Rating:: R
House:: Astronomy Tower
Characters:: Hermione Granger
Genres:: Romance Drama
Era:: Multiple Eras
Spoilers:: Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire
Stats:: Published: 02/09/2003

Updated: 03/22/2003

Words: 10,542

Chapters: 4

Hits: 2,481

With Every Breath I Take...

HonestlyHermione1219

Story Summary:: Have you ever set your heart on someone you wanted so badly? Someone that every time you thought of them it tore you up inside to know that they wouldn't love you back? ``That's how Hermione Granger felt in her fifth year at Hogwarts. But what she failed to see was that who she really wanted was there all along.

Chapter 03

Chapter Summary:: (Ch. 3) Just when everything was going right for once. Just when she noticed she loved him and just when he noticed he had always loved her.

Posted:: 03/05/2003

Hits:: 367

Author's Note:: Hey people thanks for reading! PLEASE REVIEW!! Hehe...sorry I need reviews cuz last time no one bothered to review.

Chapter 3 Broken Hearts and Crying Eyes

For the past week, Hermione had been devastated, yet she was glad Ron was alive. The Avada Kedavra curse was supposed to kill any witch, wizard or muggle in an instant, but by some kind of freak miracle, Ron survived. He was still in the hospital wing, unable to interact by any means. Basically, he was in a coma, which was totally understandable by the amount of power in that one particular curse. Harry Potter, the boy who lived was suddenly not the only boy who lived. He had now, a partner in the-boy-who-lived department, and it was noneother than his best friend. Harry had been seriously depressed the past seven days, and as for Ginny and Hermione- it was an understatement to say they were upset.

They had recieved many frantic letters from Molly Weasley and many others from the Weasley clan. Dumbledore had assured them that Malfoy was being taken care of and Ron was in the best hands possible. But still everyone prayed for his survival.

Draco Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle should have been expelled, but due to the circumstances and because of young age, they were suspended off of Hogwarts grounds for six weeks, then would serve detention every day to the end of their fifth year. It was attempted murder after all. And if it turned out Ron would perish, the three culprits would be expelled, then put in court and perhaps put in Azkaban murder.

Hermione had felt horrible. The last thing she had said to Ron flashed in her head like lightning. It was an accident, it wasn't supposed to happen. If she knew this would have happened, she would have held on to Ron and not let him go.

Hermione poured herself over The History of Goblin Riots and Why They are Important to Wizarding Society in the Gyriffindor common room. The only thing she had found solace in since the incident was her books. She rarely talked to Harry because of the humiliation she went through eight days ago.

"Hey 'Mione," said a low voice from behind her. She turned around and saw Harry. He walked over to her and took a seat next to hers.

"I wanted to give you something," he said looking into her bloodshot eyes.

She raised an eyebrow as to ask him what. Gingerly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out two necklaces with a clear, clyinder-shaped stone at the end of each.

"These," he said holding his hands out, "are Emotion stones,"

Hermione took one in her hand and studied it then spoke to Harry.

"They allow the users to communicate telepathically," she explained to herself, staring at the clear cylinder-shaped crystals in awe.

Harry looked slightly surprised at this, and then shook it off knowing that Hermione was the smartest witch in the fifth year.

"Yeah," he said, "I wanted you to have one, and I'd keep one for now. But when Ron wakes-"

He stopped here because of the uncertainty that Ron would survive. The thought of Hermione and Harry alone for the rest of their lives at Hogwarts without Ron made him wince. As it would be in Muggle Holiday light decorations, if one of the small colorful bulbs went out, the rest would. That's how it would be without Ron. Harry sighed as tears stung his flawless emerald eyes.

~*~

Hermione couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned and cried all night. It was no use to try to think peacefully. Ron was dying and she, Hermione Granger had been the one he loved. And she had broken his heart. He risked his own life for her, and all she did before than was consider the consequences of their behavior. She wanted to die. And she swore to herself in her mind,

If he goes...I'll go too, she thought

as the tears were coming back, the stone that hung around her neck grew warm and glowed a light-blue color.

No Hermione, don't say that, said a voice in her head.

