A Certain Amount of Sense

Chapter 17

“All right, Harry. Just relax and try to clear your mind.” The two of them were sitting on his bed, with the covers drawn and a Silencio spell cast for privacy. They were facing each other, with Harry at the head and a pile of pillows behind him. Spread out beside Hermione were the two books and her own journal for notes.

“Am I supposed to try to repel you?”

“Hmmm, I don’t know. Why don’t we start off with you not trying and build up from there?”

“All right.” She wrote down the conditions of the first run.

1. Subject’s mind – open

Start time – 8:14 pm

“Are you ready?” He nodded. “All right then, on a count of three. One, two, three, Legilimens!”

It was amazing, really, the difference between trying to crack a willing mind and a closed mind. It was like sinking into a soft, warm wad of pudding. Instead of the fragmented scenes she had seen in Snape’s mind, she was able to flow from memory to memory at her own pace. She saw a few which must have come from his days before Hogwarts; they mostly featured an overweight boy bullying him around. She skipped past these, a little uncomfortable at the thought of watching something that Harry so obviously hated.

She found his memories of Hogwarts and looked for the ones that she hadn’t been around for. That included the first two months of their first year, the entire time she had been petrified in their second year, and the time during their third year when he had been mad at her for telling Professor McGonagall about his new broom.

It wasn’t until she reached his memories of last December that she was kicked out of his brain. She opened her eyes and realized that she was lying down and staring at the top of his canopy.

“Oof, Harry, did you do that?” she asked as she sat back up. Apparently he had also suffered some backlash because he was also rubbing the back of his head.

“I...I think so. Dunno how though.”

“Hmmm, well, we’ll have to practice a few more runs and catalog whatever you remember.” She reached for her notebook. “Hopefully we’ll be able to see a pattern and then.… Oh, what time is it?”

“It’s almost nine o’clock.” She wrote that down along with all her observations.

“All right, let’s try it one more time, and this time, try to block me.”

“Are you sure you can’t tell me anything about how to do that?”

“Yes, Professor Snape said....”

“All right, all right. I’ve heard it already. You know, you seem to be thinking rather highly of what Snape says these days.”

She attempted to give him her death stare #4, but eventually gave up because of the ridiculous look he had on his face.

“Come on, ‘Mione. I was just kidding. It’s just that Ron told me what happened when he followed you last night. I couldn’t help it.”

“Fine. Laugh all you want. See if I care if Voldemort catches you in your sleep again.” She made to leave, but Harry grabbed her hand. He was completely serious now.

“No, don’t go. Look, I’m sorry, all right? It’s just...sometimes it gets so hard, you know? I need all the silliness I can get these days. I’m sorry if I offended you.”

Hermione sighed. Harry was right. It had been a while since she had seen him laugh. And although it had been at her expense, it felt good to know that he was getting past Sirius’ death.

“Fine. One more time then.” She returned to her original position and raised her wand.

“Wait, before we get started.... I have to ask you, how much longer are you going to refuse to talk to Ron?” Hermione dropped her wand and frowned.

“I don’t want to talk about that right now.”

“Hermione.” She groaned in response.

“Look, I know I should just forgive him, but it’s just...it’s more complicated than that. You don’t understand how he made me feel down there. The things he said.... And the way he grabbed me.... It’s just...I’m going to need some more time. To work things out.”

Harry looked at her in pity. He wanted to help her and Ron, but whatever was going on within her was obviously more than he could handle.

“And don’t look at me like that. I’ll be fine.” He didn’t believe her for a moment, but he also knew that it would be better to just accept her assertion for the time being.

“All right. Fine. Let’s try this one more time then.” He could see the relief pass through her face.

“All right. Are you ready?” He nodded.

“And don’t forget to try and block me this time. One, two, three. Legilimens!”

She could tell that it was different this time. Legilimency for Squibs had taught her the importance of visualization. She was supposed to imagine herself reaching out to him like a deluge of water, flowing and surrounding his mind, seeping into whatever cracks there were—for only the most skilled of Occlumens were able to completely shield their minds. Minds like Snape’s. She was still reeling from the knowledge that she had been able to break into his mind. She had, of course, done exactly as the book had told her to do, but even she had to admit that after a dozen fruitless tries that that particular tactic was not going to work. Perhaps...perhaps what she needed to do was forget what the book said and just use her intuition, like Harry.

So she had racked her mind for another image to use. It was when she remembered the Waterpik that her parents had recently been recommending her to use that she realized she had been using the right idea, but the wrong means. Water could not only find whatever unprotected crevices there were, but if there were none, a powerful, concentrated stream of the same could break its way through any obstacle. And that’s what she had done with Snape; by focusing all her energies she had blasted through his defenses and accessed his memories.

And oh, what she had seen. She was dying to ask him about his past, about his family, his time in Hogwarts, what had happened after the elder Malfoy approached him.... But then was not the time, and she could only hope that eventually, one day, she would be able to ask him, and he would tell her.

