It Just Takes Some Time

Chapter 1: No Turning Back

She had stolen his heart from the first moment their eyes locked. He loved the way she bossed him around, the way she cared about his appearance and that she wanted him to be prepared. It took some time for her to realize, but once he sacrificed himself on McGonagall's chess set, he became her knight in shining armor, always there to protect and comfort her. And he gladly took the position because she was all he had ever wanted. But it was all over now. She had given up. It took too much out of her to try and try again without ever being successful. So she quit. And no matter what he said, she would not give him another chance because she knew exactly how it would end up. But he did not want it to end. He did not want to be with another woman; she was the only one for him. And he did not want to see her with another man. He would not be able to bear the knowledge that she had once been his but that he had lost her. It would be too much to handle, but there was no way to convince her, and he knew it because once Hermione Jane Granger made up her mind, no one was able to change it. Not even Ronald Bilius Weasley.

So he tried to move on, although he knew he would never be able to. For about a week he did not even look at her because he knew that he would not be able to hold back his emotions if he did. By the middle of the second week, he skipped the classes he knew he would have to look at her in, even his favorite class, Defense Against the Dark Arts. And when that year's teacher, Professor Dumbledore, confronted him about it, Ron claimed that he'd been feeling sick lately. Although Dumbledore knew he was lying, he brushed it off and told him that Ron could always confide in him. He smiled at his hero but dismissed the offer.

Soon after he started cutting classes, Ron would stare blankly at his plate during meals, that is, if he even went to them. And during training for the war, he ran faster and worked more rigorously than her so that he would finish first. This was the only way that he knew to cope with all that happened. Ever since the night she broke things off with him, he spent most of his time either with Harry, riding his broom around the Quiddtich pitch, drowning his sorrows in a cold shower or staring aimlessly into the Common Room fire with the company of Ogden's Fire Whiskey.

And that's where she found him. He was sitting by the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room, clutching his glass of Fire Whiskey.

"So this is where you've been hiding?" No answer. "Ron, do you honestly think that getting drunk will solve anything?" That was strike one.

"Ron, what are you doing down here? It is really late." She was dressed in just a nightdress, with her robes draped over her shoulders. That was strike two.

Trying not to move his eyes from the logs in the fire, he took another swig of the drink and ignored her. Not that he had enough strength to turn around, after consuming numerous cans of alcohol, but he knew that if he did muster up enough strength to turn around that he would not be able to hold in the emotions he had held back in the last two fortnights. So he sat there, watching the logs of the fire turn over in the heat.

"I know you heard me, so why won't you answer? I also know that you've been avoiding me all week. You haven't even been in classes the past few days, so I took it upon myself to take notes for you." After taking a deep breath, she continued, "Just because we aren't together anymore does not mean that we can't talk. We were friends for a long time, in case you forgot." And strike three.

She's out. He could not take the pain anymore. Just by her standing there speaking to him, he was being tormented. And if he did not say something, he would surely explode. Slamming the Firewhisky down on the table next to the chair, some of the liquid raining down on the carpet, Ron stood up, towering over Hermione. "Forget?! How could I forget? I have not forgotten anything, Hermione! Never in a million years could I forget any of this, okay? And if you really think I could have, then you're extremely mistaken, my dear. Forget the way you hurt me? Forget the way you broke my heart? Forget the way you gave up on me? No, I did not forget. I think that you are the one who forgot, Hermione." Rubbing his eyes with one hand, he held onto the chair with his other hand to maintain some balance.

She wanted him to speak to her, and she suspected that it would be difficult. But she had not expected this reaction. Scratch that, she had expected it. Ron was always one to express his feelings in whatever way he felt fit, one of the many aspects she loved about him. But she could not love him anymore. It hurt too much to pour her heart out and have him crush it in one of their rows. But that was over now, so she closed her eyes hoping to open them and find this was all a dream. Unfortunately, it wasn't, so she tried talking to him again. "I know I hurt you. I am sorry, but it was not working for me. We can't have a relationship when we fight every other minute. Love does not work like that. Don't you want someone who will love you and not fight with you over everything?"