Hermione instantly recognized it as Harry's.

Ron would want you to live a happy life.

Hermione thought a second about that, and then closed her eyes.

There is no happy life without him, Harry.

The tears came again and spilled down her cheeks.

Yes there is, Hermione. It's up to you to find it.

Hermione decided not to respond to this last comment. She instead closed her eyes and cried the night away. She realized there wasn't, nor would there, ever be a life without Ron Weasley.

~*~

The next morning Hermione got up out of bed. Her face was still dampened and red from crying. Weakly, she made her way to the bureau that stood in the front of the dorm. She stared at herself in the golden-framed mirror.

You're a mess Hermione, honestly, she thought to herself.

"Get any sleep did you? You look like a wreck!" said the mirror.

"Good morning to you too," Hermione said, and then headed to the bathroom.

She hastily got dressed in the traditional black robes and headed downstairs to tell Harry some news.

"You are?" Harry asked chewing on a piece of bacon.

Hermione nodded and closed her eyes tightly.

"I have to. I cannot stand not seeing him. I feel awfully guilty..."

Harry moved closer and his eyes softened.

"'Mione, I just want to tell you, that no matter what happens, don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault," he said softly.

"If I hadn't...oh honestly, if he...Harry I've got to go," she said gathering her books and her old tattered leather bag.

"See you," she called heading for the door.

"'Bye," he muttered poking his fork at some scrambled eggs.

"Be strong Hermione..."

~*~

Hermione dropped her books. Her bag fell to the floor. In horror, she stared at the pale boy resting in the intensive care unit of the hospital wing.

Madame Pomfrey traveled in holding a tray of remedies and odd potions.

Gloomily, she looked down shook her head silently.

"Poor chap..." she said staring at Ron.

Hermione shuddered at the thought of Madame Pomfrey not saying any encouraging words. She couldn't keep the question she'd been longing to ask for a long time now bottled up inside of her.

"Will he make it?" she asked Madame Pomfrey with her golden-brown eyes glistening with tears.

The older woman looked horribly grim. She turned to Hermione with a sincere look in her cerulean eyes.

"It," she paused and looked at the unconscious boy. "Would be a miracle if he did, dear," said the woman gently, which was different from her normally demanding and bossy tone.

Hermione grimaced and slowly stepped towards him. Trembling, she sat down on a chair next to his bed. She looked down at Ron. His face was so....lifeless. The face that had once loved her, the boy that had took her away from the evil world that surrounded her and had taken her to a better place was lying in his death bed. Hermione cursed Draco Malfoy and regretted every hurtful thing she had ever said to Ron. Gingerly, she took his blank-white hand, spotted with a few cinnamon freckles, and held it tightly in hers.

"I vow to you now, Ron Weasley," she said to the boy who couldn't hear her heartfelt words, "that I, Hermione Granger, will love you with every fiber of my being, and care for you with every beat of my heart, as long as I live and beyond my dying day!" At this, she exploded into tears and loud sobs. She didn't care who heard her, she let her heart spill out to Ron. She took his hand to her lips and kissed it, letting all the hurt, sorrow, pain- and joy for the fact of him still being alive, travel into him. Two people went on either side of Hermione and touched her shoulder. She looked up and saw they were Ginny and Harry. They looked sincerely down at her and Ron. Hermione smiled as her eyes traveled to her left to see a whole crowd of people holding candles for Ron. There were Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and to Hermione's surprise a few Slytherins. All staring at Ron and Hermione. Professor Dumbledore stood in a corner with a reassuring smile and the classic twinkle in his caring eyes. Hermione was touched. She felt the coming tears and cried again, this time she cried for everyone.

~*~

The moon was high in the sky, and Hermione imagined her and Ron dancing underneath its majestic light. But that image dissolved with the chilly evening breeze.

Hermione lied flat on her back on the soft Hogwarts grass. The sky was the same way she remembered it when she was home, staring up at the dark indigo mass of mystery. Thinking of Harry, now...thinking of Ron. She tried not to let the tears come again but they did, she couldn't look at Ginny, Fred or George without seeing Ron. He was everywhere.

