Black Lily

Chapter Four

Forgive me

"I'm here Lily. When ever you want me to be, I'm here." She smiled at the person. Her bare feet sank into the dewy grass as she walked toward them. Warm arms enfolded her, and lips were pressed to her forehead.

"I promise you I'm here." The person let her go, and stepped back into a patch of sunlight. Black hair shone, and hazel eyes sparkled. The person removed the glasses obscuring their face, and smiled.

"I'll never let you fall Lily. I love you."

"I love you James."

"Oh my god No!" the girl sat up in bed, shaken. The dream was rubbish. She did love James Potter! She hated him. Didn't she?

~

"I'll never let you fall Lily. I love you."

"I love you James."

He opened his eyes, blinked, and reached for his glasses. He sat up, rubbed his eyes, and put them on.

"Well that was... interesting." Remus murmured in his sleep and rolled over. Sirius let out a snort that would have frightened a Hungarian Horntail if it had heard it, and Peter snuffled slightly. James shook his head in fond disgust.

"Honestly, if they weren't my friends, I'd be totally disgusted. But as it is..." he chuckled, and swung his legs out of the fold out bed. He rolled the knotted muscles in his shoulders, and grimaced. Looking out of the window, he saw that it was still dark; either very early morning or just very late. He was betting on morning. Yawning, be padded out of the room and down the stairs to the Common room. The fire had dies to faintly glowing red embers, and the room was bathed in the crimson light. He walked to the armchair that was placed directly in front of the fire. Sitting down, he stretched his legs out toward the glowing coals.

"You been staying here too?" He looked up. Lily was standing at the foot of the Gryffindor girls' dormitory stair way. Her hair was slightly mussed from sleep, and her legs were revealed by a rather short nightie. She rubbed her eyes blearily. A little shocked that she hadn't immediately attacked him, James nodded.

"Me too. I guess I can't cope with our chambers at the moment." She walked over, and curled up on the sofa, tucking her feet under her and leaning back, gazing into the dying fire. James stared at her for a moment. This was the first time in ages that she hadn't thrown something at him without using her wand, there by not being able to be blamed, or insulted him. She looked so... tired. As though the rest of the world was weighing down on her, and was just now beginning to crush her. He tried to quash the yearning to help her, to hold her and make everything alright again. The red yawned slightly, and snuggled in the cushions, then turned to look back at James.

"So. Why are you staying here? I'm, well, I'm a bit ashamed to say it, but I'm avoiding you really." Her cheeks turned slightly pink. James chuckled, and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'm giving you space." She smiled, and James felt his stomach give a curious flip.

"That sort of defeats the idea, doesn't it? Both of us leaving our chambers and both of us going to Gryffindor tower." He grinned as he realized that she was right.

"Right as usual Lily."

"Ah, of course, bring up classes. When in doubt, do that." She smiled again, and hugged a cushion to her chest. She blinked, screwing her eyes up for a moment, and yawned slightly. James snorted.

"What?"

"You look like a red squirrel when you do that."

"Red squirrels are cute."

"A red squirrel that some one landed on after Apparating."

"Yuck." She grinned, and then burst out laughing. James looked at her, utterly bemused.

"Why are you laughing?" She was laughing to hard to answer.

"We- we are- aren't - aren't argue- arguing!" For a moment, James stared at her blankly, then, slowly, started laughing as well. Within a moment, both were laughing too hard to speak. Lily rolled of the sofa, and landed in a heap on the floor, squeaked, then giggled. James stood, still chuckling, and hauled her to her feet.

"I- I think that w- we sh- should get back to our rooms." She blew a strand of hair out of her face, and scowled as it fell back.

"Potter, I-" she stopped, "James. I... want to be friends." She spoke haltingly, as though thinking through the words as she spoke. He looked at her, then turned and walked to tapestry that hung by the fire place. Lifting one corner, he revealed a door. Opening it, he motioned for her to go through. She did, looking a little puzzled. He followed her, and closed the door. They were in a passage way. Lily turned to face him.

"James, where-" he put a finger to her lips, and shook his head. He began to walk down the passage, and heard her following close behind him.

~

He was definitely acting oddly. He simply pressed his finger to her lips, then lead her down the passage way. Lily sighed, and followed after him quickly, not wanting to be lost in the dark on her own. Why oh why couldn't he have worn a top? Not that I'm complaining. Oh my god, who would have thought that he had those muscles?! Shut up brain!! She mentally shook herself, and sped up slightly, keeping the tall boy in her sight, though the light was so bad that she could barely see.

"Where are we? James, I can't see a thing." Instinctively, she reached forward, and grabbed his hand. A tingling sensation ran up her arm. James stiffened slightly, then relaxed.

