Reason for Beauty

Reason for Beauty

The ghoul in the Burrow's attic was being especially loud and annoying that night. Hermione tossed and turned in Percy's old bedroom, not getting a wink of sleep. Why, of all nights, she thought, did the stupid thing have to choose this one to keep me up?

It was probably around two in the morning by now, and she had not slept even a minute. Mainly because she was too busy thinking, fretting, and making sure she'd thought of everything and imagining horrible things ahead. However much she accused and cursed the ghoul, it was not what kept her up.

She was leaving tomorrow. She, Harry, Ron and quite possibly Ginny, were going to Godric's Hollow, and from there they would go to Little Hangleton. They were starting their hunt for Horcruxes, and she could not know when they'd be back here, and safe from danger. She was frightened to say the least. She had nightmares about watching them all die, being tortured...she tried not to think about it.

She'd gone to her parents' home for a week after the term ended. She was so distant from them now, it saddened her. She remembered how she used to ask her father to let her mow the lawn, how her mother had let her lick the dough of the batter clean when she made cookies. She missed being a child; carefree and weightless.

Then she'd met up with Ron and they'd both gone to Harry's Aunt and Uncle's house. She had never met such unpleasant people in her life. She pitied Harry more than ever. She knew she shouldn't, he hated being pitied, but it was hard not to; he had it so bad. His only family was horrible to him, yet at the same time frightened of him. She remembered how Ron had flooded the Dursleys with stories about Harry's many adventures and encounters with death. They had been slightly less cruel to Harry after that, probably because they were in too much awe and terror of him, rather than respectful.

They hadn't stayed at the Dursleys' long, though. They'd been at the Burrow now for four days. They'd come for Bill and Fleur's wedding, having sworn to Harry they would leave the very next day. He was very uncomfortable about going there and Hermione knew why. Ginny. He was afraid his resolve to keep her away from the war wouldn't hold if he saw her again. And it didn't, she thought smilingly. She never did agree with him for breaking up with Ginny. After all, she and Ron were going with him, school wasn't re-opening, and Ginny loved him. She recalled the way he'd looked at her at the wedding earlier that day. She'd looked stunning in her bridesmaid dress and they'd had a heated argument after both had drunk their fair share of Firewhisky that ended in the disappearance of both for about three hours. All of her brothers (except

Percy, who hadn't turned up, much to Mrs. Weasley's distress) had looked rather alarmed and angry.

And Hermione knew they were probably still talking in her room at that time. She wondered what Ron must be thinking about Harry's absence from their room, and whether he'd be as tactless to go over and bang on Ginny's door, demanding that Harry leave her room. Her cheeks flushed as she thought of him at the wedding. He'd looked good in dress robes, as she'd always thought he had. And for once he seemed to have noticed her without becoming angry and unreasonable, as he had done on other occasions, namely the Yule Ball.

Thinking about Ron appeared to be what Hermione did the most these days. Ever since Dumbledore's death, when Harry had been leaning on Ginny for comfort, she'd leaned on Ron. He had finally started treating her the way she'd hoped he would for over three years; a little more than friendly. Again, she blushed. She feared she was becoming one of those silly girls who think non-stop about some guy, becoming empty-headed. But of course, she was in no danger of that.

The ghoul in the attack gave an almighty moan and threw something that shattered. The sound was distant and muffled, but she heard it as if it'd been right next to her. Groaning, she sat up straight in bed. The room was entirely empty but for the bed, a dresser and her trunk. All of the third Weasley boy's things had been taken out and put in the attic by the twins, only because Mrs. Weasley had cried when they'd tried to throw everything away. It was sad to think that Percy would maybe never overcome his pride. She hated to think of the Weasley family being torn apart. Looking around at the lack of color, of warmth of this room though, she couldn't help it.

Again the dratted ghoul shrieked. Why had her ears chosen to become so perceptive now?

"Another sleepless night," she muttered as she threw away the sheets and searched the floor for her slippers with her feet. She got up having stuffed the slippers on her small feet and walked out the room, planning on getting something to eat and going for a walk. There was a cute little stream about a mile down the road that she always liked to look at. She'd go there to think and she'd be back by seven, like they'd planned. The rest of the family would all be in bed with hangovers, so they would sneak out easily. Her stomach squirmed at the thought. Then again, maybe she wouldn't eat anything.

Passing Ginny's door she heard the sound of soft voices. When she went past Ron's though, she noticed it was open and that he wasn't there.

Ron sat at the kitchen table, guiding his fork aimlessly around a plate of lasagna. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there, but it was quite some time. He couldn't sleep; he was thinking too much, worrying too much and praying too much for his mind to consider rest. He yawned, but never thought of lying down.

