Black Lily

Chapter Ten

My Last Breath

She opened her eyes to a squeak. Abby was standing in the door way, eyes wide. Lily raised herself up onto her elbow, careful not to disturb the sleeping person next to her.

"You do know that if you widen your eyes that much, they will end up falling out." Abby swallowed, and smiled slightly, obviously relieved that Lily was, in fact, dressed.

"Remus sent you this. He said to tell you 'it will help'. Don't understand, personally, but whatever floats your boat love." Lily laughed out loud to hear her shy friend imitating her manner of speech. She lowered herself off the bed, and walked over to her friend, taking the vial of clear yellow potion. Trust Remus to get her a morning sickness potion... speaking of which. She pulled out the cork in the top, and downed it, then gagged at the taste of swallowed frog.

"Gah! Is the man trying to kill me?!" Abby shrugged, smiling.

"So... since when did James bunk in your room?"

"Oh, new development. He thinks my bed is softer then his. And now, my darling, help me pick out some clothes before I have to rouse sleeping moron." Abby grinned.

"What will it be today? The pleated grey skirt or straight? Billowing sleeves, or tight?"

"Straight and tight. Let's live dangerously. Now, where is my tie? I have a suspicion that sleeping ugly is lying on it." A muffled voice came from the pillows.

"I heard that..."

"You were supposed to." A ruffled black haired head raised itself, and glared blearily at the red head.

"You just woke me up form a very deep catnap."

"Go lap up some milk then kitty, I need to get showered and dressed. Vamoose." He groaned, curling up.

"But I want to stay..." Lily strode over to the bed, grabbed the bed sheet and flicked it hard. James hit the floor with a yell. "Hey! Foul mewling woman, what did you do that for?"

"To get you out of my room! Go!" James pouted, and left, swaggering his hips so much that Lily wondered that he didn't wriggle out of his skin. She sighed, and turned to Abby, who was holding out a skirt ands fitted shirt. "I had to pick a drama queen, didn't I?"

"What can I say? You have odd taste in men. Now, I shall be going and fixing your coffee." She hugged Lily, and left. With a sigh of contentment, Lily grabbed a hair brush from her dressing table and walked into her ensuite bathroom.

*

The Great Hall was full of the sounds of cutlery and people talking. Lily smiled at her friends, and walked over, kissing James as she sat. Peter rolled his eyes and made a gagging noise. James rolled his eyes.

"Peter, you have no soul."

"At least I don't flaunt my relationship in front of other poor people who are all alone." Lily rolled her eyes, and grinned as Abby handed her a cup of coffee. She inhaled the rich steaming liquid happily. Her stomach squeezed, and she felt sick. Slowly, she lowered the cup, and placed it on the table. Abby frowned.

"What's wrong? Isn't it right?"

"Hmm? Oh, no sweetie, it's perfect, thank you. I just... I jut don't feel too good." James put his arm around her, frowning with concern.

"Hey, what's up? What have you eaten?" Lily glanced at Remus. Don't say any thing. PLEASE don't say anything. I will tell him, I will. The werewolf glared at her, but nodded very slightly.

"Lily, do you want to go to the hospital wing? You and I have a free lesson first thing." Lily wasn't certain, but she thought that James tightened his arm around her and that his muscles tensed.

"Yeah, ok Remus." She sighed, and pulled a bowl of fruit toward her, picked up a knife, and began to peel an apple, eating the strips of skin as they came off. But there was something missing. Oh, that was it. She pulled the butter and sugar dish toward her, wiped the next piece of apple skin through the butter, and then dipped it in the sugar, before putting it into her mouth and chewing happily. Sirius raised his eyebrows at her.

"You have developed some weird eating habits girl." Shit. He'd noticed. Think Lily, think!

She smiled.

"Yeah, well, you know... girls do these things." Ha. Find fault in that. I didn't lie, but I didn't explain it either, did I? I'm not stupid Remus, don't make me feel it. Sirius nodded, accepting her answer. Sev' raised his eyebrows at her, and continued to sip his coffee. Bastard. He knew something. He ALWAYS knew something. He should have been in Ravenclaw, the smart arse... ok, where were these thoughts coming from? Since when did she bad mouth her friends, even in her mind? Since she realized that they were all bloody smart arses who knew too much and made her feel utterly inferior... shut up brain! She smacked herself in the forehead.