"Just follow me Lily."

"... Alright..." The walk was almost silent; the only sounds were those of their muted footsteps and their breathing. Lily began to wonder if James was just walking her around the school through some back way, when he stopped, and pushed on part of the wall. It swung open.

"What the-" the door had opened to show her own room. James nodded to her once, then stepped back into the dark passage they had just come through.

"I thought that it would be best if one of us was here, so I thought it should be you. Good night."

"HEY! What the fuck do you think gives you the right to-" the door shut, leaving her glaring after him. With a sigh, she turned at walked over to her bed. The sheets were cool and clean. Picking up one of her pillows, Lily cuddled it, curling up into foetus shape. Slowly, she slipped back into sleep.

A woman stood before her. Her hair was the same red as Lily's, and her eyes the same brilliant green. But her dress was medieval, and there was a slender gold coronet encircling her brow.

"Greetings my grand daughter." Lily's eyes widened.

"Morgan?" A smile spread over the woman's features.

"You know me then."

"Yes." Cool fingertips brushed her skin.

"Your identity has been revealed to your friends. Are you going to accept who you are? Will you become a Le Fey, as is your destiny?" a slender white hand was offered to her. Lily backed away.

"No!"

"Grand daughter, My Lilith, come back to us."

"No, I won't let you take me back!"

"My black Lily..." she lowered her hand, keeping her eyes on her. "I will not give up. Fare well." Blackness pulled Lily back.

Sunlight filtered through the window, and Lily's eye lids fluttered, then opened slowly. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes sleepily and stretched. She glanced at the muggle clock that she had charmed to work in Hogwarts. Ten to seven. Too early for her to usually be awake. Sev' always said that she wasted half the day by being asleep. Getting up, she walked to her wardrobe and pulled out the pleated grey skirt, fitted blouse, red tie and grey jumper that were her uniform. She wriggled into them sleepily, and hunted down a pair of tights and her shoes. Having dressed herself, she picked up a hair brush, and began to drag it through her hair. Picking up a ribbon, she made to pull her hair back into a ponytail, then paused. She looked thoughtfully at her earlobes in the mirror. She had never thought to have her ears pierced before. Quickly, she pulled two strands of hair forward, then tied her hair back in the ponytail, and left her room.

"Sev', where are you?"

*

Sev' sipped his coffee.

"Let me get this straight. You want me to pierce your ears for you. Not just once in each ear, but twice in one and three times in the other?" Lily nodded.

"And you want me to do this why?"

"Because I want my ears pierced."

"But five times! Lili, really. Why me?"

"Because you're the only one in this school who I trust. Come on Sev', you can do it before classes start. Please, please, please." He sighed.

"Alright Lili, alright! Come on." She squealed, and clapped her hands.

"Thank you!" He shook his head, standing.

"I will never understand you."

"Oh well." They walked out of the Great Hall.

"You do have ear rings, I suppose?" Lily smiled, and pulled out five safety pins. Sev' raised his eyebrows.

"How are those supposed to help us?" Lily rolled her eyes, pulled out her wand and transfigured them. Each became a small diamond earring.

"Aha." They came to an empty classroom. Lily sat on a desk.

"This is going to hurt, right?"

"If you insist on the muggle way-"

"Which I do."

"- then yes, it will rather." Lily nodded. Sev' pulled a book of matches, tore one off and transfigured it into a needle. He smiled at her encouragingly.

"You wanted this, remember?"

"Yeah." She took a deep breath, and released it. She flicked her hair back, and tilted her head to one side.

"Ok, I'm ready." Sev', biting his lip slightly, gently took hold of her ear lobe, and raised the needle. Suddenly, Lily's ear was burning, and hurt like hell. She couldn't help it. She screamed, more with shock then pain. Sev' shushed her softly, pulled out the needle and inserted and earring, twisting the butterfly onto the back.

"You ok Lili?"

"Fine. Get on with it."

"There. All done."

"One word. Ow." Sev' smiled, and pushed his hair out of his eyes. Lily straightened her head, and rolled her head on her shoulders.

"Right. Classes. Now." They left the classroom, Lily tucking her hair carefully behind her ears, Sev' transfiguring the needle back into a match.

"Are my ears all red?"

"A bit, but it'll wear off."

"Bein. Hmm. Ca va?"

"Oui ca va. Et tu?"

"Ca va. Mais, Je mal a l'oreilles."

"Pauvre toi."

"Pourqoui?"

"Parce que... Je ne sais pas. Une question."

"Quoi?"

"Pourqoui nous parlons en Francais?"

