Hurt Me

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for what I give to you
Is just what I'm going through
This is nothing new

Just another phase of finding what I really need
Is what makes me bleed

What does Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have in common? A quick observer might immediately say "not a lot" just by a mere glance at the two boys. Although they were just about the same height, Harry has dark messy hair as black as a raven, while Draco has neatly combed blonde hair, as silver as a full moon. Harry's skin was darker as well, and Draco was unbelievably pale. Oh, he was so pale. One boy has a smirk on his face which was dawned by uncertainty now, while the other wore a faint smile with a hint of impatience behind it. And that was only in appearance.

So what were two boys so different from each other doing at the Astronomy tower, one on top of the other? War makes people do funny things.

Now Harry was scraping his teeth against Draco's neck, just below his pulse. His left hand anxiously tugging at his shirt, then his belt. When Draco's shirt was off, Harry took a moment to sit up and take a good look at him. Draco's eyes were wide, and it made him look younger. Too young. Guilty Harry quickly took his eyes off his face, and found himself staring at Draco's body. Everyone was thin, but Draco had always been thin and now it was worse. With every rising breath, you can see the outline of his ribcage. And he was too pale.

"God Malfoy, you're practically transparent," Harry said.

"I'm not," Draco replied absentmindedly. "And stop staring at me."

Harry leaned down and kissed him hard on the mouth.

*

Two weeks later, Harry arrived in the Gryffindor Common Room. There were never too many people there, because a lot of the younger students had been taken home by their parents. Hogwarts was thought to be unsafe, but Harry thought that was ridiculous. Hogwarts was the safest place after all.

The first person he saw was Hermione. Her bushy brown hair was unkempt. She had her arms around Ron, her head on his shoulder. Harry could hear her sobs. Ron on the other hand, sat there with blood shot eyes, fists clenched on either side of him.

Harry went over to his friends. Something must have happened. Another death, maybe.

Hermione looked up from Ron's shoulder. Her face was tear streaked, and her fringe was wetly plastered on her forehead. She'd been crying for a while. She got up and threw herself on Harry, sobbing continuously.

There was a crumbled letter on the floor next to Ron's foot. Harry, easing Hermione off him, bent down and picked it up. His worse fear was confirmed when he read the letter.

Dear Whom It May Concern,

The Dark Mark was found hovering above your home this morning at forty-two minutes past nine. We are sorry about your lost.

Regards,

The Ministry of Magic

It was short, simple, and curt. It wasn't even personalized. Of course, the Ministry of Magic has so much things on their hands these days, it's not like they'd have the time. And besides, so many deaths were occurring, and these letters were regularly sent out every day now. There was no point in trying to comfort everyone.

Harry dropped the letter, and slowly knelt down by Ron. He placed a hand on Ron's knee.

Ron opened his mouth to speak. "My parents are dead, Harry." His voice croaked from the dryness.

That night, Harry stormed up to the Astronomy tower. Draco as usual, was already there. He opened his mouth to say something, but Harry had already pushed him against the hard stone wall, practically knocking the breath out of him.

"Potter..." Draco said. Something was wrong.

Harry shoved Draco roughly, leaving marks on his back. All these deaths. Cedric and Sirius. Countless students. Professor Sprout had been killed earlier in the war. Mad Eye Moody and Tonks were gone. Now, the Weasleys.

He grabbed the sides of Draco's arms, and Draco took a sharp intake of breath because Harry's grip was so tight that it was cutting off his blood circulation. And then Harry's lips met Draco's, and he was biting down, and Draco can taste blood in his mouth, but he doesn't protest. He doesn't do anything.

Somehow they ended up sliding down to the ground, where their trousers came off, and when Harry came, he had his eyes shut and he said "I hate you."

Draco wasn't sure if he meant Voldemort, or him.

*

Harry doesn't like to eat in the Great Hall. It was far too big, and it hurts to see the empty seats. That day however, he sat at the Gryffindor table with Ron and Hermione. Seamus and Neville were there along with Parvati and Lavender. Dean was gone, but nobody talked about it.

