On Fire

my hands are tied
my body bruised, she's got me with
nothing to win and
nothing left to lose
and you give yourself away
- U2

Draco's Detour

This time, Ginny really had to force herself to keep quiet. Her mind was teeming with so many questions that she momentarily forgot where she was. Voldemort had been defeated, so Harry had evidently killed him. But why had they only discovered Harry's death now. Had he been alive before? Clenching her eyes shut and gritting her teeth, she forced herself to keep quiet. She wouldn't be able to hear the rest of the conversation if she allowed herself to get swept away by her emotions once again.

"How?" Pomfrey cried out, pain evident in her strained voice.

There was a momentary pause, then Dumbledore replied, "There is only one person who could have done this... Severus?" he asked gently, as though indicating that Snape knew of whom Dumbledore was referring to.

Ginny heard another rustle of robes, then Snape dutifully murmured, "Yes, Headmaster. I fear it is he who has done this. I will search for him immediately, but in the meantime, I suggest that Mr. Malfoy here is sent somewhere safe. There's no telling how the Daily Prophet will render his presence at the discovery of Potter's body..."

"But Professor-" Draco interjected.

"No, Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore gently insisted. "Professor Snape is correct in his assumptions. We must get you to a place of safety as soon as possible."

Silence permeated the room, then Draco replied resignedly, "And my mother?" He paused, and Ginny lay there, wondering what looks were being exchanged at that moment. Draco suddenly blurted out, "Surely you're not going forbid her from coming here! She's been dying to see him..."

The care and sympathy in Dumbledore's voice was evident when he interrupted, "I know, Draco. But it is much too dangerous for her to be here." Ginny was momentarily startled when Dumbledore called him by his first name. She'd only heard him refer to Harry or one of the teachers in that way.

Before she could muse further, Draco was now shouting, "Don't you have wards on this damn castle? She loves him!"

"Mr. Malfoy!" Snape barked, clearly indignant at Draco's language.

Before a fight started between the two Slytherins, Dumbledore interjected, "She knows of the danger she is in. She knew it all along, Draco. While your intentions are admirable, they are also pointless."

Draco sounded nearly deflated with defeat when he muttered quickly, "Fine. Then will you let me stay here for a moment? I still haven't said good-bye." His initial indignation dissolved into a choked sob at the last word.

"Certainly," Dumbledore replied. "But I must ask that you finish quickly. Time is of the essence now."

"Right. I'll only need fifteen minutes, sir."

"Very well. Poppy, my dear, please see to Harry. In the meantime, perhaps you would join me, Severus..."

Snape cleared his throat uncomfortably and began, "I desire a quick word with Mr. Malfoy, Headmaster. I shall join you outside momentarily."

"Very well," Dumbledore repeated; from the lilt of his tone, Ginny was certain that his blue eyes were twinkling once again.

The room was filled with the sounds of sweeping robes, quiet footsteps, and light murmuring. Ginny had lost all sense of perspective, what with her shock at hearing about Harry's death. Hence her great surprise when she heard Snape in close proximity of her bed, murmuring, "Your mother is completely unaware of his condition?"

"Yes," Draco muttered back. "She deserves to know. Professor, please..."

"I'll do what I can," Snape replied vaguely. "In the meantime, what do you plan on doing right now?"

Draco snorted and drawled sarcastically, "Well, I've certainly lost all off my usefulness." He sobered quickly and muttered, "There's no reason for me to exist, is there? Mother's going to be heartbroken for the rest of her life, I can't torment Potter any longer, I've lost the only true friends I've ever had, and now I have to go into hiding to save my sorry ass. I'm more than tempted to throw myself at the next Death Eater I see."

There was a rustling of robes, and Ginny could imagine Snape placing a reassuring hand on Draco's shoulder as he answered, "I'm surprised by your melodramatic tendencies, Draco. No wonder you were able to play your part so well."

Draco merely snorted in reply. Snape sighed and continued, "You know that our sorry excuses for Aurors will need all the help they can get to find the Dark Lord's remaining followers, don't you?" There was silence, but Draco must have nodded because Snape persisted, "You could help them, Draco. Only you and I have valuable information. I've transferred all of my memories to a pensieve and let the Ministry look inside. Perhaps you should do the same?" More silence, and Snape cajoled, "It would ease your pain, Draco."

"That's just it, Uncle," Draco spat out, "There's nothing to 'ease.' I'm completely hollow inside." Ginny could well imagine the pain that he was going through - the shock of her own discoveries had left her completely numb to all that went on around her. In fact, she was still struggling to realize the gravity of the situation at hand.

