Woe of Aftermath

A/N: Wow! I've been doing some snooping around, to see if there were any other Lupin/Tonks fics out there, and there are quite a few! That makes me a little sad though... I thought I was original... Oh well, I'll try to make this one different from the others. Perhaps I'll just incorporate the would-be plot of my unfinished Snape/ Fleur fic into this one, and make it nice and long... we've got plenty of time before Rowling comes out with another book and does a little more 'ship sinking...

Chapter 2: Restlessness and Requiem

Lying awake in her bed at Sirius's house, Tonks pondered, as those who suffer insomnia often ponder, the direction her life was taking. And now in the Wizarding world with the rise of Voldemort so fresh in all their minds, it seemed to Tonks as though their fates were more intertwined than ever, for they all seemed to be fighting for or against the same thing. Nothing seemed as important as this; Tonks felt guilty because she had something on her mind other than planning and preparing for the oncoming war. But there was a man who was truthfully just feet away from her, separated from her by a wall and two headboards, that seemed to surpass all of this in her mind, because he was at that moment more real and present than any of the danger they would face.

Try as she might, she could not hear the sound of his breathing. She had half a mind to slip an Extendable Ear under his door for that purpose alone. She had a certain gut feeling that if she could only hear his slight, exquisite inhalations as he slept that she would be able to drift away into sleep quite easily...

Finally deciding that nothing was being accomplished by just lying here, she got up, pulled a thin robe out of the closet, which was filled with a few items she might need when she had to stay at headquarters sometimes, and slipped it over her nightgown, resolved to go down to the kitchen and get a cup of tea before coming back up to review some of her notes for a report she had to write on patterns of Death Eater attacks for the Ministry.

But as she exited her bedroom, something caught her eye. Remus's bedroom door was ajar, and if she opened it a little more, she might be able to see his sleeping form...

The temptation was too great to resist. She headed away from the landing to the door at the other end of the hall, tiptoeing...

Peering inside and squinting in the darkness, she gazed at his bed, which she now saw to be empty; he must have had the same thought she had- to go to the kitchen and find something to keep him occupied when he couldn't sleep... how she wanted to go into his room and just inhale his scent, to see if she could find something that would give her some clue about his past, his present misery, his life as a werewolf, all the other things about him that she longed to know because she felt that they were so much a part of the kind, gentle, sad and beautiful person he was now.

Turning away from his room in defeat, unable to either enter for fear that Remus would return and find her there or go down to the kitchen for fear that she would meet him there and be unable to control the emotions that were overpowering her, she made to go back to her room, but when she got there she found that she was not the only one who had been sneaking about.

"Tonks!" Remus nearly shouted, one foot in the door of her room that had also been ajar, and the other in the hallway. "Where did you come- I mean, where have you been?" He looked flustered, and Tonks toyed with the rather unlikely notion that he had been feeling the same longings that she had, wanting to enter her room and hopefully find her there, sleeping...

She didn't want to lie to him- but telling him the truth, that she had had the strangest desire to hear the sound of his breathing, was far too embarassing. "I was, erm...seeing if you knew where the...where the extra blankets are," she excused herself feebly. "But I wondered why the door was ajar...what were you doing?"

Oh God, Remus thought. Now he would have to come up with some excuse- but he so didn't want to lie to her... "I was wondering if you wanted a glass of milk, if you were awake... I thought I heard you get up..." In truth, he had heard her get up, waited a minute, and then, thinking she had gone to the kitchen, sneaked to her door hoping, he admitted to himself with a great deal of embarrassment, he could catch her scent. But he thought he had a good enough reason- he had been smelling Sirius for weeks, reminded of him every waking moment and even in the few precious hours when his mind had let his body shut down long enough to sleep. He needed a distraction from his friend's lingering aura.

And Tonks, he thought to himself with a kind of wry, lazy desire, was some distraction.

No, Remus. Don't think of her that way. She's thirteen years younger than you. Even if she does have those perfectly shaped calves... why does she have to wear that? I can see just about every curve... It's not fair, to play on an old wolf's senses that way...

