Always

Always.

On my mother's desk sat a snow globe. Inside sat a dainty house and a snowman adorned with bright clothes. When I was young my mother would pull me onto her lap and shake the snow globe. The two of us would then watch the snow descend slowly around the snowman. He was all-alone in there, and I used to think him lonely. I told my mother this and she said, "Don't worry Lily; he's having a nice life. He's trapped in a perfect world."

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Chapter one: Petals in the wind.

My name was Potter, like the fields; first name Lily. I was twenty-one when I was murdered on the thirty-first of October 1981. When I first died there was chaos in the wizarding world. I died to sacrifice my son, who in turn defeated my murderer. My son was fifteen months old at the time. He defeated one of the strongest Dark wizards that have ever existed. But I'm sure you know the story, Harry Potter's story is world famous after all. So you must know about the lightning bolt scar that lands my son in so much trouble? Yes? Good. That must mean you know how my husband and I died.

I fought hard before I died. I fought as hard as I could so that he wouldn't hurt Harry. I pleaded and screamed obscenities at Him. I thought it was the worst thing in the world to know that my husband James was dead downstairs and a deranged mass murderer was pointing his wand at my baby, the killing curse on his lips. I could have yelled for hours. I knew he was going to kill me if I didn't move out of his way. I did not realise that I was an animal already dieing. But I didn't move and that caused me to die and my dear son to live.

When I first entered heaven I thought everyone saw what I saw. That everyone's heaven included Quidditch hoop posts in the distance and large lumbering women with numerous amounts of shopping bags and junk food in podgy hands. That all the houses were like the suburban houses that I had adored and watched from afar during my childhood. They were large buildings, gloomily landscaped with lots of open space to make them feel modern. My favourite part was the fields of delicate wildflowers that always bloomed and never died.

On Earth I had imagined myself staying at home and looking after Harry and welcoming all of James' irrepressible friends into the house to help look after our son. Then after Harry started Hogwarts I imagined myself getting a job in the ministry, something in the research department perhaps. These were my dreams on Earth.

After a few days in my heaven I realised that the quidditch players and the obese women and even James were all in their own version of heaven. Theirs just fit mine- didn't duplicate it precisely, but had a lot of similar things inside.

I met James on my third day of being here. He was sitting on the stands of the Quidditch pitch watching the others play.

"Hey."

"Oh god Lily. You shouldn't be here."

I buried my face in ink black hair. It was glossy like the models promised in muggle magazines.

"Do you like it here?"

"No."

"Me either."

So it began. We had been given our heavens, our simplest dreams. All we had to do was to desire something, and if you desired it enough it would come. It seemed so simple and I suppose it is. It was how James and I obtained a house that looked like Godric's Hollow before it had been destroyed.

I had hated the house I grew up in, on Earth. It was a two-bed-roomed terrace house in Sheffield. I had to share with my sister and I hated her too. I hated my parents' furniture and how our house looked onto another, and another, and another- an echo of identicalness going up the knoll.

Our house in heaven looked out onto a park, and in the distance we could see the lights of other houses. Close enough, but not too far.

Eventually I began to desire more. What I found strange was that I desired things that I had not wanted on Earth. I wanted to be allowed to grow up and grow old.

"People mature by living." I said to a neighbour. "I want to live."

"That's out." She said.

"Can we at least watch the living?" James asked.

"You already do." We had watched Harry being taken to my sister's. We had watched Sirius being taken to Azkaban. We had watched Remus sobbing all alone. We were heartbroken.

"I think he means whole lives." I said, "from the beginning to the end, to see how they did it. To know the secrets. Then we can pretend that we're really with them."

"You won't experience it." The neighbour clarified.

James and I walked the paths out of the village. Sometimes James looked as though he wasn't paying attention. Other times he was gone when I looked for him. I missed him then, but it was an odd sort of missing because by then, I knew the meaning of forever.

I could not have what I wanted most: Voldemort destroyed, unable to return and me and James living. Heaven wasn't perfect. But I came to believe that if I watched closely and desired, I might change the lives of whom I loved on Earth.

The years past by on Earth, people we had known gave life to the next generation some became frail and died. But it was many years until someone who had been close to us, appeared in front of our son. It was exactly ten years since Harry had been shown he was cared for and needed. Hagrid, Dumbledore, Harry's friends gave him hope, and showed him he was indeed worth something.

Then Sirius wandered into his life. After they got over their initial meeting, Sirius became the person who he had been when we had appointed him guardianship of Harry. He adored his Godson and did everything to try and make sure Harry was kept healthy and happy. And even though Harry rarely showed it, he loved and relied on his Godfather.

Of course, Harry's life is never settled. That scar of his landed him in trouble again, and Harry paid the price, losing the person he had come to think of as a father, a brother and a friend.

In the first time in fourteen years Sirius Padfoot Black and James Prongs Potter embraced. My husband gained his best friend my son lost his. It isn't fair, but then I suppose life isn't fair. Don't get me wrong; I love Sirius and his mischievous ways and I like seeing him and James cheerful but I'd rather him alive, than stuck here.

Sirius hasn't seen Harry since he died. He doesn't know how it hurts either when you finally get to see him. But he will. He's already shouted at James to let him see Harry he was adamant that he had to check up on my baby. But James is as stubborn as Sirius is and he has told him that we'd all go tomorrow. I can't say that I'm looking forward to it really. It's always lovely to see our son.... but it's torture all the same, not being able to touch him, hug him, tell him every things going to ok.

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Linkin Park-Meteora-Nobody's Listening

I got a

Heart full of pain

Head full of stress

Handful of anger held in my chest

Uphill struggle

Blood, sweat and tears

Nothing to gain

Everything to fear...

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