A long pause followed Draco's outburst, and Snape said quietly, "It will help you, Draco. I cannot make up your mind for you, but if you happen to change it... you know where to find me." With that, Snape left in a swish of robes and determined steps.

Ginny thought that Draco had left with him, for her ears only discerned Pomfrey's pattering feet and the sounds of rustling sheets from near the entrance. She was just about to open her eyes and finally contemplate all that she had heard when she heard Draco sigh. She nearly jumped out of her bed, startled that he was still there. Thankfully, he didn't notice her precarious situation, for his retreating footsteps indicated that he was walking towards... the opposite side of the infirmary.

Curious at his actions, Ginny calmed herself again and listened hard. She was surprised to hear him say out loud, almost to himself, "I'll tell her. I'm sure she wishes she were here, but she can't - you know how it is." He paused and whispered, "It was a pleasure. She'll miss you."

Ginny was utterly confused at his words. The only other person in the infirmary was Remus Lupin. Draco couldn't be talking to him; after all, as he'd say himself, what would he want with a werewolf?

Even as she mulled over this mystery, she heard his footsteps cross over the room again, towards her bed. Ginny unconsciously stiffened at his approach; when she realized her unnatural reaction, she tried her best to relax her body and feign sleep once again.

Apparently, her ruse worked, because when Draco reached her side, he immediately muttered under his breath, "Merlin help me, I was friends with a Weasley."

Ginny arm twitched reflexively at that statement and her breath hitched in indignation; she instantly stilled herself, horror coursing through her veins. Did he know that she was aware of what he was saying? Using all the willpower left in her, she forced her body to stay perfectly still and carefully regulated her breathing. If he knew she was awake, Ginny was sure that Draco would just sneer at her, spit out a few insults, and leave. Her only chance of finding out any sort of truth from him depended on this moment, and she did not want to ruin the opportunity.

But when he paused a long time after that statement, Ginny was almost certain that she was caught. Oh, what she would have given to see his eyes at this moment! That had always been the most expressive part of him, and she was sure that she would know if she was caught if she could just look at him. But, of course, there would be no chance of hearing anything if she suddenly popped her eyes open.

The lull continued, and Ginny finally gave up all hope of trying to eavesdrop on his inner thoughts. After all, how could she hear what he thought when he didn't verbalize it? From the long silence, she surmised that he was mentally saying good-bye.

Since there was no need for her to listen to him carefully, she turned her thoughts inward. She couldn't believe that he had described her as a friend. After the way you used me, Malfoy, she was dying to tell him, I feel no more loved than a whore.

Although her sentiments seemed a bit overdramatic, she really did feel that way. As she continued to think about the past few months, she wasn't even quite sure that they had a friendship, or any sort of relationship. Ginny knew that she had always made sure to include him in everything she did with Blaise, even after they had begun dating. She knew that she still harbored feelings for him, even though she hated herself for falling for someone who obviously didn't care about her. As she lay there, she remembered his courtesy when they had first met, and how he would regale her with stories from his childhood. Yet, through all of the anecdotes and rare moments of vulnerability, Draco had still been aloof. It was hard to see it during the times that Ginny had spoken with him, but his reticence was still there in the background; she had initially brushed it off as another one of those inexplicable traits that made him a Malfoy, but now she could see that he was hiding his true self the entire time.

To her chagrin, Ginny realized that she had ignored his silence because she had liked it. She had always hated how boring and predictable her family and friends were. The Weasleys all had red hair, were all happy, and all agreed on the same things. Ginny had always thought that she would follow the role that her parents and family had practically assigned for her when she was born. But all of that had changed when Voldemort had possessed her in her first year. Suddenly, she was no longer another Weasley; there was now a darker side to her that no one else in her family had. While her parents and brothers had chosen to overlook the incident and move on with their lives, Ginny knew that she been forever changed that year.

Since then, she had never been able to comfortably fit that role assigned to her; she grew restless carrying the identity that she was burdened with. When she had become friends with Blaise and Draco, she was enthralled by the fact that she never really knew what was going on behind their eyes. All of the people that she had been around her entire life were so open and forthcoming with their feelings; Blaise and Draco were neither of those, so she had been intrigued from the very first time she met them. They also never obligated her to follow any set path. Frankly, if Ginny hadn't been used and hurt by them, she would be thanking both of them for setting her ablaze again, after all the years she had spent like a guttering candle in the dark.

