Magic At Its Deepest

Chapter Four

Harry's refusal to believe that his mother was alive made the next few days very stressful for everybody. Snape had gone off on some mission for Dumbledore, so it was just Dumbledore himself, Remus, Sirius, Lily and Harry at Hogwarts, and the way Harry distanced himself from everybody else he might as well not even have been there.

The first time he saw her at the Head Table, talking quietly to Dumbledore while Remus and Sirius listened, he had stared at her for a moment, then turned and walked away.

None of them had seen him, but Lily certainly couldn't miss the fact that her son didn't trust her. He made it rather obvious that he was deliberately avoiding her, and the longer it went on, the more depressed Lily got.

Finally, on the third day, Remus and Sirius had had enough. Lily hadn't slept at all the night before, and the sight of her with dark circles under her eyes was too much for them to deal with. After breakfast that morning, they excused themselves and went in search of Harry, determined to make him believe.

They found him in the library, working on a particularly demanding Potions Essay and grumbling under his breath. The things he was saying about Severus Snape were all, of course, very true, but Sirius couldn't help think that Lily would box his ears if she could hear him saying them. "Good morning, Harry," he greeted his godson quietly.

Harry fell sideways out of the chair, startled. "Ow! Sirius!" he complained quietly. "Am I going to have to put a bell on you?"

Sirius made an apologetic face and offered him a hand, pulling him easily to his feet. "Sorry, Harry. We didn't mean to startle you," he said, with a dirty look at Remus, who was snickering softly, probably enjoying the image of Sirius with a bell around his neck.

"It's all right," Harry said. "What do you need?"

"We want to talk to you about your mother."

Harry froze, still holding Sirius' hand. "My mother is dead," he said quietly.

"No, she's not. Not anymore. She's alive, and at the moment she's quite miserable because you refuse to look at her, talk to her, or give her any chance to tell you herself that she's not going to hurt you." Sirius squeezed his godson's hand gently in his, watching his face intently. "You can trust her, Harry. You can trust us."

"I do trust you, Sirius," Harry said quietly. "I trust you both. But I don't trust her."

Remus and Sirius sighed softly. "Harry," Sirius said, "I understand what you're going through. I loved them too, you know."

"I know," Harry said. "And I guess that's why...you think it's really my mum because you want it to be. I want it to be true too, but it's not. It can't be."

"Harry, I'm hardly trusting her solely based on emotion," Sirius said, somewhat nettled. "We gave her Veritaserum..."

"I know," Harry protested, but just because she thinks she's my mum doesn't mean--"

Remus held up a hand, and the other two fell silent. "I think I have a way to settle this," he said evenly. "Harry, do you still have the Map?"

Harry blinked, then smiled. "Yeah," he said. "In my trunk." Dumbledore had found it in Crouch's possessions at the end of the previous school year and had returned it to Harry with a brief note saying that he would be wise to be more careful about who he showed it to in the future. Harry had to admit he had a point.

"All right," Remus said sensibly, "so we'll just go get the map and see what it says. Will that satisfy you, Harry?"

Harry considered that for a moment, then nodded. "Yes, all right," he said. "And if it says it's not my mum--"

"Then we'll have an interesting talk with Severus about the quality of his Veritaserum."

Fifteen minutes later, Harry was standing at the foot of his bed, staring in shock at the Marauder's Map. There, staring back up at him from the empty chambers that usually housed the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, was his mother's name.

"Now do you believe us, Harry?" Sirius asked quietly.

Harry stared silently at the Map, reaching out to touch his mother's name gently with the pads of his fingertips. "Mum," he whispered, and then spun around, hightailing it out of the room, not noticing or caring Remus and Sirius closing the map and following him.

He moved faster than he ever had in his life, racing down the halls in speeds he'd never hit on the ground before. At one point, Nearly Headless Nick got in his way, and Harry ran right through him. That slowed him down, as he was forced to stop for several minutes and let the warmth return to his body.