As she focused on getting into Harry’s mind, she felt the shields that he was trying to erect, but they were easily sidestepped. She decided to get back at him for teasing her and looked specifically for his memory of the time he had been left alone in the Room of Requirement with Cho. She saw herself, Ron, and Marietta leaving, and then a tear-streaked Cho getting closer and closer to him. Their lips were just about to touch when she found herself hurtling backwards off the bed. She landed on the ground with a jolt and saw a surprised Neville looking down at her.

“Oh, um, hi Neville.” He was obviously trying his hardest not to imagine what she could have been doing in Harry’s bed that had ejected her out like that.

“What were you thinking, going there, Hermione?!” Harry’s head popped through the curtains. “Oh, hi Neville.” Neville took one look at Harry and then back down at Hermione before he ran out of the room with a squeak.

Hermione looked at Harry, who looked back at her. At the same time, they both started laughing.

“Oh my God, did you see his face?”

“He probably thought I meant...that you had....” Their laughter continued until their sides were hurting, and they could hardly catch their breaths.

“Do you think we should go down and explain?” asked Hermione as she got off of the floor.

“Probably, before he says something to Ron...or Ginny.”

“Ginny? Why do you think she would care?”

“Oh, um. Well....”

“I’m just teasing you, Harry. You don’t have to say anything, if you don’t want to.” She tried her best to do an impression of Snape’s arching eyebrow. Though she failed miserably, Harry still blushed.

“Well, um...that is....”

Just then, the girl in question burst into the room.

“What in bloody hell is going on?” she shouted, which only made Harry and Hermione burst into another round of laughter. When she realized that the other two were still fully clothed and obviously had not been engaged in any licentious antics, she also started blushing furiously.

“Nothing happened,” wheezed Hermione. “We were just....”

“We were just practicing Occlumency, and she...well...I....”

“Harry just responded a little more violently than he probably should have....”

“What? You know you shouldn’t have been prying....”

“Well, if you had been able to shield yourself properly....”

Ginny rolled her eyes in exasperation. This could go on for hours.

“Harry, Hermione. Will you two please stop bickering?” They both turned to her with open mouths. “Look, it’s getting late, and pretty soon the rest of your roommates are going to be coming up to sleep. You’ve already scared poor Neville off. Don’t you think it’s time to call it a night?”

Harry and Hermione both closed their mouths and looked at each other. “Sorry,” they both mumbled.

“Good, now Hermione, come with me. Harry, go find Neville and explain to him what happened.” They found themselves both obeying her commands without question. Hermione couldn’t help but get the last word in on their way out, though.

“And don’t forget to practice clearing your mind before you go to sleep tonight, Harry.”

***

But as she lay in bed an hour later, still awake, she found that she couldn’t clear her mind of what had happened last night. The look on Snape’s face after she had asked him about the movie was priceless. Unfortunately, Mr. Filch had chosen that exact moment to knock, causing her to jump away from the door.

“Come in.” Was it just her, or did Snape’s voice sound a little higher than usual?

“You asked for me, Professor Snape?” As Filch’s eyes fell on Hermione, they gleamed. “Oh, and what did the Gryffindor prefect do now? Do you need her to serve a detention with me?” He was practically salivating with glee. After Professor Umbridge’s departure, he had been extremely bitter about losing his punishment privileges, and blamed Hermione and Harry for what happened. To be able to punish her now....

Hermione had seen the sadistic glint in his eyes, but recognized it for something else. It was so similar to what she had seen in Draco’s eyes. She took a step back reflexively as the terror built up in her. She looked to Snape for help. Immediately, Severus realized what was happening and berated himself for not anticipating this.

“No, Argus. Miss Granger has just finished serving her detention with me. I asked for you because I will be escorting her back to her dormitory, and I thought it would be best if you were to patrol the dungeons in my absence.”

Filch’s face fell in disappointment. “Fine,” he spat out.

“Very well. Miss Granger, if you would?” He walked over to her, using his body to shield her from Filch. She stayed rooted in her spot, but after he put a hand on her back and prodded, she was able to move again. Just the sheer physical presence of him signaled safety to her brain. They left together, and she continued to walk with him in silence until they were almost at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. He had kept his arm around her the entire time.

“I believe this is as far as I need to go,” he said, finally dropping his hand. She turned to face him.

“Thank you,” she said, letting her eyes say everything else she wanted to say. He stared into them perhaps a second longer than necessary before he bade her goodnight and left. She had followed the retreating form of the Potions Master until he turned the corner and was gone from sight.

She could still see him now, his robes swishing behind him as he walked away from her, and she could still feel his hand on the small of her back. She groaned in her bed. She was not supposed to be feeling this way about her professor, especially not Snape! Besides, there was no way he would even be interested in her. A student. A Gryffindor. A Muggle born. But still, she could not shake off the way he had looked at her before he had turned away. As if she had held all the world had to offer before him, and all he had wanted was her. It was something she was not going to forget for as long as she lived.