Of Girls and Goddesses

Of Girls And Goddesses

Chapter I

Ginny saw Harry go out into the garden. She was an expert at watching Harry, and at following him. No one was more aware of Harry than she was. Having Harry at the Burrow made Ginny happy. He wasn't very happy this time, but then, he had been through so much. She only wished it could have been a longer visit. School was starting in a week, and Harry had only just arrived. Mum and Dad had tried to get Dumbledore to agree to Harry spending the whole summer with them, but he had said no. Ginny didn't know why, but her mother had told them that Dumbledore had his reasons. They had to trust him. If they couldn't trust Dumbledore, they couldn't trust anyone.

She slipped out after Harry, before Fred or George could see her and tease her. What did they know really, about a girl like Ginny or a boy like Harry?

He was sitting on the bench by the pond, watching the tadpoles swimming in the water, and the fat, green frogs. She sat down beside him, sliding her arm through his. She leaned her head on his shoulder, but Harry remained upright.

"You shouldn't be out here alone, Harry," Ginny said gently.

"I want to be alone. I'm used to being alone." His voice was rather cold, but Ginny ignored that.

"It's not good for you." Ginny breathed in the scent of her mother's favorite flowers, which spilled along the path behind them in riotous heaps of color.

Harry looked at her, and Ginny saw something in his green eyes she didn't understand, something that frightened her. "I know what you're trying to do, Gin, and I don't think it's a good idea," he said flatly.

"Harry, I'm trying to be here for you. You've been through something terrible. I know how you must be feeling, but..."

"How can you know what I'm feeling? Have you ever lost anyone you loved, and had it be your fault?"

"It wasn't your fault, Harry!" Ginny said firmly. "Sirius did what he thought was right. We all did. We all did our best, and we're all sorry about the way it turned out, but we can't change it now. We have to look to the future."

"If you knew what kind of future I have, you might feel differently. I know what kind of future you want, but I just don't think I can give it to you. I want you to be happy, but I can't bring you that happiness, not the way things stand."

She started, as if she had been slapped. "I don't know what you mean!"

"I think you do," Harry said with a sigh. "I don't care what you said to Hermione. I don't care what you said about Dean. I know how you feel about me. I've always known."

"Then you know I love you," Ginny said softly. "I've always loved you. Ever since I first saw you at King's Cross."

"Ginny, you didn't even know me! Love is more than sending embarrassing valentines, or standing up to Draco, who is someone you hate anyway. You just wanted to see the famous Harry Potter that day. You knew nothing about me except that I was Harry Potter, the boy who lived." Harry stood up and threw a stick in the pond, startling the frogs, which looked at him with bulging eyes before hopping away in irritation.

"When you and Ron became friends, I got to know you. No one knows you better than I do!"

"When Ron and I first got to be friends, you weren't even around! And you know nothing about me, really. You have no idea of what it was like to grow up the way I did. Your parents adore you. Your brothers all love you, even Percy, the stupid git. " Harry frowned at her. "I grew up with people who didn't want me. They were afraid of what I might be. They thought it was amusing to starve me and isolate me and dress me in rags. How can you understand that?"

"I've worn rags," Ginny said in a small voice.

"No, you haven't. Your mum can't always give you the best there is, but she gives you the best she can, and she gives it with love. It's not the same, Gin." Harry started walking back up the path.

Ginny caught up to him by the peony bush, and grabbed his hand. "I know about Voldemort. I know what it means to be possessed by him. That must mean something to you!"

He looked down at her, and frowned. "Make up your mind! I thought we agreed that I was NOT possessed by Voldemort!"

"No one knows the way we do what he is capable of! No one has a right to hate him more than you and I do!"

"Loads of people know what he is capable of! Loads of people have a right to hate him. He's destroyed so many families and so many lives. You and I don't have a lock on suffering when it comes to Voldemort! Look at Neville! He's probably at St. Mungo's right now visiting parents who don't recognize him. Look at Susan Bones! She says she knows know what it's like to be me. She doesn't really, but she probably knows more about it than you do."