"Yes, I do, but that sort of relationship is not in the cards for me because I love you. I told you... there is no one else I want. And if you won't give us another chance, then there is no point in even trying anymore." Picking up the can, he took another sip of the Whiskey and sat back down.

"Don't blame this all on me, now, Ron! I did not want to hurt you, and you know it. I just couldn't handle the pain anymore. I am not strong enough."

"So I should blame myself, then? Thanks, Hermione. That is real nice. Make me feel even shittier than I already do. You know, I really do not need this right now. So if you plan on giving me another lecture, then you can leave because I've memorized your speeches by now." This time he crushed the can in his hand and threw it to the ground. He had been defeated by the one person who used to make him strong. The one he thought he could depend on in times when everything else was unbearable. "You betrayed me," he muttered. "And I do not know why."

She knew that every word he said was true. She had betrayed him. She had let him down. She had given up. But to hear him say those words pained her more than any of their rows had because she could see the effects she had on this man, this man whom she loved but could not have. "I'm sorry, Ron," she whispered. "I really, truly am. But there's no turning back now. We have fought too many times to count, and it hurts me more and more every time. I just can't put myself through that pain anymore." Looking down, she said, "I'm sorry, love. I really am."

She could not be serious, he thought. She could not be serious. If she loved him, how could she let him go? "How can you call me 'love' if you do not love me? Answer that, Hermione! Answer that!" Seeing her eyes fill with tears made him feel even worse about everything. No matter how angry and upset he was, he did not want to hurt her, and he did want to hurt, himself, so he stood up again and walked over to her. "If this is what you want, then fine. I do not want this, but I won't fight you anymore. Just know this; I will never look at another woman again, as long as I live because I love you, Hermione Granger, even if you do not love me."

She could not hold her tears back any longer. "I do love you! That is why it hurts me so when we fight like this." Pausing to wipe her eyes, she continued. "Please don't make this harder on me than it already is, Ron. I do not want to hurt you, and I do not want to be hurt, but we can't be together if all we do is fight. I'm sorry to keep repeating myself, but I...I just don't know anymore."

Lifting his hands to her soft, fragile skin, Ron breathed heavily all over her face as he wiped away Hermione's tears. He hated to see her cry. She closed her eyes and tried not to breathe in his alcohol-scented breath. "Please don't cry, my love. Please. Don't be like this. If we really want to, we can work through this."

Pulling away from him, Hermione opened her eyes and screamed, "You don't understand, do you? You can't tell me you are going to change! I need to see it to believe it. We have been through this before, and nothing has happened to make me know that we can really work through anything. So please don't tell me that you are going to make things better just because you deem it so."

Ron nodded and kneeled down to meet her height. "Yes, Hermione, if you want me to show you, then that is what I will do because I love you and need you in my life."

Their eyes locked, and it took every ounce of strength she had to muster up enough self-control to not let him kiss her. "Ron. Please. Don't." She moved away from him slowly but surely.

Everything was getting blurry at this point, but he could still make out Hermione's figure and reached out to her. "I am sorry, Hermione. Honest, I am. I will be better, I pr--"

Hermione disregarded his outstretched arm and put a finger to her lips, motioning for him to be quiet and she said, "Ron, I need you to show me that you will be better. So, again, don't tell me that you will, okay? Show me because I need to know that you are sincere this time around." She waved good night before walking back up to the Girls' Dormitories.

Whispering to himself, Ron said, "Yes, Hermione, I will show you because I will not lose you. Mark my words, there is no turning back now; we have come too far for me to give up." Picking up the can he had thrown earlier, he said, "I love you, Hermione Granger. And I will win you back."

***

By the time she got up to her room, it was very late, but Parvati and Lavender were still awake, gossiping as usual. When they heard Hermione walk back up the stairs, they quickly stopped their talking and smiled at her, leading Hermione to believe they were talking about her. This would not be the first time, though. Smiling back at them, Hermione waved. "Are you alright, Hermione? We heard some yelling," asked Parvati, trying to put on her most concerned face.

