Would the REAL Mad-eye Moody Please Stand Up?

Artist: Mad-eye Moody
Album: The Alastor Moody LP (2000)
Song: Real Mad-eye Moody, ft. Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Cho Chang, Barty Crouch Jr., Percy Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Hermione Granger, Severus Snape, and Rita Skeeter

[Potter]
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Mad-eye Moody please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Mad-eye Moody please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here..

[Moody]
Y'all act like you've never seen a Auror before,
Jaws all on the floor,

Like Avery, when Voldie just burst in the door,
And started whooping his ass worse than before,
He gave him the wrong info, and got Cruciatus and more (Ahh!)
It's the return of the...

[Malfoy]

"Ah, wait, no way...you're kidding, he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

[Potter]

And Professor Quirrel said... nothing you idiots!
Quirrel's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

And now who do you think locked him in there?

[Malfoy]

"Harry Potty, I'm sick of him.
Look at him, walking around, grabbing his you-know-what;
Flicking off You-Know-Who."

[Cho Chang]

"Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

[Potter]
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose;
But no worse, than what's going on in Lucius' bedrooms.
Sometimes, I wanna shave off my hair and just let loose, but can't;
But it's cool for toad-face Umbridge to come in puce.

"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss,
And that's the message Malfoy obviously missed,
And yet we expect him to know that he's a pathetic wiz.
Of course he ain't gonna know what an idiot he is,
By the time he hit fourth grade,
He already bought his way through Quidditch, didn't...

[Barty Crouch Jr.] (pretending to be Moody again)

Hey! He ain't nothing but a ferret--Well, at least to me...

[Potter]

Yo! You're supposed to be dead,

Moody didn't turned Malfoy into a ferret!
But if Voldemort can come back so many times,
Then there's no reason that you gotta go on your first rhyme. (Moody kills him in background)

[Moody]

But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote;
Kill him again, and now sing the chorus, here it goes:

I'm Mad-eye Moody, yes I'm the real Moody,
All you other Mad- Moodies are just imitating,
So won't the real Mad-eye please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?

Cause I'm Mad-eye Moody, yes I'm the real Moody,
All you other Mad- Moodies are just imitating
So won't the real Mad-eye please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?

[Percy Weasley]
Old pops don't gotta kiss ass to get somewhere;
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

[Arthur Weasley]
You think I give a damn about the Ministry?
Half of you workers can't even stomach me, let alone stand me--

But Harry, what about you? Want to be the Minister later?

[Potter]
Why? So them guys could just lie to get me there?
So they can sit me here next to pesky Skeeter?
Shit, Hermione Granger better switch me chairs;
So I can sit next to ol' Hagrid and Dumbledore,
And hear 'em argue over why Rita's such a whore.
That little bitch, put me on blast on front page news,
"Yeah, he's cute, but he cries like a baby, hee-hee!"

[Hermione]
Harry, please, she's already our slave--

[Potter]
Damn right, yo Skeeter! Come out and play!!!

[Snape]

I'm sick of you little girls and boys, and since all you do is annoy me
I have been sent here to destroy you (Harry and Hermione fry)

[Moody]
And there's a million of us just like me;
Who drink like me; who just don't give a fuck like me;
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me;
And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me!

Cause I'm Mad-eye Moody, yes I'm the real Moody,
All you other Mad- Moodies are just imitating,
So won't the real Mad-eye please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?

Cause I'm Mad-eye Moody, yes I'm the real Moody,
All you other Mad- Moodies are just imitating,
So won't the real Mad-eye please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?

[Skeeter]
I'm like a head trip to read through,

Cause I'm only giving you things you joke about with your friends inside your living room;
The only difference is I got the balls to say it,
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all!
I just get out my quill and scribble it,
And whether you like to admit it I just shit it!
Better than ninety percent of you writers out can!

[Moody]
And she still wonders why the kids keep her sealed in a jar, protected...

[Skeeter]
That's funny; cause at the rate I'm going when I'm fifty,
I'll be the only missing person still missing,
No one wants to find me, but when they do, I'll still be sizzlin'...

[Moody]
Okay Skeet, featuring you in my song just isn't working,
Everybody out! This is the ALASTOR MOODY LP;

Not the Harry Potter and crew singing!

[Malfoy]
Shit! His eye is crazy spinning, like right before I began bouncing! (He turns into a ferret again)

[Barty Crouch Jr.]

Ha! And you thought you got rid of me! (Moody kills him again)

[Moody]

Alright, that's it, he'd better die this time,
Cause I'm back and I'm me, you thick slime!
So, will the real Moody please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be out of your mind and out of control,
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Mad-eye Moody, yes I'm the real Moody,
All you other Mad- Moodies are just imitating,
So won't the real Mad-eye please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?

Cause I'm Mad-eye Moody, yes I'm the real Moody,
All you other Mad- Moodies are just imitating,
So won't the real Mad-eye please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?

[Moody]
Ha, ha.
Guess there's a Mad-eye in all of us,
Fuck it, let's all stand up.