"You didn't let him kill me. You came after me. You fought for me. Don't tell me you don't remember! Don't tell me you don't care!"

Harry sighed, and kicked the peony bush, just missing a garden gnome, who was hiding at the base, eavesdropping. "People were being petrified, including one of my best friends! The school was in danger of being closed. Where would I have gone if that had happened? You were Ron's sister. I had to go after you. I do care, it's not that I don't, but I had to stop Voldemort first and foremost. That's my whole purpose in life, it seems." Harry laughed hollowly.

"You forgot about the basilisk to come to my side."

"I never forgot about the basilisk! I spent every moment in the tunnel waiting to close my eyes at the smallest sound. I worried when I found you that we wouldn't get out before it came along, and when it did come along, I ran like hell. You wouldn't remember that, but it's true."

Ginny looked at him, determined to make him understand how sure she was about what had happened. "You risked your life to save mine. You saved my life. That puts a bond between us."

Harry sighed. "Like the bond between me and Peter Pettigrew? We all know how well that turned out! And if we really believed in that lifesaving bond thing, Dumbledore would be snogging Umbridge right now. I'll bet all the gold in Gringott's, that isn't happening! The ugly old cow!"

Ginny looked up at him, a lump in her throat. "Do you think I'm pretty, Harry?"

He looked at her as if she'd gone mad. "Why are you asking me that?"

"Just answer me!"

Harry looked at her, the glow from the sun blazing up behind her red hair, and had to admit it. "Yes, I think you're pretty, but if I learned anything from the Yule ball, and from your dad, come to think of it, it's not to count on looks alone."

"If I hadn't of promised to go to the ball with Neville, you'd have gone with me. You wanted to," Ginny said, her head hanging, "and when we danced, it would have all been all right. I know it."

"If I'd wanted to ask you so much, I would have thought of it myself. And I don't like to dance! For Merlin's sake, would someone please remember I don't dance! Ron wanted me to ask you. I wasn't my idea. "

"Ron is your best friend," Ginny said, lifting her chin again. "He knows you best, and he wants what is best for you because he loves you, too. He was the person that you would miss the most. He knows we should be together."

"Oh, Ronald Weasley, the relationship expert! He doesn't even know he's jealous of Viktor Krum, when it's as clear as one of Trelawney's crystal balls. Let him take care of his own love life! He and Hermione have been bickering and circling for five years and they still can't figure out what they want, and now he thinks that it would be good if we went out? He'd like to really be my brother, I suppose, and in some ways that would be nice, but if we went out and he was getting put in the middle of every argument we had, he'd change his mind quick enough. I know we'd definitely argue. We both have tempers, and we're both strong-willed. Sometimes I need someone to stand up to me. I admit that, but it's not how I want to live. We'd make each other miserable if we had to make those kinds of compromises day in and day out." Harry hesitated. "I guess when it comes down to it, if I have to make a decision right now, I just don't want to be a Weasley. I do love what your family means to me. I'm pleased your mum thinks of me as a son, but I don't want to be her son, not now. She coddles me and noses into my business enough now, just because I'm Ron's friend. If you and I got together, she'd be impossible."

He walked over to a gnarled old tree by the wall. Sitting in the shade, he put his head in his hands, and took a deep breath. "Look, I'm not saying these things to hurt you. I'm saying them to keep from hurting you."

Ginny knelt beside him. "You don't mean any of this, Harry. You're tired and you feel guilty. You've got a great grief in your heart and a great burden on your shoulders, and you're not talking to anyone about it. You need to talk to someone about Sirius for a start. If not me, then Ron, or Hermione, or Lupin, or someone who cares about you."

"I already talked to someone."

Ginny looked shocked. "Who?"

"A friend...someone at school. I talked to someone instead of going to the leaving feast. It's not important who it was. We haven't sorted things out between us, yet. Maybe we never will. Anyway, it's my business. You need to find someone who can be what you want them to be. I don't mean a crush, but someone who can be your friend first and really get to know you without putting yu in danger. If it's Dean, it's Dean. If it's Neville, or even Michael, then that's great. I don't keep track of your boyfriends. I never did. That's your business. I care, and I always will. I owe your family more than I can ever repay, but it's just not meant to be for me to be a part of it right now."

