Harry's Lucky Escape

"I'm telling you," said Harry for the thousandth time that month, "taking the Polyjuice to look like Pansy will NOT get us the inside scoop on Blaise, Hermione. They don't even like each other!"

"Well you know what?" Hermione replied, her face an inch from his, "you promised you'd do anything it took to help me get Blaise. So you're going to become Pansy, and that's that!"

"Fine," he sighed, "but it won't be ready for another hour. I'm going to go get some dinner, I'll bring some back for you."

"Okay," she hollered as he walked out of Myrtle's bathroom.

He returned forty-five minutes later, clutching a plate of chicken.

"Thank you," she said primly, stirring the potion. "I think it's just about ready..."

"I wish I were," Harry muttered.

"I'm going to put the make-up on you before you transform. I'm not sure whether or not it will change with you, but it can't hurt to try."

Harry knew she secretly just wanted to dress him up in makeup. "I really don't think -"

But Hermione was already applying Pansy's infamous slate blue eyeshadow to Harry's eyelids. He complained during the mascara, the blush, and the eyeliner, but didn't say anything when she put on the lip gloss.

"Mmm!" said Harry, smacking his lips.

"You're the prettiest boy in the castle!" Hermione said, giggling.

"Don't make this any worse than it has to be," Harry replied darkly.

"Well, then, you won't like this. Time to change into her uniform!" Hermione said delightedly.

She handed him the pleated skirt, the tie and blouse, the robes and knee socks. Looking more than a little ill, Harry reluctantly climbed into the girls clothes. He did look a sight; his very manly figure did not do well with the girly outfit. The shirt was too short and clung to his treasure trail, and the skirt fit oddly around his lack of curvy hips. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and shuddered involuntarily.

Watching Hermione closely, he waited for her next instruction. She caught on after a moment.

"Oh! Right. Here, drink this; I pushed that cow into the vanishing cabinet this afternoon," Hermione told him.

"You - but that's not like you!" Harry said, bewildered.

"She called me a tart last week! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! She deserves whatever she gets," said Hermione in a final tone, crossing her arms.

Eager to get away from Bloodthirsty!Hermione, Harry downed the potion. Instantly regretting his decision, he ducked into a stall, sick as can be. Trying very hard not to throw up, he waited for the nasuea to subside, and came back out.

"I'll be back... soon." Harry frowned.

"Thank you," said Hermione timidly. Harry smiled reassuringly.

Walking down to the dungeons alone, into the serpent's nest, without a companion or friend, made Harry uneasy. He steeled himself, thrust his tissue-paper boobs outward, and sauntered into the Slytherin common room. He'd obtained the password a couple days back using his invisibility cloak. Walking inside, several girls ran over to him, giggling.

"Pansy! Did you hear what Draco said the other day? About you?" one of them said, clutching her arm.

"Yeah, no, um, I dunno," stuttered Harry, "do you know where Blaise is? I need to talk with him."

"Oh, yeah," one of the others said, looking disappointed, "he's still at dinner, he'll be back soon.."

Waiting impatiently, Harry sat down in a chair by their fire. He waited, and waited, and waited. He was starting to get worried he'd miss the time limit, until finally Blaise stepped in the room and sat on the oppposite side of the room. Harry sighed.

Harry made his way over to the corner of the room where Blaise was seated. He sat down next to him.

"Hey homie," Harry began, but realized that wouldn't work. He was supposed to be a girl. "I mean, um, hi sexy."

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Pansy?" Blaise asked, eyebrows arched.

"Sorry - bad day. We're friends, right?"

"Not really."

"What do you think of Granger?" Harry asked quickly, ignoring Blaise and eager to end the conversation.

"Hermione Granger?" said Blaise. "I - you mean the Head Girl?"

"Yes, I know you're Head Boy, what do you think of her?"

"She's, well, you know," said Blaise, with great difficulty. "I, well, you know, she's a muggleborn."

It sounded as though he were unused to saying it like that. Harry frowned.

"Really, prejudiced is totally out these days. Didn't you hear? Acceptance is all the rage in Paris."

"She's a Gryffindor!"

"Inter-house Unity is the hottest thing. Like, totally."

"Well... those things put aside, she is really pretty, I guess."

"Take it from me, ask her out, you won't be turned away." Blaise still looked skeptical, so Harry drew out the big guns. "Ask her out or I will come after you and I will kill you. With a rusty spork dipped in poison. Understood?"

Clearly intimidated, Blaise nodded meekly, and Harry took his leave. Unfortunately, it had already been nearly an hour, and so Harry only barely made it out the Slytherin common room when his hair began to grow back and his scar to reappear.

Very aware of his current state, wearing previously explained makeup and a girl's uniform (complete with his girly white blouse and pleated skirt), Harry made to do up his robes. Too late.

"Potter!" yelled Snape from behind him. "What are you doing here?"

Without time to do up his robes, he was very panicked. Having no desire to turn around and show Snape his currently, well, extremely different choice in style, he kept his body completely still, and answered Snape without looking at him. "I, um, left my tie somewhere around here. But I found it. Goodnight!"

Harry tried to quickly walk away, but before he could get very far, Snape's hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. Harry looked on in terror. He was going to be expelled! For cross-dressing! Of all the things he'd ever been close to being chucked out for, this was not his top choice! He'd wanted it to at least be heroic or ... just... anything! Anything but this...

"What in the -"

For once, it seemed, Snape was completely, and utterly speechless. Harry watched as his facial expression changed from disbelief, to horror, to indignation, and back to disbelief and horror.

"Well I really need to be getting back, sir," Harry said as fast as he could, before running off. He couldn't believe his luck. Snape was too flabbergasted to even say a word, his mouth hanging open uselessly as he watched a very feminine Harry Potter speed off from the dungeons.

Harry had escaped expulsion, gotten Hermione a date, and worn some pretty blue makeup. Maybe this cross-dressing thing wasn't so bad, after all. Now to find out what those girls had to say about his Draco...