Trust Fall

Chapter 3: Unconventional

It was probably a Very Good Thing that Peter had enough sense not to bring up the fact that he had been quite right about his prediction at last morning's breakfast. Despite the fact that the remaining three marauders had indeed returned to their dorm together without another word after Dumbledore had sent them up there, the Bad Times were about the rear their ugly heads, in more ways than one. As for the moment at hand, the grace period of night had passed, and in the morning, harsh reality was beginning to set in. From almost the moment Sirius had roused himself that morning an already wide-awake James had jumped on him. His groggy, sleep-hazed replies did no small wonders for his debatable defenses, and pretty much set the tone for the rest of the week.

In even worse shape than Sirius was Remus -- who in this situation would have honestly been happier bearing the brunt of James's harsh berating. Instead, James affronted him with a formal, apologetic attitude...which while Prongs had certainly meant it to be comforting, and definitely respectful, Remus couldn't help feeling that it was almost as though James was embarrassed to know him. On that same note, he had spoken to Peter but once, during which the smaller boy had claimed that he really hated to hear Sirius and James argue. This was kind of an understatement, as it was really just James yelling, but nevertheless, Peter had hurried off at top speed and Remus hadn't really had a chance to talk to him since. With such discord brewing between a group of the once best of friends, bad times were indeed upon them.

In the midst of all this however -- there were but two small comforts. Two people that allowed Remus to push the discord between the Marauders to the back of his mind...almost.

The first was ironically, Snape. Ever since Dumbledore had informed him of the abysmal events around his last transformation, Remus had jumped at every student who called his name, and flinched when teachers said "Hallo" to him in the halls, afraid that someone would inform him that they knew he was a Werewolf. But to his surprise the Slytherin student was apparently completely true to the promise he'd supposedly made. One day, two days and finally as three days passed without confrontation, and still nobody in the student body but himself, Sirius, Peter, James and Snape knew. He began to wonder if the headmaster had modified Severus's memory...but that was impossible, as if that had been so, the vendetta that had developed over the years between Sirius and Severus would never have escalated to the level of hate it had reached at this time.

That was the other thing. Despite the obvious fact that the whole thing was Sirius's fault, he was taking an attitude towards it that Remus found quite admirable. No matter how much James screamed and yelled or Severus insulted and degraded him, Sirius didn't try to deny his shortcoming it or cover it up, and furthermore unlike the others he never changed his attitude towards Remus in the slightest. Although there were the constant apologies, Sirius seemed quite unaffected at least outwardly, and this was something Remus was entirely too thankful for.

Things went on like this for a week while further developments took shape. James began to spend more and more time with Lily, Peter was away for indefinite periods of time (Remus suspected he was hiding out in the kitchens, as he seemed even chubbier than usual), but despite this, Remus had decided to take a leaf from Sirius's book, and act as though everything was normal. It seemed to be working too. By Saturday, James would still not speak to Sirius, but he had dropped the formal attitude towards Moony. Peter seemed to prove Remus's theory right about the kitchen, as he often brought back various forms of food, and stayed around for longer. When Sunday rolled around, Remus felt that they were actually making progress.

Sunday Night was in fact the first time that the Marauders had been alone together in the same place in almost a week. All four of them were in the dorm, trying to finish their respective homework.

"Err..anyone want me to go get something from the kitchens?" Peter asked, sounding quite hopeful.

"Sure!" Remus cut in warmly before anyone else could get a word in edgewise. He wasn't feeling particularly hungry, but it did seem to go along with the whole "acting as though everything was normal" bit. "Hey, want me to go with you?"

"Uh...Uh...well, Okay." Peter spluttered. "Yeah, let's go."

The two made their way down to the kitchens in silence. Peter kept looking around nervously as though he expected someone to jump out at him any moment.

"What's wrong Wormtail?" Remus asked him, after the other had managed to skitter into a wall after seeing a particularly frightening shadow.

"N-nothing." Peter said by way of reply, apparently still a little fearful. "Uh...I'm just scared Snape might show up you know? He broke my broom last week on purpose when he found me in the...er...Library."

"Ah. Well..I'd offer to break his nose for you, but I think Sirius has already done that twice, and I wouldn't want to steal someone else's thing...oh...here we are."

They had stopped by a gigantic painting of a bowl of fruit that only he and the other marauders knew was the secret entrance to the kitchens. According to Sirius, the Apple bit you and the banana screamed, but the pear liked being tickled and so therefore, that was what you had to do to get into the kitchens. Tickle the pear. Once inside, the house-elves were only too happy to aid Remus and Peter. Remus staggered out of the kitchen under a load of pastries and éclairs, but his companion decided to ditch him.

Remus rolled his eyes at this and left promptly, realizing that trying to talk Peter into coming back up and finishing his homework was probably a futile effort -- Wormtail had never managed to keep a diet, or a workout plan straight in his life.

"In that case..." Remus made his way through Gryffindor tower alone, speeding through the common room so as not to lose any of his precious cargo to the er...vultures, and stopped dead at the door to his tower. A lot of noise was coming from the interior, specifically, James' voice in full volume.

"I still can't believe you! Acting as though nothing's wrong? What's your problem...Have you even apologized?"

Remus tried to open the door and stop it all, but the pile of snacks he was carrying made that pretty impossible. He was forced to listen further as he adjusted everything into position.

"...I can't believe you could be so cold Sirius...it's one thing to...to play pranks, but another to try and to...kill someone else... What are you doing? Working for Voldemort?"

Now there was stunned silence. On the other side of the door, Remus was just as astounded, but when he heard footsteps approaching the door, he got enough of himself back to stagger away from the landing to pretend he had been coming up the stairs the whole time and hadn't heard a word of it. It was James who passed him in the hallway, not stopping to speak, but seizing one of the éclairs off the top of the pile and ripping an enormous bite out of it with his teeth, scowling angrily the whole way.