And he was especially in the sky she now gazed up at, smiling and winking at her.

Hermione was interrupted by a male voice.

"'Mione?"

She turned around, quite startled and to her surprise, there stood... Harry. She wasn't disappinted to see him, she just wished it was someone else. A particular male, red-headed someone else.

"Oh, hullo Harry," she said forcing a weak smile.

He smiled back warmly.

"You better get up there; McGonagall'll throw fit if you're not taking care of your prefect duties,"

Hermione was surprised he hadn't come here to comfort her. And in a strange way, she was glad. Everyone had pitied her since the day it happened, and Hermione grew even more upset about it. This was the first time Harry hadn't had a hint of sorrow in his eyes, and that, she was glad for.

"Suppose I should," she said, smiling greatfully.

Harry lent a hand to help her up. She took it feeling very warm and tingly inside.

It's great to have a friend like you, Harry. She thought intentionally so that Harry could hear her. She saw a smile creep across his majestic face. The stone that hung on her chest grew warm once again.

I'm here for you, 'Mione, said the familiar whispering voice in her mind.

The smile Harry had was shared with Hermione as they took eachother's hand and headed towards the castle, walking under the moonlight.

~*~

After a hard day, Hermione plopped down in a fluffy seat in the Gryffindor common room. The entire place was silent. So silent it hurt Hermiones ears. The only other sound other than her own breathing was perhaps the occasional crackle from the blazing fire in the fireplace. Hermione laid her head back and closed her eyes, trying to forget about the events of the past two weeks. You know you'll never forget it, she thought, Ginny's eyes when she saw Ron on the floor, the sound of your own throbbing heart as you saw the flaming red hair upon the pale figure in the hospital bed....

Hermione shook out that voice in her head that appeared to be her own, not Harry's. It couldn't be as she has taken off the Emotion Stone when she went into the bathtub.

Suddenly the thick silence was broken when a group of about five Gryffindor girls burst into the common room, chattering noisily amongst themselves. Hermione was grateful for the interruption. The silence was getting her thinking horrible thoughts and seeing unimaginable things. Harry's date for the Yule Ball the year before, Pavarti Patil approached Hermione, her menacing smile penetrating Hermione.

"So, Hermione, you have a date for the Halloween Ball, I suppose," she said in an intimidating voice that made Hermione just want to slap her. She had some nerve to ask that question in the light of the recent events.

"Ball? There's a dance coming, is there? I had no idea..." Hermione lied. She knew the Ball was perfectly well the coming week, but chose not to mind it.

Pavarti had a disappointed look on her face.

"Well you ought to get one soon! Don't want to be going alone, would you?" she asked sarcastically, then turning on her heel and heading back to her posse.

Hermione quickly slipped out her wand and pointed it at Pavarti's perfect brunette head and muttered "Rainborus." loud enough for the wand to respond, but low enough for only her to hear.

In a matter of a split second, the brilliant mass of hair turned green with purple spots.

The girls shrieked and fluttered their hands nervously as Pavarti took a look at a lock of her own ruined hair and screamed. Hermione chuckled to herself and nonchalantly pulled out her Arithmancy book to study for the coming exam.

~*~

The next day came quickly. Hermione had gotten out of her bed and headed to the prefects bathroom to take a nice long bath in the gigantic pool of a tub.

Thank Merlin it's Saturday... she thought, opening the door to the enormous room. She fiddled with the stone on her neck and looked in at the room. It was practically everything anyone could want in a bathroom. The huge tub had numerous knobs that dispensed various soaps, foams, and such which came in many different colors. Hermione walked over to it and turned a knob. Hot pink water flowed out of it. She turned another knob and turquoise water streamed out. After turning a third and final knob, a purple haze covered the bath water (which was filling quickly to the top). Hermione pulled off her cerulean night dress and slipped her foot into the hot, steaming water. It smelled pleasantly of rose and lavender, and relaxed Hermione so much she thought she'd fall asleep. She let her whole body in and winced, as the water was extremely warm. She went to the shallow end, and lay on a soft bath cushion. She closed her eyes, letting the stress in her flow out with the scents and steam. She turned a knob and grabbed a pouf floating nearby, and let the pink body gel pour onto it. She shut off the dispenser and caressed her body with the pouf. Nothing was about to disturb the state of peace. But she was proven wrong when she saw the fresh clothes she had prepared fly high into the air.

