Always

Chapter six: Life with Lily

The colours were bright and happy; blues, greens and yellows. Pictures of brooms, snitches, Quaffles and Bludgers all moved lazily across the walls.

James had been in charge of the decoration, I remembered. I myself had charmed the pictures to move, after losing the argument about my muggle ideas on rainbows and ducks to create the perfect nursery.

Sitting there now, it felt like yesterday when we had first brought Harry into the room, laid him in his cot and stared at him whilst he slept. It was empty now although I like to pretend that Harry was only downstairs, being spoilt by his father and godfather.

The room itself was tidy; it had been even when Harry had lived in it. I like things neat and orderly, so nothing had changed. There were never teddies splayed about, no plastic blocks spilt on the floor, for someone to stand on. No, all the toys were on the shelf and in the cot. Muggle plastic shapes that my parents had bought were in their box, in the cupboard.

James had always said that tidiness was a bit unnatural and pointless, as it was only going to get messed up anyway.

I sometimes wonder why I have married a man so very different to myself.

At school James had been an utter prat, for lack of a better word. He played in the Gryffindor House Quidditch team, so thought himself as some kind of god for reasons that were beyond me. I had found his attention tiresome; I hadn't liked him at all. He was big-headed. He thought himself better than everyone else. He even bullied people.

That had all changed during a walk (unwilling and unintentional though it was) through Hogwarts castle in December in our seventh and final year. My relationship with him had changed, and for the better.

In the end he changed my life; he gave me a beautiful, sweet, kind-hearted son. I adore James. I adore Harry. No one in any world, in any universe, could love two people as much as I do my husband and son.

Of course I was supposed to be getting ready for going to see Heaven's Council, James went to get changed ages ago, so how I ended up sitting on a window-seat, looking at my babe's nursery, I can't fathom.

Actually that was a lie. I know why I am sitting here reminiscing about the past. It was because my son, my darling child, could loose the only man that he could remember loving him. Forever if that bleeding Committee had its way. I wanted to touch Harry, talk with him, and comfort him. How dare death get in the way of me being able to show Harry how much I love him? How dare the Council think that they could stop me from being with my baby? Sirius would set them straight, he always does.

Sunlight streamed through the window behind me, dancing through crystals and gems that I had placed on string to hang from the ceiling. I couldn't draw rainbows on the paint, so I made miniature versions with the crystals. Of course Harry had loved them, especially when I had flicked one, and it created dappled rainbows which he crawled after, babbling baby talk a mile a minute.

Before I realised, I was in tears again, great shuddering breaths I took to stem the flow, but before I could search about for a tissue or wish for one to appear, the polished oak door swung open and a stunned Sirius stood on the threshold.

He was wearing navy blue robes with what looked like a simple white shirt, and black trousers underneath. His once long, ratty black hair had been magicked shorter and neater and his teeth were gleaming as white as sugar, much as they had back at school.

Being in a place which catered to your every wish seemed to suit Sirius well. Very well indeed.

But before I could comment, Sirius had spoken, "I should have known that you would have kept this room."

"Why shouldn't I?" I retorted, feeling angry all of a sudden. How dare he judge me. How dare he!

"Because you're hurting yourself more keeping it, Harry isn't here. He's not going to be here for a long, long time if I can help it." I always knew that I could count on Sirius for telling me exactly what he thought. Remus, Peter and even James had always backed away in fear of fanning my supposedly terrific temper. Sirius of course had grown up in a house with a mother whose wrath would get you kicked from the house, inheritance, and family, so I suppose my anger probably paled in comparison.

When I didn't answer he carried on with a minute smile. "Look Lily I know how much you miss him..." I shot him a disbelieving look, "Ok so I don't, but I do know that he shouldn't be here, despite how much you miss him. Harry deserves to live, he hasn't been able to yet."

I sniffed, "Oh Sirius you've become such an adult."

"And you aren't?"

"Oh I am but I didn't think I would ever be able to say the same about you!"