When he reached the Defense teacher's chambers, he stopped for a moment to catch his breath, then twisted the door open, rushing into the room and closing it behind him. She was seated in a chair next to her bed, reading a book. When he closed the door, she looked up, and her eyes widened at the sight of him. "Harry?"

Harry stared at her for a long minute, studying every detail. Yes, this was the woman in the Mirror of Erised, the woman in the photos Hagrid had given him. This was the woman who came out of Voldemort's wand and spoke to him in gentle, loving tones, though the words were almost businesslike. This was the woman he'd seen in his dreams, begging Voldemort not to kill him.

Lily raised her eyebrows at his scrutiny of her, and stood slowly. "Harry?" she said again, soft and questioning.

Harry swallowed and walked over to her slowly, stopping right in front of her. "Mum," he said in a ragged whisper, and embraced her tightly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let Aunt Petunia slam the door in your face and I'm sorry I didn't believe you were you and I'm sorry I made them give you Veritaserum and my god, Mum, where have you been?" he gasped, voice cracking ignobly on the last word.

Lily stared down at the top of his head, startled, and then wrapped her arms around him, more from reflex than anything else. She opened her mouth to say something, closed it again, and then burst into tears.

Harry stiffened, shocked. "Mum...oh, don't do that. Please don't do that," he said uncomfortably, patting her back awkwardly and flinching in a way that reminded her strongly of James. In fact, almost everything about her son reminded her of his father, from the way he walked to the sound of his voice to the way he was now squirming uncomfortably at the notion of having to comfort a crying female.

Lily broke down completely. "Oh...oh, Harry," she gasped between sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"What on earth for?" Harry asked, startled.

"For crying! It's just that you....you're so much like your father, you look almost exactly like he looked when we..." Fell in love. "And just a few days ago I was changing your diapers and singing you to sleep and now you're all grown up and I missed it!" This last came out on a wail, and she buried her face in Harry's shoulder and started bawling again.

Harry stared at her in considerable shock, then reached up and started patting her again. "Mum, stop. Please, please stop," he said. "It's all right now, you're alive now."

He even has his father's way with words. Lily made a bizzare noise, a combination of a sob, a laugh and a honk, and pulled away slightly, looking down at her son with a sad smile. It was true, she was alive. She was alive, but her baby was fifteen years old, and she could never, ever get those years back, no matter how much she wished she could.

"You really do look incredibly like James," she murmured, lifting her hand to touch his cheek. "And your voice...it's remarkable."

"So everybody tells me," Harry said quietly. "But they say I have your eyes."

"Yes, you do." Lily smiled. "Though apparently you got your vision from your father too."

"Oh, I don't know," came a quiet voice from the doorway. "I don't think Harry's quite as bad as James was. He'd never make it as a Seeker if he was."

Lily looked up as Remus and Sirius came into her bedroom, smiling at her. She didn't know what had made her son suddenly decide to accept her, but she had a feeling that Remus and Sirius had something to do with Harry's change of heart. "What did you do?" she asked them softly, still holding Harry close to her. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Remember the Marauder's Map?" Sirius asked, crossing the room to stand beside them and putting a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Oh yes," Lily said wryly. "And I remember the night you lost it."

"Mrs. Norris looked lovely in blue, if I recall," Remus said.

"And the orange stripes. Filch nearly exploded." Lily smiled as Harry looked up at them, wide-eyed. "It was a good prank."

"You turned Mrs. Norris blue?" Harry gasped. "With stripes?"

"Mmmhmm. Handy with transfiguration, was your father," Lily said softly. "Even McGonagall couldn't reverse it, just had to let it wear off on its own. She knew James did it, of course, but she couldn't prove it."

"And she didn't like Mrs. Norris any more than we did," Sirius said. "So she probably wouldn't have done too much even if she could prove it." He smiled at the look on Harry's face. "Peter lost the Map, of course. Dropped it while we were making our getaway."

"And Filch took it," Harry said quietly.

