Double Standard

"What do I have to do to convince you?" Harry wondered out loud for the umpteenth time after Ginny had once again refused his latest attempt to mollify her, prompting further anger and frustration on his part.

"How about Obliviating me? That way I won't remember how you betrayed me."

"Betrayed you? I never did--I never fell in love with anyone else. It was just one of those things that happens under the stress of war. My feelings for you never changed, not one iota."

"Harry, how would you have felt if our situations had been reversed and I'd gone off to war, left you behind, slept with several blokes 'under the stress of war', then expected you to understand and accept that they never touched my love for you, as you seem to expect me to do for you now? What if I told you I had been 'unable to help myself,' was so 'lonely and needy, no matter how much I loved you'? Could you accept those so-called explanations that you hand me? I somehow doubt it--you'd feel hurt, angry, betrayed ... just as I do now. Could you really be as forgiving and understanding as you expect me to be for you by taking you back, forgetting all you've done to me, letting you into my bed as if nothing ever happened, like you never cheated on me?"

He seemed too stunned at her outburst to speak, so that pretty much told her what she wanted to know. "So war is a time to check your values at the door, toss them out the window when they cramp your style and are inconvenient ... but when the war is over, you think you can simply go back and pick them up again. However, if you get used to doing something, you tend to keep doing it, whether there's a war or not. I still can't help thinking that you and the others all looked for the least excuse to cheat--and the 'stress of war' is as good a one as any. You basically wanted an excuse to have your cake and eat it too. I can remember when you could scarcely speak to a girl, much less sleep around. One thing's for sure, war can certainly change a person--and not always for the better! What's more, after all I could have done, even hypothetically, could you believe me when I said I loved you or feel comfortable giving yourself to me, knowing I'd been with other blokes, as you expect me to give myself to you or believe that you love me after all you've done?

"Also, who were you to tell me that you wouldn't let me stay and fight? You're not my keeper, Harry--for that matter, you need a keeper yourself! You made it sound like you, Ron and 'Mione were the only ones with the right to risk your lives. And for your information, I don't need my brothers' permission any more than I need yours or even my folks'. I'm seventeen now, remember. And you have no right whatsoever to dictate my life when you can't even handle your own! Even as hot-blooded as redheads generally are, I managed to control myself, even under stress--which is more than I can say for you and certain others I could name! And don't give me that superior attitude about not doing it since November despite plenty of offers. Big deal! If you were truly sincere, you'd have found the strength to say no right from the start!"

Harry was now every bit as hurt and angry as Ginny. "Well, bully for you! You're so perfect, why don't you just get measured for a bloody halo?"

"I never said I was perfect, just that I have a modicum of self-control ... and if you ever expect me to take you back, you've got to convince me that you have it too. Unfortunately I have a long memory, and it'll take longer than overnight for you to do so, if you ever can. I go crazy with longing for you for months on end, turning down offers right and left while you go your merry way, shagging virtually every witch you run across with little--if any--thought of how it might affect me should I find out, then have the audacity to expect me to forgive you!"

"Well, excuse me for being human!" Harry snapped.

"I'm human too, Mister--but I managed!" Ginny shot back. "I wanted us to be each other's first, but that obviously didn't matter one bloody bit to you. Not to any of you! How would you feel if the one you loved most shattered your most cherished dream with no more thought than stepping on a bug? And if you could cheat on me under the 'stress of war,' how do I know you won't do it under other forms of stress?"

"Gin, please listen to me. I can't take back what I did, but I love you. I always have and always will, whether you believe me or not. However many knew my body, only one has ever possessed my heart--and that's you."

"You should have thought of that before you let your hormones run away with you. And I first realised something was wrong when you said 'your first time' to me. Didn't you ever consider that you were giving away something that rightfully belonged to me? I waited for you. Why couldn't you have waited for me?"

Her tone made Harry hang his head in shame, unable to speak and his eyes closed in pain, knowing everything she said was true.

"I also can't help wondering if you would do the same if you needed it outside of war. Would 'Mione keep you company in bed if I couldn't, such as if I were in the hospital having your baby? Especially if Ron happened to be away? You know, the 'friends with benefits' thing?"