"What in the world?" she asked herself staring at the levitating robes.

Then as if she were being lifted up by a ghost, she flew high into the air behind her floating robes. There was mischievous laughter in the room.

"Peeves!!!" Hermione yelled turning bright pink. "Let me down this instant!"

A menacing voice responded.

"Oh come on, let me have a good laugh, there's plenty to laugh about!"

The poltergeist screeched then broke into maniacal laughter. Hermione yelled loudly. For anyone to hear would be a miracle, but nothing happened. She was turned upside down and all around by the invisible force.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" yelled a deep voice.

Instantly, Hermione drifted down back to the bathtub and landed gently on the bath cushion. Hermione looked over the edge of the tub to see a boy. She couldn't recognize him from being so dizzy so she sunk back in the water, making sure he couldn't see anymore of her bare body.

"You alright 'Mione?" he asked.

She instantly reconized the voice as Harry's. Her face flushed a deep red.

"H-Harry, you er, didn't um, well..." she stammered, embarrassed.

He laughed briefly.

"Well I won't tell anybody okay?" he said.

Hermione felt so hot she thought she'd ignite.

"Damn Peeves!" she snapped at no one in particular, seeming that Peeves had fled.

"Wouldn't think he'd be the one to harass a student like that," Harry said.

Hermione flamed. She hadn't thought of it as that but now that he mentioned it....

"Hey, Harry how'd you know?"

He caught on to the question.

"The stone, 'Mione," he said finishing up for her.

"Oh. Right then," she mumbled looking down at her chest with the stone hanging over it. It was then she had realized that she was in a tub, naked with Harry standing at the doorway.

"Er, Harry, would you mind..." she said biting her bottom lip.

"Oh," Harry said aloud, the thought of this hitting him hard too. "Sorry," he said turning beet red. Hermione smiled at his nervousness.

"It's alright," she said shifting her body weight.

Harry left the room mumbling something under his breath. Hermione lifted herself out of the pool-like bath tub and dried herself. She then slipped on her baby blue bath robe and headed out to her dorm.

Out in the room next to the prefects' bathroom, Harry stood, staring into space. Hermione walked into him by accident.

"Oh, sorry Harry, didn't see you," she said, flushing slightly.

Harry had put up his hands when she walked into him, so she was now in his hold.

"Hermione, I-I" he stuttered, looking into her eyes, which he temporarily lost himself in. Before she could get away, he pulled her close to him.

"Harry..." she muttered, glossy eyed and nervous.

But he didn't let her go.

"'Mione..." he said starting a smile, "I think I love you..." he said with a full-fledged smile.

Hermione was shocked. He had turned her down that night when she had confessed her true feelings, but now, when the boy she loved lie on his death bed, he had said what she wanted to hear for five years. She had never told him about herself and Ron. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear those three little words now. But there was no time for logic thinking; he pulled her into a kiss. Hermione was even more shocked by this. All she could think was Hermione stop it, now! Ron! Think about Ron! But all her body could do was keep urging her as his kiss was warm, soft, and sweet. Go on; keep going you've wanted this for five years, Hermione! But she found that she was kissing him too, and knew it was too late. Or was it? Eventually, even though Harry was a great kisser and she wanted him so much, she built up enough will power and pulled away. Harry looked at her with a confused expression.

"I can't Harry, I'm sorry, Ron..." she said, her honey brown eyes brimming with tears.

Harry nodded and gulped.

"No Hermione, I shouldn't have, I'm so sorry," he said looking down. Hermione came closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck in a warm, friendly embrace.

"Harry, I will always love you," she whispered, soaking his shoulder with tears.

"I will too, 'Mione," he said holding her. So they just stood there in each others arms, vowing love that could never be.

"I will too..."