"Yes. And now that I'm not your teacher anymore, I would love to know how you got it back. You didn't swipe it from Filch, did you?" Remus asked, one eyebrow raised

Harry smirked slightly "Would you be more disappointed if I did or if I didn't?"

"I'm really not sure."

Harry, Sirius and Lily laughed at that admission, and at the grin on Remus' face. "Well, I wish I could take credit," Harry said, "but Fred and George Weasley were the ones who did that. They swiped it in their first year here and gave it to me while you were teaching so I could sneak out to Hogsmeade." He grinned suddenly at them, his expression as mischievous as James on his best day, and all three adults blinked in surprise at the change. "I can't wait to see their expressions when they find out who Padfoot and Moony are."

Dinner that night was the most fun Harry ever remembered having. Sitting between his mother and godfather, Remus and Dumbledore across from them, talking about homework (he'd finished it all), the upcoming Quidditch season, and who was going to be Prefect for which house the following year. Harry was quite pleased, but not at all surprised, to hear that Hermione had been picked for the Gryffindor Prefect. He didn't know Terry Boot, the Ravenclaw Prefect, but he'd met Justin Finch-Fletchley of Hufflepuff a time or two and found him likeable enough. He was quite disgusted to learn that Draco Malfoy had been made Slytherin Prefect, but managed to contain this disgust in front of Dumbledore, who knew full well what he thought of Malfoy and didn't need to be told.

Around the time Harry was considering dessert, Dumbledore brought up the topic of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. "I haven't found anybody willing to take the position on yet, and we're getting dangerously close to the start of the term. Remus, I don't suppose..."

Harry sat up straight, looking hopeful, but Remus was shaking his head. "You know I would like nothing better, Headmaster," Remus said quietly, "but I cannot risk the children's lives. It wouldn't be safe."

"Yes, it would!" Harry said. "If Sirius stayed around as Snuffles...pretended to be your pet...he'd keep you in line, especially if you were getting the Wolfsbane Potion too."

"I doubt that Severus could be persuaded to make the potion for me again, Harry," Remus said. "And even if he could..."

"What if we could make it safe?" Lily asked suddenly, peering at Remus intently. "What if we could ensure that you wouldn't be able to get out of your office, even if you could get past Sirius?"

Remus blinked. "Well...I suppose that would be all right," he said slowly, "But how could you be sure of that?"

"Charms. Protections. I can think of a half-dozen different things I could do. More if I could get Professor Flitwick's help, but certainly enough to ensure the safety of the students," said Lily. "I'd have to get a wand..."

"You could use mine," Harry said immediately. "If it works for you."

"Ah, that won't be necessary," Sirius said. "Your wand is in my vault at Gringotts, Lily. After you...passed...I took it and James' and put them there for safekeeping." He sighed. "I thought Harry might want to have them one day...never dreamed that I'd be returning yours to you."

Lily smiled and leaned around her son to kiss Sirius' cheek. "Thank you, Sirius," she said quietly. "I'm very grateful."

"Well, Remus?" Dumbledore asked, smiling.

Remus looked at Lily and Sirius, who were both grinning at him, and then over at Harry, who was sitting straight up in his chair with a puppy-eager expression. "Well...all right," he relented finally.

"Yes!" Harry grinned widely, prompting Remus to flush slightly with pleased embarrassment. "Oh, this is going to be great! I can't wait to tell the Weasleys!"

"Ah, Harry, while we're on the subject of the Weasley family," Dumbledore said, "Molly and Arthur wrote me yesterday and asked if you could meet them at Diagon Alley to get your things for school."

If anything could make Harry happier than having his mother alive and Remus Lupin teaching again, this was it. "Really?" he said. "What...er, I mean, is it all right?"

Dumbledore smiled. "Well, I think one afternoon away from Hogwarts will be safe for you, if certain precautions are taken."

Harry's eyebrows went up. "Like what? Sir," he added belatedly.

"Well, for starters, you certainly can't go alone. Remus, you wouldn't mind taking him, would you? That way Sirius can take Lily back to your flat and get her wand, and she can secure your quarters while you're gone."