Lying through her teeth, Hermione smiled and said, "Oh, yes, I am fine. But thank you for asking. Of course, it is very late, and I need to get to sleep, so good night." Climbing into her bed and muttering a Silencing Charm to block out the renewed whispers, Hermione shut the hangings separating her bed from the next girls' and closed her eyes.

Harry and Ron were not the only ones having trouble sleeping; Hermione was just better at hiding it. And her very strong Silencing Charms helped her get a few hours sleep every night which won over the one to two hours they got on a lucky night. But Hermione doubted that she would get much more sleep that night with all the bustling in her head. Sighing, Hermione looked up at the ceiling. The gray hue of the ceiling was so light, yet so dark. Although it soothed her a little, it did not give her answers like a black or white ceiling would have which was probably why Dumbledore had chosen that color. He was such a wise man, and it was a comfort to have him as their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, but he was a different man ever since his fight with You-Know-Who. Trying to escape the frightening thoughts of her mind, Hermione closed her eyes. But this position was not successful either. Like they had before she had left the Dormitory to find Ron in the Common Room, her tears fought through and stained her face before reaching her blue, satin nightdress and matching pillow. Crying was not something Hermione was proud of, but she had lost much of her pride in the last week. She had lost more than just her pride, though; she had lost part of herself. Hermione Granger was not one to give up on anything, but she had given up on Ron, the love of her life. And this was something she was not proud of at all. Maybe she would have felt a little more confident in her decision to be a single girl again if she had not hurt him and herself so much in the process. No. She knew that she would still be unhappy because there was more to her story than she led on.

If the fighting had really bothered her, they never would have dated in the first place, for they had been arguing over every little thing ever since she could remember. Even on the first day she met him, they had a little encounter where she informed him of the dirt on his face. Of course the rows had gotten fiercer and more frequent lately, but it was something that they had always worked through, and they had never bothered her until she made them the excuse for the end of her relationship with Ron.

The real reason she broke up with him was because she was...scared. That's right. Hermione Granger, the beautiful, brilliant, witty, clever, brave, kind and caring, witch she was, had never before been afraid of anything. Well, she had been, but it had never driven her to do something crazy, except this time. Perhaps this time was different because something very important to her was at risk. And the only thing that she could think to do to prevent it from being lost forever was to give it up on her own because if she gave it up willingly, it would not hurt as much if it was taken from her. So she gave up on their relationship.

Ironic it was. It was extremely ironic how the one thing that kept her strong, besides her friendships with Harry and Ginny, was the one thing she had given up. But it was also the most sacred and treasured thing she owned, and she knew that with all of her new enemies, it was bound to be taken. And ties like the one she just broke was one that could cause her downfall. Selfish, though it was, it was something she would get over, in time. In time, everything would be alright. In time, the world would be done with sadness. In time, fret and worry would not roam the halls of Hogwarts. In time, her life would be happy again. And if the words he said were true, she would be able to love him then. Again, it was selfish and wrong, but he would see. He would see that she did it for him, as much as for herself. Wouldn't he?

Exhaling, she felt the pain of holding her breath. But it was nothing compared to the pain she felt in her heart. Of course breaking their hearts had been a horrible feat for her to accomplish, but she knew she had to do it. So she did. She broke Ron's heart, and she broke her own heart. But it would have been worse if she had continued, right? Well, there was no turning back now. So all she could do was lay there. Exhaling, she felt a new wave of tears coming on. And she allowed the tears to stream down her face. She hoped that she would eventually sleep and that things would be better in the morning... Well, she hoped so, anyhow.

Hope was too much to ask for in such times, though, so she sniffed in and blinked her tears away before turning over and taking the potion Snape had given her out of her trunk. He said that the potion would help them get to sleep, given her occasional and their traditional rough nights. They had been instructed not to use it every night, for it could be very addictive, but Hermione deemed that night a good night to use it. If she did not get some sleep, the thoughts buzzing around in her mind would drive her crazier than she already was, so she poured exactly one cup full of potion into her goblet and drank it, feeling the contents enter her body and work their magic. In due time, she was in a dreamless sleep, and her goblet fell to the floor, making a clattering noise but no noise to anyone else. Of course, it never did.