"Tu sais quoi? Je ne sais pas." They grinned at each other. A seventh year Ravenclaw looked at them as though they were crazy, and hurried past them. Lily sighed.

"This corridor is so boring," she said, still speaking in French, "Why is this school so boring?"

"I don't know." He was still speaking in French as well. They arrived in the Great Hall without realizing it. Sev' smiled, and walked to the Slytherin table, waving good bye. Lily sat down at the Gryffindor table, and helped herself to fruit salad. A laugh came from the other end of the table, and her head snapped up, eyes widening evilly, a smile lighting her face. James Potter. Time for revenge for the night before. She looked down in the direction that the laughter had come from. About half way down the table, James was laughing at a joke that Sirius had obviously just told. Contemplating what to do, she saw him lift a cup to his mouth. Aha. Pulling out her wand, she pointed it at him and whispered.

"Highdros." He sipped the drink, and pulled a face, as though it tasted bad. Which it probably did. Sirius said some thing to James, and Lily watched eagerly as James opened his mouth.

"Dog suiriS, uoy nac tca yllaer bmud semitemos!" The voice was high and squeaky. James blinked with surprise as people around him stifled sniggers.

"Tahw eht kcuf???" Lily couldn't control herself any longer. She burst out laughing, falling off her bench.

"SnavE!! Uoy niaga!!" The high pitch had risen to a bat like sonar, which would have made Lily wince if she had been able to breathe properly. But she was laughing too hard. A hand grabbed her arm and hauled her up. Amber eyes reprimanded her, and she smiled weakly, still sniggering.

"Hi Remus."

"Lily, why must you constantly curse him?"

"It's funny."

"Is that what it is?" Lily blinked. No one had ever questioned her about the way she treated James. Remus shook his head. "Think about it." He turned to walk away, then paused, "By the way. Like the earrings." With a roll of her eyes, Lily pulled out her wand.

"Finite Incantatum." Sev' was laughing on the other side of the room.

"Oh, Lili..."

"EVANS!!!"

"Oh shit! Black! SEV'! HELP!!!"

*

History of Magic was, as usual, boring. Lily had never seen the point in it, and she still didn't. She rested her chin on her palm, and stared blankly at the front of the room. Sev' poked her.

"Come on Lili, only ten minutes to go." Remus, who was sitting in front of them, and sharpening his quill to a deadly point, turned around.

"Lili?" Lily smiled, coming out of her stupor.

"It's his new name for me. Lilith, Lili, you get it?" Remus nodded, and turned back. Lily settled herself back into her stupor, while Sev' took turns between writing notes and looking at the teacher. Lily didn't notice as Malfoy slipped a note under Sev's elbow. Sev' glanced quickly at her, and then opened it. He read it quickly, the turned it over, wrote on the other side, and sent it back. Finally, a bell rang. The glaze over Lily's eyes faded, and she stretching lethargically.

"Thank god, I thought for a minute that I saw a light at the end of a tunnel. Let get out of here amigo." She picked up her bag, and sauntered out of the room, singing loudly in French. Sev' followed her, laughing.

"Aupres de ma blonde, qu'il fait bon fait bon fait bon, aupres de ma blonde qu'il fait bon dormi!!"

"Lili! Fermé la bouche!!"

"Pourquoi?"

"Parce que je dit."

"Ahh, zut." The seventh years sniggered as Lily continued to sing the song and Sev' continued to chastise her.

~

James raised his eye brows.

"What does that even mean?" Remus smiled.

"Beside my blonde, it is good is good is good is good, beside my blonde it is good to sleep." Sirius blinked.

"And you know this how?"

"I speak the lingo, Mon Amis." They walked out of the room. Peter was looking at his notes, a furrow in his forehead.

"I will never understand this. Were the Goblins rebelling because they wanted freedom and to be their own people, or because they were just vicious?" Sirius shook his head wisely.

"No no, they were rebelling because they weren't allowed to have jam and butter at the same time." Peter looked up at him.

"Really?" he looked to James and Remus for confirmation. They nodded as well. He shrugged, and rolled up his parchment. James watched for a moment as a certain red head bounced down the corridor, away from him, laughing happily and singing in French. A cloud descended over his mood. He turned away.

"Come. Let's go to the kitchens. Or Hogsmeade. Anywhere but here."

*

Autumn passed quickly, and before James knew it, it was winter. The weather was colder, and he had to put aside his summer uniform and change to the thicker winter one. He had begun to spend more and more time outside Hogwarts grounds. Often missing lessons altogether. He didn't care that he was beginning to get behind in classes, or that he was ignoring his Head boy duties.