"I certainly don't object to that," Remus said, smiling. "That is if Harry doesn't mind being baby-sat by his Defense Professor. You don't, do you, Harry?"

Harry grinned. "Well, seeing as it's you, no, I don't mind a bit."

Remus blushed again. "Ah, thank you, Harry. That's very kind," he said, pleased.

"Lily? Does that sound acceptable to you?" Dumbledore asked. "He is your son after all."

"Well, yes, I think that will be fine," said Lily, smiling at Harry. "Though I must say I look forward to the day when I can take him myself."

"Perfectly understandable," Dumbledore said, "but I don't believe it's safe for you to be wandering about in public right now." He paused for a moment, then turned to Harry. "I do, however, think that you can tell the Weasleys about Lily, if you want to do so, Harry."

"Oh, can I, Mum?" Harry asked of Lily. "Just the Weasleys, and Hermione? You can trust them, well, I'm not too sure about Percy sometimes, but he means well at least..."

"Well...all right," Lily said. "If you're sure they're trustworthy..."

"Ron and Hermione have known about me for over a year, Lily, and they've kept the secret," said Sirius.

"And Hermione figured out I was a werewolf less than three months into the school year," Remus said, "and she didn't tell a soul until she thought I was helping Sirius try to kill Harry."

"The Weasleys can all be trusted, I assure you," said Dumbledore. "Percy is sometimes a bit...er...overly fond of authority, but he has my full confidence." He paused and raised his eyebrows. "And he and his father already know about Sirius, Harry, and have promised to keep that secret, so I believe they can be trusted with this one as well."

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. "When did they find out about Sirius?"

"Over the summer," said Sirius. "And that's all I'm telling you, Harry, so don't ask. It's too dangerous."

"Ah," Harry said, slightly nettled. "So I'm old enough to have a megalomaniacal psychopath after my blood but not old enough to know why."

"Harrison James Potter," said Lily sternly. "Don't talk to your godfather like that."

Harry turned around and blinked at her, surprised. "'Harrison James'? That's my name? I thought it was just Harry."

Lily's eyes widened. "Petunia didn't tell you?" she said, surprised.

"No," said Harry. "They never told me anything. I mean, I was six when I found out when my birthday was, not that we ever celebrated it after I found out."

Nobody seemed exactly certain what to say to that. In the end it was Sirius who broke the silence, looking quite troubled but not nearly as apoplectic with rage as Lily. "You were born premature, did Petunia tell you that? We were all there, because we'd been out to the cinema. You've heard of Star Wars, I suppose?"

Harry nodded, bewildered. "Yes," he said slowly. "What's that got to do with it?"

"Well, you see, the second movie in the series came out the year you were born, and the lot of us had gone out to see it."

"Lily dragged us," said Remus, and winked at Lily, who looked indignant.

"Yes," Sirius said, laughing softly. "Lily dragged us. Well, there was this one part of the movie that was really exciting, and I guess you were getting excited too, because all of a sudden we heard this soft gasp and your mother cursing."

"'Bloody Hell,' said Remus in good imitation of Lily's soft alto. "'My water broke!'"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, James, Sirius, and Peter were panicking, of course, and the Muggles weren't pleased with us, until James yelled 'We're having a baby' and they figured out what was going on. Then they were delighted. Started clapping and all that. Remus, you probably won't be surprised to hear, was the only one with the common sense to call the hospital and tell them we were coming."

"Call? On the telephone?" Harry asked, surprised.

"Oh yes. You were born in a Muggle hospital, because they didn't let Muggles into St. Mungo's and I wanted my parents to be there."

"Oh." Harry paused, considering that. "Wait. You named me after Harrison Ford?"

Lily blushed. "Yes," she admitted sheepishly. "Because, well, I loved your father with all my heart but...Harrison Ford is very good looking."

"He's almost sixty," said Harry. "And married."