Falcon was looking at her with worry in his eyes.

"Ok, there is no need to get into self harming. Relax, remember your breathing." Remember your breathing... God, that's what they said to women giving birth. Oh my god, I'm going to have to go through that! How can I do this? I'm supposed to be intelligent, and yet I didn't manage to remember the simplest thing on the planet! It is called a contraceptive! It is easy enough to remember! Lily groaned, and put her head in her hands. James raised his eyebrows.

"That's it. Remus, take her to the hospital wing now." How dare he try to order her about? She stood up sharply, and slapped him hard around the face. He stared at her incredulously.

"I don't need to be taken for a walk like a puppy you know! I am a grown woman!" Sev' coughed.

"Actually, you're technically still a teenager-"

"I do not require your input! Oh, just leave me alone!" she stormed out of the Great Hall, leaving the others staring after her.

Of all the damnable things! How dare he try to make himself superior to her? She was his better in every sense! Wow where did that come from? That most definitely was not right. She didn't think like that about James! Lily leaned against the wall, her head spinning.

"Oh god, what's wrong with me?" Tears began to well up in her eyes and spill down her cheeks. "Why am I even crying?" Remus came tearing out of the Great Hall and skidded to a halt in front of her.

"Ok, what in the name of all bloody arses was that about? You do realize I could hear every thought going through that your despicable mind don't you?"

"No I bloody well did not! God, are you always this interfering?" Stop right there! I will not let my mouth run away with me! "Remus, I'm sorry... god look at me, crying like a little girl..." she laughed slightly, wiping her eyes. Remus groaned and rolled his eyes.

"My darling Sister, it looks to me as though you have acquired pre-natal stress with a vengeance. Do you think you can control your self around the others though, as you seem to have no intention of telling them yet." She shook her head.

"I have no idea."

*

OK, this was definitely embarrassing. Why the hell did I get myself into this? Lily squirmed in her chair as the Nurse stared at her for a moment.

"...Pregnant?" Was this woman just playing at being a fuckwit?

"No, I'm here as part of an elaborate prank to distract you while my boyfriend raids your drug stores for things we can get completely rat arsed on." The young woman's face flushed, and she huddled down in her seat. Lily sighed.

"Sorry. My mouth is running away with me at the moment. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I mean, I did the Spell, I feel awful in the mornings with the whole vomiting thing and I can't stand coffee, though how I am going to cope without it for nine months, as I'm having withdrawal symptoms after one morning without it." Nurse Drusilla nodded, clutching her clipboard and quill with shaking hands. She looked at Remus.

"And... and Mr. Lupin here must be-" the werewolf turned a shocking shade of red. Lily cringed.

"Gods no! He's my Brother! Well, sort of..." The nurse turned as red as Remus, and hid her eyes. Oh for god's sake, she's only nineteen; you have to feel sorry for her... the redhead shook her head at the blonde nurse.

"Don't worry about it. Look, is there ANY chance I could be mistaken? Any at all?"

"Well, I could do a test if you wanted. It's much more accurate then the ones that witches usually use." Woop de doo. I get to have another test to tell me my life is over and will be filled with a mewling, screaming wretch.

*

"I need music!" Lily stormed into the common room with her special radio, fiddling with the tuners on the front. She grinned as the sound of guitars and drums started.

"All the, small things,

Truth care, truth brings,

I'll take, one lift,

Your ride, best trip,

Always, I know,

You'll be at my show,

Watching, waiting, commiserating,

Say it ain't so, I will not go, turn the lights off, carry me home,

Na, na, na na, na na, na na na," she bounced around the room, fingers flying with an imaginary plec over a guitar in her mind.

"Late night, come home,

Work sucks, I know,

She left me roses by the stairs, surprises let me know she cares,

Say it aint so, I will not go, turn the lights off, carry me home,

Na, na, na na, na na, na na na." who was this band?? Who ever they were, they were amazing!

