It Just Takes Some Time

Chapter 2: Wash Away the Pain

Showers made everything better. Standing there, letting the cold water wash over his body made everything feel better. He washed away the pain and sorrow that he had been subject to earlier that evening. There was always one other way to get rid of the hurt he felt all over his body, but he couldn't do that. He couldn't move on and get over Hermione; he just couldn't. She was everything he wanted in a girl--she was beautiful, brilliant, witty, clever, brave, kind, caring and, most of all, she loved him. But, lately, things had been really tense between them, what with the war and all.

Ron expected them to grow closer during such trivial times, but he was definitely wrong. Instead, they had stronger and more frequent rows, and that was too much for Hermione to deal with, so she left. She left. She left him. She left him with a broken heart, the heart he had willingly given to her. He never expected her to do this to him, never. But despite everything, he still loved her and was convinced that they were meant for each other. He could see it in her eyes and could feel it in his bones.

There was that attraction they had for each other that had been there ever since they were eleven. Yes, that is a young age, but Weasleys are ones to know their feelings and to express them, so Ron knew right off the bat that he and Hermione would share a future together. It had taken her longer to realize this, but she had in due time. But she had given up on him. She had given up, something so unlike her. She never gave up on anything, not even chess. But she gave up on Ron, the one she loved and could not stop loving no matter how hard she tried.

And he knew it. He knew she loved him. That's why it hurt so much that she did this to him. It hurt when she gave up and left. It hurt that she did not want to spend eternity with him. Plain and simple, everything hurt. But he kept going because of the voice in his head telling him that Hermione would eventually come around and realize that she needed him. Until then, though, he would drown his sorrows in the shower. But even there he could not escape the gnawing feelings in his gut, telling him that she was possibly with another man.

For now, he would just have to accept the way things were and think of other things, like Harry. Harry. He had been through so much, and his and Hermione's constant fighting had not helped any. Of course Harry pretended not to mind or notice, but Ron and Hermione could tell that it pained him as much as it pained them when they fought. It kept him up late at night, listening to their screams and sobs. And comforting Ron and Hermione when they went their own ways was not how he was supposed to be spending his time. He was supposed to be the one receiving comfort, not dishing it out. Ron could not help but think how fucked up things were right now. How screwed up his life was and how he felt like the whole bloody world was on his shoulders. But he couldn't support it... he could barely support himself...

***

"Ron, wake up, wake up," Hermione whispered, shaking him to try and get him to wake up.

Ron had fallen asleep in the Common Room after his shower. His hair was still wet, and as Hermione tried waking him up, sprinkles of water fell onto her outstretched arm. At first, she shuddered, but the cold water was soothing to her skin, especially since it had been from his hair. But she could not think like that anymore. She was over him, and she could not go back down that road. She promised herself she wouldn't because no matter how in love she was, it hurt when her love was betrayed by another heated argument. And she couldn't subject herself to so much pain, not during these times that is. The pain Harry went through and shared with them killed her, but then to be with Ron and fight... she just could not do it anymore, no matter how much it hurt her to give up. She knew she had to in order to keep her sanity.

When her efforts to wake him up proved unsuccessful, she put her book down and attempted to wake him again but decided against it. He deserved sleep. The poor bloke got just as little as Harry, if not less. So she looked at him one last time before leaving the Common Room. He is so beautiful, she thought. She wanted to stand there, watching him sleep, but she knew she couldn't. This would just make her want him more, and she couldn't let that happen. So she meant to walk away, but a sound made her turn back around. Oh, dear, she thought, frightened, he isn't having another nightmare, is he? Then her loving instincts took over, and she bent in and pecked him on the lips. When she lifted her head and realized what she had done, she could have screamed, but she did not want Ron to wake and find her standing over him, marveling his beauty. So she walked away, hitting herself in the head, over and over and over...

Walking through the portrait hole, Hermione was still in shock of what she had done. You know you still love the git, but you can't go back to him. This relationship must not have been good for him either, she thought, trying to justify her breaking his heart. Snogging does not make a relationship, so you saved him from a love that would not last. But she knew she was lying to herself. She knew how she felt, and she felt love, lots and lots of love. But she did not know how to express these feelings to him anymore, and she was afraid to. She was afraid to open up again, only to have her heart broken once more. But she knew the truth, the truth hidden deep down inside of her telling her how she really was afraid, not that she could express this emotion any better than the others.

So she continued walking, walking away from her destiny. Walking away from the man she was meant to spend the rest of her life waking up next to. The man she wanted more than any other. The man she could not have, no matter what.

