Always

Chapter two: A Sirius situation.

We are standing in the middle of James and Lily's sitting room at the moment. Lily's in the kitchen clattering pans and cleaning tea dishes away, James and I are playing miniature golf (an indoor version that Lily has banned). James has just transfigured a sock into a golf ball and has made a hole in the carpet. Lily will be thrilled I'm sure. Although of course why we're playing golf inside is my fault.

We're going to Earth to see Harry after lunch. I'm getting...well anxious I suppose. We are going to see Harry! And it isn't like I'm going to be able to hold him, or talk to him or anything; Lily's already drilled what will happen into my brain last night and I can tell she's worried about how I'm going to react.

I mean how would you react, when the last thing you saw of the teenager who is the closest person to a son you've ever had, in tears and hollering your name? I doubt most people could take it well at all, and personally I think I responded pretty well to the inevitable "you're dead you won't be able to make physical contact with your Godson until he dies." Lecture I received as soon as I got here. I mean it took me long enough to convince James and Lily into letting me see Harry, and finally I'm going to able to see him, hopefully sooner than later.

Of course James hasn't changed since I last saw him and has decided that playing 'illegal' games in Lily's immaculate living room will help take my mind off 'the Harry situation'. I'm horribly tired though and when I looked in the mirror earlier I looked pinched and pallid. I am desperate to leave and to see Harry but James decided we needed to play a little game before we leave to 'calm my nerves'.

"Haha. Yes! Come on Padfoot concentrate! You're not going to let me win are you?" James was cackling after hitting the golf ball, into the ready-made hole after hitting it twice already. I had told him Lily would kill him for making holes in her flooring and turning her sofa cushions into flags, but James being James doesn't listen.

"Why are we still here? Can't we leave now? I wanna see Harry. Prongs come on. We'll play later." I swung and hit the ball like it was a swift moving bludger. Making the white sphere ricochet of walls and pictures. I know I was acting like a whiny toddler but I don't care.

Appearing in the doorway Lily was growling. Pulling out her wand she stilled the ball and put the objects back into their original forms. "James I've told you not to play in the house. Sirius wants to leave. Lets just go." Emerald eyes glimmered with anger as she glared at her husband. "Now!" We left the house, with me chortling and James poking me in the ribs!

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Our three forms shimmered into the smallest bedroom of four Privet Drive. We are unseen and unheard to everyone, which was a relief as James and I were making lots of noise arguing.

"No Sirius. You can't talk to him or touch him. He won't even know you're there, why bother?" James groaned, brown eyes searching for his son.

"He might. I have to try. He has to know I'm still here for him." I moved toward the bed, where socked feet were poking out from under it.

"No! You're not allowed. He might sense us. I know it's not a big possibility but what if it happens? Then what will we do? He'll want to see you then Padfoot. He won't carry on with his life if he thinks you're there but he can't see you. Listen to reason Sirius."

"Enough." Lily moved between us, we were spitting sparks at each other with our eyes. "James, leave Sirius be. He just died and needs to watch his godson. I remember what you were like after we arrived here the first time. You talked to Harry; you tried to stroke his cheek. All we wanted to do was take him away form that god-awful cupboard. But we couldn't. We can't. Harry might sense us, yes I know its dangerous but...he's our baby. He loves us, he wants to know we're here." Lily sighed, looking ready to collapse on the floor.

"You miss him don't you?" I asked, watching as James pulled Lily against him and cuddled her.

"We come here as much as we can. We watch as he works, plays, does chores. But we never can speak to him. He doesn't notice us. He can't." Lily was watching Harry as she spoke. Harry was pulling out a battered notebook, and thin, plastic cylinder thing filled with ink, (a biro? Pen?) from under his bed; he threw it open and started to write hurriedly.

My eyesight started to blur as I looked at Harry. He seems to have grown again since I've last seen him. But the most difference I saw, not including the hugely baggy hand-me-down clothes he was wearing or the pallor of his skin, were his eyes. Deep sorrow lay deep within them and the dark shadows under his eyes completed the stricken guise.

Leaning over and observing what his son was writing James said, "He's writing about a dream."

"What?! Oh god if Voldemort's still sending him dreams I'm going to...well kill him isn't an option, but I'll make him pay if he upsets Harry!" I was babbling again, hesitant to get closer to Harry, his parents deserve to see him more than me.

"Oy Padfoot! Are you going to come closer and see if he's all right? This is what you've been waiting for since you got to heaven." James glanced at me and scowled at my expression. "Don't start Sirius. You deserve to observe him as much as we do."

Sighing and muttering under my breath, I crossed the diminutive bedroom to crouch beside my Godson. He was murmuring something to Hedwig, who was watching her master with amber eyes, but as soon as I made to put my hand on his shoulder he stopped writing and glanced up.

"Oh my...he can sense you Padfoot, move! Quickly!" James cried grabbing my elbow and pulling me to my feet.

Harry stood up as well. Shaking his head, green eyes darting around the room, he spoke. "Sirius? Oh God, what's going on? Sirius are you here? Oh please Sirius be here..." His hair was flailing across his face and obscuring his eyes, where tears were forming behind his glasses. "Please Sirius. Padfoot. Snuffles. Oh God tell me you're here, show me, please just do something!"

Distress flowed through my veins. "Sirius come on we have to go! He can sense you! I don't know how, but he can. Come on we have to leave!" James was yelling. I know the rules; you can't be sensed, it could be dangerous to the metal health of the people involved; they might think you could come back to life. But just because I know the rules doesn't mean I have to like them; in frustration I growled and hit a nearby lamp. Of course I expected my hand to go right through it, which it did, but only after knocking the object to the floor with a resounding "smash".

Utter silence filled the room.

Lily and James gaped, to astounded to move. "You can't touch solid objects on Earth when you're dead. You can't do magic either. What in hell is going on?" Lily was stammering, trading looks with a bewildered James.

Harry stared at the lamp. Finally a minuscule smile crossed his face. "Hey Sirius." He said softly. "Thanks for showing me you're here. I...I love you Sirius and I wish you were here. But I know its impossible so I'll settle for knowing you're here watching me...If mum and dad are with you, or you see them, tell them I love them too and I miss them." He crossed the room and fell to his knees beside the broken lamp, tears streaming in rivulets down his cheeks.

'He's never told me he loved me before. I wish I were with you too Harry. I love you and I know that your parents do too.' I thought.

James pulled me to him. "Insane." He was muttering, grabbing hold of Lily's hand who was staring at her son, sheer sorrow evident in her eyes. 'Harry's eyes...' Although Harry's eyes seem full of shadows and anguish, Lily has never had that in them. Even before her death when they were being hunted down. But of course Harry's lost more and in a shorter amount of time. He's been through more than we will ever have to go through.

We shimmered back to the heavenly version of Godric's Hollow. I have one last look at my Godson. My heart contracted as he leaned over the shards of broken pottery and glass, his tears striking the fragments, making them glisten.

'I miss you Harry. I miss you so much it hurts.'

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Evanescence-Fallen- My last Breath

I know you hear me

I can taste it on your tears

Holding my last breath

Safe inside myself

Are all my thoughts of you

Sweet raptured light

It ends here tonight

Closing your eyes to disappear

You pray your dreams will leave you here

But you're still awake and know the truth

No one's here....