"Say it aint so, I will not go,

Turn the lights off, carry me on,

Keep your head still, I'll be your thrill, the night will go on, my little wind mill,

Say it ain't so, I will not go, turn the lights off, carry me home,

Keep your head still, I'll be your thrill, the night will go on, my little wind mill." The music ended, and she collapsed on the sofa, laughing. She thought that she could play it...

"Accio Fender!" her pride and joy, her vintage Fender Strat guitar, 1960, came hurtling into the room. She caught it deftly. She patted her now taut stomach.

"I've gotta say kid, when you actually arrive; you are going to be taught all I know about rock, ok? I'm going to be a great mama to you. No matter what." She pulled the strap of the Fender over her, head, and conjured the electrical things she needed, and transported her sound system to her. She strummed experimentally. The chord throbbed in the surrounding air. She grinned. There was her heart beat, in the music. Always in the music. Without thinking, she slipped into a song that was coming from her blood singing in her veins.

"Hold on to me baby,

There's a light at the end of the tunnel,

Something precious in the black,

Seeking out the fallen angel,

Winging through the darkest earth,

Rising out from the grave, into the night,

Tearing through the stone,

Breaking death's sharp bonds,

Spirits of the earth, I call on you,

Break away my hurt and fear,

Spirits of fire, I implore of you,

Burn away my flesh resolve,

Spirits of air, my heart's desire known,

Winds of change melt my heart of stone

Spirits of water, hear my plea,

Ocean's waves wash my sin from me,

Close my eyes to the world around me,

Sorcerer of my soul, undo your spell,

Goddess of Hades, where on this earth do you dwell?

Darkened regions of my heart,

Light a torch, fire and blood,

Burn me inward to the sky,

Soul on fire, screams to die."

"Interesting. Are all your songs that... depressing and creepy?" She jumped and spun around. James was standing in the door way, looking over his reinstated glasses at her. She laughed, pulling the Fender off over her head.

"No, I just... I play what's there... in here," she tapped her head, "And here." She placed her hand over her heart, to feel the rapid beating. Of course; James was here. He opened his arms, and she ran into them, throwing her arms around his neck. He laughed, spinning her around and into the room.

"Hell, if I get a welcome like this every time you feel odd, please be ill more often!"

"Oh shut up." She pulled his head down to hers, and kissed him hard. His hand ran up her back, sending little shivers through her, and buried itself in her hair, twisting it up to the back of her head. Bloody hell, how did he do this to her? He ran his tongue over her lip, hinting. Oh, hint on, I'll let you stew. You're so polite Potter. He shocked her by growling low in his throat, and slamming her against the wall behind her, then kissing her fiercely, parting her lips wit his tongue and teasing hers with it. Holy fuck, this is a James I don't know! She moaned faintly, wrapping her arms around him tightly. He bit down on the tender skin of her neck, leaving tooth marks. Lily gasped, half out of shock, half out of the fact that her body felt like it was on fire.

"No, no, James, we... we need to.... need to talk... oh fuck it." He stopped, and looked up at her. His hair was even scruffier, if that was possible, and he was breathing hard.

"T... Talk? About what?" Ok, that poured a bucket of water on the fire... or not. This was it; she was sure she was going to tell him now. She ran her fingers over his face, stroked his hair, and then let them slip away. She wriggled away, and walked, on slightly shaky legs, over to the window. She knew James would be wearing that confused expression of his, waiting to find out what it was she had to say. She took a deep breath. Then another. For Gods sake, why did nothing her mother told her ever work? 'Deep calming breaths help you focus'. My arse they do.

"You asked me what was wrong with me a little while ago. I've been eating oddly, I can't stand coffee even though I'm having caffeine withdrawal symptoms..." This was so much harder then she thought it was going to be. Her muscles were shaking. James looked at her.

"So... what's wrong love? Aren't you well?" Panic crossed his face, "Oh God, you don't have... Cancrec, do you?" he stumbled over the Muggle word. Lily smiled slightly.

"No pet, I don't have cancer. Nothing half as bad as that. Well, it depends on how you look at it, really." A look of relief passed over James's face, and he rubbed his face, laughing slightly.