Lily's face fell. "He is?" she said sadly.

"Mmmhmm. I think he has kids, too."

Lily sighed. "The good ones always get taken eventually," she said.

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Sirius and Remus aren't married."

"Yes, well, as I said..." Lily grinned at the indignant expressions on the men's faces. "At any rate, we finally got to the hospital, and Remus called my parents, and they came. In those days they didn't let men into the delivery room, so my mother came in with me, and your father, my father, Peter and these two waited outside."

"And we were all nervous," Remus said, laughing. "We could hear her screaming from where we were. James was as white as a sheet, Sirius wasn't much better, and Peter fainted the first time she threatened to kill the doctor."

"And Remus was pacing around in circles growling at everybody who got too close," said Sirius, grinning. "Mr. Evans was the only person there who didn't know he was a werewolf and I think he was starting to think he had rabies or something."

Remus sighed, rolled his eyes, and slapped Sirius upside the head, knocking his face into his plate. Harry, met with the sight of his godfather's face covered with mashed potatoes and gravy, with a pea stuck here and there, started laughing until he had to lean up against his mother to recover.

The rest of the meal went along the same lines, the four adults and Harry exchanging anecdotes about past adventures. Harry told his rapt audience his version of the events of his first and second years, and regaled his mother and Remus with the story of the First Task, or as Sirius dubbed it, 'Harry Versus the Horntail.' Lily, in turn, told Harry about her first date with James, the day he had proposed, and then she, Remus and Sirius took turns telling the story of their wedding day, with the occasional comment from Dumbledore, who had performed the service.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable evening.

After dinner, Harry retired to the Gryffindor dormitories to prepare for bed. It had been a great day, but an emotionally exhausting one, and he had the feeling he would be sleeping very soundly. He would have been right, too, if it hadn't been for the nightmare.

It was warm here, and dark. The stars were bright, and the moon was new. Three men stood in the doorway of a crude stone hut, illuminated by its light. All three wore hoods.

"Bring him," demanded a soft, sibilant voice from inside the hut. The man in the middle raised his head, and the two men on either side of him grasped his arms, leading him into the room.

"Severus," said the voice, and Lord Voldemort smiled as the man pushed back his hood, revealing the hawk-nosed face of Severus Snape. "So you finally remember your duty to your Master."

"My Lord," Snape said softly, lowering his eyes. "I have never forgotten my duty to you."

"Have you not?" came the reply. "Lucius informs me otherwise, Severus. He claims that you left my service and turned spy for Dumbledore. He claims that Dumbledore himself said so, at your trial."

"It is true, my Lord," Snape confessed. "Dumbledore believed me to be a spy in his service. I pretended this, in order to gain his trust, that I might be of more service to you..."

"Liar! Crucio!"

Pain. Pain and fear, Voldemort's nectar and ambrosia. It echoed in the air, in Snape's screams, in the rank smell of his sweat.

At length, Voldemort withdrew his wand, and the screams stopped, though Snape's breathing was heavy. "Severus," Voldemort said, and he no longer sounded at all amicable. "You have betrayed me, Severus."

"Never...my Lord..."

"You lie, Severus. You betray me to Dumbledore and then lie to me. You have deserted me, Severus, and taken up with Dumbledore. Perhaps you have befriended the Potter brat as well? Crucio!"

vomit was added to the heavy odors of sweat and terror. "My Lord...I despise Potter, my Lord, as I did his father..."

"Ah, but you were very fond of his Mudblood mother, were you not, Severus? Is that when I lost you? Was it you who warned Dumbledore that they were my next targets? Did you think you could save her?" He leaned over, his wand pointed at Snape's head. "Did you betray your master for the sake of a Mudblood?"

"Never...my Lord, I vow to you..."

"And a third time you lie to me, Severus." Voldemort shook his head. "I have tried to show you mercy, Severus, and give you a chance to tell me the truth, to redeem yourself, but you have left me with no alternative."

This time, the pain was unbearable, and Harry was screaming when he awoke.