Then Malfoy came up to the table, and this was rare because they never really speak to each other, even when they are together at night.

"Potter, I need to talk to you," he said in a low voice.

"I really have nothing to say to you Malfoy, and really, I just don't feel like it," Harry replied, not even glancing up. Hermione stared at her plate.

Draco gritted his teeth. "Potter, I --"

He was cut off by Harry. "Can't you see that we're trying to eat here? This leftover food's disgusting enough without you here." His voice was hard and unfaltering.

"Fine." Draco turned around and stalked away.

"Harry, I really don't think that --" Hermione began.

"You know, I'm not all that hungry actually. See you in the common room," Harry got up quickly, knocking his glass of water over. He was gone before anyone could say anything else.

*

Draco was standing by one of the open windows in the Astronomy Tower. The Forbidden Forest looked rather small from this point.

"Why do you always come early?" It was Harry, of course.

"I don't," Draco replied.

When Draco's shirt came off, there were cuts on his arms.

"What the hell happened?" Harry asked.

Draco, not meeting his gaze, shrugged. "You don't like to talk, remember?"

Harry reached over and traced his finger over one particular nasty cut on his left arm. Draco made a noise behind his throat. When Harry looked up at him, he had an odd expression on his face, as if he was in pain, except that he wanted it.

"It doesn't hurt," he said. And he almost wanted to add "Because you hurt me enough" but didn't.

*

Harry came back to the Gryffindor Common Room at around two in the morning, and was surprised that Hermione was waiting for him by the fire. He went and took a seat next to her.

"Ron's sleeping?"

Hermione nodded. "At least I hope so. He's been having trouble lately... I gave him a potion to help him though." Hermione looked tired.

"You should go to sleep as well," Harry told her. "You didn't have to wait up for me."

Hermione looked at him. Those green eyes were so familiar, yet so different. Once that was soft and warm was gone. It was masked and cold, and looked almost like glass.

"I need to talk to you Harry," she said.

Harry slumped down on his chair. "I've been hearing that lately."

"It's about Malfoy," Hermione continued.

When Harry didn't answer, Hermione said, "I know Malfoy wasn't the nicest person before. But now... things are different. And Harry, I really don't think that the way you're using him --"

"I'm not using him," Harry said abruptly, in a loud voice.

Hermione sighed and closed her eyes. "Oh Harry... don't you see what you're doing to him? He positively falls for you, and I don't know why he goes along with it, what you're doing and all, unless of course he's really in love with you --"

"He's not," Harry said quickly.

Hermione peered at him. "It's not right Harry."

"Why not? We both need things to take our minds off... recent events." Harry said defiantly.

"To you, maybe. But it's different with Malfoy. He's not with you for the same reason," She stopped. "Harry, do you love him?"

And without any hesitation, he said "No."

The next night, Draco wasn't at the Astronomy Tower, and after Harry waited and waited and he didn't show up, Harry smashed his fist at the stone wall, and ended up getting bloody knuckles. He was angry, and he need to let out his anger. He needed Draco, he needed him so he can punch him and shove him, and have him. It was easy, because Draco was someone he hated, and maybe still do, but Draco was also someone who was willing to let Harry do these things to him.

He suspected that Hermione was right after all.

*

He didn't see Draco all day the next day, but he was in the Astronomy Tower that night.

"Where were you last night?" Harry asked, his eyes narrowed.

"I had things to do," Draco said simply.

Harry didn't even hear his answer. He took a few strides over to Draco, and grabbing him by the shoulders, he kissed him in an almost desperate way, like a hungry man eating for the first time in days.

But Draco pushed him off. It was the first time he ever did that. "I'm not here to stay, Potter," he said.

Harry didn't know what to say. He just stared at him, taking in his sharp form, his pale skin, his hair that was uneven because he had tried to cut it himself, and just everything that was Draco.

Draco stared at him hard in the eye. "I just came to tell you that I hate you too."

He pushed Harry aside, and walked out the door. It took a minute before Harry realized what just happened.

And then he knew that it was over, and that it was his fault and maybe he didn't hate Draco that much. Maybe he even loved him.

*

End.