And that's when it hit him. He had known it, at least subconsciously, for a long time, before tonight, before Sirius died, possibly since the day he had met her. But only now did it fully register that not only did he want her- she wanted him as well. He could smell it; could see it in her body language, could hear it in her ragged breath and her almost perceptible heartbeat. She was afraid of him, and fascinated by him, but she wanted him with all the intensity of a famished dog looking in the window of a butcher's shop. But despite this, she was too shy, or too afraid, or maybe even too uncertain of her own feelings to tell him anything of them. And somehow through everything that had happened to him, though he was the least likely person in the world to be shaken up by something so normal, so everyday and trivial and unimportant as sexual attraction, he was perhaps just as scared of his feelings toward her as she was of her feelings toward him.

"Well, actually, Remus, I was just going to go downstairs myself... let me get you something...?"

"No, I'm all right- Tonks?"

"Hmmm?" She was already halfway down the first landing, but she turned back around and looked up at him.

"I just was wondering if... if you..."

"Hmmm?" she replied again, her heart beginning to pound again, seeing the verifyably anxious expression entering into his ever-peaceful and quiet eyes.

He sighed, losing his train of thought as he had once again been favored with those dark eyes as she looked up at him. "Could I have a cup of chocolate, then?"

She smiled at him. "Do you trust me not to spill it, then?"

He grinned back (and she felt her knees go weak for a moment). "I trust you completely."

Relieved for the chance to think over what he would say to her next, he went back into his own room, turned on the lamp by his bed, and lay down, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyelids. He tried to remember the exact moment when this all began, that day at the Ministry when he had gone to give a message to Kingsley. She had been a new auror, he had known, and from all he had since heard from her co-worker, she was surprisingly gifted. He remembered the way his stomach had done a little unexpected sommersault when she had first shown him that killer grin she was now so famous for, the way he had sensed something in her posture that had made him wonder if maybe she was considering him for a mate, the way she had, ever since, been the most concerned of any of them when he began to show signs of his monthly affliction... His mind now traveled back to the day she had learned of his condition.

She had been walking around the kitchen table, at her first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. Kingsley was introducing her to everyone. "This is Molly Weasley, her husband, Arthur, and Sirius Black; you'll recognize him." Sirius gave his old roguish smile as she shook his hand with a bit of an uncertain look. "Mad-Eye Moody," continued Kingsley, and the old man bowed genteely and kissed her hand, and she giggled. "These are Mundungus Fletcher, Dedalus Diggle, Hestia Jones, Sturgis Podmore..." he went down the line, and finally approached Lupin. This meeting just happened to be taking place the night after the full moon, so Remus was looking especially pitiful. "And this old chap is Remus Lupin. He's our other resident shape-shifter. Metamorphmagus, meet lycanthrope."

Remus remembered the way her eyes had lit up when she had realized what he was, and she had since made it clear to him, although never in so many words, that she had found this tidbit very interesting indeed. In fact, asking about it earlier in the evening after his question about her own transformations was the closest she had ever come to actually stating her fascination with him outright. "Hello, Remus," she had greeted him brightly, reaching out to him to shake his hand, and he recalled that, though moments before he had felt as though he were older than Dumbledore, he now felt giddy as a schoolboy.

As he was lost in his reverie, he didn't hear Tonks reenter the hallway or call out his name, but he had no choice but to snap out of it when he finally smelled her, mingled with the nearly as intoxicating aroma of the chocolate- Which proves how really human you are, doesn't it, Remus, he told himself. Preferring chocolate to blood... although the thought of what she would taste like was enough to drive him over the edge... Stop it! Think of something else!

"Remus?" she called.

"I'm in here, Tonks." He sat up on his bed and straightened his robes impulsively, trying to clear his head. She managed to push the door open with a nudge of her hips, and then awkwardly sauntered in carrying a tray with two beakers of steaming chocolate and a plate of biscuits. "Care to join me, then?" he asked playfully as she set the tray down on the bed and pulled a straight-backed chair from against the wall over to face him.

"Haven't got anything better to do," she replied, plopping down and picking up a biscuit. "I can't sleep, after all."