Again, Harry was unable to answer that, although something told him that it would likely happen. The problem was, Ginny guessed that and responded accordingly. "I guess that answers my question. It's too bad that you couldn't have thought to ask yourself how you would feel if you had to do the same thing you expected another person to do, especially if it was something either of you might consider objectionable or emotionally painful. And don't tell me it was 'inevitable' or that 'everybody' does it, because 'everybody' does not. I'm living proof of that! I also find it very hard to believe the other blokes the other women ended up with just blithely accepted the cheating as you expect me to. And it's most interesting that there 'wasn't a lot of privacy or secrets,' to quote you. What did you do, all stay together in a small settlement like at the Quidditch World Cup or something? For all I know, you even had group sex, orgies or watched others go at it ... maybe even watched Ron and 'Mione going at it, or went at it with both of them!"

Harry flushed, and not only from embarrassment. "It wasn't like that. Whatever else I am, I'm not that kinky!"

"But you obviously had thoughts along those lines, I feel sure of it, even if you didn't actually do it with them. For all I know, maybe you did it with Luna, Hannah, and Lavender, if not with one of them and Morag! And how could 'Mione possibly think it acceptable to shag you when she knew we were engaged? Because of that, you better not tell me that our commitment mattered to you. It couldn't have, or else you'd never have done what you did. If it had meant anything at all to you, you'd have found the strength to say no. And despite your claims, you obviously didn't consider shagging during a war cheating. But I assure you, it is, no matter how you try to justify it! And it's almost too bad that we were engaged. It wouldn't have been so bad if you shagged while you were single, and hadn't made any commitment to me. That's one thing--but for someone who's made a commitment to someone, shouldn't they want to honour that commitment instead of sleeping around and trying to justify it by claiming it was done 'under the stress of war'? I guess what I'm trying to say is that it would be a lot easier to forgive you if we hadn't been engaged."

"Just the same, I would think you'd want me to be at least somewhat experienced."

"I do--but what I'd planned on was our getting experienced together. I guess that was too much to expect under the circumstances, though."

The next voice surprised her, if only momentarily. "Blame the situation, then, not Harry. He was a victim of circumstances. We all were," Hermione insisted.

"So was I, but I managed," Ginny threw back. "But would Harry truly be able to excuse me as he expects me to excuse him? And when are you two finally going to take responsibility for your actions instead of blaming them on everything but yourselves? How quickly you forget how you reacted when you saw Ron snogging Lavender, 'Mione. And Harry so conveniently forgets how jealous he was of me being with anyone else, how he wanted to either hex them or beat them to a pulp, yet I'm supposed to just automatically take him back, no questions asked, blithely accept his peccadilloes and his claims that they never touched his so-called love for me, that he simply needed 'closeness' and 'release'. And I still find it hard to believe that the other blokes have the same attitude as you say Charlie does, that they didn't want to hex Harry into next year for deflowering their girls before they could. Most blokes prefer to do that themselves, as far as I know. And why should I honour our so-called 'agreement' when he didn't see fit to honour the far more important one we made together?"

That parting shot effectively rendered the other two speechless.

* * * * *

At the first opportunity, Ginny made sure to confront Ron about the situation.

"How could you possibly agree to have Hermione shag Harry? That doesn't sound like you at all. I would think you'd want to keep her all to yourself."

"It wasn't my idea, I assure you, but she talked me into it. Just the same, there were ... extenuating circumstances."

Ginny sighed exasperatedly. "Yes, I know. You were at war. From what I understand, that's supposed to excuse every bit of cheating any of you ever did, especially Harry. Didn't any of you consider that in shagging Harry, Hermione was taking away something that rightfully belonged to me?"

That prompted a stricken look on Ron's face once he realised what she was talking about, but he seemed to have lost the power of speech, although Ginny was sure he finally remembered her and Harry's engagement--unfortunately, too late to do her any good.

"I'm so sorry, Gin. I totally forgot. I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me. Unfortunately, there's no way to go back and undo it now."