Ginny's thoughts were interrupted when Draco whispered, "I hate saying it, Weasley, but I'll miss you. You changed Blaise and I so much... I don't think you're even aware of what you've done." His tone was accusatory, as though blaming her for disrupting years of tradition.

"There's still so much I don't understand about what happened. Why did you leave us, right when we needed you the most?"

Because you were using me, you bastard! Ginny wanted to sit up and scream out loud. Instead, she was so happy that she was finally getting a look at the inner workings of his mind that she forced herself to stay still. Apparently, her ruse was still working - he obviously thought she was still asleep.

"What the bloody hell caused you to run straight to Potter?" he continued, still oblivious to her mental reactions. "After all that time you spent with us, you ran straight back to the person that had never cared about you. Merlin, we cared. Blaise was fucking arse over elbow for you, and I- Well, I was just the best friend and bystander, I suppose." His voice turned glum and reflective.

Another long pause followed the statement, and Ginny was left to contemplate what he had just said. So Blaise really had been in love with her. Yet, if he had cared so much, why did he use her the way he did? He and Draco had been honest enough at the beginning, claiming that they were only pretending to be spies. Even if they had been open with her and told her that they were meeting Voldemort that night, she would have understood and attributed the meeting to their role. Instead, they never felt the need to inform her of the true nature of their meeting, leaving her with so many questions and doubts. Now, from what Draco said, Ginny was beginning to wonder if any of her assumptions were correct.

"Honestly, Ginevra," Draco broke into her reverie unexpectedly, "everyone thought that we were playing you the entire time, but I wonder if you were the one playing us."

Ginny mentally dropped her jaw in shock. What in Merlin's name are you blabbering about?

"Hmm, that would explain a lot, wouldn't it?" Draco mused to himself grimly. "I should have known that you'd never love Blaise after that horrific crush you had on Potter."

Ginny was still confused by what he meant, yet he persisted with his accusation. "Tell me," he asked rhetorically, gritting his teeth, "are you satisfied that you finally got Perfect Potter while you could? Does it make you all bloody warm inside to know that you twisted my best mate's emotions, and mine as well, just so you could catch his attention?"

No! Ginny was dying to open her eyes and tell him. I'd never do that! I forgot about my crush on Harry years ago! I just wanted-

"Honestly, I should accuse you of Blaise's death. He lost all will to live the moment you left, the moronic fool. And I let him fall for you! I even fell for you, too! Merlin, I was the fool to let my defenses down."

Ginny's blood went cold as she heard this, and her hands moved slightly as she thought about how easy it would be to reach out and punch him, claw his face, strangle him, do something. But she held on to the last vestiges of her pride and control and lay still. After all, he would have told her that he fell for her if she was 'awake,' would he?

Draco continued in a musing tone, "Surprising, isn't it, that Father was right about you, Weasley - poor magic trash, indeed. You lot are definitely a disgrace to the Wizarding World if this is how you treat the people you supposedly love. No wonder Percy left when he could."

He paused for a moment and sighed, muttering under his breath, "After all you've put me through, Weasley, I'd have to say that you, in particular, are a disgrace to mankind. I hope I never see you again." After snorting in disgust, he stalked away from towards the infirmary door.

When Ginny was certain that he had left the Infirmary, she finally let her eyes open. As she stared at the ceiling, she felt tears of rage and frustration well up from within her. How could Draco think that she was the one using them? She'd never lied to them about anything-

At that moment, she was struck by the fact that she had practically led Blaise on when she had been in love with Draco. In a way, she had done what Draco had accused her of doing and played her own games in their friendship. But, for Merlin's sake, what she did was nothing compared to what they did, was it?

A small part of Ginny was cheering at the fact that Draco had been in love with her, but the rest of her mind knew that it was useless to hope that he felt the same way now. After all of the accusations and insults that he had just hurled at her, she quite sure that she cared to know if Draco still loved her.

Ginny pulled the sheets up to her chin, staring at the blurry ceiling as she let the tears trickle down her cheeks. Finally, she couldn't control her emotions any longer; flipping herself over, she buried her face into her pillow as the muffled sounds of her sobs filled the room. She cried out all of her grief, regret, uncertainty, and broken heart into that pillow, not caring one whit if Pomfrey happened to hear her.

Fortunately, she was uninterrupted; when her sobs were reduced to sniffles, she propped her chin on her elbows as she stared out of the window blankly. The dark night was receding, making way for the faint pink and orange tinges that heralded the dawning of a new day. This new day proved to be more heartbreaking than the last, it seemed.

Eventually, she dropped her head onto her pillow and fell into an exhausted sleep.