"I know what you mean", he said seriously. He raised the mug to his lips, hesitating to take in the exquisite smell and closing his eyes for a moment.

"Should I leave you two alone?" Tonks teased.

He grinned, finally taking a sip. "You should know that I have a love affair with chocolate."

Aha! She grasped something, a new bit of information, something else that made him so wonderful, small though it was. Curious, she asked, "How come?"

"My mum. She used to make hot chocolate for me every night before bed when I was young. Of course, that was before..." He shouldn't be telling her this; she wouldn't want to know...

"Before you received the bite?" she asked quietly. He nodded, looking into her understanding eyes.

"My family, they...they didn't take well to...the changes. Of course, they did everything they could to try to cure it, but there wasn't a cure, so... they just sort of gave up on me." He paused, reflecting. "You know why my last name is Lupin? It's because I had an ancestor- Anchises was his name- he was a werewolf hunter. He was attacked while hunting one night; apparently he had made enemies with a particularly foul werewolf bitch who set a few of her fellows on him. His son found him the next morning, and took on the name Lupin in his honor. It's a family tradition to hate all halfbreeds, werewolves in particular. So I was never very... popular."

"What happened to them? Your family, I mean. Do you see them anymore?" Tonks looked him with beautiful empathy. Obviously she knew what it was like to be disowned by your family.

"Oh, I...stop by from time to time... they're fairly well-off, great friends with Umbridge, I hear, wouldn't want shabby old me dropping in for tea, now would they?" he said bitterly. Then, realizing how depressing the conversation had turned, he decided to change the subject. "What about your family? You're close to your mother, aren't you? And your dad?"

"Aw, yeah, we have the typical middle-class suburban half-magical lifestyle... Mum's the little housewife, you know, always trying to teach me how to perform this cleaning charm and that household pest hex... I took after Dad, I liked appliances and muggle gadgets and things that went boom. Which is why, sorry to disappoint Mum, I became an auror. Nothing special. Not nearly as fascinating as werewolves..." she stopped herself, blushing slightly.

"You really find that interesting, don't you?" Remus asked her curiously. "Why is that?"

"Oh... I don't know..." Her face was turning rapidly from pink to bright magenta, and it wasn't on purpose.

"Oh, come on, Tonks, tell me. I've just told you my life story; the least you can do is tell me that one little detail..." He looked at her pleadingly.

She cast around an anxious look, as if searching for a means of escape, but Remus had backed her into a corner and she wasn't getting out of it. "Oh, all right... well, I just know you're going to think this is impertinent..."

"Actually I'm quite interested."

"Well... I... I used to have this dream. Every night I would see myself walking down the street at full moon, completely calmly, and then this thing would come walking towards me. And I could never tell what it was until it was right up close, and by that time I was too curious to be too afraid of it. It was a werewolf, of course. And I knew in the dream that I should have been afraid, but I wasn't. So I reached out my hand to touch his head, and he didn't bite. He just... he sort of lay down on the ground and let me rub his belly, and he was completely harmless. And then, I would wake up, and there would be this amazing sense of... I don't know what it was, because I've never felt it before. But it felt good. So I made the study of lycanthropy a project for my Defense Against the Dark Arts N.E.W.T. class in sixth year, and I got full marks, and I think, now I remember it, that your name came up... you were the only werewolf ever to go through all seven years at Hogwarts..." Her eyes had become a bit dreamy. "But that was before I knew you, of course..." She blushed, if possible, even deeper. The truth of the matter was that she had harbored a secret crush on him, even before she knew him. But she had somehow imagined Remus to be a good bit older than he was, and perhaps, even with her lack of werewolf prejudices, a bit more hostile. And even with his occasional harsh remark or cool temper, even considering the thirteen years between them and the premature wrinkles and graying hair, he was still kind and warm and handsome enough to blow her preconceived notions to smithereens.

Remus was smiling gently. She had averted her gaze, and he knew that she was too preoccupied to notice him staring at her. The truth was, she amazed him. He had never before met a person so passionate about this particular area of Defense Against the Dark Arts, saving, of course, those who worked passionately against his kind.

