Sunday Crossword

"Moony? What's an eight-letter word for 'Conventionally conformist to complaisant compliance?'"

"Um...what?"

"An eight letter word for..."

"I heard you. I shall refrain from pointing out the irony of asking an unemployed gay werewolf wizard for a synonym of 'conventional.' Am I no longer allowed to make tea before being bombarded with intellectual questions?"

"Hardly intellectual, Professor Lupin. Your standards are slipping."

"Before tea, my standards are more slippery than slugs sautéed in oil. Where is the tea?"

"That's disgusting. And it's right in front of you, you plank, where it belongs."

"Of course. In the bread box. Where is everybody? I thought I slept late. Orthodox."

"How does one sleep late orthodox?"

"Orthodox. An eight-letter word for 'conventionally conforming...' and such. I thought we had a meeting?"

"Cancelled. What's a five-letter word for 'the burning tapers of the sky', starts with -- oh, never mind. A seven-letter word for 'A very fast quadruped sometimes confused with tentacles of the colour blue.'"

"Why was it cancelled?"

"Mmm...it ends with an r, if that helps. I dunno. Something about somebody asking Tonks something about...stuff."

"I do not believe I have never heard such a succinct and thorough explanation. Has the meeting been rescheduled, or is this something about somebody doing something to remain forever shadowed in mystery?"

"Tomorrow morning, same time. Ten-letter word for 'Probably in need of a strong drink.' There's an l in it. I think it was somebody she works with, asking questions about where she's been spending her evenings."

"Dumbledore."

"What? Remus, Tonks has not been spending her evenings with--"

"No, I mean, in need of a drink -- oh, never mind. Teetotaler. The Yank spelling, anyway."

"T-E-..."

"E-T-O-T-A-L-E-R."

"Ta, love. I knew I kept you around for a reason. I'm surprised you know the meaning of that word. Bill paid you what he owes from that evening?"

"Not a knut. He kept going on about some 'werewolf metabolism' thing that made it an unfair win."

"Well, if by 'werewolf metabolism' he means 'lots of practice,' I suppose that might explain why you always win drinking games. Not that anybody would believe it of you. How on earth have you managed to cultivate such a reputation of respectability? Hermione was going on and on about this wonderful, gentle, kind, patient teacher she had, and it was about half an hour before I realised that she meant you."

"I don't know, Padfoot. I am glad there's no meeting. Didn't sleep properly last night."

"Five letter word for 'Misfit of the playful type?' Starts with an s."

"But it does mean we don't have anything to do today."

"Mmm, that's feels good, right by my shoulder blade. There's an r in it, fourth letter."

"Sport. I think I'll go back to bed, in fact. What are your plans?"

"Mmm...eight-letter word for 'Heavy hints for the heart?' What the hell does that even mean?"

"Sirius."

"With a u? I hate it when there's a u in the middle of the word..."

"Sirius."

"What? Did'ya figure out that tentacle thing?"

"Sirius, come here for a moment. No, put the quill down, come here."

"What is it -- mmm, Moony, you smell so good, I always forget how you--"

"Sirius, please listen to me. I have loved you for a very long time. You do know that, don't you? Despite everything--"

"Remus--"

"No, just listen. Despite everything that has happened, despite how much we've both changed. The things that haven't changed -- for the most part, those are good. But there are some things that I rather wish had changed--"

"I am trying, I mean, about -- Snape and...other things -- but being here--"

"--but even after all these years--"

"I--"

"--and even after all we've been though, I simply cannot abide the fact that you still find the crossword more enticing than sex."

"I am sor -- what? More -- what? I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"Do not!"

"Oh, please. I rub your neck and say, 'Glad the meeting's cancelled, we've got the house to ourselves, I'm off to bed!' and what do you say? 'What's a seven-bloody-letter word for blue tentacles!' I couldn't be any more obvious, you daft bastard. Do I have to issue an engraved invitation?"

"I didn't know -- well, that would be nice. Never got an engraved invitation for sex before."

"No? Well, I have a whole collection, in all colours. Wonderful fancy scripts, too."

"Is that so? So, tell me -- what would it say? 'The Esteemed Mister Sirius Black is cordially invited to the bed of Remus John Lupin...'"

"'...for a morning of uninterrupted debauchery and pleasure, if only we can pry the sodding Sunday crossword out of his stubborn hands.'"

"That's what it would say? Not exactly--"

"But, truth be told, I prefer to issue my invitations in person. Shall we try again?"

"Please."

"See this exaggerated yawn? Alas, I shall return to bed, for there is nothing at all to be done in this great empty house for the whole day. Have you any plans, lover of mine?"

"I do not, my -- innuendo!"

"No! Put the quill down!"

"An eight-letter word for 'heavy hints--'"

"Sirius, if you even glance at that crossword again--"

"Oh, Moony, the sacrifices I make for you. Look, all folded up and put away."

"Good. Upstairs. Now. Without the quill!"