"I over reacted again, didn't I?"

"Yes love, you did rather." Her arm hurt a little, under the Dark Mark. But that was nothing compared to what she was doing now. Her boyfriend smiled at her.

"So... What is it love?" Do it. Do it now. But what if he tells me to fuck off? LILITH LE FEY- EVANS, TELL THE MAN THIS INSTANT! Ok ok, don't get so angry. Stupid conscience. You're only here because I exist.

"This is hard to say... Much harder then it was telling Remus."

"You told Remus before you told me?!"

"He was just there! If you had come running after me when I ran off looking ill, then you would have been the one I told! But you didn't, so obviously Remus cares more about my well being then you do! Oh god, ignore me, please. I'm saying awful things to people recently, I can't help it. Look, what I need to tell you is..." she froze, "Ow..." Her arm was burning now, sending pain shooting through her body. James, of course, didn't know this.

"Ow?" It was like acid was being poured over her skin, eating away at her flesh. She screamed, clutching her arm. Just as James darted forward, Dumbledore and some of the professors came through the door.

~

James stared at Lily in horror. He had only just noticed that the Dark Mark on her arm was smoking. Her eyes were huge, and she kept screaming. He vaguely heard the door open behind him as he caught the redhead before she hit the floor. Her eyes were closed now, and she had stopped shrieking like a banshee. He looked up at Dumbledore, at a total loss of what to do. Suddenly, a hand grabbed his throat and turned his head downward. Lily's eyes were open, but the green was gone, replaced by black; her pupils had covered the iris.

"It only makes him stronger." The hand dropped, and her eyes rolled up into the back of her head. Dumbledore lifted the girl out of James's arms, a look of sadness on his face. James grabbed the Headmasters arm as he began to turn away.

"What the bloody hell just happened?!" Professor McGonagall opened her mouth as though to reprimand James about his language, but Dumbledore shook his head at her. The old man, looked at James levelly.

"I will explain in all due course. I think it best though, if we get Miss Le Fey here to the hospital wing." James bristled.

"Evans."

"Pardon me?"

"Her name is Le Fey- Evans." The man smiled in a cryptic way that made James want to punch him.

"We shall see, won't we?"

*

Falcon burst into the room, eyes wild. He was swiftly followed by Abby, Remus, Sirius and Peter. James wondered briefly where Snape was, as he was Lily's best friend, but dismissed the thought. Lily was as pale as death, her head lolling to one side. Her dark red hair stood out in sharp contrast, the newly done plaits splaying out over the pillow. A little box beside her blipped with her heart beat, a wire running out of it and attached to her index finger by a clamp. She had yet to wake up. Remus knelt by her side.

"Oh shit... Drusilla!!" James jumped back, startled. Remus suddenly seemed so much more frightening, so much more vicious then usual. The timid little nurse appeared by his side. Remus's voice seemed to bark. "Is she alright?" The nurse seemed to understand, even though James couldn't understand a bloody word.

"She's stable for now, but as for that... it remains to be seen."

"Oh bloody hell. Lily, snap out of it! You haven't told him yet, have you?! Wake up and talk!" Falcon put a hand on the werewolf's shoulder.

"Leave it mate, she won't wake up if you yell at her." Remus's lip trembled, and he turned into Falcon's embrace. James raised his eyebrows at Sirius. There was definitely something to his werewolf friend that he didn't know about. But Sirius was holding Abby, and didn't seem to notice James, so he turned the look to Peter. He looked down at the pale hand he was holding, and gave it a tiny squeeze, the claddagh ring flashing. Suddenly, the box beside her screeched one long, high note. Nurse Drusilla and Madame Pomfrey pushed him out of the way. He clung to her hand.

"Lily! Lily, wake up! Please baby, wake up! What's wrong?!" the question was directed at the two medi witches, but they didn't reply. Dumbledore rose from his seat, and hurried over.

"Poppy, what is it?" Madame Pomfrey looked at Dumbledore, eyes frightened. The words took a moment to sink into James's mind.

"We're losing her."