Recently, the feud between Lily and James had come to a head.

"Could you be anymore of a wanker Potter?? Do you think you control my life or something??" Lily had, once again, exploded at the black haired boy.

"For Gods sake Evans, every body says it! He's a bloody Slytherin!"

"What's your point?? He's a nice guy!"

"You're a Gryffindor! Doesn't that mean anything??"

"I'd much rather hang out with Sev', even if he is a Slytherin, then hang out with a self righteous ass hole like you!!" She had turned on her heel, and stormed off. With out thinking, James had pullout his wand, and pointed it at her.

"Sevaterus colourtrato!" he stared in horror as Lily's beautiful red hair was suddenly severed, falling in thick clumps to the ground. The short spikes that were left turned dark green. A hush settled over the crowd that had gathered to watch. Lily had slowly raised her hand to her hair as she turned back to face him.

"Very mature Potter." With one final glare, she snapped her fingers. It had been as though some one had fast forward through months, filming the growth of her hair. The spikes reverted back to their long, soft curls, and the green colour faded out.

"Moron... Pourquoi agissez- vous cette facon?" with out waiting for an answer, she had turned and walked away, linking arms defiantly with her shocked Slytherin friend.

James was tired of fighting with her. He didn't want to fight with her, but she was so aggravating. He sighed. Remus put his hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, James, come on, cheer up! It's the Christmas holidays." James just pushed his hand through his hair. Remus sighed. "It's Lily, isn't it."

"I don't get it. I just don't get it. Get her. She is one of the most stubborn, strong willed, prickly, irritating people I have ever met!" He smiled at Remus wryly. "I love her so much Remus. When I'm around her, and the fact that I know what she feels like pressed against me, what her hair smells like... my brain cells start fusing and I stop being able to form coherent sentences." Remus chuckled.

"You know what coherent means. I'm impressed."

"Ha bloody ha. Of course I know what it means, I'm not stupid. No matter what lily says, I'm really not." He slung a friendly arm around Remus' shoulders.

"Never mind. Let's go find Sirius, and go it the Three Broomsticks. I need a drink. A strong one. For gods' sake, don't look at me like that!"

~

"Sev', I can't read this any longer! The print is... well, it's starting to resemble ants. Wriggly, in other words." She slammed her book shut, and rubbed her eyes.

"Urgh. How can you sit in her for hours on end and be content? It's impossible!" Sev' smiled, flicked his hair out of his eyes, and turned a page. Lily glared at him.

"And are we even allowed o be in the library this late? It's got to be about midnight."

"I'm allowed here."

"Why??"

"Got special permission. Courtesy of Professor Hawkson."

"Curse you for being the smart arse of the Slytherin house! Why did I pick you, of all people and smart arses, to be my friend?"

"You were smoking some wonderful, insanity inducing drug."

"Probably." She sighed, and half heartedly pulled her book toward her. A slight cough came from a corner. Sev' looked up, and raised an eyebrow.

"Lily, if you are so utterly bored and tired, go to bed."

"But bed is boring."

"The go to your common room, I can't concentrate with you whining." Lily stood up, feigning hurt.

"Alright. I know when I'm not wanted."

"At last, she gets the message." She grinned, playfully swatted at his head, and walked out. Had she stayed a moment, longer, she would have seen Sev', close his book, and look behind him.

"Good evening Lucius."

*

She stopped in front of the statue of a boy and a girl with clasped hands. As usual, she wrinkled her nose.

"Justice." The two let go of each other, and stepped aside. She walked into the Head Prefects common room, dumped her bag, and walked up the small flight of stairs to her room. She shut the door behind her, turned, and froze.

"Ja- Potter? What are you doing here?" He looked at her mournfully, and stood up from his seat at the window ledge.

"Lily..." She hesitated at the use of her first name, but then continued.

"What are you doing in my room? How dare you come in here! What nasty little trap have you been setting for me now?"

"Lily, please, listen to me." He walked over to her, and clasped her hands. She stared up at him, stunned.

"Lily, I'm... god, how can I explain this to you?" he shook his head. "You're right you know."

"About what, exactly?"

"Me. I am an ass hole, and a wanker. And self righteous. It's just... every time I see you with that... Snape, I get so jealous! How can he get so easily what I am desperate for?" Lily stared up at him blankly. Him? James Potter? Jealous of Severus Snape? Over her? Impossible, he was joking. And yet... He was still speaking.

"I wanted to tell you so many times. But it seemed that every time I opened my mouth, some poisonous shit just beat my words to it. I could have hit my self more then once. Lily, I... forgive me. Please, forgive me for my sins." He looked down into her eyes.

"I love you."