"I told you it was boring," she lamented. She fiddled with her empty beaker, finally placing it back on the tray next to the half-full plate of biscuits.

"Nonsense, Tonks. If I had known you were so interested... if you ever want to talk about it..."

"Well, I kind of thought you were a bit sensitive about it."

"You know- I am, really. With most people, that is. But then, with Sirius, and with James, I felt like they were my brothers, so once they knew, we talked about it all the time- you know what happened."

"So- do you mind talking about it with me?"

Favoring her with what he hoped wasn't too much more intense than his usual pleasant smile, he reached out and took her hand, saying rather boldly, "I sometimes wonder if I could tell you anything."

Turning slightly pink again, her hand fidgeted in his grip. "You know you can, Remus."

"And you would listen... and understand..." He absentmindedly ran a thumb along her wrist, and they shivered simultaneously. Looking up at one another, their eyes met.

And for the first time in Remus's life, he felt as if the stars were aligned perfectly, and the hand of God was protecting him in this moment of moments, and the night was his for the taking.

Tonks, on the other hand, had felt this way before, in her dreams. It was an emotion she had not been able to name before. But now she realized that it was love.

"Remus..." she began in a husky voice, her eyes still fixed on his. "I have a confession to make."

"Hmmm?" he asked her, his face inching ever closer to hers.

"I didn't just want to ask you where the extra blankets were tonight. That was a lie."

He grinned, his face full of emotion. "I think I knew that. I didn't just want to ask you if you wanted a glass of milk, either."

"Really?" She was genuinely surprised.

"That will be the last lie I ever tell you."

"What did you want, then?" Her breathing was becoming quick and shallow as he levitated the tray off his bed and landed it on his bedside table deftly, without even looking at them.

"You, Nymphadora."

He stood up, pulling her up with him, and gently took her face in his hands. He simply held her there for a moment, still maintaining eye contact and gauging her reaction to his rather impromptu admission. But there could be no doubt about it. Although she was shocked, a bit frightened and altogether looking like a very aroused mouse who had just been pounced upon by a hungry wolf, there was an alarming degree of need in her lovely face that made it seem like torture to both her and himself if he didn't kiss her then and there.

So that is what he did.

As many times as Nymphadora Tonks had fantasized about this, as wonderful as it had seemed to her in her head, it couldn't have even come close to the plethora of sensations that she experienced in that one kiss. He leaned in ever so slowly, his hands still pressed against her cheeks, their gazes locked until the very last possible moment, when finally his eyes closed tightly, his fingers laced through her short black hair, and his lips seemed to melt into hers as though they were fitted together, and Tonks wrapped her arms around him and drank him in, closer to him than she had ever thought possible. And it felt so right.

After a few minutes standing there like this, he took a few steps backward, finally sitting on the bed and pulling her down to him. She obliged, straddling his lap and placing her hands on his shoulders, as his own hands traveled downward, lightly grazing her sides and coming to rest on her hips. And as their kiss deepened, Remus gradually leaned backward until he was lying on his back, and she was on top of him, adjusting herself so that she could lie on her stomach; one of her knees was between his legs, weakening his resolve. Through all this, his lips had not left hers, and neither had his grazing hands, now toying with the ties of her night robe, skillfully and gently easing them apart to reveal the soft satin of her gown... it seemed so unlike Tonks to wear something like this, he realized, so fancy and frilly for such a no-nonsense kind of girl. But seeing as how it showed off her excellent figure, he didn't mind overmuch.

He did, however, take it rather personally when she broke away from the kiss very briefly, seeming to get her old self back, and raised an eyebrow playfully. But it was a measure of just how great an effect he was having on her that her voice shook with longing to resume their previous activities when she joked, "Remus, I told you not to call me Nymphadora."

He merely laughed, throwing his head back in joy, and turned her over onto her back, whispering, "Nymphadora" into her mouth as ke kissed her again...

At last, they kissed one another to sleep.

A/N: You know, I'm writing this, and I finally see the attraction so many women have towards Lupin- he's possibly the only male character in modern literature who understands the dreadfulness of the monthly curse...