Changes

It was a beautiful day outside. The sun was glinting and reflecting off of the pond that the first years came across every year. Harry remembered when he was a first year...remembered distinctly all of the details of his journey to Hogwarts. His fear at first of not finding Platform 9 ¾ and then his happiness when he met some friends. Friends that would stick by him no matter what. Friends that didn't care that he was the Boy Who Lived. They didn't care that he was famous Harry Potter. They simply liked him for who he was.

But everyone else - they didn't understand. All of the others saw him as someone to be idolized. Someone who didn't have typical teenage problems. Harry was expected to be someone that he didn't know how to be. After all, he defeated the Dark Lord when he was only a baby. But Harry still felt obliged to somehow live up to his reputation. He had no idea that acting brave and valiant would eventually lead up to where he was now...with Voldemort's rise to power.

I'm not supposed to be scared of anything,

But I don't know where I am

Harry laid down on his bed. He had been tense ever since the beginning of the school year. He didn't think it would ever go away. Not until the Dark Lord was defeated - or until he was dead. As his head hit the pillow, he tried to calm down. He was tired of everything. Not just from the extra defense classes that Dumbledore was giving him. Just from life in general.

I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted

And nobody understands (ho I feel)
I'm trying hard to breathe now

But there's no air in my lungs

Harry could hear faint footsteps approaching the dormitory. He knew it was probably Ron. Harry hadn't left the dorms all day. He knew Ron would get nervous. And that was just the problem lately. Whenever Ron came to check on Harry, Ron would have this extreme look of concern in his eyes. It wasn't as if Harry didn't appreciate it. It was nice to know that Ron was worried about him, of course it was. It was just that...Harry wished things could just go back to normal - the way things were before...well, before the Dark Lord ordered his servant to tie me to a grave and take my blood.

Now, everyone looked upon him with pity. Even Ron and Hermione. He did not feel as comfortable around them as he would have liked to. Because he felt the tension between them. He knew what was on all on their minds. And it was such a task to even try to avoid the subject and speak lightly.

There's no one here to talk to

And the pain inside is making me numb

Ron entered the room. "Hey, Harry, are you going to get out of here anytime today?" Harry tried to answer casually.

"No, I don't think so. I've got a lot of work to do...you know, what with all the extra classes and all."

And there it was again. The look of pity that Harry loathed.

"Hey, come on, Hermione and I could help you with that stuff. You know Hermione. She's always willing to help us. Just come down for a little while. You can watch Hermione get frustrated. She's trying to beat me in chess - again. Doesn't she know she'll never succeed?" Ron grinned, but faltered when Harry put on a weak smile. "Oh come on, Harry. If you're going to make it so obviously fake, you don't even have to try. Let's go out and fly on our brooms a little, hm?" Ron made his way toward Harry's bed.

I try to hold this

Under control
They can't help me

'Cause no one knows

Maybe it would be good for me, Harry thought. Get a little fresh air once in a while. But days like these always remind me of the day of the Third Task. It was beautiful on that day too. A beautiful day that turned miserable and horrible wrong.

Harry sighed. "No, I really don't think so, Ron. I just want to spend today sleeping."

Ron looked at him sternly. "Come on, Harry, you've been acting so different this year. What's stopping you from doing all the things that we used to do last year?"

Harry whipped his head around. "What's stopping me Ron? What's stopping me? As if it can't be anymore obvious! What the hell else would be stopping me?! Don't be stupid. Only the most powerful dark wizard in the world right now! Who, by the way, was resurrected by my own blood!"

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes

"Look, Harry, don't say that to me. You know damn well what I meant. And don't try to act that way with me. Of course I know what the situation is! What fool wouldn't? I don't need you to tell me, Harry. Stop acting like I'm an idiot. You think I don't feel the tension that's been around here since the beginning of the year?! I may be kind of dense at times, but give me a little credit Harry. I'm not trying to hurt you or put you in danger! I'm trying to get you out of this hellhole of a dormitory!"

Ron sighed. "Shit, Harry. Listen to me. You can't be cooped up in here forever. You're wasting your time here, in this room. Rotting away, while the Dark Lord gains more power. And you - you're doing nothing about it...you don't even want to spend the time we have with your friends," Ron said sadly. He shook his head and left the room.

I'm feeling weak and weary

Walking through this world alone
Everything you say, every word of it,

Cuts me to the bone

"Wait," Harry said softly. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...I'm...sorry." He looked toward the door, hoping that Ron, anyone, would come in. He never expected Ron to say something like that. And for Ron to just leave - it hurt. Harry really needed someone right now.