"Well that's just rude. I think I'll have to retaliate with a couple of well placed dung bombs!"

We fell back into the sibling-like banter that was common with us. Nothing else of any importance or significance was said, just gentle remarks to placate the other.

"You've got to get dressed still. Wear something smart. Dress to impress and all that malarkey." Sirius grinned ruining the sage nod he'd given.

"Go downstairs and bother James then. Let me put myself together." I smiled back at him gently, dimple twinkling on my cheek.

Sirius stood up straight from where he had been lounging against the doorframe and strode forward and gave me a quick squeeze. "Don't worry too much about him, Lily." Stepping away from me, he gave a last beaming smile before disappearing downstairs.

I felt a deja-vu from fifteen years ago when Sirius had spoken the same words, just as James, Harry and I went into hiding. That state of affairs had not turned out the way I wanted, not at all, so I have the right to worry about the current affair.

Closing my eyes I felt the room around me shudder as I wished.

Harry's dimly lit room came into view when I opened my eyes again. Looking at the clock I read that it was just after four in the morning here, and my son was 'fast asleep'.

Harry had his knees near pulled to his chin under fraying sheets, his soot coloured lashes resting against hollow cheeks, dark shaggy hair falling into his face, as he slept. I took a deep breath and put my hand above his pale cheek, slowly I moved my hand as if to stroke his skin but as usual my hand went through him, and Harry inhaled slightly, shivering, curling up into himself even more, if it was possible.

I pulled back, as if burnt. So it wasn't my presence then. It was only Sirius that was able to touch things here. Damn it...

I stood back and glanced about the room, mellow pink-orange light illuminating everything through tatty curtains so I could inspect the place where Harry had once been kept behind bars, and fed through a cat-flap. It was a tiny room; though better than the cupboard... but not by much.

I could remember when I had first seen Harry in that god-forsaken cupboard under the stairs. How I had howled at my sister and brother-in-law. They hadn't heard me of course but screaming made me feel less useless. Less dead too.

James had been mutely furious. He hadn't said a word, just pulled my arm and quickly wished us back home to heaven. I hadn't been pleased with this, but had rushed off to Heaven's Council to get them to let either me or James go and sort everything out, and to change what was happening to my baby.

It was fruitless of course. "No meddling with mortals," Had said a heavily gowned, smug-faced idiot; when I shouted at him.

James had remained silent through my tirades when I got home, just gazed sadly at the family photos on the mantle piece.

"Why aren't you angry?" I had shrieked, "Don't you give a damn about your son?"

"We can't do anything." He had answered helplessly. "And of course I care. Don't ever think that I don't. I'll always care. I'll always love him."

I had then burst into hot, angry tears, falling into the waiting arms of my husband to help comfort me.

I snorted, pulling myself into the present, and tearing my staring eyes away from magnolia coloured walls of Harry's room. I had to get back. I had to set that damn Council straight. They'd listen to me this time. I had a Potter and a Black with me this time round, and they'd make the Council members fear for their health and sanity, if I wasn't listened to.

I wished myself back into my own room, after blowing Harry a kiss, and found myself calmed with its sky blue walls, and it's comfy, fluffy double bed.

I dressed myself into a set of deep purple, almost indigo coloured robes that James had said make me look extremely professional and scholarly. I desired that my tear marks and red eyes gone, and made up my face, whilst pulling shoulder length copper waves through a hair brush, and letting it sit free, framing my face.

Bounding downstairs I was met by the amusing sight of James looking ready to hex a grinning Sirius, who had crumpled James' hair into an even worse mess.

Standing next to James I ran my fingers through his hair to put it back into moderate order, and asked, "Ready to go?"

"Always."

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Shiver- Parachutes- Coldplay

I'll always be waiting for you
So you know how much I need you
But you never even see me

And is this is my final chance of getting you

And on and on from the moment I wake
To the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side
Just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line
Just to see if you can

Don't you Shiver... Don't you Shiver...

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