing hysterically, while Remus and Sirius both wore similar looks of surprise and respect.

"Merlin's beard," said Sirius as he climbed into the front passenger's seat, leaving the back for his sister and friend. "It's a rare day indeed when Muggle ingenuity outperforms basic wizardry."

Remus nodded, but Addie, who'd finally calmed down, just gave her werewolf a friendly punch in the arm. "Learn to have a little faith in the Muggles, Remus. I reckon they're not as caveman as you'd think." She winked at Mulder, then sat back. "Onward, sir! Let's get out of this forest and back to civilization!"

Mulder frowned. "Okay then, but you all know the area better than I do. I can drive this, but someone else will have to navigate."

"Just head eastward, Mulder," Remus instructed. "I'm fairly certain there's a road about a half-mile past the treeline. We'll head south from there."

The treeline, thankfully, wasn't too far away, and so quite soon they were driving on smooth pavement.

About three miles down the road, however, there was a metallic 'thunk' and the car bounced as the back tire ran up over something.

"What the hell?" Mulder glanced in the rearview mirror, trying to figure out what had happened. "Did something just fall off the car?"

"Looks like it," said Remus, who was turned in his seat. "You know, we're probably going to hit some other traffic soon...we might want to charm this thing so it looks less...feral."

The others agreed that this would be a smart idea, so Mulder pulled off to the side, making sure to keep behind the wheel to prevent the car from escaping. He had a vague idea of what was being said by the wizards outside, and he noticed the car glowed a pale lilac for a few moments, but aside from that not much had changed inside when they were finished.

Sirius had just gotten back into his seat when Addie poked her head through Mulder's window.

"Sirius, we really ought do the Glamour while we're out here, too. I'd hate to get to London and have to try to find a private place to do it there."

Sirius nodded. "Good thought." He turned to Mulder and shrugged. "It shouldn't take us too long. Just don't freak out when I come back looking completely different!"

Remus hopped into the back seat again. "Car looks much better now, not like it's been living in the forest for a year or two."

Mulder frowned. "Just how would it end up there in the first place? I mean, surely no one would, um, magick it just to leave it in the woods?"

"Hmm...well, there is a way to find out who enchanted it," Remus suggested. "Every wizard's wand is unique, made of a kind of wood and some sort of magical core. My wand, for example, is willow with a unicorn hair as the core." Mulder's eyebrows shot up at the mention of a unicorn, but he said nothing. "When a wand casts a spell, it leaves a sort of...signature behind, telling what it's made of and who made it. And also, if a wizard has used his wand long enough -- usually by the time he leaves Hogwarts -- he imprints a bit of himself into the wand's signature, too. So, with the proper spell, I can reveal the wand signature of the wand that enchanted this car."

Mulder nodded. "Will that hurt the car at all? I don't want to have to go catch another one."

The men laughed, and Remus assured Mulder that the spell was harmless. "The tricky part," he added, "is figuring out where the wand cast the spell we're interested in. I get the feeling that this car has had many magical modifications..."

"But probably all by the same wizard, wouldn't you think?"

"True. This isn't exactly a legal possession under wizarding law, so it's unlikely a group got together...no, you're right, it was probably one wizard tinkering around for fun."

Remus pulled out his wand and leaned over the bench seat and Mulder's shoulder. "Pardon me..." Mulder edged to the left, giving the wizard some room to maneuver. Remus began moving his wand, and after a few motions said, "Subscriptia divelgo!"

Before Mulder's eyes, words began to write themselves in the air above the dashboard.

"Ten and one quarter inches long, made of rosewood, containing a dragon's heartstring...made by Ollivander, Diagon Alley, London, England...owned by Arthur Weasley, The Burrow, Ottery St. Catchpole, Devon, England."

Mulder grinned. "Weasley again? Just how many of them are there?"

Remus laughed as the writing began to fade. "Arthur's the patriarch of the family. The funniest part is that, last I heard, he was in charge of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts division of the Ministry!" He shook his head.

The doors opened and Sirius and Addie slid into their seats. "Right then, Muggle, we're all set!"

Mulder turned to acknowledge that all his passengers were all settled, and nearly yelped with surprise when he saw the man now sitting next to him.

Sirius's hair was short-cropped and lightened, so much that it was more blonde than brown; his eyes were darker, the bit of hazel that had kept them so alive now gone in favor of an all-consuming brown. His face was younger and line-free; all in all, he looked like a younger version of Remus, possibly his younger brother.

"Definitely one of my better Glamours," Addie said proudly. "You two could be cousins."

Sirius glanced at Mulder. "Lucky me," he said with a wink. "Though I suppose it's easier to say I'm his cousin than to say I'm his packmate."

Mulder smirked. "Yeah, that one might be a little harder to explain."

Addie squirmed restlessly. "Well, let's get a move on! It's been ages since I've been to London, and I'm dying to find out just how slowly this Muggle transportation moves."

Mulder considered defending his kind, but decided he'd save it for later; after all, of all of them, it was Mulder the Muggle who'd tamed the Ford.

END CHAPTER NINE