The Truth About Harry

*

Can you keep a secret? Do you swear you won't tell anyone? Not ever? There's something I want to tell you. I have to tell someone or I'll just burst.

I can't see Harry Potter anymore.

No no, you don't understand. It's not because I'm not allowed to. It's not as though my mother finally broke down and said, "That's IT! I don't want to hear another word about him, you won't see him anymore!" That would have been very Romeo and Juliet, very romantic, really. Can you imagine? A howler from my mum screaming, "YOU WILL NOT SEE THAT HARRY POTTER!" No no, that's not what I mean.

But to tell the truth we were never actually seeing each other in that sense of the word, anyway. Yeah, I know you heard that I was, but it's not true. I did try to get his attention, I flirted and sent him presents and letters written in this scented ink my brother Charlie sent me, but it never worked. He was never interested in me. I told Eloise that he asked me out once but that was a lie.

No no, I mean it literally. I can't see Harry anymore. It's as though he's wearing his invisibility cloak all the time, only I can't hear him either. Yeah, I know you can see him. You see him sitting just over there, don't you. Of course I know where he's supposed to be, but that doesn't mean I can see him.

I've sort of gotten used to it by now, pretending that I can. All those times we're sitting together outside under the trees, or talking with Hagrid, and suddenly everyone laughs but me? You remember, don't' you. Harry's made a joke, wasn't it funny? I just smile, there's nothing else I can do. You think I'm just being self-absorbed or mourning over the fact that he's still got a bigger crush on Cho Chang than he would ever have on me. But you're wrong.

At first I thought it was some evil plan, as if Harry had been kidnapped or killed. After a week I tried to talk to Ron and Hermione about it in secret, away from everyone else. I told them that something was terribly wrong with Harry, couldn't they tell? I couldn't possibly be the only one to notice it, I just couldn't imagine that. I thought maybe they were on in on some secret and they had just left me out of it. Again. Maybe it was a big game, ha ha, let's see if Ginny falls for it. Hook, line and sinker.

Hermione was interested at first, wanting to know what on earth I thought was wrong. Harry's colour? Did he look tired? His scar? It's probably nothing, she said, he'll be fine, they'll keep an eye on him.

I never said the critical words, I never said to them what I'm saying to you, I can't see Harry anymore. I mean, would you have in my place? Honestly. Ron would have written to Mum and I'd be locked up in St. Mungo's by now, you know it's true. By that time I thought maybe that was the right place for me, let me tell you. Wrap me up in the straitjacket, I'm completely round the bend.

It started about a month ago, really. I just looked up and he was gone. He'd been there a second before, standing watching the Ravenclaw Quidditch practice, shading his eyes with his hand and pointing up at Cho Chang. Always looking at Cho Chang, good Lord. You'd think he'd have gotten over that crush by now. Actually I remember thinking, just then, that he would probably end up with her sooner or later. One of these days. You know, that kind of sinking feeling that you were wrong all along? Like you expected something all your life and suddenly you know that it's never going to happen? I felt that just then. I wonder if that was what did it.

But anyway, there he was, watching the Quidditch practice. I remember exactly how he looked, with the sun in his eyes the tails of his shirt hanging out under his jumper, you know, just like usual, and then suddenly he was just gone. I let out a little scream, I don't mind telling you. It was a shock!

Ron thought I was being a baby, but I said, "Where's Harry?"

"He's right here, Ginny, are you blind?" I remember that, he asked if I'd gone blind and I wondered if it were possible to go selectively blind. You know, I even went to the hospital wing and asked about that. I said I was having trouble seeing, and Madame Pomfrey tested my eyes in a hundred ways. She says I'm fine, nothing wrong. I swear she thinks I’m a hypochondriac, but what was I supposed to do, tell her the truth?

No, I didn't tell her either. Like I said, I was worried about the very real possibility that I might have just lost my mind.

You wouldn't believe how easy it is to pretend that you can see Harry Potter. I hadn't ever noticed it before, but so much of what we do centres on him, if you think about it. In the corridors everyone is watching him. Someone always saves a seat for him everywhere; in class, in the Great Hall, even in the library. You wouldn't know this, but Harry's got his own chair in the Gryffindor common room. Yep, no one sits there but Harry. Of course, this might be because Harry just always sits there. I'm tempted to sit there myself, seeing as it's always empty. But I can't do that.

Once or twice I've made mistakes, you know, when I'm not paying enough attention. I sat down on a chair once in the library and Hermione nearly choked on her homework.

"Ginny! I know you like Harry, but you don't need to sit on his lap!" But you know what? There was no one there. I swear to you, I was sitting on the chair, not on someone. You'd think you'd feel it if there was someone in the chair you were sitting in, would you. I don't know how they explain it to themselves. My knees were level with theirs, it's this massive hallucination.

Well, I know that now. I didn't always know. I used to pointed my wand at myself every morning after breakfast. Right after I nodded and smiled at the non-existent Harry Potter again. Finite Incantatum, but that didn't work either. Still no Harry.

No no, really. I know you think I'm crazy, but wait til you hear the next part. See, finally I decided that either something was wrong with me, or something was really wrong with Harry. Well, and to be honest I think I was really starting to miss him by then, you know? I mean, I don't like to admit it, but yeah, I had feelings for him, I did. I'll even tell you, just between you and I, that I loved him.

You too? Yeah, I know that look on your face. Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this.

Harry Potter doesn't really exist.

No, I'm serious. It's true. Dumbledore told me. Come on, just listen, you said you'd keep it a secret! Let me explain!

I thought maybe I was losing it, or maybe Harry needed real help, maybe it was a spell cast on Harry to make it look like he was there when really he'd been kidnapped, taken away somewhere. So I went up to Dumbledore's office to talk to him about it.

I said, "Sir, I can't see Harry anymore." Well, I don't think I said it like that, I think a waffled a lot first. Like, so what if someone just disappeared, or what if I just couldn't see someone anymore. I was sitting in front of his desk by that point, eating lemon sherbets like they were going out of style.

"Oh, yes," he said. "I can't see him either."

I was totally shocked. This wasn't what I was expecting, Harry's a hero, he's protected the school, he's protected the entire Wizarding world from harm so many times! His parents died for him, this wasn't right. I said something like, I don't understand.

And Dumbledore says to me, "Oh I know. It seems strange doesn't it. But think about, Ms. Weasley. Wouldn't it be nice if there were a boy hero in the world, one who rose from the ashes like Fawkes here? Wouldn't it be nice if love could protect you from the Avada Kedavra? Wouldn't it be wonderful if a boy hero appeared to give us all hope, to make us believe that we really can conquer a foe we imagine so much more powerful than we are? Wouldn't it be lovely if it were all true? And if enough people believed in it strongly enough, wouldn't that be a kind of magic in and of itself?"

I think I just sat there with my mouth open. Do you see what he means? Do you see what he's saying? I didn't get it at first. It's the idea. We want him to exist so badly, we need him to exist, so he does. And Dumbledore lets us all believe it. Maybe it's believing in him that let's us, you know, keep going.

I know, it's strange. But it's true. We don't h
ave a hero, you know. We have to work it out for ourselves. It's not going to be Harry who defeats Voldemort in the end, it will have to be the rest of us.

Now, turn around. Can you still see him?