Desires

Harry Potter wandered the halls he had left so long ago. He trailed through the Third Floor corridor where Fluffy resided during his first year. Moaning Myrtle's bathroom where he found the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets. He passed the statue of the One Eyed Witch through who's hump one can find a secret tunnel into Honeyduke's in Hogsmeade. So many memories. Many of them good, many of them bad. Neither wholly one or the other. He entered Gryffindor Tower, where he spent seven years of his life, and looked around. Everything was the same, except the students. New faces everywhere. He was no longer a scared eleven year old entering this world for the first time. Many times in the ten years since he had started at Hogwarts he wondered what it would be like to be a normal Muggle. But he couldn't leave. He could never find the courage, or lack of, to disappear. He couldn't do that to his friends, nor to himself. Finally, he exited Gryffindor and moved upwards, to the highest turret in the castle and found himself looking down on the grounds from the Astronomy Tower and let the memories wash over him.

~Flashback~
There were two days left of school. The N.E.W.T's were over and there was an air of excitement and sadness permeating all the Seventh Years. They were leaving Hogwarts for the last time. Never again would they make the journey through Platform 9¾ to learn. No, if ever they did it again, it would be to teach, or to join family or perhaps just to visit. Harry was standing on the Astronomy Tower looking over the grounds he loved so much when he felt them. Dementors. He saw the first curses fly through the air from the Forbidden Forest. He saw the return from the teachers. And he felt the pain in his scar that told him Voldemort was there. He had tried to help, but was held back time and again by students and teachers alike. It wasn't until after Remus fell that he finally was able to join the fray. He didn't want to die, but he didn't want others to, either. Not for him. That was why Voldemort was there, after all. For him.

"It's me you want, Voldemort!" he had shouted. If he had the time, he would've realized how cliché that was.

High, cold hissing laughter.

"Yes, Harry Potter. It is you I want. For only you can bring me back to my full strength. What do you say, boy? Are you going to let me kill you now?"

Dimly, Harry was aware of the battle raging behind him as he stood close to the evilest Dark Wizard in history. But they were not his concern. The Death Eaters, the teachers, even the other students who had followed his lead and joined the fight. None of them were his concern right now. Only the being that was more snake than man was. He stood tall and proud before Voldemort, in a seemingly protected bubble for no curses came his way. He knew, later, that the Death Eaters were most likely under Voldemort's orders to let the Dark Lord himself finish off Harry Potter. And the Light fighters would refuse to even try to harm Voldemort with Harry so close to him. They still saw him as their savior, the one to rid the world of Voldemort forever. They still believed in the Prophecy.

"Never, Tom." In what felt like slow motion, Harry leveled his wand at Voldemort's chest where his heart should be, and did the one thing that could send him to Azkaban for life. He uttered two words dreaded by all.

"Avada Kedavra!"

He watched the green light shoot from his wand, heard the rush as the curse went flying, and knew. Knew that it would work. Knew that everything he had, every hateful feeling he could muster went into that curse. He remembered Bellatrix Lestrange's voice telling him, in Fifth Year when he tried to cast the Cruciatus on her, that he had to want it. He had to mean it. Righteous anger and indignation wouldn't help him with an Unforgivable. She may have stolen his Godfather from him, but she gave him something just as important, if far less precious to him. She gave him the means to kill Tom Marvolo Riddle. The power.

He watched the body crumple before him as he fell on top of it, Gryffindor's sword piercing through the thin chest as a double precaution before his world went black. He learned later, after he woke under Pomfrey's care, that it had worked. But that there were so many losses. Remus Lupin, Filius Flitwick. Kingsley Shacklebot, Nymphadora Tonks. Arthur and Molly Weasley. Those were only a few. Ron had been hit with the Cruciatus so much that he was insane, like Neville's parents. Hermione had been injured, but was doing much better. Most of the D.A. had been involved, and most of them were injured. No student deaths, thankfully. But so many more. With the pain of hearing this, he welcomed the darkness back and it swallowed him whole. He didn't awaken again until almost three weeks later.

~End Flashback~

He didn't notice the tears trailing silvery lines down his face. He didn't notice the presence to the side of him. He didn't notice the black gaze staring intently at him. All he saw were the images replaying over and over again in his head. The deaths and injuries, the despair. The Dementors that were finally driven away by multiple Patroni.

Severus Snape watched as the man he lusted after faced his demons. It hurt to watch him cry, to see the pain and misery etched on his face. He reached a hand out to rest on the younger wizards shoulder, but it hovered a moment without touching before falling away. He didn't know what to do with Potter. He was never one to shield and shelter him. And he wouldn't start now.

The older man knew what he had to do, and as silently as he arrived he disappeared again. He had letters to write.

Hermione Granger was making her way up to the Hogwarts castle to find Harry. He hadn't returned to Hogsmeade yet and it was much later than his usual time. She still feared for her friends sanity, and knew that the only way he would be better was if he dealt with those things which plagued him. The battle. The deaths. Severus Snape. How he had fallen for that man she didn't know, but she would support him in any way she could. He had so few friends as it was that she wasn't going to let a little thing like his taste in men deter her. Besides, she cared more about him now than she did before everything happened. She grew up, and her matured self became a mature friend. The only one she cared for more was Ron. But she wouldn't think about him right now. She wanted to see if Dumbledore would let her borrow a book from the library while she was there.

She wondered if Harry even thought about all those that used to be his friend. She knew that other than herself and Ron, there was only one other Harry considered friend anymore. And she hadn't been able to contact him yet. She would try again tomorrow. Every owl she sent came back unopened. But that would wait. For now, her only concern was Harry.

~tbc~