I've got something to say,

But now I've got no where to turn
It feels like I've been buried

Underneath the weight of the world

Harry sat up in his bed and slowly began to get up. He didn't know what to do. He knew that he should go after Ron. But why shouldn't Ron could after me? He sighed. A familiar feeling passed over him...confusion. He was at a loss as to what to do from here. He contemplated on whether to go to Dumbledore - but he wouldn't really be able to do anything. He thought of writing to Sirius - but that would take too long to get a response. And besides, even if he did tell someone all of what he was feeling he was sure that it wouldn't matter....

I try to hold this

Under control
They can't help me

'Cause no one knows

Suddenly, Harry felt rage rise up in him. He was sick of everything. Sick of classes, sick of school, sick of fucking Voldemort roaming his brain. Get the fuck out of my mind! You're ruining my life!

Harry grabbed a book that was on his table and flung it at the door, as if Voldemort was standing right there in front of him. He spotted his clock and tossed it angrily at the window. The window shattered upon impact.

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes

The shattered glass broke Harry out of his fit of rage. He absentmindedly glanced at the shards of glass on the floor. But what really caught his attention was the window. He slowly started to walk toward it as if in a trance. He could see the world outside, the sun shining. Some people on their brooms, laughing while the wind rushed upon their faces. Harry kept walking toward the window, not heeding the shards of glass on the floor until it was too late. Harry cried out as he felt a sharp and deep pain in his right foot. He felt the warm blood around his toes and on the floor. He sat down, careful to avoid any other pieces of glass this time.

I'm running, shaking
Bound and breaking
I hope I make it through all these changes

Harry took out the piece of glass that was embedded in his foot and stared at the blood flowing for a while. This blood has caused so much trouble here in Hogwarts. This blood was the cause of Cedric's death. This blood, this famous blood, my blood, is why Voldemort is risen. Risen again to attack and wreak his havoc upon innocents. Harry could taste hot tears on his mouth. He steadily got to his feet and walked toward the window. He peered down. It was a long drop.

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it

Harry didn't care. He opened the broken window. He laboriously began to make his way out onto the window ledge. He took a deep breath. It was the best air that he had breathed in a long time. I hope nobody playing Quidditch sees me or anything. Not that they would try to stop me anyway. Harry closed his eyes and tried to imagine his previous years at Hogwarts...

The time when Ron, Hermione, and himself beat the troll in 1^st year. Or the time when Hermione turned into a cat in 2^nd year. Harry smiled. I remember when Hermione got paired up with Millicent for a wizarding duel and she ended up in a headlock. Harry laughed loudly this time. She actually fancied Lockhart! Harry couldn't stop laughing. He remembered in his 3^rd year, when they snuck him out to Hogmeade. What fun I had here...too bad it had to end like this. His last thought was of when he came out of the maze in 4^th year. He was clutching Cedric's body in his arms, and people were anxiously trying to crowd around him. And he could still hear a voice. It was Hermione's. He remembered. He could still hear her...."HARRY! HARRY!"

And he could actually feel her arms around his waist. He felt like he was dreaming. Everything seemed so blurry to him and he was laughing and crying at the same time. He couldn't believe that all of this had happened to him. He began to sob...and he realized that he was crying on someone's shoulders. Someone was holding him, cradling him in their arms. Harry didn't even care who it was right then. All he knew was that he was happy that someone was there for him. Someone was there for him to lean his head on, someone who would listen. Someone who actually cared about him.

When Harry finally opened his eyes, all he saw was a mass of unruly brown hair. He knew in that second that it was Hermione. And he knew that Ron was with her as well. He was still crying and Hermione was still rocking him back and forth, trying to quiet him down. Harry felt like he should say something...but he didn't know what.

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, I hate this
But I'm going through changes, changes

He finally broke away from Hermione's arms and looked down at the floor. He managed to utter a small "Thanks." He couldn't bear to look at them right then. He knew what their eyes would hold. That damned pity.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I didn't mean to yell at you and stomp off like that," Ron said.

"You know," Hermione added gently, "if you ever need anything or need to talk about anything, you can come to us OK? We might not fully understand but we can always listen."

And then, strengthening her voice a little, "Don't you ever try to do that again! What the hell is wrong with you Harry? Are you trying to make me cry? I can only imagine what you're going through right now, Harry, but you can't let it go that far!"

Hermione paused. She felt bad reprimanding him, but he scared her, damn it. In all my years at Hogwarts, she thought to herself, I never would have imagined that I would be the one to save Harry...