Who knew how long it would be since he saw his family next? How long would he be away from home? How long would it be until he could sleep properly and peacefully? That he could eat a proper meal without fearing it would escape out his mouth due to some new nightmare, worse than the last? Who knew...?

Had it always been like this for Harry? Knowing there was someone out there that would do anything to break him, would give anything to cause him pain. Ron was terrified. He felt for his best friend.

In his opinion, this was Ron's defining moment. He was no longer just another Weasley, but Ron Weasley, the man who helped defeat Voldemort. That title made him shiver, however pleased he was over it. Perhaps he wasn't the smartest, the toughest, the quickest or the funniest of his brothers, but just maybe he could be the bravest. That didn't sound too bad to his ears.

He sighed and glanced at his mother's magical family clock. All of the hands pointed to 'mortal peril'. It was hard to be brave at times like those, when you had every reason to want to run and hide. And he was walking right into the most dangerous and difficult position there was: helping Harry.

It was cruel, but true, that everyone who ever tried to protect Harry ended up badly. He hoped against hope that he would not be one of them, or more importantly his family and Hermione.

The hardest thing of all, he acknowledged, was to accept her participation in this war. He wanted so badly to lock her away from everything harmful. He couldn't help it; it was an indisputable reflex of nature. If he could at least be sure that she was safe he might sleep a little better.

He remembered how she'd looked at the wedding. She'd been wearing long pale blue robes and her hair had been in a bun with curly strands falling across her bare shoulders. Even though Fleur had been standing there in the most amazing and breathtaking wedding dress ever, with her silvery hair lightly blowing in the wind, it was Hermione he couldn't take his eyes off of. He believed he had made great progress in his relationship with her, though nothing was official. He wished he was brave enough to make a bigger move with her. Why was it that when it came to battling dark wizards he never hesitated, but when he was confronted with Hermione in dress robes he could barely utter a word?

He grunted and pushed the plate away, just as he heard someone come down the stairs. Looking around, he saw Hermione in her nightgown. He blushed.

And so did she. "Oh, I'm sorry," she stammered, "I didn't think anyone was down here..."

"No, no, it's fine," he said quickly. "Sit down if you want."

She smiled and walked over to the chair across from his. "I couldn't sleep. The ghoul was making too much noise."

Ron laughed, feeling more comfortable. "That was my excuse too." He got up and went to the pantry and started looking through it. "Do you want something to munch on?"

She shook her head. "I don't think I can eat anything now."

Ron took down a box of chocolate cereal. "Neither do I, but I'm going to try anyway."

She laughed softly. "You just can't keep away from food, can you?" she asked.

He sat down across from her and stuffed his hand in the box. "Hopefully I never will." He took one by one of the chocolate bits and put them gingerly into his mouth.

She watched him for a while, debating. Ah, what the heck! "Let me try one." She extended her hand.

He passed the box over. "It's a wonder Harry can sleep tonight."

Hermione bit her lip, to keep from grinning. "Actually, Harry's not sleeping at all."

"Oh. How'd you know?"

She grinned deviously. "'Cause he's in Ginny's room."

Ron stopped chewing his cereal. His face became slightly red and his foot made a twitching movement, as if he wanted to get up and storm toward his sister and best friend. "Oh?"

Hermione laughed at him. She always felt a little less worried when he was around. "They're just talking Ron. I dare say they've got a lot to talk about."

Ron's expression sobered just a teensy bit. "Yeah...but I still don't like the thought of them saying goodbye in her room."

Hermione snorted. "Oh, please. Do you really think Ginny will let it be goodbye? You should know better than anyone that she won't let other people make decisions for her."

"But really, she's still fifteen, I think Harry's right about-"

Hermione made her face. The one that said 'don't you know anything'. "No, he's not! No one is safe now, and keeping her away will only make them both sad. And since Hogwarts isn't opening again, she'd be stuck here, and the death eaters are sure to think of coming to look for her. Voldemort will know about her and Harry; Draco or Snape will have told him. And she's a Weasley. They know how much Harry cares about all of you. So really, Harry is just being overprotective and stupid. We're coming with him, right? So, why can't Ginny? She's not that young either, she'll be sixteen soon. And remember what Professor McGonagall said that day, something about 'Dumbledore would have loved to know there was a little more love in the world'? Harry really shouldn't forget that."

Ron looked at her fondly. It was hard to argue with such reasoning when his arguments mainly went along the lines of 'I don't want my baby sister out there, and that's that!' She really hadn't changed much, despite it all.

Hermione went on. "And besides, Ginny just won't let Harry do that. She's a Weasley through and through; stubborn and loyal," Hermione finished fondly. Then she looked over at him and smiled.

Her good mood made him a little daring. He ventured to say, "You forgot good-looking."