Ginny flared up. "I can't just go find someone else, Harry! I'll never love anyone but you! When I realized you liked Cho, I tried. I tried to move on, but when you two didn't work out, I couldn't believe how relieved it made me feel."

"Cho couldn't be what I needed. She wasn't over Cedric, anyway. She just caught hold of me to try to hold onto what she'd had and lost. She could never have been what I wanted her to be. I didn't really know anything about her. I was stupid like that, too," Harry said with a sigh.

" If you would just stop feeling sorry for yourself and open yourself to the idea of being loved, I could be anything you liked!"

"We don't know that. I won't risk both of our futures on that kind of experiment. Everyone who has loved me has died for it."

"That doesn't mean no one can ever love you again! Please, Harry, you'll be disappointing everyone if you don't change your mind. They all expect it, and I can't go on without you."

"Ginny," Harry said sadly, thinking of Trelawney's awful prophecy, "you have to."

She sprang up. "Someday, Harry Potter, you'll see the truth. You're more than the means to an end!" Her face flaming, Ginny ran toward the house. Harry watched her go, his heart torn. He shook his head. How could some fellows lead girls on and actually enjoy it? He got up and walked around the house, past the stone pigpen, and out to the road. He didn't know where he was going. He just wanted to walk until he was too exhausted to think anymore. He went under a clump of trees and looked out over the field beyond.

"Hello, Harry."

He almost had a heart attack. Looking up, he saw Luna Lovegood, wearing a pair of Muggle jeans and a purple shirt, sitting on a large branch in the tree above his head. She was eating a biscuit and reading a slim, red book. Her wand was tucked behind her ear, reminding Harry of how some of the Muggle girls in primary school had stuck their pencils, and the biscuit box was perched precariously beside her.

"Luna! I didn't know you were there!"

"I didn't know you were here. In the village, I mean. Want a biscuit? They're Carr's Sweetmeal, and very good."

"Uh, sure. Should I come up?"

"If you like." She sat up straighter on the branch, as Harry cautiously climbed up and sat beside her.

"I'm staying at the Weasley house this week," Harry said, taking the biscuit she offered him.

"I thought you might be. I'm hiding from the Fawcett girls. For some reason they think it's funny to stand right in front of me and talk about me as if I'm not there. I don't really like that."

"I've had that happen to me and to tell the truth, I don't like it either," confessed Harry. "What are you reading?"

She held out the book: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

Harry smiled. "I should have known."

"What should you have known?" Luna asked dreamily, tucking a strand of dingy blonde hair back behind her wand.

"I should have known you'd like that book," Harry said hastily. "It's very good."

"So, who are you hiding from?" Luna asked, looking up suddenly. Her bright silvery eyes rather unnerved Harry.

"Ginny Weasley," Harry admitted. "We sort of had a row just now."

"Ginny likes you a lot," Luna said, closing her book and pocketing her wand, "but I don't think she understands you very well. She's rather immature, you know, being the baby of the family. They are all wonderful people, mind you. Ginny never teased me like the Fawcetts did, and Molly and Arthur were very kind to Dad when my mum died, but I don't think I'd like to have that many brothers. You'd never get any privacy."

"It's a lot different than what I'm used to," Harry admitted, and began to tell her about living at the Dursley house. He had no idea of why he was telling her. She hadn't asked, and it wasn't the sort of thing he enjoyed talking about, but for some reason, everything just came pouring out. Luna listened, and the weight in Harry's stomach began to lift once more.

"That's why I stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas and Easter holidays," Harry ended, "so I don't have to go back to Privet Drive, although I have to admit, it's a little better now that I have a bedroom instead of a cupboard. I haven't spent a Christmas at Privet Drive since my Aunt Marge gave me a box of dog biscuits for a gift."

"I love Christmas anywhere," Luna said, dreamy once more. "I love the decorations at Hogwarts. I like it when Professor Flitwick brings in real live fairies, even though they're not very friendly."