~*~

Later that day, Hermione sat out again on the lake, staring longingly at the sparkling blue nothing, flow to and fro, without a care in the world. Simplicity relaxed Hermione because it was something she knew nothing of. From the time she was born to the time she got her letter inviting her to Hogwarts, Hermione Granger's life was far from simple. She had lost her unborn baby sister when she was nine, her parents fought way too much and she was once physically abused by her male babysitter when she was ten. (A/N: These things did not happen, I just made them up) Hermione had never known a simple life, all she knew was that life was not to be enjoyed, hated or wasted. It was to be lived, and thats what she was doing.

~*~

Hermione didn't feel like eating. The food looked delicious, and warm. If she were in her usual mood, she'd be stuffing herself, but too many things were on her mind now. Things she couldn't comprehend, even if she tried. The only thing she could think of was her miserable life, and why she should be living it. Her thoughts were interrupted when a tawny owl landed on her shoulder and dropped a crisp roll of parchment tied with a blue ribbon on the table in front of her. Hermione rewarded the unknown owl a piece of biscuit and it was off. She picked up the parchment in her hands and curiously studied it.

"What's 'at 'Mione?" Harry said with a mouthful of chicken.

"Not sure," she replied as she unrolled it.

To Miss Hermione Granger,

What happened to Ron Weasley was a complete tragedy. I was unruly and angry at the time of the incident and I never meant for anything so horrid to happen. I am truly sorry for everything and Crabbe and Goyle agree that they have the deepest sympathy and remorse for the association in the act. We hope that you could find it deep in your heart to forgive us. We hope that everything will turn out to be fine.

Regards,

Draco Malfoy, Crabbe, and, Goyle

The anger in Hermione rose so high she started to shake. Her usually pale face had turned hot-red and she crumpled the letter tightly in her shaking fist, wishing it was their heads.

"Liar!" she yelled so loudly, the entire Great Hall turned and stared at her in awe. The whole Gryffindor table dropped their forks and spoons and stared at the raging prefect. She was standing up and breathing heavily. The staff table had abruptly stopped talking and stared at her in disbelief.

Hermione screamed in rage, unaware and not caring that everyone was staring at her, their jaws dropped. She broke out in tears and succeeded in running out of the great hall, her hands covering her scarlet face.

Lee Jordan and Dean Thomas turned to Harry.

"Oi, what was that about?" asked Lee.

Harry couldn't answer, he just sat there, staring at the open doors of the Hall, lost for words.

~*~

No more. Hermione couldn't take it. Life was wasted, life was nothing. The pain had overwhelmed her as she listened to Madame Pomfrey tell her that Ron's condition had worsened and that it was inevitable that he was going to die. If he was going to go, she would too. She had promised herself that would happen.

It was dark. Probably around two A.M. but Hermione didn't care. If she was caught, it wouldn't matter. She was prepared to pay the everlasting detention. She made her way up the Astronomy Tower, her blank face showing not a hint of emotion. The letter was clasped in her trembling fist, holding all of the confessions that everyone will know when she wouldn't be there to tell them. When she reached the top, a lone tear escaped her eye, but she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand. The sky was the same blue mass spotted with silvery sparks, but tonight, it was in a whole different light. She saw Ron again, smiling and winking and laughing. Things he'd never do again. Things he used to do with Hermione and Harry when they were constantly getting in trouble and breaking rules and solving mysteries and confronting numerous creatures and evil Lords bent on having them all dead. Having an overall good time, really. And from the first time she saw Ron in the Hogwarts Express with dirt on his freckled nose to the present day, seeing him dying slowly in the hospital wing, she knew there was something different about him. Something she strangely and unknowingly admired. Still staring up at the sky that Ron would be in soon, Hermione stepped up on the stone ledge, setting her letter down on it. The wind gently stroked her face as she smiled one last time. Her entire life flashed before her closed eyes as she leaped, but the last thing she saw was Ron laughing and smiling.

~*~

A/N: Awful cliffie, huh? Well don't flame at me just yet, there will be another chapter coming out very soon. *(~HonestlyHermione~)*

PS: Please review!