After this, Remus was none too keen to go back into the room, but his arms were aching to put everything he'd been carrying up this point down, so he did go back and dumped it all on Peter's desk. He'd probably be the one to eat them anyway. That having been done, Remus looked around. No sign of Sirius anywhere...but Sirius hadn't left...had he?

Even though he peered around the room more carefully the second time, Remus did not in fact see Sirius, but rather heard him. A muffled sound from the direction of the other's bed, on which the curtains had been fully drawn pointed him in the right direction. Taking a deep breath, Remus reached up and pulled back the hangings.

The resulting sight was not a pretty one. Sirius lay on the bed with his face buried into his pillow. Every so now and again he would give a little jump that was accompanied by the funny noise. It was at this point that Remus realized that James really had gone too far with his temper -- crying was something Peter did on a regular basis, but never Sirius...in fact, Sirius hadn't even cried that time he was playing Quidditch and the bludger actually knocked him off of his broom. He'd managed to break both of his legs and sprain his arm in the resulting fall, but he hadn't once shed a tear. This here was an unusually bad situation indeed.

"Sirius?" Remus asked, tentatively.

"He said I was working for Voldemort!" Sirius choked out, his voice muffled by the pillow.

Unconsciously, Remus's thoughts drifted back to the ridiculous letter he'd managed to forget about until now. What kind of weakness could Voldemort possibly see in Sirius who's dream it was to become an Auror and famous Quidditch beater on the side? He wasn't an outcast from society.

"I'm sure he was just mad" Remus said with conviction. "James doesn't really believe that, he's just mad for having to cover up for your mistake. Look. I'm not saying what you did wasn't wrong, but you'll have to give it time."

At this point, Sirius rolled over to reveal a face splotched with tear-stains. "It's not just that." He sighed. "I know....I know...I screwed up...but it's just that I wanted James to spend some of our last weeks here at school here with me. Instead, he's just off with Lily all the time...so I thought if I did a great prank, he'd remember what it was like to be hanging out with us Marauders again."

Remus nodded slowly. "Well, hey, you've got plenty of girls that like you right? Why don't you hang out with some of them when James is off with Lily?"

Another sigh from Sirius. "Hey, haven't you noticed Moony? Girls don't want the 'Player' now. They all want someone who they can commit to after school. Nobody wants to be hung up on someone they'll never see again."

So that was it...Sirius was thinking that James was having the same idea as the girls. James wasn't interested in the Marauders anymore because he figured he'd never see any of them again. "So, why don't you find yourself a girl who you really like and WOULD want to see again...like James." he rationalized.

"It's not that simple man...none of the girls will date me now...not with Lily telling them how horrible I am..."

"I'm sure it's not like th—"

"Oh yes it is...think about it. If you were a girl, who would you believe? The meanie who hurt your best friend's super-cute boyfriend's feelings, or your best friend? Eh--"

Remus frowned this time. Sirius had stopped mid-sentence, like he was about to go on. "What else? Is Lily saying stuff about you?"

"I don't know Remus...but none of the girls will even look at me anymore. And..." he swallowed. "I don't care...because I like someone else...or at least...I think I do...but...it's wrong, and bad...and stuff."

"I doubt that...is it one of the younger teachers? Or that intern in the medical wing? She's sort of pretty I guess...Miss Pomfrey? Don't forget Sirius, we're finished soon. After that, you can confess your feelings completely legally! Especially since you're already 18."

"No...Remus...it's really wrong. Worse than liking a teacher or something. It's the kind of thing that people get beat up for and taken to those hospitals you were telling me about in the muggle world....where they get...er...shocked and stuff. I think I'm sick Remus."

At this, Remus furrowed his brow. He was getting to have an inkling of an idea what Sirius might be on about...in the muggle world at this time, some people were beginning to admit to unconventional relationships...sometimes things like incest or pedophilism...but more often than not, homosexuality. Did Sirius believe himself to be well...one of the above? He didn't have time to wonder, because Sirius had opened his mouth again.

"I may as well say it all if I'm going to say it at all...now that I have the chance. Believe me, don't think I wish it wasn't this way, and you're welcome to hate me if you want, but Remus...I think...I like you." He paused a moment, and then barreled on. "Look, you're the ONLY one who ever just accepted that I'd made a mistake and moved on. You didn't run away from me, or yell at me...or point at me behind my back. You were always completely honest about it...and you accepted my apology. So...I don't...want to be alone...and I want to be with someone who accepts me for who I am, mistakes and dark blots and all."

Remus couldn't think of a single thing to say. He wasn't sure really if he appreciated the idea of Sirius liking him in a romantic way...and he certainly couldn't picture himself kissing another boy. For a wild moment, he had a thought of Sirius pinning him to the floor and licking his face with 'doggy kisses'. On the other hand, there wasn't a girl in the school who wanted to go out with a square who always had his nose in the books...and he'd never really thought about having a girlfriend. Maybe....maybe...maybe he felt the same way as Sirius...but...he wasn't...sure...

"Uh...uh..." when it came right down to it...he didn't have the heart to go storming out. "Maybe...we could...I could...take some...er...time to decide." Mentally he pounded himself on the back. Oh that was a nice thing to say to your friend, whether he was smitten with you or not.

Luckily, Sirius didn't seem to care. "Thanks Remus..." he sighed. "For once again, not making a big deal out of this."

Tentatively, Remus reached over and put an arm around him. Nothing romantic...just comforting. What Sirius needed. He never even remembered falling asleep a few minutes later.

Thankfully, the hangings were still closed around the bed, and neither James, Peter or Derek noticed that one particular bed had two occupants that night.