She frowned and looked at him strangely. "Well, yes, Ginny is very pretty-"

"No, I meant all Weasleys," he corrected, grinning.

She stared then looked away blushing. "Oh...well, yes, all Weasley's are very good-looking."

He bit his lip and said, "What about me, specifically? Aren't I the best-looking of all?"

Her face was still not turned toward his but he could see her violent blush. "Yeah."

He laughed quietly. "Good. Now I have that over Fred and George."

She giggled some and glanced his way briefly. "Glad I could help."

He leaned back in his chair. "So am I better-looking than Krum?"

A tiny bit of hurt flashed in her eyes and that time she did look at him. "I never said you weren't," she said quietly.

He frowned at her mirthless tone. Just when he thought he was getting the hang of flirting with her, he went and made another blunder. "Well, I only figured since you were fond of snogging him in fourth year-"

She looked insulted. "I was never fond of snogging him!"

He tried to sound defensive. "Well, you did snog him, didn't you? So that's why I thought-"

"That was once," she said angrily, "I can't even count the times you and Lavender went at it. That is entirely hypocritical of you-"

"Well, I was actually dating Lavender, there's a difference, and according to you Vicky was your pen pal. Since when do pen pals snog each other?" he retorted.

"Oh come on! At least I spoke to him and wrote letters. It wasn't just non-ceasing kissing, like you, Won-Won." She leaned forward and glared at him. "And you asked her out after after I'd invited you to Slughorn's party."

He spluttered. "Well, I figured we were going as friends, really, so-"

"Oh, don't play thick!" she said exasperatedly. "If it had been a friendly invitation I would have spoken to you and Harry together. Admit it: you only went out with Lavender because you think she's prettier and cooler than I am."

He gaped at the look on her face. Then suddenly he spoke up with, "I only went out with her because I was jealous of Krum and wanted to make you jealous too!"

The triumphant and at the same time hurt smirk washed from her face. She shrunk back from the table and stared at him. There was a moment of awkward silence. "Really?"

Ron groaned internally. He always embarrassed himself, again and again. "Yup."

She said nothing for about a minute. "Oh."

Ron forced himself to look her straight in the eye and say what he was thinking, even though he didn't want her seeing him look like a tomato. "And I definitely don't think Lavender's prettier than you. I think you're beautiful."

She uttered a small, happy gasp and looked away, blushing the same color as he. For a while they sat in silence, little and goofy smiles playing at their faces, glancing at each other every now ant then. The air around them seemed to be so much less somber and the dangers seemed much further away.

"Can we make a deal?" asked Hermione at long last, looking into his face shyly.

"Of course."

"No more of this jealousy stuff, okay? I only went to the ball with Viktor to make you jealous too. I think if we talk everything works out a lot better."

He grinned happily, still flushing. "Anything you say. You are the smart one after all."

She giggled slightly. "Actually, Ginny says I'm pretty dumb sometimes. Like about you. She says I'm the only one that never noticed you fancied me." She spoke hesitantly, as if she still had some lingering doubts.

He blushed even more. His face was so warm he thought he would start to sweat. "I never thought I was that obvious."

Hermione peered at him happily. "She said I was stupid not to show my feelings either."

Even though he suspected the answer, he asked anyway. "What feelings?"

"For you."

Both teenagers were delirious. They spent about ten minutes just staring at each other and talking nonsense, the dangers they were soon to face completely washed from their minds.

When Ron said goodnight to Hermione at the door to his room-without even noticing Harry wasn't there, that's how distracted he was- he kissed the side of her mouth lightly, and if he didn't know better he would have said there were tears gleaming in her eyes.

Moments like those are rare: a beginning, a numbing of the pain, the fulfillment of a dream all lived in such a short time. Moments like those, the kind one waits for years for without moving and suddenly act upon an unknown strength to grasp. Even if a gesture was simple, it could mean the world. The most beautiful phrases of love are uttered in the silence of a smile. Moments like those give us strength to fight, in the hopes that it won't be lost and that others just as wonderful will be lived in the future. Moments like those give life an untraceable meaning, make the sunset worth watching, because beauty can only be seen when beauty is lived. A moment like that is what makes the stars shine at night and the sun rise in the morning. Why would anyone want to go on if it weren't for moments like those? True pleasure can only be found in sacrifice and peace comes after a war fought for the right reasons. A lifetime can be lived in the search for such a moment, a lifetime of pain and loss, but if the moment is found it will have been worth it. Moments like those give reason to tears, laughter, beginnings, endings, the rain, a flower, a bird and anything else in the world seen to the eyes of men as beautiful.

That night, neither Ron nor Hermione slept at all and the ghoul in the attic was no longer heard by either.

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