"It wouldn't have been so bad if she'd been the only one--but there were four others ... and 'Mione probably shagged him at least two dozen times, by her own admission--and that's not counting how many times the others probably did."

"But that didn't mean Harry ever stopped loving you, Gin. Not for a moment. It just meant that--"

"It meant, basically, that despite his claims, Harry didn't consider our engagement enough reason to find the strength to say no."

Ron looked like he wanted to argue, but knew she was right. "You aren't going to break off the engagement because of this, are you? He feels bad enough without that."

"I should, Merlin knows--and I'm greatly tempted to sever ties with 'Mione as well. This was one time she was totally wrong. Really, all of you ... she, Harry and you ... share the blame."

Ron's eyes softened with sympathy. "I wish there was something I could do to make things right again."

"With all due respect, you've done enough. Incidentally, tell 'Mione ..." Her voice trailed off. "Never mind. Just tell her I want to see her."

Ron nodded with a sad smile, then left.

* * * * *

Hermione came by the following day. "Ron said you wanted to talk to me."

"I do--but mainly to remind you that you've taken something away from me that I'll never be able to get back as long as I live."

"May I ask what that 'something' was?"

"Don't you know? Can't you guess?" But the look on the other girl's face told Ginny she was waiting for an answer. "Harry--or more accurately, my right as his fiancée for us to take each other's virginity. Either you didn't care, or didn't remember, that Harry and I were engaged when you decided to shag him. From what you said earlier, you said you didn't consider it right to have him listen to you and Ron go at it. There is such a thing as a Silencing Charm, you know. Didn't you think of that? Obviously not. So I suppose it was right for you to take his virginity, something that belonged to me. It didn't seem that you considered what you were actually doing, did you, not for a moment. In which case, you're just as responsible for Harry's ultimate unhappiness as I am--or more accurately, you and Ron. Since you didn't bother to tell Luna, Lavender and Hannah about the engagement, I can't really blame them for what they did--or Morag. They acted out of ignorance ... but you, you knew bloody well that Harry and I had planned to be married ... and worst of all, you--you, of all people, seduced him! You even admitted yourself that you had to talk him into it--and he basically confirmed it."

"So?"

"'Mione, doesn't it matter to you at all that you denied me the right as Harry's fiancée to be the one he lost his virginity to? Harry was wrong to do what he did, but you were the one to make him do it. If you're so clueless as not to see the wrong you've done me--to both of us--then I can't see my way clear to continue our friend- ship. That is, if indeed, we ever truly had one, if you could do such things to me and not feel any remorse, show no pangs of conscience. It's fine for you to shag Ron; I fully expected it at some point--but why in Merlin's name couldn't you have left Harry alone? What's more, how would you have felt if someone had denied you your right as my brother's fiancée to take Ron's virginity as you've denied me mine? I'm also warning you right here and now--keep your claws off Harry from here on in or else the Bat-Bogey Hex will be the least of your troubles. You understand me?"

Hermione nodded miserably, the magnitude of what Ginny said only now beginning to sink in. Truly, she wouldn't blame her if she never spoke to her again because she had been the one to have basically instigated the whole thing--and was, in fact, with him the most of any of the girls, most of whom were there only a relative handful of nights each. After what she had done, no amount of apology would be enough--not even if she did it every day for the rest of her life. Nor would Ginny be likely to ever forgive or believe how sorry she was ... and unfortunately, for good reason.

"I never meant for anything like this to happen, Gin. Even if you don't believe anything else I say, believe that. I was only thinking of our immediate situation and believed that what I did would help Harry. Instead, I ended up hurting you both, all but irreparably. There's no way I can make it up to either of you, but I hope you won't take it out on Harry anymore. If it's any comfort to you, please know that he always called for you in his sleep, it was always your name he called out when he--"

Ginny held up a hand. "I get the point, 'Mione. Now if you would please go ..."

"Of course." Hermione hugged Ginny one last time, tears in her eyes, before she could stop her and not before murmuring a heartfelt apology, then she Disapparated. It would be very difficult to break off their relationship, but it was necessary. They would be on speaking terms, but that was it. Meanwhile, she had a letter to write and an owl to send.