"How can fairies be friendly?" Harry asked.

"They could at least answer me when I speak to them," Luna said, firmly for her.

"You speak fairy?" Harry didn't know whether to believe her or not. He didn't know anyone but Flitwick who could speak fairy, although when he thought about it, he supposed Dumbledore probably could. Fairy couldn't be any harder than Mermish.

"Mum spoke excellent fairy. I remember," said Luna, then she looked away, over the fields. She was silent for a long moment, then sighed. "Maybe my accent is off. Do you think, Harry? Maybe I get them all flummoxed. That happens to me a lot."

"I'll bet it does," Harry said honestly.

"It was nice to see you, Harry. I have to get back, though. Dad will be wondering where I am." She checked the biscuit box to make sure it was closed, and Harry, who could take a hint, climbed out of the tree. He held out his hand to help her down, and Luna took it.

"I hope you don't run into the Fawcett girls. I could walk you home if you want. They both think I'm barking mad. I'll bet they wouldn't bother you as much if there were two of us."

"That's sweet of you, Harry, but I live all the way on the other side of the village."

"I don't mind." They began to walk and Harry suddenly realized he was still holding Luna's hand. He blushed a bit, but she didn't say anything. She just kept walking, with her book and her biscuit box balanced on her other arm, a small smile on her face. Harry had never noticed her legs before. They were quite long for her height. He could see the tip of her wand sticking out of the pocket of her jeans.

"Never let Professor Moody see you with your wand in your back pocket," Harry told her. "He thinks it's unsafe."

"There was an article in the Quibbler once about a wizard who blew off a buttock," Luna said with a very straight face, "but even I thought that was a little silly."

"Oh," said Harry, blushing a bit again. "Maybe Moody read that one."

The village was not a large one, and it didn't take long to pass through it. Once on the other side, Luna turned to Harry. "I'll be all right, now, Harry. Our cottage is just at the end of this road. I hope you enjoy the rest of your visit."

"Maybe I'll see you again before we go to the train," Harry said, awkwardly.

"If you see me, then I'll see you," Luna said airily. She then leaned over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and walked away.

Harry watched her go, then headed back through the village with a sigh. He looked in the windows of the shops as he passed. He'd had a little wizard gold exchanged for Muggle money, just in case he needed anything. He hadn't wanted Molly to have to conjure up too much for him. He wasn't really anxious to get back and face Ginny, so when he passed a Muggle bookshop, he decided to go in. A large display of children's books caught Harry's eye. He had read quite a few books as a child, simply because Dudley was always getting books and never wanted them. Dudley would have thrown a fit if Harry had touched any of his toys, but he had never cared if Harry had looked at any of his books. Many of the titles were familiar to him. One book he'd never seen before caught his eye, and made him freeze in his tracks.

"Can I help you?"

Harry looked up at the salesgirl beside him, and said, "Yes, I'll have this." He picked the book up carefully and they went to the register, where he paid for it. Harry hurried back to the Burrow. Everyone was in the back of the house, setting up the tables for dinner in the garden, so Harry was able to slip upstairs without being noticed, not an easy thing in the Weasley house. He took a piece of parchment, and a quill, and quickly wrote a note, which he slipped into the bag from the bookshop.

"Hedwig," Harry asked his owl, "could you find Luna Lovegood's house on the other side of the village?" Hedwig hooted in a confident sort of way, and Harry gave her the package. She soared out the window, and Harry watched her go.

A little while later, Luna Lovegood found a very familiar looking snowy owl on her front porch. Thanking Hedwig most sincerely, she opened the bag. She found the note first.

Dear Luna,

You're not the only one.

Love,

Harry

Sliding the book out of the bag, she glanced at the cover and smiled. "I guess I'm not," she said softly.

It was a hardback copy of The Woman Who Flummoxed the Fairies retold by Heather Forest, illustrated by Susan Graber.

She looked at Hedwig, who blinked her golden eyes. "Hedwig," Luna said, "I think this is going to be a very interesting year."