Stopping next to a wall, she gripped it and let her tears fall down. This was the third morning in a row that she had woken up and walked down this same corridor, only to cry the same tears, over the same man. Taking a deep breath she said, through sobs, "I, Hermione Jane Granger will be strong. I will not give in to temptation or the feelings that I must suppress. I will move on from this unhealthy relationship and stop... loving... R-R-Ronald Bilius Weasley."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, new, fresh tears had fallen from her eyes. But she just vowed to be strong and would uphold that vow, so she stopped her crying and made her way to the Great Hall, holding her head high, for that was the only thing preventing her from breaking down.

***

Hermione was used to the silence of the Great Hall at such early hours of the morning. She enjoyed the quiet. Normally, she hated being alone, but it was comforting in the morning. For some reason, the peace she met each morning was soothing, maybe because it was something controllable. It was something she could change with just the sound of her own voice, something she could leave alone and be happy with, something that could not be taken away from her, something she could not worry about. So she walked over to the table set up for the people who would join her in an hour's time, opening her favorite book, Hogwarts, A History, and beginning to read.

But the silence was disturbed that morning by a friendly voice. "Morning, 'Mione," said Ginny, through a muffled yawn.

Closing her book, Hermione turned around to meet Ginny, her best friend. "Good morning to you too," she said, surprised that she was awake so early. "How did you know that I would be here?"

"Call it a hunch," she said, sitting down next to Hermione. "So tell me what you are doing awake so early? I know it is not the first morning that you made your way down here a good hour before the rest of us make our way down here. And don't you dare give me an excuse like you are spending some quality time reading because you have read that book more times than the editor."

Hermione actually smiled; the first smile she had mustered in at least a week. Ginny had a way about her that could make anyone feel better, even in the worst of times. Perhaps it was her Healer training, but whatever it was, it made Hermione feel better that morning. "I honestly don't know why, but I find the morning silence soothing. There is just something about being in a large, empty room that makes me feel better about life, the war and other things."

Metaphorically, Ginny put on her detective glasses and said, "What sort of other things? Not classes, not spew--I mean S.P.E.W.--, not what you're going to wear on the next Hogsmeade trip, so what is it? Oh, I know! How about my brother, you know, the git?"

Smile fading, Hermione rested her elbow on the book and put her head in her palm, not making eye contact with Ginny. "What about him?"

"Oh, don't play innocent with me, Hermione. It won't work; I know you too well for that. So just come out with it unless you want me to get forceful," she said, putting on her most mischievous smile. "And you know how persuasive I can be."

Thinking of the ways she got Fred and George to do what she wanted, Hermione sighed. "Well, what do you want to know?"

"Umm...I don't know. How about...everything?! There has to be some reason behind your breaking up with him, I am not as naïve as he is not to see that there is more than just the fighting. I know that the two of you fight a lot, but that is just a contributing factor, if anything. So tell me the truth. Why did you break up with him?"

Hermione had expected this. She knew that she could not get away with breaking up with Ron without her brilliant friend catching on and interrogating her until she gave in. And she knew Ginny as well as she knew her, so she decided that she might as well tell her everything. Ginevra Weasley was not a force to be reckoned with, but, unlike Parvati and Lavender, she could be trusted. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her head and looked into Ginny's warm and eager eyes. "Fine; I will tell you, but you know the conditions." After Ginny's confirming nod, she continued. "Well, here goes. I. Am. Afraid. Okay? I am afraid of what may happen to us. I am afraid of what will happen to us. There are so many possibilities; the world is not safe right now. And if we stay together and something happened to him, I would not be able to live with myself, knowing that one of my best friends and my boyfriend had gotten hurt. One tie is more than enough, so I had to break the other one." She knew she was rambling, but once she began, she could not stop. It felt really good to let everything out. "And I am not the only one who would be crushed if something happened. What if something happened to me? He would be devastated, not just as my friend, but as my boyfriend, he would not be able to stand it, I know. Imagine what that would do to him. He is already on the edge, and that would just about push him over, and I don't want to be the cause of his insanity. Okay? I am afraid of everything. Maybe that is why this room comforts me; there is nothing in here that is the least bit unnerving or scary." Looking up at Ginny, she saw her urge her to continue. "I am not as strong as I thought. And I can't lose any of the strength that I do have. Plus, I need to be there for Harry. We both do. He can't be comforting us when he has nightmares every night of Death Eaters and Voldemort. Oh, don't wince, Ginny. Anyway, he can't be worrying about our petty problems when he has major ones of his own. It is unfair of us to be so selfish. We need to be there for Harry. He needs us right now, and if we are not there for him, then he has no one. We are supposed to be his best friends, and what sort of best friends are we being if we keep him up late at night? Not very good ones, if you ask me."

"Give me a minute to think of how I am going to respond to that, Hermione." After a moment of close-eyed thinking, Ginny opened her eyes and breathed in and out. "Okay. First of all, it is okay to be afraid. Trust me, everyone is afraid. Everyone, okay? You are not alone there, 'Mione. But that does not give you license to go crazy and cause more pain than is due. As far as I know, Ron thought that things between the two of you were fine, and then you break up with him out of nowhere, as far as he is concerned. Now, that, Hermione Granger, is not right. It was not right of you to go and break his heart, or your own for that matter. Speaking of your heart, I know that it is hurting; I can see it is in your eyes, and I know that you feel it. As you know, I am not one to stand up for my brothers, but I need to take Ron's side this time. I am not trying to make you feel worse than I am sure you already do, but you really need to rethink what you did because what happens will happen, whether you and Ron are together or not. And, yes, ties like the ones you and him have are very easy targets for Death Eaters and You-Know-Who, but they are also very hard to break and should give support and comfort to those involved. Now, Ms. Granger, I think that you and a certain bathroom need to meet because you could use a long, warm shower to get your mind off of all of this. But do not let it escape your mind because that is not right either. Just let your mind take a break, and wash away the pain, temporarily. And remember that I am your friend, your friend who loves you and wants what is best for you. So if you need me, find me."

By the time Ginny finished her speech, Hermione had already started crying, but these tears were tears of understanding and revelation. It was not that she did not know everything she was being told, because she did. The voice in her head that told her that the break up was right for the both of them knew it was lying, and the voice that stopped the wrong voice from continuing was right, and Hermione knew it, deep inside her mind. She knew that what she had done was wrong, she knew that it was unfair to the both of them; she knew that she broke both of their hearts; she knew that their relationship should have comforted her and given her strength, she knew that everything Ginny told her was the truth; everything. What she did not know was whether or not he would accept her mistakes and take her back. But she would have to hope so because, right now, hope was all she had. Then again, hope had been too much for her to depend on last night, and it was too much to depend on now.

Wiping her tears and pushing her hair behind her ears, Hermione stood up. "Thank you, Ginny, and I think that the shower should help me. So that is where I am headed--back to Gryffindor Tower to take a shower and get my mind off of all of this rubbish. Well, not rubbish, but you know what I mean, don't you?"

Smiling, Ginny nodded her head and attempted to hand Hermione her book, but she held it close to her heart while she spoke. "Yes, I know what you mean. And I will see you back here in twenty minutes, right? Because that was hard Ginny, a little modified for my best friend, but she means everything she said, and she wants to make sure that you know too. Plus, nice Ginny will be here at breakfast, and she would like to have a few words with you." Handing Hermione the book, she continued. "But don't make me come to you, okay? You can come to me because we are in this together. We are fighting together, and we will be together for a long time, and if we can't be honest with each other, then there is no hope for our world, now, is there?"

Taking the book, Hermione nodded. "No, there is no hope for the world if we can't be honest with each other. Thank you, Ginny. With all of this raucous, I think that I forgot that I have feelings and friends to help me sort them out. I think that I just acted on instinct and not with my heart. So thank you again, but I should go before I am late for breakfast."

Waving goodbye to Ginny, Hermione made her way to Gryffindor Tower. Before she turned to meet the Fat Lady Portrait, she leaned against the wall and talked to herself again. "This shower may help me wash away the pain, but it will not wash away my fear. Nothing can, so I will have to defy Ginny and not return to Ron because no matter how much I want him, I will not be responsible for his defeat. Although the chances of him getting hurt on my account are pretty slim, I would not be able to live with myself if they were because of me. Before I can be with someone else, I need to find my own strength. I need to find my own way around this messed up world. I need to find my own key to my heart before I can give it to someone else. So I will have to stick to that vow I made earlier today. But perhaps I can modify it." Putting her hand on her heart, she took a deep breath and sighed. "I, Hermione Jane Granger will be strong. I will not give in to temptation or the feelings that I must suppress. I will move on from this relationship, for now at least. But until then, I will have to stop loving Ronald Bilius Weasley."

And with that, she hugged her book and made the turn to enter the Tower, looking forward to her shower. Showers do help you wash away pain, after all.